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Friday, March 21, 2008

Easter Bunny Jokes For A Hoppy Easter

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Time for some Easter jokes. Some of these have been culled from sources and fan mail, others I made up. Others have been twisted from jokes about other species.

Happy Easter! Perhaps I will do another post before we get there. Feel free to add your own Easter Joke or Jokes in the comments section. Just because I moderate the comments doesn't mean that I don't accept nearly all of them!

Here we go:

Q: What did we call the Easter Bunny the year he hopped in a long sweltering Easter parade? 

A: A Hot, cross, bunny.

Q: What do you call ten rabbits marching backwards?

A: A receding hareline.

Q: What do you call a bunny with a large brain? 

A: An egghead.

Q: Why was the Easter Bunny rubbing his head?

A: Because he had a eggache! (headache)

Q: Do you know how the Easter Bunny stays in shape? 

A: Hareobics.

Q: What's another name for it?

A: Eggcercise!

Q: Why does the Tooth Fairy claim that the Easter Bunny was self-centered?

A: He says the Easter Bunny is eggocentric, but I think that's stretching the tooth.

Q: Why did the Easter Bunny hop down the road? 

A: He wanted to make a movie with Bob Hope.

Q: Why did the Easter Bunny cross the road? 

A: Because it was the chicken's day off.

Q: What do you give a 500-hundred-pound bunny rabbit?

A: Anything it wants!

Q: Where can a 500-hundred-pound bunny rabbit live?

A: Anywhere it wants!

Q: What goes chomp, chomp, chomp, SPROING, chomp, chomp, chomp, SPROING?

A: A 500-hundred-pound bunny rabbit trying to combine diet and excercise.

Q: What's the difference between The Easter Bunny and a lumberjack?

A: One chews leaves and hops, the other hews, chops and leaves.

Q: Why do 500-hundred-pound bunny rabbits paint their toenails different colors?

A: So that they can hide in baskets of jelly beans.

Q: Why did the magician have to cancel his show? 

A: He'd just washed his hare and couldn't do a thing with it.

Q: Why was PETA so upset with the magician after he canceled his show? 

A: They thought it was because instead of having a split hair, he'd split a hare during his act.

Q: How did the Magician make up for it?
A: He adopted the stage name PETA Cottontail and promised to only to use artificial hares in his act from then on. As he became older, he grew bald and became famous for his waist-long wigs of pink and white. That's right, he became known as PETA Cottontail with the Bunny Trail. Eventually he began to do magic tricks with the wigs themselves.

Q: Why did the Easter Bunny want to see the magician's act so badly? 

A: He was a little down and heard the magician's act was hare raising.

Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?

A: Unique up on it!!

Q: What did the Easter Bunny say to the carrot? 

A: It's been nice gnawing at you.

Q: After Easter is over what kind of drink does the Easter Bunny like to kick back and relax with?

A: Hops, though sometimes for a change he'll embrace a Wild Turkey.

Q: What do you call the Easter Bunny the day after Easter? 
A
: Tired.

and the last joke in this group:

Q: How does Easter end?

A: With an 'r'.


Hoppy Easter!


Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Jokes, Satire, Commentary and Videos
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


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Some Mondays Are Worse Than Others/An Easter Joke With A New Twist

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Here's an Easter joke with a new twist.

In the first few days after Jesus rose from the dead the disciples were still somewhat scattered about Jerusalem and the surrounding villages.

John finds Peter and runs up to him. Excitedly he says, "Peter, Peter! I've got some really good news and some really bad news."

Peter takes ahold of John and calms him down. "Take it easy, John. What is it? What's the really good news?"

John says, "The really good news is that after 3 days Jesus Christ rose from the dead and is looking for all of his Apostles."

Peter says, "That's really great! After news like that, what could be the really bad news?"

John, looking around warily, said, "He's really steamed about last Friday."


Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Jokes, Satire, Commentary and Videos
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


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Shave a Bit Off The Fight Against Kids Cancer, Click the St. Baldrick's Link at Friend Joe's Site

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Shave a Bit Off The Fight Against Kids Cancer, Click the St. Baldrick's Link at My Friend Joe's Site

My Friend Joe's Site




Wait a second, you don't have to go to Joe's site and click the kid's picture. You can just click this link here which I lifted from Joe's site. That will go right to the St. Baldrick's Site. Do it. Just Do it.

It's for the kids.


Or you'll have nightmare's of losing all your hair!
Do it.


Even if you are a girl.



Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Jokes, Satire, Commentary and Videos
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


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Jeff Foxworth for President to Beat Ralph Nader's Candidacy into Armadillo Roadkill

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Jeff Foxworth has apparently announced that he is running for President because Ralph Nader has thrown his hat into the Ring again. Yes, again.

I used to respect old Reptile Nose, but now that he's become a repeated spoiler for the Republicans who stand for the reverse of what he does, I think that Ralph has become an idiot who is just serving his ego instead of the interests he purports to serve.

I wonder if he sells more books every times he runs. Or other things. Does he make or lose money at it?

Perhaps he is just deluded.

I'd rather vote for Foxworthy myself, though if I had to pick a candidate, I'd probably pick Bob Newhart. He's had a Jesuit Education AND been an Actor.

Here's the story from new Peter Files Blog friend Blog Josh Goller's Adjust Yourself.




Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Jokes, Satire, Commentary and Videos
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


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Monday, March 17, 2008

Happy St. Patrick's Day

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Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Overheard in an Irish Pub.

Patrick: Ah, its good to hear that the Americans have another good Irishman running for President, and a Democrat as well!

Michael: Who are you talking about?

Patrick: Why Senator O'Bama of course!


Hope this joke didn't turn you green!

If you want more Irish or St. Patrick's day jokes, just click the keywords below the YouTube.com videos, or enter a search for the words, or the word Ireland in the blue Google search box in the side bar.

If you get drunk enough, of course, feel free to donate to the blog using the donate now button, or by clicking ads with abandon and then doing things at those sites. No hacking there, please.

About the new YouTube Videos box, it is linked to about 68 hand picked comedy videos. They are excruciatingly funny and yet clean. They are always in the same order however, so once you've seen the first 7 you will have to hit the multiple window button which will bring up a selector for the videos, it will include an arrow selector for you to move to the next block of 7 videos on the right, and backwards on the left. The little pictures give you clues as to the content, but are not always a good clue.

For example, from the first picture, it is impossible to tell what funny stuff is in that video. I especially recommend the one with six guys at a table in a library. 5 Japanese, and what appears to be one African-Japanese. I dare you to keep from laughing at this one. The content is safe for work, except for the guffaws, snickers and hoots that may come out of your cubicle. On the other hand, if your boss starts to watch it, her or she will probably not be able to stop, nor stop laughing. It is totally non-sexist. Unless you think the abuse of men in a 3-stooges manner is somehow sexist.

Please do check out the sidebar. I've cleaned it up a LOT. There are a lot of new jokes listed in the favorite links and you must have noticed how much faster these pages load.

What ever you do on March 17th, the Imbibes of March, as I call it, drive safe, and remember that others may not be!

Sliante!

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Jokes, Satire, Commentary and Videos
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


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Saturday, March 15, 2008

Upcoming South Side Chicago Plays

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Plays coming up in South Side Chicago Theater starting this weekend. Please verify time and ticket prices with the box offices!

OAK LAWN COMMUNITY THEATER
THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE
SHOW DATES: March 14th, 15th & 16th
SHOW LOCATION: Oakview Recreation Center @ 4625 W. 110th Street , Oak Lawn
TICKETS: $19.00 Adults / $18.00 Students & Seniors
BOX OFFICE: 708-857-2200

NEW WORLD REPERTORY THEATER
THE EMPEROR’S NEW CLOTHES
WHEN: March 15th
WHERE: New World Repertory Theater @ 923 Curtis Street , Downers Grove
TIMES: 1:00pm & 4:00pm
TICKETS: $10.00 Ages 12 & up / $7.00 Children under 12
BOX OFFICE: 630-633-1489 www.newworldrep.org

ELIZABETH SETON CHURCH
THE VIGIL – AN EASTER PASSION PLAY
WHEN: March 13th & 14th
WHERE: 16100 Seton Road , South Holland , IL
TIMES: 7:30pm
TICKETS: $5.00 Per Person
BOX OFFICE: 708-333-6300

BEVERLY THEATRE GUILD
JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR
WHEN: March 14th, 15th & 16th
WHERE: Beverly Arts Center @ 2407 W. 111th Street , Chicago
TIMES: TBA
TICKETS: $20.00 Adults / $19.00 Senior (62+) & Students (with current ID) / $18 Military ~ Retired or Active / $18 Group Sales ~20 or more
BOX OFFICE: 773-445-3838 or www.beverlyartcenter.org

THEATRE-ON-THE-HILL
ESCANABA IN LOVE
WHEN: March 21st through April 13th
WHERE: Bollingbrook’s Performing Arts Stage @ 375 W. Briarcliff, Bolingbrook
TIMES: Friday & Saturday @ 8:00pm / Sunday @ 3:00pm
TICKETS: $11.00 Students & Seniors / $14.00 Adults
BOX OFFICE: 630-759-2970

ORLAND PARK COMEDY IMPROV
COMEDY IMPROV
WHEN: March 28th
WHERE: Old Village Hall @ 14413 Beacon, Orland Park , IL
TIMES: 8:00pm – 10:00pm
TICKETS: $5.00 at the door
BOX OFFICE: 708-403-7275

ORLAND PARK THEATRE TROUPE
GREASE!
WHEN: April 25th, 26th & 27th
WHERE: Carl Sandburg Performing Arts Center @ 13100 LaGrange Rd , Orland Park
TIMES: Friday & Saturday @ 7:00pm / Sunday @ 2:00pm
TICKETS: $17.00 Adults / $15.00 Seniors & Students / $13.00 Children to age 12
BOX OFFICE: 708-403-7275

STRAY DOG
BORN YESTERDAY
WHEN: April 25th, 26th, 27th, May 2nd, 34d & 4th
WHERE: Veteran’s Memorial Middle School Theatre @ 12320 S. Greenwood Ave , Blue Island
TIMES: Doors open @ 6:45 ~ Please do not arrive earlier than 6:30 or later than 8:30pm
TICKETS: TBA
BOX OFFICE: TBA

S.T.A.R.
ANYBODY OUT THERE?
WHEN: April 26 & 27, May 2 & 3
WHERE: Home Auditorium, 4400 S Home Ave , Stickney , IL
TIME: : Sat @ 8pm / Sun @ 2pm / Fri & Sat @ 8pm
TICKETS: $10 Adults / $9 Seniors, Students & Military / $5 Children 12 & under
BOX OFFICE: 773-585-5852 or www.chicagostar.org

BEVERLY THEATRE GUILD
MOON OVER BUFFALO
WHEN: : May 9th, 10th & 11th
WHERE: Beverly Arts Center @ 2407 W. 111th Street , Chicago
TIMES: TBA
TICKETS: $20.00 Adults / $19.00 Senior (62+) & Students (with current ID) / $18 Military ~ Retired or Active / $18 Group Sales ~20 or more
BOX OFFICE: 773-445-3838 or www.beverlyartcenter.org

PALOS VILLAGE PLAYERS
I HATE HAMLET
WHEN: May 9th, 10th, 16th & 17th
WHERE: Palos Village Hall @ 8901 W. 123rd Street , Palos Park
TIMES: Fridays & Saturdays @ 7:30pm, Sunday matinee (10th) @ 2pm
TICKETS: From $12 to $15
BOX OFFICE: 708- 479-3262 or 708-671-1091


Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Jokes, Satire, Commentary and Videos
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


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Beware Ides of March? What about the Ides of April?

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Talk about a mistake. He was warned.

March 15th is the Ides of March. But don't worry. The Ides of March shouldn't be an unlucky day for you.

The Ides or the 15th of each month on the Roman Calendar used in 44 B.C. was unlucky only for Gaius Julius Caesar Imperator Pontifex Primum Praeter Counsul Imperator Rex. (Later, his adopted son Octavius who conned Cicero into conning the Senate into naming Octavius Counsul of Rome had the Senate declare Julius Caesar a god too, but that happened after Caesar's death.)

Easier then, the Romans had lots of Gods. Of course later, Augustus got himself elevated to god-hood too, as well as month hood, for him and uncle Julius (July and Augus, of course), got himself named Emporer for life after getting Marc Anthony to bump himself off in Alexandria and even more important, survived to the ripe old age of 71.

There's a song to remember Julius Caesar's titles that I learned in Latin Class - It goes to the tune of "Clementine"

Gaius Julius Caesar Noster
Imperator Pontifex
Primum Praeter
Diende Counsul
Nunc Dicator
Mox Que Rex.

Julius omens, warnings, portents, dreams, and the stark political realities of the fear he had created in the old Republican Guard, and so was stabbed on the floor of the Roman Senate 23 times, including by his old friend Brutus, it is said. (Leading to Shakespeare's Line, "Et tu, Brute?" (And you, Brutus?) Brutus is said to have been the last to give old Julius the Shiv.)

Anyway this event has given the Ides of March a bad name for the more than 2000 years since.

We Americans really should amend it though! Instead we should say:

BEWARE THE IDES OF APRIL! It WILL be a taxing time for us all.

Happy St. Patrick's day, that's the 17th of this month otherwise known as -wait for it,

THE IMBIBES OF MARCH!

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Jokes, Satire, Commentary and Videos
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


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Novel Health Care Billing Practice

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A man suffered a serious heart attack and had an open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked if he had health insurance.

He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked if he had money in the bank.

He replied, "No money in the bank."

The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?" He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "Send the bill to my brother-in-law."




Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Jokes, Satire, Commentary and Videos
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


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Friday, March 14, 2008

NightBlue Performing Arts Paid High School Internship Opportunity

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Unlike many similar posts this one is legit. If you are a high school student looking for a paid theater internship, check this out!

NightBlue Performing Arts Internship Opportunity
This program is partially supported by a grant from the Illinois Arts Council, a state agency.

NightBlue Performing Arts Company is a professional 501(c)(3) not-for-profit performing arts company. As an inclusive program providing performance opportunities to people of all backgrounds including regular training for young adults, NightBlue has a vibrant history of involving community youth in its productions both on and off the stage. NightBlue continues to provide cutting-edge, award-winning theater in Chicago and on its Southside, featuring professional actors of all ages.

In keeping with NightBlue’s initiative to expose community youth to the arts, NightBlue has developed an off-stage teen internship program in the administrative and technical stage areas. In January, NightBlue received a grant from the Illinois Arts Foundation to assist in aggressively pursuing a total of 4 high school aged students, 2 for each session of the program. There will be a spring and a summer session, and each session provides the opportunity for one teen to act as an intern in both the administrative and technical areas. Each teen will benefit from this experience both creatively and educationally, and will receive weekly guidance from the NightBlue staff. Below you will find more specific details regarding each paid internship opportunity. NightBlue can also extend the hours of the internship and provide certification for service hours as a charitable organization. Please contact Tina Smith, Program Administrator, at tina@nightbluetheater.com for more information or to obtain an application.

Tech Intern: SALARY: $7.50 per hour
DUTIES include, but are not limited to:
Participating in set, lighting and sound design, construction, and set-up.
Assisting with technical show development.
Running crew and stage management at performances.

Arts Administrator Intern: SALARY: $7.50 per hour
DUTIES to be completed at the Lemont office include, but are not limited to:

Managing ticket sales and ticket plans for events
Developing and implementing publicity and advertising, including e-mail marketing strategies and press releases for local newspapers.
Planning strategy for large black-tie downtown Chicago benefit.
Planning for and meeting with staff and the board of directors.
Updating and independent design for blog and web pages.

FIRST SESSION (12 weeks): March 17, 200 - June 7, 2008
Weekly Hours: Approx. 11.5 hrs/wk scheduled to be planned with intern and will include a weekly meeting with the supervisor

SECOND SESSION (12 weeks): June 1, 2008 - August 23, 2008
Weekly Hours: Approx. 11.5 hrs/wk scheduled to be planned with intern and will include a weekly meeting with the supervisor


Please visit www.nightbluetheater.com to learn more about our organization




Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Jokes, Satire, Commentary and Videos
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


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Monday, March 10, 2008

Obama Needs A Campaign Song - So I Wrote One! "I'm Going to Vote For Obama"

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I've been thinking, Obama has a lot going for him, but his campaign needs, something, a certain something. I know, it needs a campaign song. Something easily singable. Not a Fleetwood Mac song. Something suggesting basic values & the need for change.

So I came up with this. I'll bet half the nation is singing this within a week.

Well, maybe not. But I had fun doing it. Then I had to take out all the bashing. LOL.

Still, it was fun. What do you think? Please, use the comments section to tell me what you think!


I'm Going to Vote for Obama
(to the tune of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game") Lyrics © 2008 by PJF and the The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire, Jokes, Commentary, and Videos
- All Rights Reserved

I'm going to vote for Obama
he's our next President
I'm sick and tired of the same old rut
they took our money and spent, spent, spent, spent, spent.

What we need is a leader
who can steer us right back on course
'cause if we don't - make some kind of change -
things in America could get still worse!

So first, he needs nomination
then, he needs our support
then, we get out voter registration
So in the end we won't fall just sho-o-ort.

Obama can heal the nation
join the Obama campaign,
get - on - the Obama bandwagon - you'll be - glad - you came!

© 2008 PJF and The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire, Jokes, Commentary, and Videos
- All Rights Reserved

Important! This song has not been endorsed by Senator Obama.

Even so, you can easily forward this to friends and relatives using the envelope icon below.
If I get a chance I will update this post with a sound clip. Oh joy, you are thinking if you have heard me sing on My Blog Theme Song on the sidebar (snicker).

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire, Jokes, Commentary, and Videos
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


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Vote Carefully This Year

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Another Joke from my friend Andy. But is it really a joke?

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies,
'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this
week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his
bill, the barber again replies,
'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this
week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank
you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when
he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies,
'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this
week.' The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank
you' card and a dozen different books, such as
'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.

'Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay
his bill the barber again replies,
'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this
week.' The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen
Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the members of our Congress.--

Vote carefully this year!


Be like Andy, send me a joke and I'll give you credit. Just put it in a post comment and if I like it (probably) I will move it up to its own post and give you credit. Otherwise I will leave it in the comments section. The only things I edit out by the way are obscenity and obvious spam. If you have your own blog, even a competing comedy blog, feel free to mention it. I am happy to do cross links!

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


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Friday, March 07, 2008

Peep Show!

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Peep show expose!

A Peter Files Blog of Comedy Reader has sent in the ultimate horror, a peep show nightmare.

Warning, the following picture is intended for mature audiences only. It is only in our civic duty to expose such corruption that we feel that we must expose this lurid behavior going on in the internet community!

Please protect your youth, your children, your young little people from such goings on! They should never know about such things. At least not until they are older. 

And what about the example this sets for the little peeps, eh?

Oh, let my peeps go!



Thanks to my dear friend MES for helping to expose this danger to us all!


Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


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Thursday, March 06, 2008

Owasippe Scout Reservation 'Safer': Judge Upholds Township Zoning In $19 M Chicago Area Council Lawsuit

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Save the Owasippe Scout Reservation Update

Judge upholds Blue Lake Township Zoning Ordinance, Chicago Area Council says it plans to file an appeal. OOEC says it will announce a counter-purchase offer to continue Owasippe operations within the context of the zoning in place.

To keep this long story short, the professional scouters and perhaps some volunteer scouters, decided that it was too expensive to keep operating one of the oldest scout camps in America, The Owasippe Scout Reservation located near Whitehall, Michigan.

The Chicago Area Council applied for a variance in the zoning that to allow them to sell at least some of the Owasippe land for residential development but Blue Lake Township, Michigan, denied the variance, triggering a lawsuit which was decided this week in favor of the Township and all those who did not want the Chicago Area Council of the Boy Scouts (the professionals) to sell the land. For a better explanation, see the story in the MLive.com account.

The issue for Chicago Volunteer Scouters was huge, Owasippe, established in 1911, the nation's premiere Boy Scout Camp Reservation, had been put on the slab despite wishes to the contrary of most of the volunteer scouters (read members and leaders) present and past. Most active in the outcry were current active unit leaders and members of the Owasippe Staff Organization (OSA) some of whom founded the OOEC the Owasippe Outdoor Education Center which has been actively raising money and gathering partners to purchase the property for continued use as a camping and high adventure facility which would still be accessible to Chicago Scouts as well as many other organizations.

For Blue Lake Township, the victory was significant because it confirmed their right to control long-term zoning in relationship to their master plan. Conflict on this issue is something that often plagues small townships and so this court decision is meaningful beyond the scope of its meaning to the Boy Scouts. Often real estate or other commercial interests that do not have the long term interests of a community in mind attempt to force changes in zoning to their short-term benefit that are not consistent with the long-term goals of the community. As ruled, this case gives communities more strength to support the strength of zoning based on their master plan. It also means that unless they lose on appeal, they will not have to pay significant court costs and attorneys fees.

The press account suggests that the case will be appealed. I am not a lawyer, though I have played one on the stage as well as a solicitor, and a barrister who happened to be a Q.C., so I really can't fill you in on all the legal implications on what might or might happen, but here's what I think. 

I read the opinions online and it was hard for me to find errors on which to base an appeal. That is what appeals are based on, some error by the judge either in procedure or in the law. Both sides had no quibbles with the judge outstanding before the final judgement of the case, so it will be hard to see on what basis the claim with be, possibly just a rehash of the case, but usually it should be based on some error of the judge and not just a disagreement over the facts. But lawyers bill by the hours, so....

On a more personal basis, I think that the local Scout Office erred in trying to sell the land in the first place. As a former registered member for many years, a six-summer Owasippe camp staff attendee, a camp staff member for two summers, and now a lifetime member of the Owasippe Staff Association (but not an investor in the EEOC), I was a direct beneficiary of all the wealth of earth and heaven found at the Owasippe Scout Reservation.

The land is beautiful and lovely. The lakes and rivers are clean and fresh. There is wildlife aplenty to see and be near. There is plenty of acreage to get lost on if you are not careful, and room enough for a 50 mile canoe trip with a campsite near an 'Indian Burial Ground' with phosphor glowing stumps and stars racing across the night sky in August where you can sometimes also see the Northern Lights.

I'll never forget the night I was out on an individual overnight camping experience under the stars and I happened to get one of the nights of the August meteor showers. How beautiful and majestic and humbling it was. The stars fell in such thin pinstripes across the sky, silent and straight as if they were passing through rather than falling down. It was hours of reminders of how small we were in the universe. What is an experience like that worth, one he will never forget, to a Chicago boy who goes months without seeing the stars?

I also worked for the Boy Scouts for a time. Professional Scouters get a lot of training, more training than in almost any career than teaching or the military I think, because scouting sees itself first as an educational organization rather than a camping organization. I think that is the source of the tension between the volunteer scouters and the professionals in this situation. The Scout Executive probably sees large numbers of kids who will never be able to go to camp who scouting can at least provide some good leadership training without a summer camp in Michigan, whereas the bulk of the long term volunteers see the long term summer camp as the reason to be scouters in the first place.

Culturally, there is a whole family of Owasippe. I do mean family. The camp has made many marriages, yep, they have girls working at the family camp, camp Reneker, that is one of the section camps, and once in a blue moon, a girl has been on the staff of one of the section camps of Owasippe. (Owasippe is set up as a number of section camps each of which can handle a fair number of troops or Explorer Posts so that between the section camps, Family Camp at Reneker and the high adventure camp, total summer attendance is in the thousands, though lower than in the 70's and in the 80's.

A point the CAC makes is that there are fewer young kids right now than before. This however is a short term point of view. We don't ever make any more property, especially this kind of pristine, undeveloped wilderness/forest and lakes. Population in America continues to grow. Yes we had a kid slack-off because the baby boom got older. But guess what, their kids are starting to have kids and so forth. The numbers are starting to climb back up. Absent a plague, act of war, famine, or other disaster, odds are that very soon the demand for camping facilities will be very much higher 10 years from now.

But the trend in Boy Scout Councils across the country has apparently to get rid of these old-fashioned troublesome camp properties. There is a little bubble that the exec's wind up in, its almost impossible to avoid, I know, I wound up in it for awhile. You get caught dancing to the tune of the national Chief Scout Executive in Dallas who wants to make his mark on Scouting. The first thing they do is issue a new Boy Scout Handbook. Just see if it isn't so.

When I got a tour of the National Offices For NEI training, I actually got to walk into his office and sit in his chair. Nice view. Lots of wide open space. Encourages big thinking. Trend setting. And so down the line over the years have come some good and not so good programs and fads.

Tiger Cubs - great program! Get those second graders in with their family members and you have the inside edge on new Cub Scout Leaders! And the stickers are cute!

Those belt loop awards - eh, could have been worse.

Membership restriction - whatever the intent - disaster. Now there is the reason you have declining fall in use of your summer camp. Don't go pointing fingers at a declining interest in camping. 

This issue is a thorny one. Boy Scout units don't belong to the National BSA, they belong to the sponsoring organization or Chartered Partners who sponsor them. A very large number of the Boy Scout chartered partners are Churches. A little known fact is that Scouting is the official youth program of the Mormon Church. Interesting side note, LDS units have a rule that all weekend camping trips roll up and head home before midnight on Saturday. 

As a result of all this sponsorship by churches of all kinds, the National Office may be afraid not to continue the insistence that the Boy Scouts of America hold the line on its members express a belief in God (no atheists). Once this got to be a point of contention, this meant that the ACLU started attacking any civic organization sponsoring a Boy Scout unit.

So if the CAC has a camp operating revenue problem, it should not blame it on the camp. That is more than a little unfair. Instead what the council should be doing is thinking strategically about how to endow the camp so that its operations are covered in perpetuity and it is operating off of the interest of its endowments.

But the national scouting trend seems to be to dump these inconvenient little properties. That's just too bad. Well Owasippe is not some little 20 acre council property in Ohio. Owasippe is 4,800 acres of forests and rivers adjacent to some National Forest that is accessible for hiking and camping as well. Making the entire experience a grand one.

From camping merit badge, to swimming, through scout lifeguard, from archery through rifle and shotgun shooting, from ecology to pioneering, cooking to orienteering, even horsemanship can be obtained at Owasippe. Some of these merit badges are required to make Eagle.

And that is why you need a summer camp.  In an urban area like Chicago, just where is someone going to get camping, cooking, swimming, and lifesaving merit badges in a fairly short order? Even in two summers?

Well, that's my rant. For more, follow the links above.

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


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Rumors of the Top 10 Deepest Secrets of the Hillary Clinton Campaign

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As Barrack "Happy" Obama's delegate lead increases over that of Senator Hillary "Rudeham" Clinton it is just possible that the less than tight-lipped Clinton campaign staff may again be slipping with more dirt on the Clinton campaign.

We can't say that these 10 deepest darkest secrets of the Clinton Campaign are true because our comedy staff made them up just now, I mean just now. But wouldn't it be funny if they were true. They certainly sound like they could be true. As you read them, feel free to wonder if they might be true. Its your constitutional right. We have no way of knowing whether they are true or not. True the odds are really highly against it. In fact, we would say that these purported rumors are definitely untrue and without merit whatsoever. So don't go cutting and pasting and sending these around like they were true. THAT WOULD NOT BE NICE. IT WOULD BE WRONG. Even if it might be funny.

So just don't do it.

Don't cut here.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - - - - - - -- - -- -- -

Top 10 Secrets of the Hillary Clinton Presidential Campaign

10 - Does Hillary get really annoyed when the staff gets punchy and can't help start singing "The Name Game" when they get tired,  because they slip and sing 'Hillary, Hillary, bo bama' way too many times for her comfort? 

9 - Is Bill Clinton  the one who most often slips and then starts in with 'Obama, bamma, bo, bama, fi, fi, yo, mama' and Hillary doesn't think Bill is referring to Obama's Mama?

8 - Have some of the girls/boys on the campaign staff have been sliding 'First Gentleman' outfit pictures (skirts, dresses, pants suits, blue dresses, and village people attire) under Bill's office door while he has been out on the trail? 

7 - Has this has caused the former President to start pestering Senator Clinton - presuming a fall victory - to think about appointing Bill to a post that would get him out of 'First Gentleman' duties and hand the 'First Lady' duties over to Chelsea on the grounds that she could use the political exposure and that several Presidents (unmarried) did have their daughters fill the first Lady Function? 

Did Bill think that SecDef, SecInterior, Ambassador to the United Nations or a number of other jobs could keep him out of the White House most of the time and avoid the whole co-presidency brou-ha-ha? Do rumors linger that the 'unmarried' notion caused a pause for thought, but that other ambassadorships, Iraq, Chile, Turkmenistan, Ethiopia also came to mind?

6 - Is Hillary quite peeved to have heard the US Secret Service agents now on President Bush's 'Detail' have decided on a contest to determine who gets onto Bill's detail and who gets stuck, er, assigned to Hillary all based on the most creative call signs for Hillary and Bill? (So far WET_HEN and DOG_HOUSE are in first place, followed up by ICE_CUBE and HOT_SAX).

5 - Is it true that one night during the Clinton Administration Hillary wandered into the war room under the White House during a supposed crises and caught Bill and the Joint Chiefs drinking and playing poker, and rather than getting mad she took a seat at the table and cleaned everyone out except the Navy cook who had come in to serve sandwiches and who split the last pot with her?

4 - Is it true that Thursday is "pantsuit day" for everyone on the campaign but that only Bill refuses to bow down to the pressure, which is why you never see him on the trail on Thursdays?

3 - Could it really be that Hillary's 'George W' given nickname is 'Tinkerbell', that no one knows why, and that the Senator's campaign staff is afraid to ask her about it?

2 - Is it possible that Hillary has a secret Taco Bell habit formed when that "cute little dog" was on all the commercials and that she thought it was funny because his English reminded her of W's?.

1 - Is the deepest darkest secret of the Hillary Clinton campaign: that to lock up at least one Presidential nomination, using Hollywood special effects makeup, Hillary is secretly running for President as John McCain with Amy Poehler from Saturday Night Live masquerading as Cindy McCain? This could explain Tina Fey's strange outburst two weeks ago on SNL during weekend update!

Oh, how America wants to know the truth. Or do we? 


Peter, Chief Editor, Spelling Wrecker and Maker up of Political Humor and Satire
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


Remember, this is political satire, it would be very, very, very, very naughty to send this around like these were true facts even if you really, really wish they were.

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Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Where Our Visitors Came From This Quarter in Clusters

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The map shows clusters in all continents except Antartica. North America and Europe are well represented. Improvements in South America and Africa are noted, but large gains in the Middle East and especially new attention from India is pleasing. Perhaps all those interns from India I worked with over the years have pointed this blog out to their many relatives back home. LoL. Perhaps they find it New Dehlicious. Tee-Hee. A look at the South Seas and Austrailia and Kiwi land shows continued support. Thanks to all! My lack of cyrillic and Chinese lettersets has the expected results.

Click the map in the sidebar to get a more recent evaluation.


Needless to say, this is a neat little thing to add to your own site, blog, what have you.



Where are readers are coming from, since January 14, 2008 courtesy of ww3.clustermaps.com.



Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


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Missed the Cup by This Much

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I just want to say that this joke is not about golf. Though the second variation is sports related, sort of.

A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.

She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?"

Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV, 'The best part of waking up is the Soldiers in your cup.'

The source for that one is a new reader who left it in a note in a yogurt cup on my back porch. In the past I have been suspicious of this souce, er source, and have not run his jokes, but this time I couldn't resist, even though it relies entirely upon having seen the circa 1970's/80's Folger's coffee commercials with jingle.

To save time, I'll just start my version of this joke. A sweet little boy surprised his older brother by laying out his brother's clothes for the next day, knowing that his brother started each day by running 10 miles as he worked up to the marathon he wanted to run soon. He was very proud of the job he had done and could hardly sleep as he waited to hear his brother's comments on the job he had done.

The next morning he was a woken to the sound of swearing in his brother's room! Oh, oh, he had bungled somehow. Timmy! What are these green soldiers doing in my athletic supporter?

I think you can finish that one yourself!

Revision: Would you call Timmie's mistake a Double bogie?

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


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A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'

'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'

The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'

A reader joke sent in by my friend DZ! Thanks!

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


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Monday, March 03, 2008

How Many Wookies Does It Take To Screw In A Light Bulb?

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Q: How Many Wookies Does It Take To Screw In A Light Bulb?

A: Raauurgh!


That can't possibly be original, but I thought it up on my own, so, maybe it is.

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


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Sunday, March 02, 2008

Clinton Says Obama's Delegate "Lag" Sure to Decline After March 4th Primaries/McCain Says Bush Deserves Sainthood

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Dateline Texas: Clinton Says Obama's Delegate "Lag" Sure to Decline After The March 4th Primaries/McCain Says Bush Deserves Sainthood

A woman who wished to be known as "Mystic Clinton", unofficial spokeswoman for "Hillary is Kool" a Texas Democratic Group with "at least 17 members" and who is, as far as we know, unrelated to the former first Lady and current Senator, said today to Peter Files Blog Insiders that "Obama's lag in the convention delegate race was "sure to decline after the March 4th primaries, especially in Texas."

When it was pointed out to "Ms. Clinton" that in fact, as of this date, Senator Obama was ahead by more than 100 delegates and that for a "lag to decline" meant that his lead would advance, Ms. Clinton corrected us.

"No, that doesn't account for the secret delegates."

When asked for more information about the secret delegates she referred to Ms. Clinton looked to her left and right and said, "Well, everybody knows about the secret delegates, they're the ones with all the special privileges at conventions. They get to dress up in silly outfits and play pranks and create disturbances and get hauled out by security and five minutes later they are right back in the hall dressed in their regular clothes because they have the special passes. They blend in with everyone else, and everyone knows them but when it comes time for the electronic voting, their votes cancel out the votes of ten other delegates."

When asked for evidence about these astounding charges, Ms. Clinton said, "Well shoot, everybody around here knows about secret delegates. The Republicans have had them for years. I think the Democrats just caught on more recent like. Now Senator Obama, he's a good man, but I think he's too new to have drafted himself any secret delegates and I think you have to have a bunch of them to win any nomination."

Seeking confirmation of this outlandish story we were only able to find one other person in Texas who had ever heard of "secret delegates"; that was "Bubba Sharif McCain" head of "Texas Republicans against change of any kind - George W. for a Third Term - Heah!" a self-proclaimed Republican fan club of uncertain membership.

"Confidentially speakin' I heard of secret delegates. There was some crazy lady in the other county, Marge something, at a political rally. She kept yellin and screamin about it the last two or three elections. But I don't pay talk like that no never mind. Not when I got something important to do, like getting George W. Bush elected to the President for a third term or if not that, Sainthood.

When we mentioned that third Presidential terms were prohibited by the Constitution of the United States and that to become a Saint you were normally required to be a Roman Catholic, Mr. McCain said, "Well don't that beat all, you'd think with all the miracles he performed they might make an exception for him!"

Miracles?

"Miracle one - goin into Iraq after those 911 terrorists who had them WMD's and Mission Accomplished so soon! I tell you that was inspiring!"

"Miracle two - there hasn't been a single commie threat while he has been in office of any kind, why those Russkies have been quiet as little mouses."

"Miracle three - Just look at Hurricane Katrina, why that whole darn city could have been washed away, gone forever, but look at it now, why I bet that its better, cleaner and happier than its ever been."

"Miracle four - Just look at our economy, why right here in town our McDonalds and Wal Mart always have jobs for people that want them. Why I remember when lotsa people were outa work and today, why lotsa folks have two jobs. One feller I know who just got married has three. If that ain't proof of a healthy economy, why I don't know what is."

"Miracle Five - Just look at how he's kept all those young GI's working and building up service time overseas. Why you know that's gonna look good when they come home looking for jobs, and you know, the only way to advance in the military is by seeing combat. Of course that's all over, Mission Accomplished, heh, heh."

"Lesse, Why the way he's led and inspired the whole Republican Party to follow his leadership in lock step behind him, voting his way right down the line. That's a true miracle. He did that here in Texas too. Why, I count at least six miracles right there.

At this point our correspondent decided that discretion was the better part of valor, though I told him that he just plain chickened out.

We note that like Ms. Mystic Clinton, Mr. Bubba Sharif McCain has no relatives running for office that we know of.


It need hardly be said that like any other item found on the Peter Files Blog of Comedy this Post Should Be Considered Devoid of Any Meaningful Information Whatsoever. This Post contains Political Satire. Resemblance to actual statements, person, organizations, delegates, or reality is entirely coincidental. However, I've said it just in case this gets picked off the internet by an intern at some small foriegn paper to save him/her from embarrassing himself with their editor.


Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


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