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Monday, January 28, 2008

Department of Cheap Laughs: Blonde Jokes


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Can't help it, its time for some more blonde jokes sent in by a blonde reader who wishes to remain nameless. She went to court and tried to remove her name and was angry when she found out that she would have to replace it with a new one.

Remember, many of these could apply to blonde males, and of course, feel free to use your word processor to search replace these jokes with the hair color of your choice. They are just as funny. In fact, they probably mostly stand without any reference to hair color at all, but then, we have to keep the dark and red hair color industry in business, now don't we.

Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate' on the label.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like heck... she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: What job function do blondes have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's. Clearly more blondes are needed in Washington!

Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.

Q: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.

Q: How do you know that their boss is a blonde?
A: There are red pencil corrections over the screen and white-out.

O.K. this one is really mean.

Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.

This isn't much better.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.

Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

And finally,

Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.

I was blonde when I was little, but then I grew out of it.

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary

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