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Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The Super Bowl Shuffle - Bears Super Bowl Champs 1985 Replay

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I've started to get more and more readers coming into my Chicago Bears and Super Bowl Pages, so I thought I would do a new page for all of you. The season isn't over till its over, right?

To get some good Bears vibes going, I thought I would bring you back to THE season, at least for me, the one which still get my heart moving whenever I think of it.


The year was 1985. The City was Chicago. Super Bowl madness was on us all.

This was the year we all thought, that the bears would be unstoppable and take it all.

This would be the year that the bears would win the Super Bowl.

And for once we were right. We just didn't know it yet.

It was the year of "Winning Ugly".

The year where the Bears would seem to hibernate until the third or fourth quarter then come back to win the game.

A year when even a defense player nicknamed Refrigerator could score a touchdown.

It was the year of the Super Bowl Shuffle and Ditka was da Coach.


The Super Bowl Shuffle - Click Here For Today's Humor


The Super Bowl Shuffle
(Words provided so that you can sing along with the Bears now - hear?
So sing by golly! Sing! Oh, press play, then sing, O.K. Mr. Wisenheimer?)


Chorus
We are the Bears' Shufflin' Crew
Shufflin' on down, doin' it for you
We're so bad, we know we're good
Blowin' your mind, like we knew we would
You know we're just struttin' for fun
Struttin' our stuff for everyone
We're not here to start no trouble
We're just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle

Walter Payton
Well, they call me Sweetness, and I like to dance
Runnin' the ball, is like makin' romance
We've had the goal since training camp
To give Chicago a Super Bowl Champ
And we're not doin' this because we're greedy
The Bears are doin' it to feed the needy
We didn't come here looking for trouble
We just came here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle

Willie Gault
This is Speedy Willie, and I'm world class
I like runnin', but I love to get the pass
I practice all day, and dance all night
I got to get ready for the Sunday fight
Now, I'm as smooth as a chocolate swirl
I dance a little funky, so watch me girl
There's no one here that does it like me
My Super Bowl Shuffle will set you free

Mike Singletary
I'm Samurai Mike; I stop' em cold
Part of the defense, big and bold
I've been jammin' for quite a while
Doin' what's right, and settin' the style
Give me a chance, I'll rock you good
Nobody messin' in my neighborhood
I didn't come here lookin' for trouble
I just came to do the Super Bowl Shuffle

Repeat Chorus

Jim McMahon
I'm The Punky QB, known as McMahon
When I hit the turf, I've got no plan
I just throw my body all over the field
I can't dance, but I can throw the feel
I motivate the cats, I like to tease
I play so cool, I aim to please
That's why you all got here on the double
To catch me doin' the Super Bowl Shuffle

Otis Wilson
I'm Mama's Boy Otis, one of a kind
The ladies all love me for my body and my mind
I'm as slick on the floor as I can be
But ain't no sucker gonna get past me
Some guys are jealous of my style and class
That's why some end up on their (whistle)
I didn't come here lookin' for trouble
I just came down to do the Super Bowl Shuffle

Steve Fuller
They say Jimbo is our man
If Jimmy can't do it, I sure can
This is Steve, and it's no wonder
I run like lightnin', pass like thunder
So bring on Atlanta, bring on Dallas
This is for Mike, and Papa Bear Halas
I'm not here to feather his ruffle
I just came here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle

Mike Richardson
I'm L.A. Mike, and I play it cool
They don't sneak by me, 'cause I'm no fool
I fly on the field and get on down
Everybody knows I don't mess around
I can break 'em, shake 'em, any time of day
I like to steal it, and make 'em pay
Please don't try to beat my hustle
'Cause I'm just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle

Repeat Chorus

Richard Dent
The Sackman's comin', I'm your man Dent
If the Quarterback's slow, he's gonna get bent
We stop the run, we stop the pass
I like to dump guys on their (whistle)
We love to play for the world's best fans
You better start makin' your Super Bowl plans
But don't get ready, or go to any trouble
Unless you practice the Super Bowl Shuffle

Gary Fencik
It's Gary here, and I'm Mr. Clean
They call me "Hit Man"; don't know what they mean
They throw it long, and watch me run
I'm on my man, one-on-one
Buddy's guys cover it down to the bone
That's why they call us "The 46 Zone"
Come on, everybody, let's scream and yell
We're goin' to do the Shuffle, then ring your bell

William Perry
You're lookin' at the Fridge; I'm the rookie
I may be large, but I'm no dumb cookie
You've seen me hit, you've seen me run
When I kick and pass, we'll have more fun
I can dance, you will see
The others, they all learn from me
I didn't come here lookin' for trouble
I just came here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle

Repeat Chorus


So there you have it. Hope you rapped along. As the '85 Bears proved neither musical nor rhythmic talent was needed to perform this gem.

Thanks for visiting the Peter Files Blog of Comedy! Bookmark us and come back soon! Feel free to forward posts to your friends and to taunt them with your savvy nature for finding this blog first!

Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


We strive to keep our humor and comments safe for home and work. Some of the links that appear on the sidebar may not meet our standards. If this appears on a regular basis, please let us know at "thepeterfilesblog at gmail dot com". Thank You!

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Monday, October 29, 2007

The Harry Potter Intervention

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The Harry Potter Intervention is a bit like an old Twilight Zone Episode, a teenager walks into his home, into an intervention hosted by his family, his girlfriend, and a professional intervention specialist all working to convince him that he is not Harry Potter.

Of course, that would be ridiculous, wouldn't it.?.!


Enjoy!

Peter

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Video:FCU with Bill Murray

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Here's a Comed-u-mentery on the inside world of the FCU, the Fact Checker Unit of "Dictum" Magazine as it tries to get the inside scoop on Bill Murray's bednight routine.

Does their story have the fact right or not? The only way to be sure is to go -- undercover.

Unlike many YouTube videos, this video short actually features Bill and not some lame stand in.

Very funny. Thanks Bill for making this gem available to us bloggers.

Your fan,

Peter

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A Public Service Announcement

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After all the jokes this blog has done, I think it is long past time for it to have run a Public Service Announcement, or PSA.

However, very few PSA's are produced for blogs and in blog format. Fortunately, this morning, I found this exceptional PSA on Urban Safety from JoeyandDavid.com that I think you will agree, will fulfill the Peter Files Blog's PSA requirements for some time to come.

Thanks for visiting!

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Friday, October 19, 2007

Man With Back Injury Slips on Soapy Foot and Injures Toe

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Chicago - Peter Files Press International: Man With Back Injury Slips on Soapy Foot and Injures Toe, Eenie, Meenie and Miney Unavailable For Comment

Um, that would be me!

If only I had had a camera running. My left leg fell completely under my upper leg.

My foot was so slippery there was no resistance.

My left big toe tried to stop it all and got twisted back.

My right arm tried to forestall my descent through the bathroom doorway to the vinyl floor of the kitchen at 32 feet/second squared and failed pulling the toe in the opposite direction that nature intended and causing a gash in my right arm.

Yippie, yappie, yahoooie.

I need to visit Dr. Jack. When he gives me a shot I usually drop it in a beer, follow it with a beer or have the shot in an Ice cold Coca-Cola. But I haven't seen Dr. Jack in a long time, sigh.

Well, we'll see if I have to go to the emergency room tomorrow.

In the mean time, I suppose if I have to, I could get bewitched and settle for a call from Dr. Bombay, preferably with a little 7-Up or tonic.


Thanks for visiting the Peter Files Blog of Comedy! Bookmark us and come back soon! Feel free to forward posts to your friends and to taunt them with your savvy nature for finding this blog first!

Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


We strive to keep our humor and comments safe for home and work. Some of the links that appear on the sidebar may not meet our standards. If this appears on a regular basis, please let us know at "thepeterfilesblog at gmail dot com". Thank You!

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CTA Doomsday and A New Travel Mode For The 21st Century: Will We Be Driven To it By Inept Legislators

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----------------
Now playing: Koko Taylor - But On The Other Hand
via FoxyTunes


I have a commentary and a cool video for you.

Being from Chicago and having lost friends to the Death Ryan Expressway, I very strongly support Public Transportation, especially in high-density, high population areas where well-funded, customer-oriented public transportation can make a dramatic difference in the quality of urban life and reduce the cost of moving people, commercial and industrial freight through ever constricting and congesting highway and rail corridors, especially those where air travel is already maxed out and difficult to move through in this post 9/11 era.


Transit is much safer, 10 times safer per mile than highway driving. I have nearly lost my own life to drunk drivers several times (not myself[!]) including last January when one actually struck my car going 90 on 294. My being alive has a lot to do with defensive driving skills and lots of time behind the wheel, and luck.

Chicago is an excellent example of a city where public transportation, facing incredible financial constraints as the State, County and City Governments have failed to find a stable way to effectively replace the $80+ million dollars a year of Federal operating assistance that the Chicago Transit Authority, or CTA, used to receive in the 80's (a deficit of nearly a Billion Dollars since then!!!)

Of course all public transit properties operating more than 50 buses daily lost at least some funds across the nation, but Illinois, with its upstate/downstate baby-nana-poo-poo-funding-fighting that failed to provide a really stable source of funding for public transportation operations in the state. Since CTA is a state-funded agency, operated under the six-county Regional Transit Authority, funding support should happen at all three levels. Some may not know that in addition to operating service in the city of Chicago, CTA also provides service to 22 suburbs. Many more if you include those who use Metra to come in from farther out then use CTA once in Chicago.

Why am I thinking about this? Because as our local news, WBBM, WMAQ, WLS, WTTW, WFLD, both TV and Radio where applicable and WBEZ-FM the NPR affiliate have been reporting, CTA's "doomsday" is November 4, 2007.

That's the day that CTA must implement "Draconian" cuts in service and staff to balance its budget as required by law.

At least the cuts planned are motivating. They eliminate just about all of the express bus service that brings suburbanites that don't pay extra sales tax that supports CTA to their offices downtown and puts them on regular buses with the rest of us. It also cuts a lot of the services (see list) that made CTA more efficient unfortunately including the crosstown X express routes that skipped routes and really made service on key routes more efficient.

Worse yet, the "crisis" allows Huberman the new CTA President to cut hundreds of CTA positions held by qualified, experienced individuals, and fill them with political hires in direct violation of the Shackman lawsuit agreement. IS this funny or what!

What's at stake is the customer satisfaction of those making only a million and a half rides a day.

What's the big deal, none of those people vote anyway do they? Wrong.

It's not like a lot of them could just decide to drive tomorrow and really mess up traffic? Wrong. Most CTA riders choose to ride CTA and can afford to buy another car according to Grant Funded independent research.

And CTA deserves cuts, they've been losing riders for decades! Wrong! Ever since the CTA got serious about doing real system level peer-review-able Customer Satisfaction survey and acting on what customers said, since they started noticing after the first survey in 1996 and 1997 CTA ridership has reversed the trend of decades and has been going up since then.


This is not a sign of failure, nor is it a time to cut riders and support staff. The idea is ludicrous! Between growth in congestion and Chicago's population the only sane thing to do is grow CTA.

Of course, I do have one commute option for legislators who wish to cut CTA's budget. It would work equally well from the top of the Sears Tower, the John Hancock, the Spire, or any real downtown building. Unfortunately, unless they have any really large buildings near their home it might be a ONE-WAY commute option, so I strongly suggest they try it out before voting against any CTA funding initiatives.

Feel free to email them this option by sending this page using the envelope below. Or you can email them thhe link to this page along with your own letter at the Save Transit In Chicago Website which will automatically find and send letters to your legislators.

If nothing else, at least the view will give them an overview on the problem!

You can also call them using this portion of the same website it will help you find your rep's phone numbers.

After all that -- you deserve this video, if you can't see it, double click on the link above or try using the Safari web browser,


Don't be surprised if a little editing and spell-check/grammar work is done on this one, the pizza is here!

Thanks for visiting the Peter Files Blog of Comedy! Bookmark us and come back soon! Feel free to forward posts to your friends and to taunt them with your savvy nature for finding this blog first!

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


We strive to keep our humor and comments safe for home and work. Some of the links that appear on the sidebar may not meet our standards. If this appears on a regular basis, please let us know at "thepeterfilesblog at gmail dot com". Thank You!


Thanks for visiting the Peter Files Blog of Comedy! Bookmark us and come back soon! Feel free to forward posts to your friends and to taunt them with your savvy nature for finding this blog first!

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


We strive to keep our humor and comments safe for home and work. Some of the links that appear on the sidebar may not meet our standards. If this appears on a regular basis, please let us know at "thepeterfilesblog at gmail dot com". Thank You!


----------------
Now playing: Koko Taylor - But On The Other Hand
via FoxyTunes

Labels: , , , , , ,

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Thursday, October 18, 2007

More on Jeff Foxworthy and Chicago - Reader Know You're In Chicago Joke

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You may have read my post a few days ago about Jeff Foxworthy's great comments on Chicago,

where as always, I asked for reader comments and even added jokes. To my surprise I even got one. It was posted as Anonymous, but the Initials at the end suggest that it is from my friend KCN who used to hail from Chi-town but moved before many a change was made here.

Here are here comments.

Thank you so much for posting this. Brings back a lot of memories!

How about adding:

if you're driving on a main thoroughfare and you're seeing gigantic potholes, that look as though giant mutant drugged rats have been gnawing on the asphalt, you're in Chicago, on Lake Shore Drive.

I wish I could see that giant silver Jelly Bean in person, I've got a picture of it for wallpaper that I got off webshots.com.

One of these days I'll get back out there for some real Chicago deep-dish pizza, and I'll bring my family to share it.

kcn

KCN if you're my KCN you and EH and your kids can stay at our house and I'll treat for the Pizza! KCN has sent many jokes and I have been lazy about finding them and posting them -- no more! Thanks for the great comments.

I'll add -

  • If you can get on an express bus every morning that takes you out onto a 15 mile unobstructed dawn lake view of sunrise as you head in to work every morning that sets your heart aglow, you know you're a lakeshore worker in Chicago. (A lucky few are traveling cross-town down State Street or Michigan Avenue and get almost 30 miles of the view.)
  • If in that view you can see the changing of the fall colors, rainbows in seasonal rain, and waves frozen as they attempt to come up onto the drive, you know you're in Chicago
  • In a city with 50 wards, you know where the 51st ward is, you're probably from Chicago.
  • If you're the zip code of the place you are at does not start with 606 you're not in Chicago, though you may be in a nearby suburb that claims to out-of-towners to be in Chicago.

Anybody have some others?

Oh, some of you may have heard of the death of Transportation Planning and Engineering genius David Schultz. His loss to the planning and government communty was a great one. He will be missed.

Thanks for visiting the Peter Files Blog of Comedy! Bookmark us and come back soon! Feel free to forward posts to your friends and to taunt them with your savvy nature for finding this blog first!

Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


We strive to keep our humor and comments safe for home and work. Some of the links that appear on the sidebar may not meet our standards. If this appears on a regular basis, please let us know at "thepeterfilesblog at gmail dot com". Thank You!

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===> We love comments about our posts good or bad!

Please make comments by clicking on the word "Comments"!

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Wednesday, October 17, 2007

The National Speed Trap Association - Moral or Amoral

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Commentary

The National Motorists Association has set up a website for the National Speedtrap Association at http://www.speedtrap.org/speedtraps/stetlist.asp,  where motorists can report and make comments on Speed Traps that they have observed by Country, State and County.

The site also identifies U.S. States that have laws against "Speed Traps", indicates steps how one might fight one in their own community, and other useful things. For the purposes of this discussion we might define Speed Trap as an illegal or immoral trap using hanky panky to get traffic tickets rather than legitimate methods to catch those breaking the law.

For example, waiting near hidden speed change signs, etc.

These types of Speed Traps I have no problems with being identified publicly.

But what about the other kind?

Places where it is perfectly O.K. for police to hang out and watch for speeders, DUI offenders and others making traffic offenses. Perhaps it is a place where it is easy to pull over, write a citation, bring someone to a mailbox to observe them paying their fine so that they can give them their license back and then return to the highway easily and lead the offender back to the highway quickly so that they lose a minimum amount of time and confusion getting back.

Is a website like this effective?

Is convenient policing wrong?

Is it wrong to point out these locations?

In my own county, Cook in Illinois, I would have to say no to the first question. There are only three places listed. Perhaps this is because the Illinois State Police do a really effective job of moving around the highways near Chicago and so they don't need to find one spot to work from. Also, given the volume of traffic during rush hour, there are so many accidents that so many citations (e.g. following too closely) are written, that perhaps speeding is incidental within the city limits except for highway work zone violations, a $500 ticket!

I think the problem with convenient policing comes when you get out into lower volume areas where either local residents receive a disproportionate number of citations just because they must use the highway to get around and the local government is using the highway as a significant funding source, or for the same end reason, local residents are easily recognized and never pulled over for any reason, or only for the most serious offenses, eg., stolen vehicles or DUI.

When this kind of funny business is going on then the line becomes very grey about whether it is a good idea for the public to list these places. To what degree does the desire to go fast yourself outweigh your own self interest in surviving an accident given the much higher crash fatality rates at very high speeds? By giving away these locations or speeding except for these places are we signing our own death or disability warrants for ourselves or family members?

Finally, law enforcement knows how to use the internet now. Yup, took them awhile to get on the bandwagon, but they are onboard now, but whose to say that the data on the website is accurate. What if the speed trap listed is a quarter of a mile too late. Uh-oh, busted!

Personally, I have found that speeding doesn't pay. What pays is avoiding long rest stops. Every rest stop you avoid, from my calculations, on a 300 mile trip, is worth about 10-20 mph over the whole journey. The longer the stop, the more stops you make, you might as well go 55.

One trip to Wisconsin, my brother-in-law and I were going up, he made two extra rest stops of 10 minutes each going much faster than we were. We beat him by 5 minutes. He only missed getting a ticket because someone happened to pass him going 90 at JUST the right moment.

So,  I'd love to hear your comments. Is this website useful, moral, amoral, or a complete waste of time? Or is it sometime just easier to use the intercity bus or train or local transit? 

Thanks for visiting the Peter Files Blog of Comedy! Bookmark us and come back soon! Feel free to forward posts to your friends and to taunt them with your savvy nature for finding this blog first!


Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


We strive to keep our humor and comments safe for home and work. Some of the links that appear on the sidebar may not meet our standards. If this appears on a regular basis, please let us know at "thepeterfilesblog at gmail dot com". Thank You!

Labels: , , ,

===> We love comments about our posts good or bad!

Please make comments by clicking on the word "Comments"!

Click on the Envelope to forward posts to your friends! Thank you! The staff.


Don't miss this sale! Amazon.com takes 50% Off 100 Plus DVD's & Sets!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The Secret To My Sucess - It's All In My Resume

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This one is from my friend Mary Ellen. Be like Mary Ellen and send me your funnies joke at the address below or put it in a post comment for a recent post. If we think its funny we'll upgrade it to post level and give you credit as you like. Rude and Crude posts will not be used.

My Resume

1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.

2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

3. After that, I tried to be a Tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it - mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.

5. Then, I tried to be a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.

6. I attempted to be a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it I couldn't cut the mustard.

7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. I tried but I just didn't fit in.

10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

11. I managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.

12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center , but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

13. After many years of trying to find steady work! I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT AND FOUND THAT I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!

Thanks for visiting the Peter Files Blog of Comedy! Bookmark us and come back soon! Feel free to forward posts to your friends and to taunt them with your savvy nature for finding this blog first!

Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


We strive to keep our humor and comments safe for home and work. Some of the links that appear on the sidebar may not meet our standards. If this appears on a regular basis, please let us know at "thepeterfilesblog at gmail dot com". Thank You!

Labels: , , , , , ,

===> We love comments about our posts good or bad!

Please make comments by clicking on the word "Comments"!

Click on the Envelope to forward posts to your friends! Thank you! The staff.


Don't miss this sale! Amazon.com takes 50% Off 100 Plus DVD's & Sets!

Monday, October 15, 2007

Jeff Foxworthy and Me on Chicago

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This starts as another forwarded email from my friend Debbie Z. but I can't help adding a few of my own.

Jeff Foxworthy is known as a Redneck Comedian, but as anyone knows, comedians have to travel all over the country going from place to place with their act. In doing so they must form impressions of the towns they visit, and of course a big Theater and Comedy town is Chicago.

Normally, I would hesitate about quoting more than a few lines from anyone's act, but it is clear that these lines have already been heavily circulated, and, civic pride, being from Chicago, suggests that I should use them as an advertisement for Jeff and his work. So, if you like his jokes, see Jeff the next time he comes to your town, or use the Amazon search box to look for his books and CD's and buy one!

This is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Chicago

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in Chicago.

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Chicago.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Chicago .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in Chicago

If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of I-80 for the weekend, you live in Chicago.

If you measure distance in hours, you live in Chicago .

If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you live in Chicago.
If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Chicago.

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you
live in Chicago.

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live
in Chicago.

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you live in Chicago.

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in Chicago.

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in Chicago.

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in Chicago.

If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly", you live in Chicago.

If you actually understand these jokes, and forward this post to all your Chicago friends & others, you live or have lived in Chicago.

For a Southerner, Jeff has observed an awful lot of true things about Chicago, though certain of them (Halloween Snowsuits) may be just as valid in Minnesota or (speed driving) Detroit.

How Peter's Comments On Chicago
If you can tell which side of town you are on by the color of the baseball shirts you see on the street, you know you are in Chicago (Black and White = White Sox = South Side, Blue and Red = Cubs = North Side).
If you hear people in bars who really believe the Cubs will win the World Series this year as early as April 1st, you know that you are in Chicago.
If you hear people, including non-Catholics, describe where they live by what parish they live in, you know that you are in Chicago (this is less true than it used to be.)
If you know that on Election Day, that your chances of getting a ticket, except for DUI are close to zero, you know you are in Chicago.
If you know that the day after Election Day, that your chances of getting a ticket are the worst they could possibly be, you know that you live in Chicago.
If you know that the best weeks to ask your Alderman for a replacement garbage can (or any other favor) are the two weeks before an election, you could live anywhere, but you'll probably get the garbage can in Chicago. (We use special ones that the City supplies that have lift hooks for the trucks.)
If you see lots of cars that have mastered the rolling stop at a stop sign, you know you are in Chicago.
If you notice that no one, not a single car, never, ever, ever, ever, stops at the bottom of the expressway ramp to wait for a good time to merge into traffic, you know you are in Chicago.
If merging into traffic on the Dan Ryan Expressway feels like coming onto the track in Indianapolis or LeMans without benefit of a yellow flag, you know you are in Chicago on a weekend.
If merging into traffic on the Dan Ryan Expressway feels like entering traffic in a parking lot, you know that you are entering the Dan Ryan during Rush Hour in Chicago.
If traffic in one lane on the expressway accelerates from 3 mph to 80 then stops without warning after about three blocks as a car from another lane pulls into your lane, you are having a typical driving experience in Chicago.
If on the first night of snow, you see cars speed by you at 70 or 80 miles per hour, spin out as you pass them on the expressway only to have them pass you again at 70 or 80 only to have you pass them again going 30, and so on until they are arrested for driving faster than conditions, then you know you are driving on the wrong night in Chicago. Other than the profane words for these drivers, we have another term for them - out-of-towners.
If you start talking about a "Subway" series before the All Star break, you can only be from Chicago. If you know that the Subway in question is the Red Line, you actually live in the city or did once.
If you see a major river running backwards and actually dyed green, you know that you are in Chicago, near St. Patrick's day.
If you have ever taken CTA Blue Line from O'Hare, or the Orange Line from Midway, to Downtown, you are not only from Chicago or a frequent visitor, but you saved at least $27 and half an hour in travel time watching stalled traffic and cabs on the Kennedy. You are also really smart if you know this, are from out of town, and are traveling on a per diem expense account.
If you can gorge yourself on just about any kind of food imaginable, at a higher quality than just about anywhere, you know you are in Chicago. (Our pizza is better than New York's so we win!)
If your buses are so friendly that they announce the stops for you, and you can understand them, you know you are in Chicago.
If you can spend the whole day riding EL and Subway trains, moving from one line to another making free transfers across more than 300 miles of track on a single fare, you know you are in Chicago. Just don't leave the paid area and study the maps carefully!
If you lose your wallet and someone returns it to you with everything in it, including all of the cash, you could ONLY be in Chicago. (Happened to me twice. Once it was a cab driver from a Muslim country. Both refused any payment! Swear that this is the truth!)
If the a city spent millions reinforcing an underground parking garage to support a giant silver reflecting Jelly Bean, but was so cool once it was up that it seemed worth it, then you know you are in Chicago.
If you walk around the City and neighborhoods and on each and every block you see all kinds of different and wonderful architecture, you know you are in Chicago and you are very, very tempted to move here.
If someone goes on and on and on about how great his city is, they are probably from Chicago.
Well that's my list. I could add more. A Taste for Italian Ice. Italian Beef. All sorts of things. But I am a Chicago fan. Hey even as a die hard Sox fan who wrote that crazy song, I still wish the Cubs had gone all the way. The fans deserved it. Maybe next year. We'll see how the teams look in April...

Thanks for visiting the Peter Files Blog of Comedy! Bookmark us and come back soon! Feel free to forward posts to your friends and to taunt them with your savvy nature for finding this blog first!

Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


We strive to keep our humor and comments safe for home and work. Some of the links that appear on the sidebar may not meet our standards. If this appears on a regular basis, please let us know at "thepeterfilesblog at gmail dot com". Thank You!

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Sunday, October 14, 2007

Rose and Barb, Softball Stars

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This is from My Friend and Reader Debbie Z. - Be like her and submit a joke today!

Rose and Barb, Softball Stars

Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day.

One day Barb said, "Rose, we both loved playing women's softball all our lives, and we played in all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's women's softball there."

Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed, "Barb, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you." Shortly after that, Rose passed on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, "Barb, Barb."

"Who is it?" asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

"Barb -- it's me, Rose."

"You're not Rose. Rose just died."

"I'm telling you, it's me, Rose," insisted the voice.

"Rose! Where are you?"

"In Heaven," replied Rose. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," said Barb.

"The good news," Rose said, "is that there's Softball in Heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired."

"That's fantastic," said Barb.. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?"

"You're pitching Tuesday."

Thanks for visiting the Peter Files Blog of Comedy! Bookmark us and come back soon! Feel free to forward posts to your friends and to taunt them with your savvy nature for finding this blog first!

Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


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Saturday, October 13, 2007

A Texan Walks Into A Pub in Ireland

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This one is from my friend Tom. A wee bit of an Irish joke.


A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves.

Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?".

The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".



Be like Tom! Send a joke via email at the address below or include it in the comments and if we like it we'll put it up here with whatever part of your name you want. It must be relatively clean!


Thanks for visiting the Peter Files Blog of Comedy! Bookmark us and come back soon! Feel free to forward posts to your friends and to taunt them with your savvy nature for finding this blog first!


Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


We strive to keep our humor and comments safe for home and work. Some of the links that appear on the sidebar may not meet our standards. If this appears on a regular basis, please let us know at "thepeterfilesblog at gmail dot com". Thank You!

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Friday, October 12, 2007

Doctors Winging Their Opinions On A New Wing For The Hospital

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Thanks to Andy for this one! I have modified it slightly to meet the standards of this blog*.
The original phrasing can be guessed easily. But I replaced it with a pun instead...

When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on adding a
new wing to their hospital, the Allergists voted to
scratch it and the Dermatologists advised not to make
any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling
about it, but the Neurologists thought the
administration had a lot of nerve, and the
Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a
misconception.

The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted;
the Pathologists yelled, 'Over my dead body', while
the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness,
the Radiologists could see right through it, and the
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole
thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to
swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, 'This puts a
whole new face on the matter.'

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the
Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas
and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to
some anal-ytic* type in administration.

But the MRI technicians had a better view than anyone of the project,
and told the Oncologists who declared the project terminal,
briefed the grieving contractors and moved the budget to
Hospice care, where the Nursing staff eased it through its final days.


BE LIKE ANDY! Submit a joke in a comment or the address below and you can have the great feelings that come with appearing as a post on this blog!

Peter


Thanks for visiting the Peter Files Blog of Comedy! Bookmark us and come back soon! Feel free to forward posts to your friends and to taunt them with your savvy nature for finding this blog first!

Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


We strive to keep our humor and comments safe for home and work. Some of the links that appear on the sidebar may not meet our standards. If this appears on a regular basis, please let us know at "thepeterfilesblog at gmail dot com". Thank You!

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Please make comments by clicking on the word "Comments"!

Click on the Envelope to forward posts to your friends! Thank you! The staff.


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Sunday, October 07, 2007

The Poor Cubs are Dead: An Original Musical Reflection On The Chicago Cubs Season of 2007

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The Poor Cubs Are Dead
An Original Parody By PJF
To by sung to Oklahoma!'s "Pore Judd is Daid" By Rodgers and Hammerstein

Corrected 10/7/2007

The Poor Cubs Are Dead
And down hang their heads
Another season ends in despair

We thought they had a chance
But the Diamondbacks offence
Wiped us out in three straight games fair.

Poor Cubs, Poor Cubs,
Poor Us, spending up to 2000 bucks.

The Poor Cubs are dead
The Pennant race in shreds
No more games till next spring lie ahead

Till then we have to weep
Our Spirits they must seep
As Sox fans rub '05 in once again.

Holy smoke, we're a joke
And yet our spirits aren't quite broke
Perhaps we aren't insane
Long as we've got that goat to blame
'Cause Bartman doesn't stand the test of time.

The poor Cubs are dead
But next season lies ahead
And we drink so much that we will soon forget, soon forget
That this year's little miss
Was just short of Heaven's bliss
As we root, root, toot the Cubbies once again.

Poor Cubs, Poor Cubs
That's what they get for not being on regular TV.


Copyright 2007 by PJF and the Peter Files Blog all rights reserved.

Thanks for visiting the Peter Files Blog of Comedy! Bookmark us and come back soon! Feel free to forward posts to your friends and to taunt them with your savvy nature for finding this blog first!

Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com


We strive to keep our humor and comments safe for home and work. Some of the links that appear on the sidebar may not meet our standards. If this appears on a regular basis, please let us know at "thepeterfilesblog at gmail dot com". Thank You!

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===> We love comments about our posts good or bad!

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