Share
The Girl at the beach
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the
Beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at
The beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor
Was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing;
She would approach people who were sitting on the
Beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively and she
Would wander off. But occasionally someone would nod
And there would be a quick exchange of money and
Something she carried in her bag.
The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and
Debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know
For sure, they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife said, 'Honey, have
You ever noticed that she only goes up to people with
Boom boxes and other electronic devices?'
He hadn't -- and said so.
Then she said, 'Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and
Our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can
Find out what she's really doing.'
Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife
Was almost hopping up & down with anticipation when
She saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.
The man then walked up the beach and met his wife at
The road.
'Well, Is she selling drugs?' she asked excitedly.
'No, she's not,' he said, enjoying this probably more
Than he should have.
'Well, what is it then? What does she do ?' his wife
Fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said, 'She's a battery
Salesperson.'
'Batteries?' cried the wife.
'Yes ...' he replied -
'She sells C cells by the seashore'
Thanks Tom, for one of the worst puns ever to appear in these files. I wish, oh how I wish I could take credit for it, but no, it goes to you for finding it. And all the blame. If you think you can out-do this pun, send me one in a comment or at my email address. Thepeterfilesblog at gmail dot com and tell me if or how you would like to be attributed credit.
Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Jokes, Satire, Commentary and Videos
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com
Labels: Best Of, Comedy So Funny it Hurts, Puns, Reader Joke
===> We love comments about our posts good or bad! Please make comments by clicking on the word "Comments"!
Click on the Envelope to forward posts to your friends! Thank you! The staff.
Don't miss this sale! Amazon.com takes 50% Off 100 Plus DVD's & Sets!
The Importance of Word Fluency
Share
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."
"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."
She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"
"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.
"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says....
Liver alone. Cheese mine!
If you haven't guessed it already, its clear out the email night. Three posts in one night! This one is pretty darn good and comes from Mary Ellen. Thanks for a great one. You could be great too. Just upload a comment in a post and tell me what kind of credit you want, full name, first name, city, state, whatever. All the comments I get are scanned for approval first so your personal details won't go up there without my OK.
Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Jokes, Satire, Commentary and Videos
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com
Labels: American Life, Best Of, Funny, Pets, Puns, Reader Joke, TV
===> We love comments about our posts good or bad! Please make comments by clicking on the word "Comments"!
Click on the Envelope to forward posts to your friends! Thank you! The staff.
Don't miss this sale! Amazon.com takes 50% Off 100 Plus DVD's & Sets!
Share
Time for some Easter jokes. Some of these have been culled from sources and fan mail, others I made up. Others have been twisted from jokes about other species.
Happy Easter! Perhaps I will do another post before we get there. Feel free to add your own Easter Joke or Jokes in the comments section. Just because I moderate the comments doesn't mean that I don't accept nearly all of them!
Here we go:
Q: What did we call the Easter Bunny the year he hopped in a long sweltering Easter parade?
A: A Hot, cross, bunny.
Q: What do you call ten rabbits marching backwards?
A: A receding hareline.
Q: What do you call a bunny with a large brain?
A: An egghead.
Q: Why was the Easter Bunny rubbing his head?
A: Because he had a eggache! (headache)
Q: Do you know how the Easter Bunny stays in shape?
A: Hareobics.
Q: What's another name for it?
A: Eggcercise!
Q: Why does the Tooth Fairy claim that the Easter Bunny was self-centered?
A: He says the Easter Bunny is eggocentric, but I think that's stretching the tooth.
Q: Why did the Easter Bunny hop down the road?
A: He wanted to make a movie with Bob Hope.
Q: Why did the Easter Bunny cross the road?
A: Because it was the chicken's day off.
Q: What do you give a 500-hundred-pound bunny rabbit?
A: Anything it wants!
Q: Where can a 500-hundred-pound bunny rabbit live?
A: Anywhere it wants!
Q: What goes chomp, chomp, chomp, SPROING, chomp, chomp, chomp, SPROING?
A: A 500-hundred-pound bunny rabbit trying to combine diet and excercise.
Q: What's the difference between The Easter Bunny and a lumberjack?
A: One chews leaves and hops, the other hews, chops and leaves.
Q: Why do 500-hundred-pound bunny rabbits paint their toenails different colors?
A: So that they can hide in baskets of jelly beans.
Q: Why did the magician have to cancel his show?
A: He'd just washed his hare and couldn't do a thing with it.
Q: Why was PETA so upset with the magician after he canceled his show?
A: They thought it was because instead of having a split hair, he'd split a hare during his act.
Q: How did the Magician make up for it?
A: He adopted the stage name PETA Cottontail and promised to only to use artificial hares in his act from then on. As he became older, he grew bald and became famous for his waist-long wigs of pink and white. That's right, he became known as PETA Cottontail with the Bunny Trail. Eventually he began to do magic tricks with the wigs themselves.
Q: Why did the Easter Bunny want to see the magician's act so badly?
A: He was a little down and heard the magician's act was hare raising.
Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: Unique up on it!!
Q: What did the Easter Bunny say to the carrot?
A: It's been nice gnawing at you.
Q: After Easter is over what kind of drink does the Easter Bunny like to kick back and relax with?
A: Hops, though sometimes for a change he'll embrace a Wild Turkey.
Q: What do you call the Easter Bunny the day after Easter?
A
: Tired.
and the last joke in this group:
Q: How does Easter end?
A: With an 'r'.
Hoppy Easter!
Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Jokes, Satire, Commentary and Videos
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com
Labels: Easter, Fiction, Holiday, Humor, Jokes, Pass This Along, Puns, Questions, songs, Tall Tales, Wordplay
===> We love comments about our posts good or bad! Please make comments by clicking on the word "Comments"!
Click on the Envelope to forward posts to your friends! Thank you! The staff.
Don't miss this sale! Amazon.com takes 50% Off 100 Plus DVD's & Sets!
Share
This one is from my friend Mary Ellen. Be like Mary Ellen and send me your funnies joke at the address below or put it in a post comment for a recent post. If we think its funny we'll upgrade it to post level and give you credit as you like. Rude and Crude posts will not be used.
My Resume
1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.
2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
3. After that, I tried to be a Tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it - mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.
5. Then, I tried to be a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.
6. I attempted to be a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it I couldn't cut the mustard.
7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.
8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but I didn't have any patience.
9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. I tried but I just didn't fit in.
10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
11. I managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.
12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center , but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
13. After many years of trying to find steady work! I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.
14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT AND FOUND THAT I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!
Thanks for visiting the Peter Files Blog of Comedy! Bookmark us and come back soon! Feel free to forward posts to your friends and to taunt them with your savvy nature for finding this blog first!
Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com
We strive to keep our humor and comments safe for home and work. Some of the links that appear on the sidebar may not meet our standards. If this appears on a regular basis, please let us know at "thepeterfilesblog at gmail dot com". Thank You!
Labels: American Life, Humor, Jobs, Jokes, Puns, Reader Joke, Wordplay
===> We love comments about our posts good or bad! Please make comments by clicking on the word "Comments"!
Click on the Envelope to forward posts to your friends! Thank you! The staff.
Don't miss this sale! Amazon.com takes 50% Off 100 Plus DVD's & Sets!
Share
Thanks to Andy for this one! I have modified it slightly to meet the standards of this blog*.
The original phrasing can be guessed easily. But I replaced it with a pun instead...
When a panel of doctors was asked to vote on adding a
new wing to their hospital, the Allergists voted to
scratch it and the Dermatologists advised not to make
any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling
about it, but the Neurologists thought the
administration had a lot of nerve, and the
Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a
misconception.
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted;
the Pathologists yelled, 'Over my dead body', while
the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness,
the Radiologists could see right through it, and the
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole
thing.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to
swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, 'This puts a
whole new face on the matter.'
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the
Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.
The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas
and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to
some anal-ytic* type in administration.
But the MRI technicians had a better view than anyone of the project,
and told the Oncologists who declared the project terminal,
briefed the grieving contractors and moved the budget to
Hospice care, where the Nursing staff eased it through its final days.
BE LIKE ANDY! Submit a joke in a comment or the address below and you can have the great feelings that come with appearing as a post on this blog!
Peter
Thanks for visiting the Peter Files Blog of Comedy! Bookmark us and come back soon! Feel free to forward posts to your friends and to taunt them with your savvy nature for finding this blog first!
Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com
We strive to keep our humor and comments safe for home and work. Some of the links that appear on the sidebar may not meet our standards. If this appears on a regular basis, please let us know at "thepeterfilesblog at gmail dot com". Thank You!
Labels: Classic Comedy, Edited by Peter, Jokes, Jokes About Dying or Nearly So, Medicine, Puns, Reader Joke
===> We love comments about our posts good or bad! Please make comments by clicking on the word "Comments"!
Click on the Envelope to forward posts to your friends! Thank you! The staff.
Don't miss this sale! Amazon.com takes 50% Off 100 Plus DVD's & Sets!
Home of the Best Doctor Who Podcast in Time and Space
