President-Elect Barack Obama

CNN.Com Live has just projected Barack Obama as the 44th President of the United States of America. As I type this, I am watching the reaction live in Grant Park through teary eyes, remembering another election year of hope 40 years ago, when two great charismatic leaders, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and Senator Robert Kennedy were both stolen from us by crazy assassins. 

Those were different times. The U.S. Secret Service was not as good as its job then as it is now, but still the shadow of those times haunts me. The tears I cried as an 8-year old in Chatham flow again in joy, just as I see them now live in the eyes of the Reverend Jesse Jackson's eyes on my computer and I can't help wondering if we are sharing some of the same thoughts.

It's been a long road since 1968. Suddenly the hope that was stolen from so many of us so long ago has been returned with the Election of Senator Barack Obama to the Office of President of the United States of America.  

This election has not been about race, it has not been about addressing the wrongs of the past, but for those of us who remember with sadness, with great sadness the tragedies of the past, there is a meaning in this victory, beyond all that was said, that is difficult to express, but it is in the tears that stream down my face now.

There is much facing the country now. What will the new President-Elect do to prepare for his first term? How will he organize all his supporters found through the internet to help support his new initiatives and remind the new congress of the depth of his support? What new tools will he bring to the forefront? What will our new future look like?

We all have high expectations. We will all have to be prepared to give him a great deal of support. Are we ready to face the reality of the mess that we have been left? Are we ready to bite the bullet and dig in? Time will tell.

I am now hearing the concession speech of Senator John McCain. Somewhat earlier than I expected. It is a fine speech. Recognizing the historical moment, remembering the death of Obama's Grandmother, and pledging both his support and asking for the support of the Republicans in helping Obama in his Presidency.

The crowd is listening and reacting mostly politely. The negative reaction to the mention of Gov. Palin is perhaps to be expected. It is a Chicago crowd and many women felt insulted by her approach thinking that she was portraying a sub-intelligent model of a woman. I disagree. I think she was doing her best with the hand and preparation she was dealt with. But I am certainly glad and relieved she is not a heartbeat away from the Presidency.

Obama's acceptance speech: will it be regarded as one of the great American Political Speeches? I think so. I happened to be chatting online with a young friend from the south who had bought into all of the McCain fear propaganda about Obama and was basically afraid of him. I understood her fear.

Obama does represent change. Real change and McCain set him up as the boogeyman for many Americans. Connecting him with terrorists. Calling him a socialist. Trying to make people thing a Christian was a Muslim. Making people suspicious about where his money was coming from in one of the first true grass roots fundraising campaigns in history.

Her fear was natural. In many ways, his speech was meant for her as much as it was for any of us. For the changes Obama wants to make, he wants a united America. A healed America. A Nation in which the divisive politics of fear in which people thing an African-american candidate can win only if stupid people, or poor people vote for him is one of the past.

In the end, she was willing to pray for Obama. That was a lot I think. I think some of the fear was gone. But her disappointment like the disappointment of many, was real and would not go in a day, or after one speech. Actions, not words will be the key for voters like her.

I found Obama's speech to be stirring and exactly right. It was thrilling. A call just like Kennedy's to action. A reminder of the work ahead, not waiting for his inaugural address, but to say off the bat, we need to be ready to work now for change, acknowledging the difficulty of the task ahead, setting the tenor of the administration. And the theme. "Yes, we can."

He quoted Lincoln, he sounded like King, he looked like Kennedy, he was change embodied. And his crowd was America. His audience in Chicago was every age and color, more women than men, more white than black, more young than old. Let's face it, you had to be willing to stand till 11 pm just to see him. That favors the young.

Yes, we can. And in the end, he warned our enemies and embraced our friends. A perfect speech I think. And he reminded us that the win was not his win, but a win for us, and that he now had to earn the job.

I think I'll like this President a lot more than the last few. If I don't, you'll be the first to know. Maybe the VP will give me some material...

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Jokes, Satire, Commentary and Videos
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com

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Stimulus Bribe Received

I don't know about your household, but we got our George Bush Vote for The Republicans Stimulus Bribe Check last week. Oops, did I call it a bribe? Certainly not. A bribe would have to have a chance of working and who in their right mind would think that the paltry sums contained in the, as comedian Chevy Chase would have put it, economic stimulus (bribes) checks would be near enough to pay for the vast damage done to our economy my W.

I wouldn't even try to put a price tag on the lives lost fighting (trillions) in Iraq if I had my way, because the lives of those brave service woman and service men who died in the service of their country were priceless. The fact that they were sent there by a lying no good idiot does not demean the bravery and nobility of their service one tiny bit, nor the service of those there now.

Those in the service of our country are stuck with the commander in chief we vote for. Thankfully, both of the current candidates have to be far better than the current monkey in chief. Don't they. Well certainly Obama is. I have some trouble with McCain, but I don't think he is an idiot. No one could be as dumb as our fearless leader.

Perhaps I am being charitable by suggesting that W is in fact dumb. Perhaps he knew exactly what he was doing all the way along. Frightening thought isn't it. Suppose where we are today, deeply in debt, gas prices at an all time high, trapped in an expensive and costly war with an ungodly number of dollars, are we up to $ trillions yet, spent on an ill focused war, exactly where W wanted us to be at the end of his administration?

Is this possible? Would it be legal? Would it be a violation of his oath of office to protect and defend the American Constitution? Would it even be, as some have suggested, be treason?

Thank God this is a blog of Satire and not some serious publication or scholarly news program like Fox TV where I might have to come up with facts to support such a supposition. You know that I have got to be kidding.

The President of these United States would never risk prison by doing such naught things. I mean, its not as if his successor would ever pardon him! Ha! That could Never happen! Nixon who? You mean that really happened once? You mean a President who was probably guilty of a few crimes resigned from the White House and then was issued a blanket pardon by his successor? Like wow. What was his name? Nixon?

Never heard of him. Oh, that's that dude that died awhile back. They made a movie about him once didn't they? Didn't Robert Redford play him? Or was it O.J. Simpson, I get confused about those older dudes.

(Satire, satire.)

So, I have a modest proposal, a 25% tax on the gross revenues of all companies doing business in Iraq, plus a 25% tax on all Oil Company gross revenues, with the proceeds to be divided equally between all taxpayers for the next 10 years or until our soldiers come back from Iraq for the former (including mercenaries), and gas prices drop until Oil company profits are under 5%, without exaggerated costs.

What's the justification?

It's in the national interest and in the interest of homeland security.

Oil and gas prices currently drive the cost of all other prices. The desire to make huge profits at our expense with a vital resource has been irresponsibly used at a time when we are at war. So, take control of the industry and give the money back to the taxpayers who have been paying through the nose for it. At least enough so that the industry will self-regulate itself.

Whatever you do this fall, don't base your vote on this stimulus bribe. It'll be gone in gas and grocery bills, long gone by November anyway.

And Don't forget to declare it on your 2008 income tax return. Since no taxes were deducted from it, it'll probably be a pretty big hit next April, long after the election is over.


Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Jokes, Satire, Commentary and Videos
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com

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Drizzle, Drazzle, Drazzle, Drone, Time For Clinton To Go Home

It's been a heck of a fight, and there have been a lot of things I did not like about it, but tonight's results show me, that even with CNN's projection that Clinton took Indiana, the 147 vote delegate count Obama lead still creates a hurdle that is too high for Clinton to breach between now and the end of the primaries. 

America loves a fighter and a scrappy underdog. But if Clinton does not win the nomination and winds up dragging Obama through the dirt to try to get it, she risks being seen as the Ralph Nader of the 2008 political season. Of course, she could win. The Chicago Cubs and the Chicago White Sox could also fight each other out in the World Series this year.

With all due respect, and respect is due, that it is time for Senator Hillary Clinton to end her campaign for President and begin her campaign for the Vice-Presidential nomination.

147 Delegates is too many. Democrats will not stand for a super-delegate win when the regular delegate vote puts Obama ahead. It would cause the same kind of disillusionment that the Party faced after the Gore vote theft defeat.

Her name will still be on the last ballots of course, but pulling out now will make her appear to be an actual uniter instead of a divider and at this time, this is what the Democratic Party needs. So think Ms. Clinton. Sometimes hubris isn't enough.

AND IF WE CAN'T TRUST YOU TO FACE UP TO THE TRUTH AND ADMIT IT DURING AN ELECTION WHAT THE HECK SHOULD WE EXPECT YOU TO DO IN OFFICE?

After arguably eight years of the worst White House in human history, the Democratic Party MUST stop the infighting NOW and start working on the Presidential Campaign.

Ms. Clinton is an ideal VP candidate because she reaches the rest of the demographics that Obama does not. Looking at their vote totals from state to state they make an indomitable team. Clinton as VP will encourage Republican Woman crossover that will exceed whatever Male residual Clinton hating is left over.

They are both smart as hell, they both can work together. But the Dems always wait too long giving the Republicans a huge advantage when it comes to getting rolling for the fall.

Why do this?

Obama's lead might be mathematically possible to beat, but NC and enough of Indiana did not fall for the Rev. Wright "issue relevance" late election season scam that started somewhere.

No matter what or how it started, we now know enough about Senator Obama to see past whose Church he went to as an issue. It's not something that should be relevant as an election issue and we all know it.

That kind of thing died with the "Jack Kennedy will take orders from the Pope" lies from Nixon's campaign.

Americans LIKE Barack Obama. He's proven his electability to all but a few North-Shore Illinois Chicago Cubs Fans and they never give up.

We'll see what happens. But trying to "scandal" Obama some more isn't going to work, folks. Not while memories of Whitewater and that blue dress and other things it is not fair to taint Hillary with pop into mind when someone tries to stick something on Senator Obama.

What I really want of course is a great president. They are both capable. But I think the dems have spoken over all and think Obama is either better or a more winning Presidential candidate. At least given that Obama Girl does not look 35 yet.

I hope we get one.

But already I see signs of Republican scandal following the Bush Administration mistakes coming for maybe the next 8 years. So if we don't get some dems in now, once the do get in, they'll be in forever.

Or, maybe I've just been juggling cats too long tonight and am getting goofy. When looking for political commentary consider the source. Then again, maybe this humble comedy blogger is about as good as anyone else out there tonight.

Click the CNN link for the latest results.


http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/05/06/primaries.change/index.html

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Jokes, Satire, Commentary and Videos
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com

PS. I'D VOTE FOR YOU OVER W ANY DAY MS. CLINTON!!!!!!

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The Peter Files Blog of Comedy's Top 10 Jokes About Yesterday's Downstate Illinois Earthquake

The Peter Files Blog Top 10 Jokes About Yesterday's Downstate Illinois Earthquake

• 10. Mick: Did you get satisfaction Daisy-May?
•  9.  I guess Britney's off her diet.
•  8.  Elvis! It's not safe to jump onto that trampoline from the balcony! I don't care if you want to make your jail-house rock!
•  7.  Farm radio: There's a surprise pre-dawn 2-for-1 on overalls at Ethyl's Downstate Big & Tall where "We open, before your rooster crows."
•  6.  Liz: Michael! I love your new hideaway farmland play land! Where does this little chute go? The playroom?   Michael: No! Wait! It's the laundry!
•  5.  (Downstate Radio: The rumors that Hillary Clinton will be driving through town on her way to her next campaign stop are untrue. It is safe to return to your homes.)
•  4. Biker bar near the end of an impromptu road stop on the way to Chicago:  Whoa! Somebody stomp on that little pink iguana! It stole my stash!
• 3: (Whispered for a YouTube.com video camera: Going for a new world's record, now, 500 frat-boys, 500 cows.  When the gun goes off, tip!
• 2. Alright, who had the garbanzo beans with dinner last night?

And the Number One Line heard during last night's earthquake:

• 1. Shhh! We're filming the surprise early morning wake-up call for the 2009 Season Premier of NBC's The Biggest Loser - Boot Camp.  We're here in the secret men's barracks somewhere in downstate Illinois. Guest host Ty Pennington gets out his bull-horn....
  

More on the Illinois Earthquake from CNN.com.

Hope you liked them!
 

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Jokes, Satire, Commentary and Videos
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com

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Jeff Foxworth for President to Beat Ralph Nader's Candidacy into Armadillo Roadkill

Jeff Foxworth has apparently announced that he is running for President because Ralph Nader has thrown his hat into the Ring again. Yes, again.

I used to respect old Reptile Nose, but now that he's become a repeated spoiler for the Republicans who stand for the reverse of what he does, I think that Ralph has become an idiot who is just serving his ego instead of the interests he purports to serve.

I wonder if he sells more books every times he runs. Or other things. Does he make or lose money at it?

Perhaps he is just deluded.

I'd rather vote for Foxworthy myself, though if I had to pick a candidate, I'd probably pick Bob Newhart. He's had a Jesuit Education AND been an Actor.

Here's the story from new Peter Files Blog friend Blog Josh Goller's Adjust Yourself.




Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Jokes, Satire, Commentary and Videos
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com

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Obama Needs A Campaign Song - So I Wrote One! "I'm Going to Vote For Obama"

I've been thinking, Obama has a lot going for him, but his campaign needs, something, a certain something. I know, it needs a campaign song. Something easily singable. Not a Fleetwood Mac song. Something suggesting basic values & the need for change.

So I came up with this. I'll bet half the nation is singing this within a week.

Well, maybe not. But I had fun doing it. Then I had to take out all the bashing. LOL.

Still, it was fun. What do you think? Please, use the comments section to tell me what you think!

I'm Going to Vote for Obama
(to the tune of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game") Lyrics © 2008 by PJF and the The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire, Jokes, Commentary, and Videos
- All Rights Reserved

I'm going to vote for Obama
he's our next President
I'm sick and tired of the same old rut
they took our money and spent, spent, spent, spent, spent.

What we need is a leader
who can steer us right back on course
'cause if we don't - make some kind of change -
things in America could get still worse!

So first, he needs nomination
then, he needs our support
then, we get out voter registration
So in the end we won't fall just sho-o-ort.

Obama can heal the nation
join the Obama campaign,
get - on - the Obama bandwagon - you'll be - glad - you came!

© 2008 PJF and The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire, Jokes, Commentary, and Videos
- All Rights Reserved

Important! This song has not been endorsed by Senator Obama.

Even so, you can easily forward this to friends and relatives using the envelope icon below.
If I get a chance I will update this post with a sound clip. Oh joy, you are thinking if you have heard me sing on My Blog Theme Song on the sidebar (snicker).

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire, Jokes, Commentary, and Videos
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com

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Vote Carefully This Year

Another Joke from my friend Andy. But is it really a joke?

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies,
'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this
week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his
bill, the barber again replies,
'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this
week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank
you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when
he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies,
'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this
week.' The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank
you' card and a dozen different books, such as
'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.

'Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay
his bill the barber again replies,
'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this
week.' The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen
Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the members of our Congress.--

Vote carefully this year!


Be like Andy, send me a joke and I'll give you credit. Just put it in a post comment and if I like it (probably) I will move it up to its own post and give you credit. Otherwise I will leave it in the comments section. The only things I edit out by the way are obscenity and obvious spam. If you have your own blog, even a competing comedy blog, feel free to mention it. I am happy to do cross links!

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com

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Rumors of the Top 10 Deepest Secrets of the Hillary Clinton Campaign

As Barrack "Happy" Obama's delegate lead increases over that of Senator Hillary "Rudeham" Clinton it is just possible that the less than tight-lipped Clinton campaign staff may again be slipping with more dirt on the Clinton campaign.

We can't say that these 10 deepest darkest secrets of the Clinton Campaign are true because our comedy staff made them up just now, I mean just now. But wouldn't it be funny if they were true. They certainly sound like they could be true. As you read them, feel free to wonder if they might be true. Its your constitutional right. We have no way of knowing whether they are true or not. True the odds are really highly against it. In fact, we would say that these purported rumors are definitely untrue and without merit whatsoever. So don't go cutting and pasting and sending these around like they were true. THAT WOULD NOT BE NICE. IT WOULD BE WRONG. Even if it might be funny.

So just don't do it.

Don't cut here.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - - - - - - -- - -- -- -

Top 10 Secrets of the Hillary Clinton Presidential Campaign

10 - Does Hillary get really annoyed when the staff gets punchy and can't help start singing "The Name Game" when they get tired,  because they slip and sing 'Hillary, Hillary, bo bama' way too many times for her comfort? 

9 - Is Bill Clinton  the one who most often slips and then starts in with 'Obama, bamma, bo, bama, fi, fi, yo, mama' and Hillary doesn't think Bill is referring to Obama's Mama?

8 - Have some of the girls/boys on the campaign staff have been sliding 'First Gentleman' outfit pictures (skirts, dresses, pants suits, blue dresses, and village people attire) under Bill's office door while he has been out on the trail? 

7 - Has this has caused the former President to start pestering Senator Clinton - presuming a fall victory - to think about appointing Bill to a post that would get him out of 'First Gentleman' duties and hand the 'First Lady' duties over to Chelsea on the grounds that she could use the political exposure and that several Presidents (unmarried) did have their daughters fill the first Lady Function? 

Did Bill think that SecDef, SecInterior, Ambassador to the United Nations or a number of other jobs could keep him out of the White House most of the time and avoid the whole co-presidency brou-ha-ha? Do rumors linger that the 'unmarried' notion caused a pause for thought, but that other ambassadorships, Iraq, Chile, Turkmenistan, Ethiopia also came to mind?

6 - Is Hillary quite peeved to have heard the US Secret Service agents now on President Bush's 'Detail' have decided on a contest to determine who gets onto Bill's detail and who gets stuck, er, assigned to Hillary all based on the most creative call signs for Hillary and Bill? (So far WET_HEN and DOG_HOUSE are in first place, followed up by ICE_CUBE and HOT_SAX).

5 - Is it true that one night during the Clinton Administration Hillary wandered into the war room under the White House during a supposed crises and caught Bill and the Joint Chiefs drinking and playing poker, and rather than getting mad she took a seat at the table and cleaned everyone out except the Navy cook who had come in to serve sandwiches and who split the last pot with her?

4 - Is it true that Thursday is "pantsuit day" for everyone on the campaign but that only Bill refuses to bow down to the pressure, which is why you never see him on the trail on Thursdays?

3 - Could it really be that Hillary's 'George W' given nickname is 'Tinkerbell', that no one knows why, and that the Senator's campaign staff is afraid to ask her about it?

2 - Is it possible that Hillary has a secret Taco Bell habit formed when that "cute little dog" was on all the commercials and that she thought it was funny because his English reminded her of W's?.

1 - Is the deepest darkest secret of the Hillary Clinton campaign: that to lock up at least one Presidential nomination, using Hollywood special effects makeup, Hillary is secretly running for President as John McCain with Amy Poehler from Saturday Night Live masquerading as Cindy McCain? This could explain Tina Fey's strange outburst two weeks ago on SNL during weekend update!

Oh, how America wants to know the truth. Or do we? 

Peter, Chief Editor, Spelling Wrecker and Maker up of Political Humor and Satire
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com

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Remember, this is political satire, it would be very, very, very, very naughty to send this around like these were true facts even if you really, really wish they were.

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Clinton Says Obama's Delegate "Lag" Sure to Decline After March 4th Primaries/McCain Says Bush Deserves Sainthood

Dateline Texas: Clinton Says Obama's Delegate "Lag" Sure to Decline After The March 4th Primaries/McCain Says Bush Deserves Sainthood

A woman who wished to be known as "Mystic Clinton", unofficial spokeswoman for "Hillary is Kool" a Texas Democratic Group with "at least 17 members" and who is, as far as we know, unrelated to the former first Lady and current Senator, said today to Peter Files Blog Insiders that "Obama's lag in the convention delegate race was "sure to decline after the March 4th primaries, especially in Texas."

When it was pointed out to "Ms. Clinton" that in fact, as of this date, Senator Obama was ahead by more than 100 delegates and that for a "lag to decline" meant that his lead would advance, Ms. Clinton corrected us.

"No, that doesn't account for the secret delegates."

When asked for more information about the secret delegates she referred to Ms. Clinton looked to her left and right and said, "Well, everybody knows about the secret delegates, they're the ones with all the special privileges at conventions. They get to dress up in silly outfits and play pranks and create disturbances and get hauled out by security and five minutes later they are right back in the hall dressed in their regular clothes because they have the special passes. They blend in with everyone else, and everyone knows them but when it comes time for the electronic voting, their votes cancel out the votes of ten other delegates."

When asked for evidence about these astounding charges, Ms. Clinton said, "Well shoot, everybody around here knows about secret delegates. The Republicans have had them for years. I think the Democrats just caught on more recent like. Now Senator Obama, he's a good man, but I think he's too new to have drafted himself any secret delegates and I think you have to have a bunch of them to win any nomination."

Seeking confirmation of this outlandish story we were only able to find one other person in Texas who had ever heard of "secret delegates"; that was "Bubba Sharif McCain" head of "Texas Republicans against change of any kind - George W. for a Third Term - Heah!" a self-proclaimed Republican fan club of uncertain membership.

"Confidentially speakin' I heard of secret delegates. There was some crazy lady in the other county, Marge something, at a political rally. She kept yellin and screamin about it the last two or three elections. But I don't pay talk like that no never mind. Not when I got something important to do, like getting George W. Bush elected to the President for a third term or if not that, Sainthood.

When we mentioned that third Presidential terms were prohibited by the Constitution of the United States and that to become a Saint you were normally required to be a Roman Catholic, Mr. McCain said, "Well don't that beat all, you'd think with all the miracles he performed they might make an exception for him!"

Miracles?

"Miracle one - goin into Iraq after those 911 terrorists who had them WMD's and Mission Accomplished so soon! I tell you that was inspiring!"

"Miracle two - there hasn't been a single commie threat while he has been in office of any kind, why those Russkies have been quiet as little mouses."

"Miracle three - Just look at Hurricane Katrina, why that whole darn city could have been washed away, gone forever, but look at it now, why I bet that its better, cleaner and happier than its ever been."

"Miracle four - Just look at our economy, why right here in town our McDonalds and Wal Mart always have jobs for people that want them. Why I remember when lotsa people were outa work and today, why lotsa folks have two jobs. One feller I know who just got married has three. If that ain't proof of a healthy economy, why I don't know what is."

"Miracle Five - Just look at how he's kept all those young GI's working and building up service time overseas. Why you know that's gonna look good when they come home looking for jobs, and you know, the only way to advance in the military is by seeing combat. Of course that's all over, Mission Accomplished, heh, heh."

"Lesse, Why the way he's led and inspired the whole Republican Party to follow his leadership in lock step behind him, voting his way right down the line. That's a true miracle. He did that here in Texas too. Why, I count at least six miracles right there.

At this point our correspondent decided that discretion was the better part of valor, though I told him that he just plain chickened out.

We note that like Ms. Mystic Clinton, Mr. Bubba Sharif McCain has no relatives running for office that we know of.


It need hardly be said that like any other item found on the Peter Files Blog of Comedy this Post Should Be Considered Devoid of Any Meaningful Information Whatsoever. This Post contains Political Satire. Resemblance to actual statements, person, organizations, delegates, or reality is entirely coincidental. However, I've said it just in case this gets picked off the internet by an intern at some small foriegn paper to save him/her from embarrassing himself with their editor.

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com

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Newsflash! The Peter Files Blog of Comedy Announces its 2008 Primary Political Endorsement

Commentary: Newsflash! The Peter Files Blog of Comedy Announces its 2008 Primary Political Endorsement

As regular readers may be aware these comedy, satire, joke, commentary and video pages have long engaged in politically based humor, much of it aimed squarely at the cucumbent President of the United States of America, George Herbert Walker Bush.

Because of that, the fact that this "noble" blog might actually follow in the footsteps of Ted and Caroline Kennedy in making an official primary election endorsement, may come to no surprise to them.

Surprising instead, may be our contention that we can predict with absolute certainty that our endorsement will be just as valid after the primary elections, as before, because of our special tracking of the humor pulse of Americans during these last three years. 

We can also predict with confidence that if large numbers of Americans fendorsement in the general election this fall, will have a positive impact on World opinion of the United States of America and of America in General.

If you saw the State of the Union Address made by President Bush last night you could not help but be struck with the depth of the problems facing out nation. While not facing disaster, or a World War, we nonetheless face crises that require teamwork and ideas from all sectors from our society. These serious problems also require national leadership from a President capable of intelligent leadership uniting both sides of the aisle.

Do you know enough about the candidates to say that any of them have those essential leadership qualities?   So many do not. This is why we at the Peter Files Blog of Comedy have decided to step out of our role as humorists, satirists and comedians and write a bit about these elections and take the rare step of making an endorsement.

In this, we are reminded of the fact that we are all Americans and in times like these the one thing we need to do is take a hard look at all the candidates, and for many of us this might mean making a hard choice, even though may go against the grain, even though it might make you or us uncomfortable, even though it may even go against generations of practice among our/your family and friends value and practices, in the end, if you are convinced you are doing the right thing, the conscientious thing, at least for the office of President, you may find peace and satisfaction ultimately in your decision that you have not known before.

In considering following the endorsement of The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, you may well ask yourself, why should I listen to the advice of a small but lonely voice on the internet? Especially one so often full of satire, humor and jokes and rarely engaged in well documented political discourse? 

Why? Because you can. You may disagree. But in this age of the Internet, where so many of us effectively have our own printing presses with the ability to print our own version of Poor Richard's Almanac, or any other political idea via our Constitutionally protected freedom of speech via the Bill of Rights we now have the ability to find like minds is unsurpassed in human history. Perhaps the ideas here, which stand or fall on their own merit as all ideas should, are ones that will resonate within you. We hope so. If not, please feel free to comment if you feel your ideas are better. Share your ideas instead. I try to check for comments every day.

The only comments we edit out here, are those with obscenity (avoid the 7+ words you can't say on television, this is a safe for family blog) or those that are robot generated spam. Feel free to include your blog's address at the end of your comment. Just have a relative comment please.

You have the freedom, and the right, to add to this discussion, intelligently, where you can, or add a relevant joke. Yes, this is still a comedy blog after all, but let us not forget, even Ben Franklin was known to crack a joke or two, but don't think we're claiming his level of genius.

The answer for why you should consider our endorsement is that, as small a voice as this blog may be, if you listen to your conscience, if you truly examine the reasoning here, then take a hard look at the candidates, and actually look at their credentials and what they really offer the country, your choice in this matter will become clear to you.

You may follow our endorsement solely because you think it is clearly the only right moral and honest, responsible, thing to do. It certainly passes the philosopher Immanuel Kant's categorical imperative test: essentially, an action is acceptable if you yourself can live with the consequences if everyone else does it too. There are certainly those who would agree that this would be true.

You may will recognize, as we do that it has already become clear that in this election year that there truly is one clear choice, one moral imperative that all responsible Americans must choose when their primary election comes up, even when they fear, as many do, that in following our endorsement, what we believe is the best and most patriotic choice for these perilous times, the choice needed to tell the world that America, regardless of whatever mistakes we have made, or have not made in the last years is at heart a stronger country than it was before with the ability to choose a leader that represents of our nation.

Our Endorsement:

With this in mind, the Peter Files Comedy Blog Officially Endorses for the 2008 Primary and General Presidential Elections:

That You VOTE!

Believe it or not, we don't want to proscribe who you should vote for. Naturally, some of us have strong preferences. But please, just vote. Encourage others to do the same. IF you are one of those who can vote but have given up on the process or have never voted before and are eligible to vote please do what it takes to vote this year.

We hope that you will also take the time to listen to the candidates in the primary elections, and make an informed decision at the polls, even if it means crossing party lines (regardless of which way you cross - if you feel you should do so this election).

Note: Regular readers of this blog might assume that this blog would endorse either ***Senator Obama*** or Senator Clinton automatically and that they would be safe from our reporting of the kind of jokes, jibes and jabs that have been floating around President Bush since this blog was first published. 

We would like to think that with incompetence, bad luck and slow news days, comes satire, bad jokes, and funny videos, and so, whomever becomes the next President of these United States in January, (or February, September. whatever of 2009), the clock will be ticking until the first really bad post-election jokes start to hit.

Of course, some Presidents of the United States of America have been easier to make fun of after awhile in office than others.

(Tricky Dicky Nicky, NIM+, I've fallen, oops, oops, Billy beer, killer rabbit, Bedtime for Bonzo, blue dress,  cigar, killer pretzels, pronunciation, "See George, See George Read, See Buildings Fall, See George Read After Buildings Fall, Why George?, Why George, Why?, This is Iraq. This is Afghanistan. These are WMD's. This is Osama. See George look for WMD's instead of Osama. Why George, Why?)

Come to think of it, except for Bush senior, they've all been pretty easy to make fun of. Even taciturn President Calvin Coolidge and he he didn't say anything.

My favorite famous and I think true Calvin Coolidge joke was:

Lady:          I have a bet with my friend that I can get you to say more than three words.

Coolidge:   You lose.

+ Hoping to boost consumer confidence in a post-oil OPEC huge inflationary price increase period President Gerald Ford started a publicity campaign around millions of small red and white WIN buttons standing for Whip Inflation Now. Unfortunately, almost immediately cynics began turning the buttons upside down chanting NIM! NIM! NIM! No Immediate Miracles.

So, The Peter Files Blog of Comedy is not endorsing a person this year. 

In fact, barring mental lapses or late discoveries of genocidal tendencies of Presidential Candidates in the General Election we intend to do our best to stay out of the actual endorsement process of an individual. That is not the same thing as even coverage. We are a comedy and commentary blog and write about whatever we want to. Period.

However, the discussion of this or that issue in re a specific candidate may come up from time to time if it seems illuminating, or funny, or both.

What we are doing is sincerely encouraging everyone to vote, regardless of political preference, except pseudo-Nazi's, racists, terrorists of every kind, and haters in general, sorry, hate is just antithetical to the underlying idea of a comedy blog, even we draw the line there.

You'd think I wouldn't have to say that, but last night Art Jones, one of the Republican Candidates for the 3rd Congressional District Race in Illinois against Democratic Dan Lipinski, no relation to Tara Lipinski, admitted last night on PBS TV's WTTW-Chicago's Chicago Tonight, that he had a past as a neo-nazi in the 70's and that he was a strong supporter of "White Power".  See his website for details. Yuch. Better yet, don't.

This shows the importance of knowing who you are voting for.  Imagine going into the polls as a Republican, seeing two names on the ballot, Arthur Jones and Michael Hawkins. Not knowing which of the two to vote for, which would you pick?

We also wish to strongly encourage you to help those who wish to vote, to vote early in areas where early or advance voting is possible, such as or like in Cook County Illinois. 

Peter voted today, boy was that cool. No line. The Illinois Elections are next Tuesday, Thursday is the last day for pre-voting in Illinois.

And if you are registered to vote, and don't because you are too darn lazy?  Then you gentle reader, should ask yourself: "What's wrong with me anyway?" 

Note: Those with serious medical conditions,  like depression, anxiety disorders, and other serious medical problems should never consider themselves lazy. But you may be able to get more help from local election officials than you realize in getting assistance in voting via an absentee ballot. Really. But see if you can't get yourself to the polls or get an absentee ballot, you'll be glad you did, even if you "cancel out" the vote of that irritating jerk across the hall.

Thank you for considering our recommendation for this election year. On behalf of the Peter Files Blog of Comedy... I remain,

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com

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The Plan To Save CTA - Not Bad - Pass it or Throw the Bums Out!

Today's Chicago Tribune had a front page story (How drastic cuts redraw transit map - Worst-case scenarios create bus-service dead zones^ with graphics showing what would happen Monday morning to Chicago's CTA if the Illinois State Legislature did not vote through the revised legislation to fund CTA. This includes the Seniors Ride For Option that I joked about earlier this week, and a Mortgage Transfer Tax Plan that I did not joke about.

As long as it applies to all mortgages and not just homeowners, its a great idea. I've not seen the legislation so I am not sure which it is. See my reasons why below in the message I posted on Gary Washburn's blog Clout Street. Washburn is the Chicago Tribune's Transportation Editor as well as all or any of the other beats he carries. I hope Washburn goes ahead and approves it for his regular readers.

Eric Zorn did approve yesterday's comments that I made for his blog about the Free Senior riding plan and that brought several new people here to read more about it. To read more on my comments about CTA over the years, just put CTA in the blue search box above and make sure "Peter Files Blog" is the selected option.

If the state legislators and Governor can't figure out a way to fund CTA, a STATE agency, & transit in Illinois, perhaps we should start to vote them out. Every darn one of them, up and down the state. Democrat and Republican, until we can get a legislature that can work together.

There's no darn reason that up-state and down-state Illinois should have to put up with this petty politics year after year that continually brings things to a standstill.

Look buckos: this state needs transit, it needs roads that are in good repair, it needs well funded schools. All over the state. Not just in the six county region, not just in Cairo. Needs may differ in different areas, but our need to pull together for the mutual good is ongoing.

Watching the ongoing infighting & picking away at State vital resources is sickening.

Picking away at CTA year after year is akin to peeling away the county road structure one road at a time. Chicagoan's shouldn't have to put up with it anymore than farmers should have to put up with losing local roads and bridges to serial decay.

We have to find a way to fund them all. Because the consequences are real and affect the whole state.

What the Tribune story this morning about bus rider diversions after service cuts missed was that there is a limit to how far people will walk to take the bus, how long people will wait to take the bus, and how much crowding people will tolerate on a bus before they take an alternative to transit.

And don't kid yourself, these folks are not going to be car-pooling, and many of these new drivers are going to be without insurance in sub-standard cars, with no clear plan to park where you drivers are parking right now.

Think it won't affect you? Just one bus that might be cut can carry about 75 cars worth of people into the loop. But worse yet, the story talked about thousands of people diverted to rail. EACH rail car can carry about 800 cars worth into the loop. Wonder if your favorite parking garage is going to be full when you get there Monday morning.

I have no problems as a homeowner with the transfer tax. At least it is a stable source of income for CTA.

It better be applied to commercial properties though, right? They flip over a lot more than our homes do. Also, homeowner transfer taxes impact transient homeowners disproportionately, those who come in and out of town for only a few years because their job moves them around. If you are a long time resident, it should not hurt you much. It will also help build stability in our neighborhoods and works really well in other states.

Another benefit, unlike a straight sales tax, when the economy tanks and food and TV sales fall, and banks buy up a lot of commercial and local property as investment, sales tax revenue may fall, but the mortgage transfer tax is a lot more recession proof. In fact, if we get hit with a big oil based inflation, transit is protected.

So, if the economy tanks and you lose your job, at least you won't have to deal with rising CTA fares. Besides, you're going to roll the cost of that tax into your mortgage and wind up deducting it, right?

The way transit's been funded here is something we've had to cringe far too many times. Lets get the CTA operational funding taken care of for a good long time so that the CTA can do real long range planning instead of uncertain piecemeal stuff rocked and hostage to ongoing doomsday scenarios.

Look at all these service cuts. I wonder how many person years went into planning all those X bus routes. They built ridership too. CTA ridership for bus has been stable for the first time in its history. But if we let those jerks in Springfield cut CTA service, the fall in CTA use will not be CTA's fault, and we should throw those bums in Springfield out.

Each and every non-cooperating one of them.

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire, Jokes, Commentary (this) and Videos
Http://thepeterfiles.blogspot.com

I know that this is not my usual funny, funny, ha, ha, stuff. But sometimes, even poor tired achy disabled persons such as myself have to fight through the pain to say what they believe to be right. I am not old enough to benefit from the Free Senior riding plan. Free door-to-door paratransit riding at $16 to $18 a ride is just unfundable. So, we do what we can as a society.

But CTA is really needed.

Oh, if you can see the graphics, I'll try to add them to this post after a bed break, note that CTA's ridership fell for decades and then stabilized after some really hard internal work on serving its customers better which included much better research methods, better training, real capital investment, and a big change in CTA's corporate culture from the top down and inside out. Killing the agency after those kind of improvements sends a message to government agencies all over the state who watched it that there is no point to working hard for the citizens of the State, that it is a dummies game and that you are a fool to put in the effort. Is that the message the legislature really wants to send?

Then, I realized that Washburn's column was not the place to post this, and put a cleaned up, re-written version in the comments section of the actual story forum, where it may get lost. Here it is. We'll see if either show up.

If the State Legislators and Governor can't figure out a way to fund CTA, which is a STATE agency, maybe we start to vote them out. Every darn one of them, up and down the state, Democrat and Republican, until we can get a legislature that will work together. There's no reason that Illinois citizens should have to put up with these destabilizing petty politics year after year that continually bring things to a standstill.
State government is supposed to serve the state’s vital needs, such as roads, schools, and transit. The way our State’s legislators pick away at CTA year after year is akin to peeling away the county road structure one road at a time, or forcing IDOT to consider closing lanes of its expressways. CTA’s customer base shouldn't have to put up with the threat of losing their jobs by seeing maps like those in today’s papers, farmers should have to put up with the threat of losing the roads that help them bring their goods to market.
We have to find a way to fund all vital services because the consequences are all to real and ultimately and affect the whole State of Illinois.
The Tribune story failed to mention that CTA service cuts usually lead to ridership losses rather than rider diversions. Yes, some riders will switch because they have no other choice, but this paper has reported that a huge share of CTA riders choose to ride CTA. I expect that if the legislature fails to act on time, we will see those who can drive on local expressways, city streets, and competing for current drivers spaces in local parking lots, because there is a limit to how far people will walk, how long people will wait, and how much crowding people will tolerate before they take an alternative to transit.
Don't kid yourself, these folks are not going to be car-pooling come Monday morning, and many without insurance in sub-standard cars, and little recent experience. Let’s hope for good weather Monday.
Think it won't really affect you? 320,000 riders will need a lot of cars to get around. Frankly, I can’t even get my head around the impact. Can you? Wonder if your favorite parking garage is going to be full when you get there Monday morning. If Blagojavech and Madigan blow this one it will make Bilandic’s snowstorm look like a day at the beach; and they won’t be able to blame the Mayor for this one. CTA is a state agency, not a department of the City of Chicago.
All legislators have to do to make me happy is find a stable fix to the operations funding problem. As a homeowner, I have no problems with the mortgage transfer tax as long as it applies to commercial properties too. At least it is a stable source of income for CTA. The sales tax as a revenue source was always a bad idea, it’s revenue dried up whenever the economy tanked and CTA was always forced to raise fares whenever people were losing their jobs and homes. Unfair! This way, if the economy tanks and you lose your job, at least you won't have to deal with rising CTA fares. Besides, you're going to roll the cost of that tax into your mortgage and wind up deducting it, right?
The way transit's been funded here is something we've had to endure far too many times. Lets get the CTA operational funding taken care of for a good long time so that the CTA can do real long range planning instead of uncertain piecemeal stuff rocked and hostage to ongoing doomsday scenarios. Let’s get this off our backs. There is an incredible amount of waste built into the process as it is now.
Look at all these service cuts. I wonder how many person years went into planning all those X bus routes. They built ridership too. CTA ridership for bus has been stable for the first time in its history. But if those jerks in Springfield cut CTA service through inaction, we should throw those bums in Springfield out.
Each and every non-cooperating one of them.
Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire, Jokes, Commentary (this) and Videos
Http://thepeterfiles.blogspot.com

What do you think? Would they let this happen where you are? If you answer, please say where you are in the comment, and if you can, list the price of gas and or the price to park in your nearest urban area.

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com

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Reworking the Peter Files Blog of Comedy YouTube.com Focused Automatic Video Feed

After feedback from my most frequent readers (family members, bar patrons and hobos with T1 connections) I have made several changes to the way the automatic stream of YouTube.com videos stream to The Peter Files Blog of Comedy.

Before changing the content stream formula, I started by editing my blog template to move the video window to after title and the text in each post to make it easier for subscribers and regular readers to skip the videos and get right into the original content of the blog.

I then went to YouTube.com and changed the key words that triggered the videos streamed here from a list of random comedy key words to a list of comedy celebrities that I knew had content on YouTube.

Oddly this has resulted in an almost unanimous stream of Obama Girl - Amber Lee Ettinger videos, despite her presence near the end of the list. (see below) Perhaps it is the huge interest in the election, or her own huge popularity, but I find it odd that call for Obama girl videos is eclipsing the likes of Robin Williams, Billy Crystal and the others on the list. While I certainly don't mind all the cute videos, all the political videos was not what I had in mind for this spot, and I wanted to mention that and thought I would let you know that I am trying to fix this.

Here's my original source list:

"Robin Williams" "Danny Divito" "Bob Newhart" "Billy Crystal" "Dick Van Dyke" "Mark Twain" "David Letterman" "Jay Leno" "Rob Reiner" "Diet Coke and Mentos" "Hayden" "Christina Applegate" "Cheerleaders" "Obama Girl" "Buffy and Dawn" "most viewed comedy ever"

I'm obvioulsy going to have to edit this list some how! Check the videos later to see how/if I suceeded.

Everybody laughs at kumquats! Why is that?

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com

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