Hard as it is to believe, the Peter Files Blog of Comedy has been, according to the video below, attacked and singled out on a variety of wild charges that we can't even believe he believes are true so are not going to dignify them with a response.
However, if Beck comes after someone as silly as us you might well ask, could you be next? Click on the link here to come back to the blog if this has been mailed to you, then click on the video link below.
What an outrageous video! You can see why we couldn't let it go by without comment.
Don't Miss The Gaelic Park Players Production of The Patrick Pearse Motel by Irish playwright Hugh Leonard: April 9 - 11, 16 - 18, 23 - 25, 2010
There are few South Side actors whose work I recommend unreservedly, but this production includes one of them in the likes of Marty Donovan who I have had the pleasure of working with onstage myself and witnessing his raw talent, attention to his craft, his ready wit, his incredible imagination, humor and all around ability to move an audience to laugh, cry and cheer.
In the context of a Hugh Leonard play, his efforts are not to be missed. While you may be more familiar with Leonard's Da or A Life, I urge you to take a chance to see this production of The Patrick Pearse Motel while you can, and to get seats while you can. Opening night offers two for one tickets a rare theater buy.
Here's what the company says about the play and the production:
The Patrick Pearse Motel by Hugh Leonard
An upwardly mobile couple living in an upscale Dublin suburb, and their business partners are showing what real patriotism is all about-selling it in the form of hotels. Each room in the Patrick Pearse Motel is decorated with a portrait of a national hero. Unbeknown to her doting husband, the lady of the house is plotting a tryst with an old flame, a television commentator famed for his rudeness. Soon the stage is filled with mistaken identities, dropped trousers, a flimsy negligee and false accusations. On a rainy night at The Patrick Pearse Motel, the characters crisscross paths, threaten one another with a shillelagh and hide in convenient closets. An hysterical bedroom farce that will have you wondering how will all of this turn out and who will get out alive?
The Patrick Pearse Motel
Director-Tom Kearney
Assistant Director-Georgina Chapman
Cast:
Dermod -Marty Donovan
Grainne-Kathy Holahan
Fintan-Stephen Heffernan
Niamh-Mary Kate Brophy
Miss Manning-Taryn Mckenna
James Usheen-Mick Kenna
Hoolihan-Barney Farrelly
Show Dates are:
Fridays April 9th, 16th and 23rd at 8:00pm
Saturdays April 10th, 17th and 24th at 8:00pm
Sundays April 11th, 18th and 25 at 3:00pm
Tickets:
PLEASE NOTE TICKETS ARE AVAILABLE AT THE GAELIC PARK OFFICE
$12.00 Theater Performance only
$25.00 Dinner & Theater (Sundays Only)
Opening Night - Buy 1 Get 1 Free!!
Reservations are a must for Dinner & Theater
Tickets are non-refundable
Just in case you wondered whether we've fallen off a cliff or something: Just about.
It wasn't quite that exciting, but if the words torn rotator cuff fill you with horror at the image of physical pain involved - you're in the right ballpark.
We, that is I, haven't been able to type for awhile. Makes doing a comedy blog hard. Still in the oochie, owie, yowie, oh mama stage too.
But I've stopped thumb sucking long enough to tell you that we should have some kind of content again soon.
Well today. Right now.
Q; How many people with torn rotator cuffs does it take to screw in a lightbulb. A: Ow! Ow! Up? Nooooo!
Q: What's a torn rotator cuff? A: That tendon in the shoulder that helps your arm move everywhere? That's the sucker. And when it gets torn, every time your arm tries to move anywhere... Owww. Owww. Owww. Owww.
Q: How long will it hurt? A: Until the end of time. *Sob* Bleat. Moan.
Q: Not really? A: No it just feels like forever. Now get out of my way I need stiff drink. Q: You can't have anything stiff to drink unless you want to wind up like Heath Ledger or Michael Jackson.
Q: What do Heath Ledger and Michael Jackson have in common? A: They probably had torn shoulder rotator cuffs. Q: Not really? A: No it just felt like they were being skewered on a hot poker for months at a time. What do I know, I stopped making sense months ago. Owwww!
Q: Don't they have medicine for that? A: You believe in the tooth fairy don't you? Q: There is medicine for everything else isn't there? A: Most doctors think a lot of pain is good for you, keeps you conscious enough to pay their bills.
Q: What does having a torn rotator cuff make you feel like? A: Like trying out a nice simple home amputation.
Q: Do you feel better after the operation? A: Everyone feels better after a good amputation.
Q: No I mean the rotator cuff surgery. A: No, you feel worse for a really long time, then you start to get a little better, like a snail on sleeping pills is faster. Till eventually, you feel as bad as when you went in for the surgery in the first place.
Q: Then finally you start to feel better! A: I'll let you know a year from now.
Q: When you are done will you be able to pitch for the Chicago White Sox? A: Can't fool me! Everyone knows that the only team that hires pitchers with actively torn rotator cuff is the Chicago Cubs.
Q: Is it a messy operation? A: No, my doctor looked very clean afterwards I am told. I was also told that my surgery went well despite their finding a tear the size of the Grand Canyon. Truly, the operation itself was the best part. They just woke me up too soon, six months too soon.
Q; How is the physical therapy going? A: Ever seen a late night horror film?
Q: Surely you are exaggerating. A: OWW! OWW! Three Four. OWW OWW Seven Eight. My physical therapist is a nice guy who says its going well, I just have to be very patient. In fact, I'm going to be patient, a patient for months and months.
Q: If you knew it was going to be this bad, why did you have the operation? A: They ALL LIED TO ME and said it wouldn't be too bad. Liars! Liars! Pants on fire all over the region. What could I do, they told me it would be no fun but the alternative was chewing my arm off. I don't think I taste that good.
Q: Any other benefits to the surgery? A: A nice long juicy SCAR instead of the little holes they said would be there for arthroscopic surgery. I think I'm going to tell people I was in knife fight saving a teenage girl from a street gang when I got it. At least it is a nice straight scar. Good Doctor. Sit. Heel.
Q: Would you have the surgery again? A: Yes. No way around it.
Q: Was all that whining even close to the truth? A: Never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever tear your rotator cuff.
Well I feel much better. If you are contemplating rotator cuff surgery you should know how much better you will feel when it is all fixed and you are back to normal. Really, they tell me this. Repeatedly, so it must be true. Sigh.
Never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever tear your rotator cuff.
Steven Wright Videos. Steven is one of the funniest driest comics around. If you like this stuff you will go to the iTunes store or over to Amazon or even a local record store and buy all his stuff, even these routines so you can take them with you on your iPod, I mean, your portable media player.
I hesitated for a long time about putting these up, but apparently, Wright's camp has only objected to some of the material being taken down. For example, parts 4-5 of the material below come from his "I Still Have a Pony" album. If he had wanted it all taken down, You Tube would have had it taken down immediately. So clearly, they see some value in having some of his material up. (In the same vein, I will take down any copyrighted material immediately upon notification of the original copyright owner and I usually avoid putting up anything not meant for further distribution.)
Since it appears that Steven wishes the publicity, I'll introduce him to you this way. There is a huge amount of his material available and I encourage you to become a fan.
IMPORTANT - I can't guarantee the language on all of this one, so use headphones if you are at work. Steven does not usually use bad language though.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
"I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it." - Steven Wright
This is one of the funniest fish videos that I have ever seen.
Watch this video about a night of fishing in Brazil by lamplight. If you've ever had some frustrating fishing experiences like I have, you will find this hysterical.
Don't forget to tell your friends about our site! Now updating regularly. Use the archives too. More than 650 earlier posts!
These "Idiot Sightings" were forwarded from my friend Holly. She has been careful. She's in a job where she probably sees a lot of idiots, but to save it, I can't tell you what it is, nor which side of the counter the idiots lie...
IDIOT SIGHTING: We had to have the garage door repaired.. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower..' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two...'
We haven't used Sears repair since.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'You gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.' She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we cannot do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change..
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.
IDIOT SIGHTING: I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
From Kingman , KS ..
IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From Kansas City
IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to 'downsizing.' Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare..
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.
IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less..
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'Its open!' His reply, 'I know. I already got that side..'
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , MS.
One last one:
When I left Hawaii and was transferred to FL I still had the Hawaiian plates on my car, as my car was shipped from Hawaii . I was parking somewhere (I can't remember) and a guy asked me "Wow, you drove from Hawaii to here?" I looked at him and quickly said "Yep. I took the Hawaii/San Francisco Bridge". He nodded his head and said "Cool!"
If you liked these and have humor of your own to share, just send it to thepeterfiles blog at gmail.com and if its funny, I will post it and give it whatever credit you like.
Every once in awhile people will ask me why I like working on a Mac a thousand times better than on a PC.
Here's a picture, worth more than 1,000 words that sums it up. It's a copy of the install instructions from the Cogii game Escape from the Museum which was issued in dual Mac/IBM format.
Just read the install instructions for each platform and you will see what I mean.
Here's a game manufacturer with a sense of humor says I. Perhaps the museum is a museum of obsolete Windows machines...
Five Chicago sports fans were climbing a mountain one day. Each was a fan of a different Chicago sports team and each proclaimed to be the most loyal to there team. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one was the most loyal of them all.
They continued fighting till they reached the top. The Blackhawk's fan hurled himself off the mountain, shouting, 'This is for the Hawks' as he fell to his doom.
Not wanting to be outdone the Bulls fan threw himself off the edge shouting "this is for the greatest team of the 90's"
Next the Bears fan jumped & said"This is for DA COACH' the two remaining fans looked at each other in stunned silence.
After a minute the Sox fan Bellowed..."THIS IS FOR THE SOUTH SIDE!!!"
THEN HE PUSHED THE CUBS FAN OFF THE MOUNTAIN!!
Hee hee hee. You can tell I'm a South-sider can't you?
My thanks to Andy for this one. No editing needed.
Got to say, there really hasn't been a campaign song in this election that has captured the hearts and minds of the electorate, until now.
But Ken and Dave changed all that with their song: Brain to Nowhere!
It's a campaign song for Sarah Palin and John McCain, and while I have already voted myself for Obama, I have to say that I can't help letting you know about this song, because, well, great art should be noted.
I know, I know, there is a risk that it could turn the election, but it's in the late days now and it's got a great beat, you can dance to it, so I give it a 95. You just have to hear it. Tell me what you think.
And you you gotta love their backup singers and that piano extro at the end.
You also have to love someone who can admit their candidates', um, liabilities, and love her anyway. So give this ditty a listen, but vote Obama if you haven't already.
And if you're in Illinois, vote no on the Illinois Constitutional referendum. There is a separate call about Blago. But opening up a call about the constitution is just an open invitation to rape teacher, policeman, fireman and other government worker pensions to pay for mismanaged policies of Ryan and his predecessors and wreak other untold havoc. We don't need it.
Here's that video!
And whoever you support.
VOTE!
Even if you are for McCain. I mean that. Don't be a candy *ss.
Stand up and be counted in this election. If you don't vote the politicians think you don't care and that is worse than my candidate not winning. I think.
Oh, and if you are a 1 issue candidate. Ask yourself if your candidates have done anything real for your issue while they were in office. They haven't have they. Nada. In fact, for a lot of issues. Obama is the only one likely to sign off on money that would help the people that would help support your issue. Think about it.
Now, don't forget to vote! (Hopefully, Obama/Biden).
As my regular readers know, in order to support the art, every so often I will promote the arts by running ads for Chicago Area Productions, and when I can, and a show runs long enough to merit it, or I can see it before it opens in a short run, I write a review. I attended the performance of Up and Coming Theater's The Producers on Saturday, October 11. 2008.
Short Review: This production of The Producers is a triumph of comedy, satire, song and dance that will leave you longing for more as you laugh and sing your way home.
Change your plans for this weekend and see Up & Coming Theatre’s The Producers on October 16, 17, 18 and 19th or you’ll regret it and your smarter friends will make fun of you. I am tempted to come a second and or third time, myself.
Forest View Theater 2121 S. Goebbert Rd Arlington Heights, IL 60005
Remaining Performances: • Thursday, October 16 - 7:30 pm • Friday, October 17 - 7:30 pm • Saturday, October 18 - 7:30 pm • Sunday, October 19 - 2:30 pm
Tickets: • Call 847-718-7702 Mon - Fri 9 am to 4 pm • Advance - $15 ($12 with Gold Card) • Door - $18
Up & Coming Theatre’s current production of The Producers is nothing less than a triumph and I don’t use that term lightly. This production is a hysterical romp, a madcap express train riot and one of the most fun and exciting shows I’ve seen in a long, long time. The cast, full orchestra and crew provided a synthesis of acting, singing, dancing, directing, choreography, orchestra, crew, sets, lighting, and fantastic costuming that left me longing for more.
Director Susan Hamel kept this rollicking farce moving at lightning speed and seemed to never leave an opportunity for an actor or dancer to let a laugh pass by while somehow increasing the pace as the number onstage grew. Choreographer Jennifer Cupani’s marvelous work was not only breathlessly pleasing, but breathtakingly funny as well, and provided everyone in the show, from walker tapping grannies, to Max. Leo, Ulla and the “Springtime” water ballet dancers, a chance to shine as they danced, rolled, shaked, shimmied, Ullalated, Scotterized, or DeBris’d the audience into ecstascy, laughter, or hysteria, whatever the case may have been.
The Music Direction by Thomas Stirling was masterful. The Producers, Jorge Bermudez, Rich McMillan and Mario Manno are to be praised for allowing Stirling the resources to put together a 16-piece orchestra, and what an orchestra, not overpowering, note perfect, and perfectly nuanced, the orchestra provided the track on which this express hurtled so directly towards our hearts. His work with the singers and dancers was superb. While you can never tell what part of a performance’s success is due to the Director and Musical Director, when this many people get so much so perfectly right, you know that their hands must have been strong at the helm of this titan of a musical. I’d call it a Titanic success but this ship did not flounder!
The lighting and scenery by Chelsea Lynn and Robert Hamel respectively added to the fun. While Max’s office seems unremarkable, it is in other areas that the true creativity comes out, and boy does it come out! That’s all I can really say, some things have to be seen in person to be appreciated.
Getting back to Director Susan Hamel, her major triumph was in creating a cohesive whole out of what could have been an unconnected morass of individual bits and “here I am” performances, focusing them, drawing the best out of each performer, until the show had assumed a life of its own, a synergistic cohesion of magic, where a miracle has occurred beyond your wildest expectations. That’s The Producers I saw this weekend. More than worth the 35-mile round-trip I took (twice, I got lost the first time) to get there. It was worth the trip, and more.
This seemingly effortless cohesion of talent ran through the whole show, this cast knew what they could do, and they did it. They knocked the audiences socks off one toe at a time, and then slipped the socks back on so they could do it again.
Now I have to try to write about nearly 30 performers, each of whom in other shows I would probably single out. Oh the tragedy of it, oh the horror! I’m going to leave someone out! And that will be a tragedy, for The Producers, like many shows of its kind, depends upon the company as a whole to keep the show going in so many places, and in this production in particular, it is the company that is the star, from It’s Opening Night, through Along Came Bially, the mammoth, eye-bending, Springtime for Hitler, Prisoners of Love, and Goodbye, the company showcases the stars, but is itself the star, as each member is given their own moments to shine, time after time, after time, after time.
Certainly it helps that the singers can dance and the dancers can sing, the tappers can count, and sing, and dance all at the same time, and all can be funny when they are supposed to be too.
There is a lot of physical comedy in this show and something you just can’t get from a concert, though the music was certainly top quality. From Spidale’s death grip on his blankey, Hamel’s entreaty’s to God, Ulla’s well, Ullaating, Anthony Berg’s incredible antics as the crazed Franz Liebkind, John Boss’s continual antics from the first seconds of his entrance as DeBris to his last moments on stage, and most especially, Dan Naylor’s counter to type dramatic, flouncing, prancing, saucy, bouncy, leaping entrance as DeBris’ Choreographer Scott, complete with saucy belly moves that had young girls there to see him swooning (I saw them Dan, don’t let them deny it, there was swooning); the show’s physical comedy was brilliantly done and helped make the show such a smash hit.
I guess the lead actors helped too. What? Them too?
When meek and mild Leo Bloom (Bob Spidale) mentions off-handedly that a crooked Broadway producer could make more money from a flop than a hit; cynical has-been Max Bialystock (Nicholas Hamel) jumps on the idea – and Bloom – like a crazed mountain lion, starting the two on an misbegotten search for a play “so bad it has to fail”, that has a brilliance, talent and fervor that is a delight for the heart and ears.
Essential to the success of the show is that Hamel and Spidale gel nearly perfectly as comic foils and masters of physical comedy with their own unique talents having many surprises to give. Though both bear some resemblance to the originals, especially Spidale, you soon forget that and get lost in this company’s magical trek towards disaster.
Hamel is nothing less than fantastic as Bialystock, less knowing and cynical than Nathan Lane’s version of the role, his Max sings richer, dances with more grace and with moves that Mr. Lane could only fondly remember. Hamel’s Betrayed, the test of tests for any to attempt this role, is superbly and artfully performed with a deftness and mimicry of the others in the cast that brought roars from the audience. His comic timing and sense of the absurd delight the audience as he pushes Bloom along in Der Gutan Tag Hop-Clop and Keep it Gay. It seems clear that one day, you will remember that you saw Nicholas Hamel in person in a break-through performance for only $18, fondly, if you are clever enough to come.
Bob Spidale is also someone you may well remember seeing first here. His Max Bloom has a golden voice that makes all his songs a delight, but his emotive skills shine though especially in That Face, I Wanna Be A Producer, and that homage to friendship, ‘Til Him. I’d compare him too, but who care about "that guy" when you can see Spidale this weekend?
Like Hamel, Spidale is a great physical comic. Spidale’s sense of the vaudevillian hilarity is never so spot on as when he dives for his “blanky” or fights with Bialystock after the first night of their show. Spidale makes the audience laugh, roar and sigh, as he, Hamel and Malloy triangulate the movements of the audience’s funny bones all night long.
Sarah Malloy’s Ulla literally leaves male audience member’s jaws dropping* when “Ulla dance” and “Ulla dance again”. I turned around to look when I finally was able to wrench my eyes away; the things a critic must do for the art. My eyes are still annoyed at me for taking them off Ms. Malloy. Her husband is not.
Yet, Malloy’s acting and singing chops go far beyond Ulla’s bewitching belly blenderizing as she brings a joyous esprit to Ulla that makes her a joy to watch throughout the show.
Sarah Malloy’s voice as “Ulla Sings” is also quite splendiciously fine, and if her belting is not as loud as Ethel Merman’s, quite frankly, nobody minded, the sound was beautiful and so was she. Malloy’s singing in That Face is particularly beautiful and her performance in the last quarter of the show, as “Ulla acts” brings an almost insane excitement to the part. More importantly, Malloy played a funny, determined, intelligent Ulla, and I continually wondered who was pulling the strings as soon as she entered the story. This was a plot element missing from the modern version, and I liked it.
Well, you’ll have to see the show to see what else she delivered. It was a joy to watch her magnificent performance as Ulla the dancer. Here Malloy, surrounded by all the other dancers in the company not only held her own, but shone showing just how talented Malloy is, and how much more of her than “Ulla” we may see of her some day.*(I am told that the murmurs during intermission that photos N____e and S______a took of husbands with their jaws gaping open were available for sale at a small fee, is just a rumor. Surely participation in theatre could not lead our young youths astray?)
I am afraid it will be difficult to talk about John B. Boss’ performance as the untalented director DeBris with a straight face, he was so outrageously funny, it was only the cast’s rehearsal schedule that saved them from Tim Conway-it is, if you get it? Got it? Good.
John Boss’ DeBris goes beyond staggering in this unforgettably flamboyant performance that had the audience rolling each and every time he made his unique way onto the stage.
Boss’ acting, singing and dancing would have completely stolen any other show had not this cast; from curly tops and producer hats to baby blue tap dancing bottoms and storm trooper boots, not been so finely polished. Boss is a consummate actor, and in what could have been a two-note character part, he produces a symphony, with all the trills and flourishes that his comic imagination could provide, each moment building on the one before it, until that glorious moment when all is revealed and he tops himself once again. And amazingly, the company marches right along with him to glory.
I’ve seen Boss in any number of productions over the years; he’s entertained audiences in all kinds of roles from romantic but unmarried Bobby in Company to geriatric curmudgeon Scrooge in The Christmas Carol, but in this performance, he has outdone himself, going beyond all expectations, superceding all imagination and anything the movie has to offer. If for no other reason, you should see this production just to see John Boss’ DeBris. You will never, ever see anything like it again.
DeBris is the perfect vehicle for Boss who is a magnificent performer in his own right. Tall and bald, his DeBris is a queenly force to be reckoned with, yet played with all the fawning insecurity the part requires. His, um, how should I put it in a family blog, posse, I’ll use that spelling, Will Loftus as Carmen Ghia, Barry Blodgett as Brian, Michael DeFrang as Kevin (and the Soloist Storm Trooper in Springtime for Hitler), Dan Naylor as Scott, and Katy Smith as Shirley, were perfectly cast and perfectly funny. Frankly, I enjoyed this scene far more than I enjoyed it in the movie due to the combined efforts of the cast. Granted, the tension brought to the scene by Spidale and Hamel pushed the laugh index through the roof and Boss’s take no prisoners physical comedy approach made the audience scream. That was before Gary Peterson’s memorable entrance.
Later in the show, DeFrang’s solo in Springtime for Hitler was a showstopper. Superb. No other word for it. Then of course, John Boss entered as “you know who”. From that point on the laughter never seemed to end.
The most difficult part of this review is that there is so much to praise in this production and so little to criticize. I found nothing of note to criticize, and worse, there was something wonderful to point out about every actor on stage. In a cast this large, this makes the review start to take on the length of War and Peace, yet in this case, it might be worth it.
For example, while Will Loftus was amazingly funny and sincerely pathetic as Carmen Ghia, providing Boss a perfect counter-point all the way through the show, yet his deep bass solo near the top of the show in I Wanna Be A Producer is so rich and beautiful that it, in and of itself is worthy of a mention.
Anthony Berg’s startlingly amazing performance and dancing as Fritz Liebkind (and his birds) caught me completely by surprise. Berg brought just the right amount of madness and camp to his portrayal, yet when the time called for tension and drama, he was able to bring it within the lines of the character he had drawn. I doubt anyone who saw his hilarious singing and dancing performance as Fritz, will ever be able to forget it. He should go far.
So who do I leave out?
How about the beautiful and beautifully choreographed tap girls who steal the audiences hearts in I Wanna Be A Producer: it’s easy to single out the tall and beautiful Laura Berger and not-as-tall but beautiful Samantha Giovannetti, since they double as usherettes. At the same time, the gorgeous Nicole Giannelli, Erika Bradbury, Jodi Buczek and Katy Smith, blended perfectly with the others, making the tap girls a unified, funny and sexy unit throughout the show.
Or should I forget to mention the comic genius of “Not her!” Elaine Castor whose frenetic and persistent antics reminded me of the Ingénue in the Royal Shakespeare Company’s “The Critic” from the Chicago International Theatre Festival of the 1980’s? Both women decades apart gave me belly laughs and a near coronary. This company can’t be faulted for not swinging Castro in on a wire, it’s not in the script, but she tries to get back in the chorus line nearly every other way with fierce aplomb, yet in her other dancing characters, could not be a more graceful beauty or refined, if called for.
Speaking of costumes, follies girls Shannon Langland, Erika Bradbury, Mia Hirschel, and Toni Higgins-Thrash deserve special marks for bravery for wearing their staggeringly skimpy and ludicrously perfect costumes during Springtime for Hitler. Come to think of it, I really should have worked tech on this show. It’s only 70 miles round trip, quite reasonable really…
Don’t let me let this tiny bit of wit give the chorus girls short shrift. Their voices were heavenly and did much to make the Busby Berkeley meets Esther Williams choreography near the end of the show work its magic and their voices were as gracefully heavenly as they were. Yep, I really blew it on this one. I bet I could have been the pigeon wrangler…
Double casting was well hidden. There sure were a lot of Bialy girls. Who would suspect that Mr. Marks, The Indian, Donald Dinsmore, and a variety of walk-on storm troopers, theatergoers and prisoners were all played by the excellent, quick changing character actor Gary Peterson? Or that Barry Blodgett covered Bryan, Jason and Cop O’Brien? So, I’m not even going to go there.
Which brings us to the music overall. Stunning, enchanting, surprising, thrilling, powerful, balanced, audible, even, all parts heard, in short everything you want and expect from a show of this caliber. I heard every note and every note seemed to be wonderfully sung from virtually every cast member with a surprising virtuosity of singing from the dancers and dancing from the singers.
The full orchestra was a wonderful surprise, they were an asset to the show, never overpowering, and the actors never struggled to be heard over them, their voices floating easily above them. Tempo was never an issue as the show sailed along in perfect time.
Had this been merely a concert of the show, I doubt that the music could have been better, but it was so much more than that, with a richness of humor and surprises at every turn that made this Mel Brooks comedy, written in the old style of theatrical comedy fly by.
This is perhaps an excellent moment to talk about the virtually perfect tech and the amusing and clever scene changes all guided under the magnificent prowess of Stage Manager Dani Klosowskiwho kept the show running like a fine tuned Swiss watch. Since the back stage area of the show was undoubtedly busier than O'Hare at Thanksgiving, Klosowski and her crew deserve immense credit for brining off the amazing number of cast movements, sound and lighting cues, scene changes, prop and actor maneuverings and the thousands of little backstage details and riots that happen backstage, that must happen every night, so that what we saw on stage happens without a flaw.
The dance sequence after DeBris is signed up may be in the script, or it may have been improvised as a nod to the Mambo scene in Guys and Dolls, in any case it was a howl and covered effortlessly a scene change between DeBris' house and Bialystocks’ office with fun and esprit. Moments like this made the show fly by with fun and imagination. Keep your eye on who pulls those curtains though, I promise, it will be worth it. The sets and lighting were magnificent with too many touches to go on without spoiling the effect. But the big numbers were big and beautiful because of them. Robert Hamel’s sets deserve all the kudos they got after the show.
Other unsung Tech and Production Staff Heroes?
• Technical Director - Vlad Novikov • Master Carpenter - Grant Wenger • Scenic Designer - Bob Hamel • Lighting Designer - Chelsea Lynn • Sound Designer - Tom Scanlon • Accompanist - Kelli Shibuya • Props Coordinator - Michelle McDonagh • Publicity - Phaedra Wells • Production Assistant - Lindsey Weiss
(Anyone willing to type in the orchestra into a comment, please let me know!)
So, now you have a decision to make. Do you say to yourself, wow, what a review! Too bad I can’t go? Or do you pick up the phone and make a reservation? I can only urge you to go. It’s on your conscious now, but I’ll leave you with this thought.
I've been less consistent about writing this blog lately because of a massive back injury that has me in constant pain. I don’t usually mention it because while in comedy pain is funny, listening to whining about it is pathetic and boring. But I’ll tell you this, after 4 years of constant merciless pain ranging from 3-9 on a 10 point scale, I’m always in some level of discomfort. Always. So I was expecting to see this show after such a long ride through a wall full of misery and have to upgrade my opinion to compensate for the agony.
I'm not sure when the laughter became so overwhelming that I forgot my misery and just enjoyed the show, then became overwhelmed with laughter and was anesthetized by it completely, but the effects of the joy and laughter lasted through two acts, some talking with the cast, crew and audience after, the whole 35 mile trip home, and for several hours later, a painless interlude for which the cast and crew have now earned my undying friendship. It's literally been years since I've felt this good. Thank you for that. It might not be a miracle, but the laughs you gave me were the best over the stage medicine I’ve had in a long time.
Thank you to all concerned. If I left you out of this review, my profound apologies, just leave me a note and I will correct it. I hope to add the names of the musicians at a later date for the record.
Correction 10/15/08 Jodi Buczek tells me that I accidentally omitted the awesome Samantha Giovannetti. Probably not the first time someone has made the Giannelli/Giovannetti mistake during this production. I have still to clear up whether "Sam" was also one of the Usherettes. Nicole who I first gave that credit to is a brunette where as Sam is a blonde. I distinctly remember a blonde Usherette. But, was that a wig? So many mysteries. Guess I will just have to go back and see the show again. Corrections like this are most gratefully received.
Correction 10/16/08 Stage Manager and Technical Staff accidentally omitted were re-added to the review. Also on the cutting room floor. My sister had a baby this week, what can I say?
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the Beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at The beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor Was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; She would approach people who were sitting on the Beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively and she Would wander off. But occasionally someone would nod And there would be a quick exchange of money and Something she carried in her bag.
The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and Debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know For sure, they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife said, 'Honey, have You ever noticed that she only goes up to people with Boom boxes and other electronic devices?'
He hadn't -- and said so.
Then she said, 'Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and Our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can Find out what she's really doing.'
Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife Was almost hopping up & down with anticipation when She saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.
The man then walked up the beach and met his wife at The road.
'Well, Is she selling drugs?' she asked excitedly.
'No, she's not,' he said, enjoying this probably more Than he should have.
'Well, what is it then? What does she do ?' his wife Fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said, 'She's a battery Salesperson.'
'Batteries?' cried the wife. 'Yes ...' he replied -
'She sells C cells by the seashore'
Thanks Tom, for one of the worst puns ever to appear in these files. I wish, oh how I wish I could take credit for it, but no, it goes to you for finding it. And all the blame. If you think you can out-do this pun, send me one in a comment or at my email address. Thepeterfilesblog at gmail dot com and tell me if or how you would like to be attributed credit.
1. A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3. A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room. 5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on when using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. 6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late. 8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. 9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies. 10. Certain Lego pieces will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy. 11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence. 12. Super glue is forever. 13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. 14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O. 15. VCRs do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. 16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. 18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is. 19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens. 20. The fire department in our town has a 5-minute response time. 21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. 22. It will, however, make cats dizzy. 23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. 24. If you absolutely MUST know what that odor is, try looking under the radiator covers for last year's easter eggs. Hopefully they will only be one year old. 25. Get you kids in the habit of hiding only plastic easter eggs for their easter egg hunts. The decorated ones make a bad mess. The raw eggs make a bad, disgusting and smelly mess that never goes away if there is the slightest gap in your floorboards. Your only alternative: Move. 26. Now that glass soda bottles seem to be making a return: never, ever, under any circumstances, store unopened glass soda bottles in the car near any of your children's feet. Unless your spouse is a lawyer. 27. A four-year-old child can resort to hiding his favorite toy at the top of a 40-foot tree over a glass strewn alley if pressed. Do not yell at him while he is at the top of the tree. 28. When in *nice* restaurants watch your children like hawks if you see them touch things like salt and pepper shakers, mustard and ketchup bottles. 28. The sound of a 7-year-old girl who has gotten ketchup all over her white easter dress after her brother played with the top does not bear describing. 29. If you hear the sounds "white whale, white whale" coming from your pool or the lake you are staying near, it is already too late, your children's butts have already been exposed to the sun for anyone nearby to see. 30. When changing a child's diaper at a very large public venue, such as a concert at Grant Park in Chicago, it is helpful if your picnic blanket is not at the top of the largest hill in view. That way if your little girl gets away from you sans clothes, the chances that she will run to the top of the hill spinning like Maria Von Trapp for the entire Midwest to admire during the quietest part of Peter and the Wolf, will be substantially reduced. Duct tape helps too. 31. It may take more than one police search of your house to find a child asleep in a clothes basket in a bedroom closet. 32. Even the second time she disappears, and that's the first place everyone looked. 33. Two adults are not enough to capture a child hiding under a baby grand piano. 34. The travel time before it is impractical to drive a child hidden in their friend's car so that the parents are forced to let them stay overnight at their friends is one hour. Fortunately, the time a child can stay quiet in the back-back seat of a station wagon is usually less than 10 minutes. 35. War between kid brothers usually stops just before an actual serious injury involving death occurs. Numerous trips to the hospital for stitches are normal and should be considered usual growing up pains. 36. If during the summer, a sister turns her brother's hair bright orange, he is entitled to put a screen over her while she sunbathes asleep to give her a checkered tan - once. This will remind her not to fall asleep sunbathing which is dangerous anyway. 37. It does not matter how slowly or gently you loft it, a softball thrown with enough umph to reach the 2nd floor back porch, has enough umph, to float ever so gently through the plate glass window of the 2nd floor back porch door. 38. When handing your son a brand new generator saying "don't drop this, it's expensive", its a good idea to be sure he is not watching the neighbor girl walk by in short shorts or it will wind up broken on the ground when he drops it. 39. If you work at summer camp and sleep on a metal cot, avoid running the electric wires for your alarm clock under the sharp round feet of your bed lest "Sparky" become your new camp nickname. (The mattress pads were rubber thank God.) 40. When rolling the world's largest snowball off the flat roof of your school onto the first person who opens the side door, its a good idea to have a spotter so that you don't drop it on the principal. 41. The demonstration of Mike's Civil War Fort would have been perfect. The buildings were perfect reconstructions, he had even mixed his own black powder and poured it through and between the non-flammable buildings to show how one of the forts would have been torched. As the fire went through building to building his one mistake became evidently clear. His non-flammable materials were plastic straws. As billowing clouds of black smoke poured out of the school windows we out out the three foot flames in seconds, but by then 2 companies of fire trucks were on the way. The smoke filling the second floor of our school. We were dismissed for the day. Mike was a hero. Not for nothing did Mike have the reputation of being the smartest boy in school. Seen as an honest mistake, he didn't even get in trouble since the teacher let him start the fire. Brilliant. 42. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid. 43. 90% of the Women who read this will start checking the tightness of ketchup containers wherever they go.
My thanks to AMR for sending this to me. You can be a contributor too. Just send me an email at thepeterfilesblog at gmail dot com or put your joke in a comment and I can include it in a post of its own. Just tell me how you would like to be recognized, or not. In this post I was responsible for number 23 on plus a few more. So I know those really happened. The rest, well they certainly had the ring of truth, now didn't they?
One spring day I was walking past the athletic field of a local girls high school the other day and a throng of high school girls behind its fence were were shouting enthusiastically "69.... 69.... 69...!"
As they kept it up, I got more and more curious, but the wooden fence was too high to see over.
I knew better of course, but when I saw a little gap in the planks, curiosity got the better of me and I looked through to see what was going on.
Then one of the girls poked me in the eye with a stick.
They all started shouting '70.... 70.... 70...!"
If you thought this was a dirty joke, shame on you! This blog is a clean blog, but sometimes people with dirty minds come to the wrong secretions. Here we strive to be always Safe for work, home, truth, justice and the American way. Wait, based on internet usage that seems to be p.... Never mind.
Thanks to Andy for this joke that I have twisted all out of proportion. You can send me a joke too and get credit if you wish. Just send it to: {http:// thepeterfilesblog AT gmail DOT com}.
Remove the extra spaces, replace the at and dot with an @ and . and you'll have the address. Add the word Joke in the title line please. Tell me if you want credit for you. I don't do ANYTHING with your email address, except maybe make friends with you myself. I hate spam.
I don't often engage in post production reviews, but in the case of the Beverly Theatre Guild's one weekend production of Ken Ludwig's Moon Over Buffalo, the production was so fine, the acting so outrageous and sublime, that for the benefit of future audiences in the area who often have only a one or two weekend run to see a BTG show, I felt that it was worth the effort to tell you what a marvelous gut-wrenching laugh riot you probably missed this weekend at Chicago's Beverly Art Center at 111th and South Western Avenue.
I've taken the liberty of reproducing parts of the program so that if you recognize the names of these actors in listings of productions in local papers in the future you know that you should make the effort to toddle on down to the theater to see them in action.
There wasn't a single performance that wasn't worth seeing in this extremely well directed production by director Tobi Lowrance with assistance from Assistant Director Francesca Scalzi who took a great script updated it with a combination of new and veteran actors and crafted a fast-moving and emotionally moving comedy and farce of high order.
Moon Over Buffalo, the story of 1950's couple George and Chalotte Hay, the touring repertory family company stars of the style of the Lunts, the Barrymores, or the Zimablists, who displaced by film and television, find the profitablility of the road touring companies drying up and their way of life dissapearing. They are facing the possibility of fiancial and relationship ruin when they get a phone call suggesting that film director Frank Capra will be in the Matinee audience of the day's show to see if George is fit to take over the lead of his new film, just as he has lost two of his own essential players.
The BTG's production was a door-slaming, sword-fighting, knee-to-groin below the belt guffaw generator of the highest or lowest order, depending on how you look at it. Joe Collins as George and Meg Massaro as Charlotte under the direction of Lowrance and Scalzi make us wonder sometimes if the War of the Roses was kid stuff as Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner did not play people who had the whole repetoire of classic theatre to fight, kick, scratch, curse and make asses of themselves with.
Both actors tender the performances of their lives with split-second timing, perfect delivery, no fear of looking foolish in either of them, both hungerly seeking the comic truth in each and every moment of the show, yet at the same time, they show that the other side of hate is deep and abiding love, not indifference, and the changes both George and Charlotte go through during the course of the show, as they beat by beat avoid the easy way out of each line or moment in the show, and provide the audience with richness and emotional truth instead in a way that is stunningly honest and laughingly true.
Massaro and Collins are perfectly matched. Massaro's antics reminded me of Carol Burnett with a kind of subtle restraint while prancing across the stage in antics of anger, hostility and rapturous joy, that make her highs more realistic and just as funny as Burnett.
Collins, known widely as the voice of WBBM's traffic reports, and a community theatre veteran, gives what is perhaps the best and most challenging performance of his life. An expert in physical and character comedy, Collins is forced to add the romance of Romeo, the pathos of lear, the errors of Falstaff, and the drunken blindness of Stanley and Merrythought.
As George plunges though the stormy seas of this farce, swooping up and down, driven by the winds of fate, opportunity, his own stupidity, and the heights of fortune and misfortune, instead of a farcicle charade of a man, Collins gives us a man complete, torn by the pain he has brought to those he loves, wracked and ruined by remorse, blindly attempting to get on with it anyway, until at last our everyman falls, the great fall and lands as low as any man can, worse yet, in front of an icon of his dreams, the key to his future. Neitzsche or Kafka could not have planned it so well.
At this point in the show, many actors, would allow the script in hand to carry him on, riding on it to safely breezing through to the end; but Collins takes emotional risks in keeping with his growing maturity as an actor, baring his emotions in a way that gives Massaro room to do the same. So at the end of the farce, instead of a lighthearted wrapping up of ends a la Charley's Aunt, we have the two confronting the pain and trauma they have endured in their lives together and grow, together, changed by the ordeal they have suffered, to become someone new while remaining to themselves true.
Breathtaking and moving. I wish you could have been there. Watch for the cast in other productions.
Their daughter Roz, played by Lisa Marie Marciano and her estranged ex-boxfriend Paul played by Lorenzo Blackett are forcefully thrust together by the circumstances of the day in which Roz had only intended to introduce her new fiance Howard, played by David Korzatkowski to her parents, but is sucked back in to the chaos of the day by the disappearance of the production's Ingenue Eileen, played by Tiffani M. Moore. Marciano and Blackett are wonderfully cast and provide both a dramatic and, it must be said, very steamy, dramatic tension, that adds to the sweetness of the farce. Korzatkowski and Moore both bring and empty headed playfulness to their roles that crank up the tension, humor, and guffaws at just the right time. Like Collins,Massaro, Marciano and Blackett, Korzatkowski has an incredible sense of physical comedy, perhaps equal to that of Joe Collins who's own mastery of the physical comedic art form stops the show at three or four points, minimum.
In fact, it should be noted, that in the performance that I saw, Collins was so funny, that his last antic at the end of a scene in Act II, caused a second wave of laughter to start well after the blackout, as the audience re-visualized what they had seen him do just before the lights went out. Something I have never seen in 45 years of theater. A new spontaneous wave of laughter spreading through the audience while sitting in the darkness, starting a good 15 seconds after the lights went out, without a smart alec comment to trigger it. Unbelievable. Joe was just THAT funny.
Rick Baker was also excellent and very believable as Richard, the love-struck friend who wishes to steal Charlotte away from George and their near poverty and terrible traveling conditions. Presaging the aging baby-boom romanic love interest, Baker is suave, debonair, and quite convincing a someone who George could perceive as a threat to take away the woman he truly loves, Charlotte because of a moments weakness.
In every farce of this caliber there has to be a foil that comes in and out delivering sharp lines to skewer the leads. In this show it is Ethel, Charlotte's mother and the bane of George's existence played by South Side theater veteran Jan Dignan. Saying just how long Dignan has been treading he boards out here with her sister Choch would be telling. But this is truly one of her best performances and she plays the part of the wiley, cantankerous mother and seamstress with joy, verve and cunning nastiness and with a great deal of depth. One of her best performances as well and I have seen many of them.
So why did I love this show so much. I've given you a good deal of plot, but nothing that would make you laugh I think. That's because a great deal of the humor comes directly from the acting and directing in the show. It has to stand as one of the funniest shows I have ever seen (that of course I have not been in myself...).
I laughed hard and long and so did the rest of the audience. There were constant surprises. Hardly a line went wrong. The timing and tension required to keep the show moving was constantly upheld. Nary a line was swallowed. The pacing was fabulous and the cast seemed to know JUST How long to hold for a laugh to allow the audience to laugh.
And the show moved fast. A credit to the actors and directors. With intermissions the show ran well under two hours. It easily could have run 20 minutes longer with a less experienced cast. Lowrance and Scalzi seemed to have an instinct for getting the best out of their cast, using their strenghts to their best advantage.
Moore for example, the ingenue with something extra, who causes a huge fuss between George and jealous Charlotte, plays the wide-eyed innocent with aplomb until the time comes to reveal that she has more underneath than some had suspected and she gets exactly what she wants. Played to a t.
Blackett's performance as the frenetic manager and lover, and a much more determined lover than able manager, is a perfect foil to George as George freaks out, (Woody Allen on steroids without the accent), In his unique non-George way Blackett panics about whole groups of issues, but not when it comes to Roz. His changes when it comes to Roz are as surprising and funny, as they are tempting and disturbing to Roz's confidence in her engagement. Paul is after all, looking for an engagement of another kindl For a moment we think we are about to see another show altoghether when a plot element breaks the two apart before anything really good happens. Whew! It had been getting hot in there.
Marciano's conflicts as the daughter in search of normality, trying to break away from the perpetual craziness of her parent's life is also compelling, except, when disaster strikes, she is sucked back into it all to easily.
Credit must go of course to the writer of this gem, Ken Ludwig, who captured so well the essence of the times and the desires of those who wished to grasp fame and maintain their life on stage before it melted away.
So, were this show to go another weekend, which it cannot, sadly, I would have soundly recommended it. Instead, the best I can do is say, remember the actors, and the directors, and the group, the Beverly Theatre Guild, one of Chicago's oldest community theater groups.
Next Season BTG Plans to produce: The Irish drama Dancing at Lughnasa by Brian Friel, October 24-26, 2008 The Musical The Full Monty by Terrance McNally and David Yazbek, February 6-9,2009 The Comedy Twentieth Century by Ken Ludwig, May 8-10th, 2009
You can print the form on this page to order season tickets and save $12 or more on ticket prices.
Hot Trash From the Audience: There was speculation about how full the monty would be for the full monty, and a few jokes in the audience about whether we would want to see some of our friend's montied at all. I assured those I sat with that I was not intending to audition as I wanted to help BTG build an audience rather than send them running to the exits, possibly scarred for life. More on that when they get closer to the production next year.
I am tired after being wired from the excitement of a great production so I hope the cast and you will forgive any typos herein. As always if you have a theatre production in the Chicago/NW Indiana Region to Promote send me the information well in advance to "Thepeteterfilesblog" At "Gmail" Dot "Com" and I will be happy to post what I can.
It helps a lot if you give me something in ready to post format. If you have pictures, especially at a website that I can link to, give me the links, or send me the photos as attachments and I will be glad to post what I can. As time has passed I do get quite a bit of response from actors knowing quite a few of them myself.
Finally, congratulations to the whole cast and crew of Moon over Buffalo. While I spent more time on Collins and Massaro, a production this complex does not succeed without incredible coordination and effort both onstage and backstage, a true ensemble effort. A.D. Scalzi was also the Stage Manager for the show, something she has a gift for. The show has a nightmarish number of entrances and exits, yet she looked calm and collected before the performance. The tech for the show was also perfect and the sets by Emil Zbella were also superb (as always Emil).
With a yummy brunch included. The Spectacular Beverly Theatre Guild, Beverly Hills Oldest Performing Arts Group invites you and your Mom and Grandmother to their Brunch and Show Treat on Mother's Day at 11:00 am at the Garden Chalet 11100 South Ridgeland followed by a 2pm performance of the Hilarious Hilarious Comedy Moon Over Buffalo at the Brand new Beverly Arts Center 111th and Western Avenue.
Brunch Space is limited so call 708-361-0400 today!
My dad sent my visiting cousin to bed. Five minutes later....
"Uncle Pete...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Uncle Pe-eete....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll toss you in the shower!!"
Five minutes later......"Uncle Pe-ete....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to toss me in the shower, can you bring a drink of water?"
My cousin didn't believe that she would actually get tossed in the shower. She didn't know my Dad well enough to know that he did not make idle threats.
When he held the tip-top of her head under the lukewarm water for 1/10th of a second she screamed like a banshee. Then he gave her the drink of water. On the second night of her overnight stay she drank enough water to satisfy herself before she went to bed.
Based on a true story.
What she was actually doing was talking too much when we were supposed to be asleep. I edited an old joke which had a funnier format. She got at least 8 warnings before splash. Man was it funny. We would have laughed out loud but we would have been next and we knew it. But there was an awful lot of very hard to suppress snickering for the next hour.
8. Elvis! It's not safe to jump onto that trampoline from the balcony! I don't care if you want to make your jail-house rock!
7. Farm radio: There's a surprise pre-dawn 2-for-1 on overalls at Ethyl's Downstate Big & Tall where "We open, before your rooster crows."
6. Liz: Michael! I love your new hideaway farmland play land! Where does this little chute go? The playroom? Michael: No! Wait! It's the laundry!
5. (Downstate Radio: The rumors that Hillary Clinton will be driving through town on her way to her next campaign stop are untrue. It is safe to return to your homes.)
4. Biker bar near the end of an impromptu road stop on the way to Chicago: Whoa! Somebody stomp on that little pink iguana! It stole my stash!
3: (Whispered for a YouTube.com video camera: Going for a new world's record, now, 500 frat-boys, 500 cows. When the gun goes off, tip!
2. Alright, who had the garbanzo beans with dinner last night?
And the Number One Line heard during last night's earthquake:
1. Shhh! We're filming the surprise early morning wake-up call for the 2009 Season Premier of NBC's The Biggest Loser - Boot Camp. We're here in the secret men's barracks somewhere in downstate Illinois. Guest host Ty Pennington gets out his bull-horn....
Jeff Foxworth has apparently announced that he is running for President because Ralph Nader has thrown his hat into the Ring again. Yes, again.
I used to respect old Reptile Nose, but now that he's become a repeated spoiler for the Republicans who stand for the reverse of what he does, I think that Ralph has become an idiot who is just serving his ego instead of the interests he purports to serve.
I wonder if he sells more books every times he runs. Or other things. Does he make or lose money at it?
Perhaps he is just deluded.
I'd rather vote for Foxworthy myself, though if I had to pick a candidate, I'd probably pick Bob Newhart. He's had a Jesuit Education AND been an Actor.
Here's the story from new Peter Files Blog friend Blog Josh Goller's Adjust Yourself.
Home of the Best Doctor Who Podcast in Time and Space
