The DaVinci Code is Coming
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The DaVinci Code is coming, the film version that is, this May. It has been almost inevitable since Dan Brown's book hit the charts that it would soon make it to the silver screen so lush were the settings, so vivid the images and locations.
And the waiting is nearly over. Soon it will be hear. You can almost hear the media panting with antici-pation.
Get ready for the flurry, the onslaught of media attention. Of course, "get ready" is a misnomer, the hype has already begun.
The hype, the bustle, the contests, the tie-ins, the McDonald's Last Supper action figure toddler toys complete with a Jesus halo that you can turn on by flicking a little black switch on the bottom of his statue. I would go further here but that would be a spoiler for sure.
Google.com is running a DaVinci code contest. Play the game every day and it gets you closer and closer to the last game which gets you into the last stage of the competition.
The game, also whets your appetite for all things Da Vinci code.
And Google.
There are puzzles and pictures and trivia, oh my!
Do you know your 15th century symbology? Might be useful.
Centrix, centrix? We don't need no stinking.....
What kind of man.... African or European? Dead I think, and lying on the floor of the Louvre.
Louvre, Louvre? How do you spell that?
Is that like skip to my Loo-ve, or Loove, or would Bush call it the Loover Muss-see-um?
Or Loo-v-wah? Those darned Yanks have never yet larned to speak French worth a...
Oh, right, Bush is a Texan, he's only a Yank outside the U.S. isn't he. Inside he's a Texan.
Will the movie match the hype? So far its looking pretty good.
First of all, despite the foo foo about that one picture, Tom Hanks looks fine with the new look. It just helps him draw perhaps his most distinct character yet. The least "Hanky" yet. Of course this is based on a 45-second clip.
Then of course there is Sophie Marceau. Let's face it, she is not going to hurt ticket sales one little bit, that's on talent and tension alone, before you even consider her looks.
So, will the movie's deepest secrets survive the onslaught of publicity. Gee, I hope so.
SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!
The butler did it.End Spoiler
All right, there is no butler in this movie. That was just to keep you on your toes.
If you haven't read the book, DON'T learn too much about the movie in advance. Don't do it. Just don't.
The book is great and if you want to read that cover to cover before the movie comes out, it is such an exciting thriller with so much detail that I can't help recommending it.
But don't get spoilers from TV or the internet that will ruin it for if you can avoid it.
Unless you read the book.
I have an alternative however, why not read Dan Brown's
Angels & Demons instead? It is a great read, has lots of plot element niceties in common and has a HUGE surprise at the end at about the same level as the DaVinci code's.
In the mean time, I wonder what DaVinci code cereal will look like. I can't imagine that they would be tacky enough to sell boxed frosted suger "Hosts". Nor "Last Supper Soda", but I try not to underestimate how low marketing tie-ins can go.
I imagine one good thing is that sales of DaVinci Code editions of "Masterpiece" will go out, and I hope that interest in great art for all the teens that see the movie will be held up. After all, some of the paintings in the Louvre and statuary, etc, are a visual feast. One of the things I am looking forward to.
As to the plot's plausibility?
Well we just don't know do we?
Click the links to order books by Dan Brown or other books, music etc from Amazon.
See you at the movies.
Peter
No compensation has been received by the makers of The DaVinci Code Motion Picture or Book, or anyone else for that matter, for the creation of this post.
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Mom's Domain Change
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If you have been checking out the Peter Files regularly you will have noticed that I have not been updating my blog much in the last few weeks, with the exception of a few brief updates for my regular readers.
I have not been able to really write about it, and since this is mostly a comedy blog, I have not want to put a pall on things, literally, by writing about this subject when it would be mostly a sad story. Now I can describe it in a way that perhaps will be accurate and entertaining at the same time.
To put it delicately, in case your kids are reading this, my Mom recently had a domain name change to Heaven.com with her soul server logs upgraded free via a fast and painless upload due to cancer, an insidious trojan horse, that had spread to many parts of her operating system causing an eventual hardware failure before real attempts at system recovery could be made.
This free soul transfer seemed to this observer to be one which released her from considerable stress and discomfort. The new operating system and servers at Heaven.com do not rely on a firewall. Instead they have better protection in the Pearly Gate entry system and the Gabriel Guardians paradigm. This allows constant and uninterrupted data protection and data merge with older data soul files and an enormous easing of earthbound file restraints.
Rumor has it that optional data-wing and halo-head enhancements may also be available in some cases. One way portal views back to Earth domains may also be available given that some channels have been put in place for other purposes by Holy Spirit.Net and St.Peter.Soul.Life.Review.Book and Guardian.Angel.Intervention.Center.
Since return corporate visits have been very limited precise system details such as sub-systems, language support, server capacity, etc are very limited.
Suspicions of Perl y gate systems and narrow path router streams are rumored. Use of Apple systems has been questioned, but those issues may have been resolved some time ago.
Nonetheless, Mom's upload was quite efficient and quite a surprise. Though the soul upload was flawless and accomplished with amazing speed, it caught us off gaurd as the time between the trojan horse identification and upload was a matter of days.
However, the support of family and friends was amazing, and she will be remembered for her many impacts on the family and spiritual life in the community she lived in.
She was a great mom who taught us how to laugh at even the worst of things.
She would have gotten megabytes of humor out of this post, had she not been technophobic.
Peter
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Easter Bunny Terrorism Update - Reports of Detention Not Substantiated at this Time
Last year it was reported that the Easter Bunny might have been captured and held at the U.S. base at Guantanimo on suspicion of 52 million counts of periodontal terrorism. However, this reporter, too tired from sampling Easter goodies was unable to follow up on the story, in part because of the silence from the Bush administration.
As readers may know, bushes have long been able to hide bunnies for extended periods of time and so details of last year's events have been impossible to gather.
However, The Peter Files Blog and other news media souces are clearly on the watch as underground reports have it that EB feels that charges of "periodontal terrorism" are spurious, silly, and probably funded by a lobbiest. If not a lobbiest, then a hallway. Therefore, in light of the increase in the world's population, the Easter Bunny plans to visit even more homes this year, to say hare and farewell to all he meets.
Last year's story is below, and that's the end of this tail!
Hoppy Easter,
Peter RabbitNEWSFLASH!
A shocking news development has rocked the world of children's icons of charity with an exclusive report issued by the World Famous H. Gazette (established 1910).
In its Monday issue the Gazette alleges that the Easter Bunny has been detained by the United States Government on suspicion of 52 million counts of periodontal terrorism.
{Click the link in above for the full story and many other fun features and stories from the Gazette.} See a shortened version of the story below.
March 28, 2005
Easter Bunny Detained
By John Breneman, H. Gazette
U.S. counter-terrorism officials would neither confirm nor deny that the Easter Bunny is being held for questioning about a clandestine overnight operation that exposed the nation's children to countless tons of teeth-rotting weapons of mass confection on Sunday.
But sources close to the floppy-eared holiday icon claim he is being interrogated in a cramped mesh-bottom cage in Guantanamo Bay. The charges: periodontal terrorism and 52 million counts of contributing to the obesity of a minor.
The alleged incarceration of the Easter Bunny (aka Peter Cotton-Tail) has already become politicized. Critics charge that the Bush administration was slow to guard against the threat that gut-busting quantities of chocolate might be deployed, on a sacred religious holiday no less, despite a March 6 Presidential Daily Briefing (PDB) entitled "Easter Bunny determined to strike in U.S."
"We should have been on pastel alert," said White House heckler Adolf W. Bush. "The president should have been more vigilant about the national obesity epidemic that makes our soft underbelly particularly vulnerable to, say, a giant milk chocolate rabbit, fistfuls of jelly beans or a gaggle of glistening marshmallow peeps."
The staggering importance of this story to children everywhere, and to their parents who eat their candy to keep future orthodontic bills down, convinced the crackerjack staff of THE PETER FILES to hop right into a high intensity crackpot investigation of this story, leaving no peep unturned in our efforts to uncover the truth.After eating all the Easter candy in the house, it became clear that calling around was in order. Because the stomach ache and the after effects of the chocolate, well, staying at home was a good idea. So first I surfed the net.The Tooth Fairy, reacting to the report, released a statement saying that "This outrageous behavior strikes a chill into the core of charity operations towards all American Children. If this can happen to the Easter Bunny, it can happen to Santa and it can certainly happen to me who operates year round. I particularly feel for Santa, who cannot afford to get tied up in the U.S. with deliveries to make elsewhere in the world, if this is not straightened out soon he may have to skip the U.S. altogether and that would be tragic. There are so many good little girls and boys there. The Bush administration should hop to it and release the Easter Bunny before the fur really flies around here. Otherwise the liability issues alone are really hare raising.White House pundits, while not willing to go on the record against the likes of Santa, are quietly muttering that the Tooth Fairy may have an interest in the Easter Bunny's alleged plot of periodontal terrorism. After all, they claim, he has something to gain in the loss of so many children's teeth.Said one high official. "We don't really know anything about this tooth fairy do we, what his motives are, why he collects these teeth? At 25 cents to a dollar a tooth he has cheaply acquired a incredibly vast array of teeth. Moreover, inside these teeth are samples of human DNA; in fact he may be harboring the largest catalog of human DNA in the World, and know the name and parentage of each and every person associated with it. The consequences are both staggering and frightening."A leading democrat replied, what a concept! If the tooth fairy could be persuaded to turn this over to medical science what a boon this would be to scientific research."Wow", I never thought of all that stuff", the tooth fairy replied. "I'll have to think about the implications and get back to you on that. Wow. Cool. But I have to be careful with things I haven't thought through. I don't want a repeat of those Salem Witch Trials. One little mistake and whoa boy."A Spokesperson for PETA was very concerned about the conditions the Easter Bunny was being kept in. We are always concerned about the ethical treatment of animals, but here we have an animal that is truly as complex and compassionate as a human being. And more charitable than most. Wire cages my ass! We are going to get movie stars to strip buck naked in front of the White House with anatomically correct blow up dolls of certain political figures until this national embarrassment ends. We also want to make sure he gets enough carrots and lettuce right away, so that he can address the needs of our members he missed when he was arrested before completing his deliveries. Besides, he needs to get back to the needs of his family." (Ed. note. Because of his amazing longevity, estimated of the Easter Bunny's extended family size is in the thousands and is multi-generational.Speculation as to why the Easter Bunny was caught at all was addressed by Leprechaun Flopsy O'Doodle who has been known to spend more than time around rabbits than is normally considered healthy. "Well, Paeter had himself a mighty cold dis year, yes he did, yas he did. Oi said to him, are ye sure youse be wantin to be goin out feelin like you do? But he has the honor of it in him yis he does, so he went out knowin that there was trouble afoot. But, I woulna expect him to stay behind those walls too long ya know. Do ya tink dat a one of those soldiers would shoot down a sleigh with eight tiny reindeer even if they could see it?""You think the Air Force invented the stealth mode did you? How the heck do you think Santa gets around in wartime anyway? Santa's pretty darn good with locks, and the both of them are pretty darn fast. We'll see how long that rascally wabbit stays put, yas we will. Hmmn. Time for tae. Maybe I better put on an extra coupla settings, I think I hear sleighbells in the distance."That's it for this edition of The Peter Cottontail FilesPeter Cottontail
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If you a procrastinator, you might be in a panic right now, tomorrow is April 15th, normally the deadline for Income Tax filing in the U.S. Are you confused, annoyed and irritated by the mysteries and complexities of IRS form 1040, 1040A, even 1040 EZ?
Did you discover that you thought you qualify for one form but at the last minute needed another. Are you feverishly working hard to get it done on time not knowing that because of Easter weekend the filing deadline has been
extended to April 17th?
That's right, if you are searching madly for forms, I have one good piece of news for you, because April 15th falls on a Saturday this year, you have a few more days, until Monday, the 17th in fact, to get your act together and file.
(Unless you are a resident of Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New York, Vermont and the District of Columbia where they celebrate the Patriot's Day Holiday. Then you get till Tuesday. Unless you are a resident of one of the listed Hurricane Katrina Parishes or Counties, then you have until August 28th. And rightly so.)Before I say anything else I would like to point out that no one at the Peter Files Blog is a tax advisor. We are merely pointing you to a source of information. How you use it is up to you. I am not an attorney though I have played one on the stage. A solicitor, and a Barrister/Q.C. too, now that I think of it. So anyone who thinks they are getting any kind of tax advice from a comedy, commentary and satire blog, go somewhere else!!!!
However, as a service to you who might be thinking some most unholy thoughts right now, I thought it might be a good idea to provide you with the links to a number of IRS Forms and Publications links that might be helpful.
At least if you have these you won't have to try to dash out in the rain to the library if you find out you are missing form 2241 or suppository C at the last minute.
Let's start with the
Main Tax Website IRS.GOV from which you can travel through all kinds of informative pages, if you have the time. Which you probably don't.
If you are going through your tax forms and discover that you are missing a specific form or set of instructions or the corresponding publication
and know the form number,
this link to the Forms and Instructions Search Page is probably the most handy, it lists the different forms in numerical order. Watch out though, you want the forms
for the year 2005 in most cases.
The search form allows you to use the control key to select multiple files and open them all at once in either pdf format (best for printing) or xml/sgml mode which is easier to read.
Obvious Tip: If you want your files in PDF format, which have file names such as
f8863.pdf (form you fill out),
i945.pdf (instructions), or
p502.pdf (publication), once you have opened one, if you know the actual file name of the next one you need, you can just change it in the address bar to open the next. I tend to create a desktop folder to store them in and print, then save them in that folder as quickly as possible. Later I move that folder to a more logical place.
Of course, if you are a
real expert (then I don't know why you are still reading this other than for laughs or to make welcome corrections), you can just go to the
FTP files and click, click, click for PDF files or click, click,
click for SGML .exe files (Warning: probably no good on Mac - I did not waste my time trying). They store a whole bunch of
other related forms here.
If you know what you want by name, but not the form number, then the
IRS Topical Index might be up your alley. For example, the page the link above takes you to the D page, for Death, Deductions, etc. The nice thing about this way of doing things is that it is VERY comprehensive and helps you from missing things you might need or want, like a guide to medical and dental deductions. I thought when I saw this that it was very useful. Nice one, IRS.
If you don't have time to get it absolutely right? You can always file for an
automatic extension of filing. You still have to pay an estimated tax due if you estimate that you owe it and its always better to be on the safe side here. Especially good if you are pretty darn sure you have money coming back instead of the other way around.
Finally, really confused, trusting, or short on the readies? You can always have the IRS figure out you Income Tax for you. WHAT you say. Yep, and they usually do a pretty good job. Not a good idea if you have a complex tax situation, etc. It's sort of like an automatic audit. But it puts off that check or refund but when the bill comes, its due pronto. However, if they make a mistake, you might still be liable. Might, maybe, its all relative and once again, I am not an expert. I may never have been pert in the first place.
And all you outside the USA who have other systems. Take this as an invite to look at what we Yanks have to wade through. Is it better? Worse? I know you have V.A.T. in some places, is there more? Of course, in some states we have to worry about state taxes too.
Sigh, well got to get back to my adding machine.
Q: How many tax accountants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Depends on whether its deductible, is it fully depreciated as a business expense?
Q: How many IRS employees does it take to screw in a light bulb.
A: We don't do lightbulbs. We handle taxes and taxpayers only.
Agent Friday, you're with the IRS now? What do you need?
Just the tax, Ma'm, just the tax.
The Oracle at Delphi was off by a month!
Beware the Ides of April!
Julius Peter
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We kid you not. If you would like to see Easter services from the Vatican, for Religious or curiosity's sake and don't have a way to do so via television, here is how to do it.
Click on the link below, select your player, Real Player or Windows Media Playerm and your bitrate, Low for dial-up, medium or high, and you should be set to go.
Vatican Television Center - IndexThis is the broadcast center Vatican TV which has its
weekly live schedule here.
Granted, this is not for everyone in the world, obviously, but for those that are, this is a rare opportunity to look at the height of Roman Catholic traditions.
Please remember that times listed on the schedule will be Rome times, so make adjustments accordingly.
Vatican Radio also has a website, this feed might be a lot clearer for those with low speed modems. The site is hosted by the WN Network and features links to many other news feeds.
Happy Easter!
(And other holy observances of the season.)
The Peter Files Blog recognizes and respects those of all faiths and traditions
Peter
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Signs You Are On the Wrong Road
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Here are 10 reasons to stop driving all together and start using Mass Transit. Are road and street signs starting to get a bit confusing?
Now where can I find that
transit information?
Peter, Master & Commander of Riding Buses and Trains
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Tonight as I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this strong urge to grab you and squeeze you, because I can't forget last night.
You came to me unexpectedly during the balmy and calm night, and what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me. You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any reservations, you laid on my naked body...you sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry mouth to me without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me near crazy while you drained me.
Finally I went to sleep. Today when I woke up, you were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only the twisted sheets bore witness to last night's events. My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishing's, making it harder to forget you.
Tonight I will remain awake waiting for you.......
You darn mosquito you!!!!
Thanks to Mick for this one. This is one of those clean stories for folks with dirty minds. I met Mick recently through the internet and when I first got this in my mail with no explanation and no quotation marks or italics I went "Oh boy, what the heck is this guy thinking?" Head spinner.
Then I got to the end. LOL
Hope you found it a fun ride too.
Thanks Mick,
Peter
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Suppose you'd like to have a bit of fun. Not harm anyone. But somehow improvise a situation with one friend, a few friends, or many friends, in this case about 120 friends that makes people laugh, puzzled, shake their heads, wonder what in the world is going on, and occasionally even be moved.
Well the young pups did just that on the cold winter night of February 18, 2006, not so long ago, when 60 intrepid pranksters checked their bags in the Strand Bookstore bag check, each containing a cell phone, and 60 others armed with their cell phone numbers stood outside in the cold, divided by cell phone company section, all cell phones inside set to a common ring tone for each company, so that the cell phones could be rung all at once or in sections, a veritable cell phone symphony. Cool Huh? Thought you would think so.
This particular story is so good that I'm not going to tell you much more of it myself. The Improve Everywhere do such a good job of it that I would be foolish to try to top them. But this is something I have just got to share with you.
I'll let you see the movie clip here, but I really advise you to go to the
Improv Everywhere Cell Phone Mission Phone Page and read the text and see the stills that say so much about what happened there.
Improv Everywhere: Mission Cell Phone Symphony
Provided by VimeoAll in all a fun idea.
Peter
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Labels: Best Of
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I found a Product Review out there for an iPod attachment that is perfect for the iPodder who spends a lot of time on the road.
The Pod Shave in white and the Pod Shave Lady in pink are low power attachments to the iPod from PodGear that don't use to much power and are great for those who need a light trim according to
Christopher Breen the Top Mac Reviewer at Playlist Magazine.
Breen says that the only real limitation is that the device is not for the really hairy.
Sorry Hagrid (Robbie Coltraine) this one is not for you. Besides, yer ole friend Harry Potter wouldn't recognize you with a shave, now would he. Not unless you brought along one of your pet dragons, and iPods and fire-breathing dragons don't mix, now do they, Hagrid. Hagriiid?
But for a light shave, these will do nicely. And you can shave to your favorite tunes. Just don't get caught up in the beat, or uh-oh, you may have to make a few changes in your hair style, wherever you be shaving.
For more info, someone should send me one and I will review it further.
However,if you are already sold on the PodShave and PodShave Lady, here's the fastest way to find it, just use the Amazon box above to search for it or any other tech product, book, toy, DVD, CD, Diamond, I think they sell just about anything nowadays, even cars I bet.
If Amazon.com doesn't have it, use the blue Google search box above to search the whole internet. you might want to add -playlist.com to avoid getting the review again.
This is a product likely to be so popular it will be hard to get, very soon!
So act Today!PeterLabels: Best Of
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Home of the Best Doctor Who Podcast in Time and Space
