Just about everyone has heard about Sarah Palin's revisionist telling of Paul Revere's famous ride where she managed to get a few of the easiest and most memorable details of American Revolutionary History wrong and then tried to weasel her way out of it rather than just admit her mistake and move on.
So Paul wasn't riding to warn the British that the Americans knew they were coming, riding his horse, ringing his bell and shooting his gun as Palin claimed. Politicians say all kinds of crazy things. Where's the harm here?
Well, the first problem is that it makes her look ridiculous as everyone knows that Paul was out advertising his Silver shop's midnight madness sale when a light from the old church tower fell onto his hat and created the idea for the world's first fire sale!
The British are coming! The British are coming! Here your Revereware before it's gone, gone, gone! He shouted! Following the old trade route from Lexington to Concord Paul managed to scare up quite a crowd too who happened to be on hand for his free musketball promotion.
One free musketball if by land, two free musketballs if by sea, was enough to get quite a few men out for the Colonies' first blue light sale! Patriot and Hero of Capitalism, no wonder Revere is so Revered by Republicans!
What's that you say? That's closer but it's not how it happened? I'm sorry. Come to think of it I might have filled in a few details on my own. Better check a history book or wiki... Oh, never mind. Good thing I'm not running for president.
Well, at least I admitted my mistake right away just like Sarah Palin did.
What's that? She didn't? She tried to fool all of the people on one of the most basic and well known stories of American History?
How cute? Isn't that precious? She's decided the key to victory is to appear to be as smart as media darlings Paris and Lindsey. All she has to do now is leak her sex tape. What? Say it isn't so.
Whew. It isn't so. Joe Weiner, a Democrat came close enough to that.
So what bothers me about the story is not that she got such basic facts wrong. Facts my 8 year old knew better. What bothers me is she lied about it and tried to get away with it.
We generally hold Presidents to a higher standard. We at least expect them to know which fights are worth fighting and when it is better to admit a mistake and try to move on. This was clearly the only smart way to handle Revere gate yet neither Palin or any of her advisors were smart enough to figure that out in time to avoid severe damage to the credibility of her candidacy. The credibility loss came not so much from making the mistake, but from having no one who was willing to admit the mistake.
I know the version of history listed here is not correct. It's meant to entertain not inform. But our President should never be our Jester, we have VP's for that.
I try to admit my errors and Presidents should too, at least to the degree the job allows. Sure, we all acknowledge that sometimes, for good reasons, Presidents lie. What most of us don't want are Presidents who are so I'll educated that they feel that they have to lie habitually just to keep up. That kind of person just doesn't merit the job and the job should go to someone better qualified.
I'm capable of factual and historical mistakes. That's a given when you write comedy. But I am not a candidate for President and in times like these when candidates want the workers to tighten their belts and improve their performance they better be prepared to do the same darn thing themselves.
If candidates expouse better performance from teachers, then their own spelling, history and math should darn well be up to snuff. Or they'll get a math lesson in 2012 at the polls.
Nb: Errors made in this post are mine. Sorry. I'll try to do better next time.
The Iowa State House has declared February 26th Bacon day! Why not? I. These troubled times, I say, if you've got it flaunt it and apparently Iowa sells more Pork than any other State in the U.S.A..
Now I know I could make a lot of jokes about Iowa's pork bellies, or Iowa being the source of all the pork that flows out of D.C., but that wouldn't be fair. Producing food is a good thing and a hard thing and so I say Bravo. Besides, I've always sorta liked Iowa ever since being in that play, you know, that one musical of Americana that celebrates all that is good about small town America and is set in River City Ioway. That's right, Meredith Wilson's The Music Man.
In the spirit of the play I've written a little musical number that could be used to promote Iowa Bacon Day or Iowa's love of Pork. Here it is:
Oh, there's nothing half-way about the Iowa way to feed you if we feed you which we may not do at all!
There's an Iowa kind, a bacon, pork shoulder attitude we've never been without that we recall.
We can be cold to someone hawking all-beef products at a ball game, but then warm to his pork hot dogs even fried.
But what the heck, try spare ribs, try pork loin or pork sausage, even though you're vegan it can't hurt to add some fried, you really ought to give Iowa, home of pork Iowa: pigs feet, spare ribs, browned ham steak, Italian sausage, baby back ribs, pork sausage, bacon, pig tails! You ought to give Iowa pork a try!
So, what do you think? Another American classic? Maybe I can send my kid to college on the residuals? I know, I'll have to split it with Meredith Wilson's estate for the music, but still, a few pennies? I need a grass roots campaign so call your Iowa legislator today! :-)
I could go on and on how wonderful this important and nail-biting book is, winner of a true crime award. I could tell you how important a historical work it is documenting Ms. Lazar's personal tragedy, and the tragedy of the impact of the crime on the surrounding business community where my Grandfather owned a Real Estate Office At the time of the murder.
I could tell you about what happened after I wrote the Original Post, meeting her with my father and brother, talking to her about shopping at their store and their customer Mandy Patinkin who I had always thought was familiar since being a fan of Sunday in The Park With George.
I could tell you about the book's incredible value as a primary source for those studying merchandising, the history of the City of Chicago,the history of Chicago's neighborhoods, or anything to do with the movement of people and race in the 1930's through the 1960's.
But instead I'll just be brief and tell young buy one of the most surprising true dramatic stories by an Author you never heard of you are likely to find. A tale told in a clear, taut well researched way without hyperbole or hysterics.
Amster manages to tell the story of this tragedy without making it into something it
was not, while seeing the damage caused by a cascading series of circumstances for what it was. A tragedy in an era of tragedies that helped shaped the hard times that followed.
I will also say that what I told her the day we met. We moved to a new neighborhood the previous August. Had we not, because of the proximity of the date of the murder with the birthday of one of the kids in my family, we all could have been in the store when that gunman walked in. I know what my brother 9 and I 10 would have done. We'd been playing Batman and Robin for years. We would have rushed him without thinking twice just like we rushed the bad guy cowboys every summer at the amusement park in Eagle River getting us and who knows who else killed in the process.
But we moved and so didn't get the birthday card for a free toy at Wee Toys for that birthday. So, I guess I do find this story pretty personally interesting. Nut you won't need
that to enjoy this book. Besides, I can't help thinking it's natural forth big screen.
Oh, Amazon.com carries it. You can click the link in the book title above or enter the title in the Amazon search box on your right.
Hard as it is to believe, the Peter Files Blog of Comedy has been, according to the video below, attacked and singled out on a variety of wild charges that we can't even believe he believes are true so are not going to dignify them with a response.
However, if Beck comes after someone as silly as us you might well ask, could you be next? Click on the link here to come back to the blog if this has been mailed to you, then click on the video link below.
What an outrageous video! You can see why we couldn't let it go by without comment.
Don't Miss The Gaelic Park Players Production of The Patrick Pearse Motel by Irish playwright Hugh Leonard: April 9 - 11, 16 - 18, 23 - 25, 2010
There are few South Side actors whose work I recommend unreservedly, but this production includes one of them in the likes of Marty Donovan who I have had the pleasure of working with onstage myself and witnessing his raw talent, attention to his craft, his ready wit, his incredible imagination, humor and all around ability to move an audience to laugh, cry and cheer.
In the context of a Hugh Leonard play, his efforts are not to be missed. While you may be more familiar with Leonard's Da or A Life, I urge you to take a chance to see this production of The Patrick Pearse Motel while you can, and to get seats while you can. Opening night offers two for one tickets a rare theater buy.
Here's what the company says about the play and the production:
The Patrick Pearse Motel by Hugh Leonard
An upwardly mobile couple living in an upscale Dublin suburb, and their business partners are showing what real patriotism is all about-selling it in the form of hotels. Each room in the Patrick Pearse Motel is decorated with a portrait of a national hero. Unbeknown to her doting husband, the lady of the house is plotting a tryst with an old flame, a television commentator famed for his rudeness. Soon the stage is filled with mistaken identities, dropped trousers, a flimsy negligee and false accusations. On a rainy night at The Patrick Pearse Motel, the characters crisscross paths, threaten one another with a shillelagh and hide in convenient closets. An hysterical bedroom farce that will have you wondering how will all of this turn out and who will get out alive?
The Patrick Pearse Motel
Director-Tom Kearney
Assistant Director-Georgina Chapman
Cast:
Dermod -Marty Donovan
Grainne-Kathy Holahan
Fintan-Stephen Heffernan
Niamh-Mary Kate Brophy
Miss Manning-Taryn Mckenna
James Usheen-Mick Kenna
Hoolihan-Barney Farrelly
Show Dates are:
Fridays April 9th, 16th and 23rd at 8:00pm
Saturdays April 10th, 17th and 24th at 8:00pm
Sundays April 11th, 18th and 25 at 3:00pm
Tickets:
PLEASE NOTE TICKETS ARE AVAILABLE AT THE GAELIC PARK OFFICE
$12.00 Theater Performance only
$25.00 Dinner & Theater (Sundays Only)
Opening Night - Buy 1 Get 1 Free!!
Reservations are a must for Dinner & Theater
Tickets are non-refundable
CNN.Com Live has just projected Barack Obama as the 44th President of the United States of America. As I type this, I am watching the reaction live in Grant Park through teary eyes, remembering another election year of hope 40 years ago, when two great charismatic leaders, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and Senator Robert Kennedy were both stolen from us by crazy assassins.
Those were different times. The U.S. Secret Service was not as good as its job then as it is now, but still the shadow of those times haunts me. The tears I cried as an 8-year old in Chatham flow again in joy, just as I see them now live in the eyes of the Reverend Jesse Jackson's eyes on my computer and I can't help wondering if we are sharing some of the same thoughts.
It's been a long road since 1968. Suddenly the hope that was stolen from so many of us so long ago has been returned with the Election of Senator Barack Obama to the Office of President of the United States of America.
This election has not been about race, it has not been about addressing the wrongs of the past, but for those of us who remember with sadness, with great sadness the tragedies of the past, there is a meaning in this victory, beyond all that was said, that is difficult to express, but it is in the tears that stream down my face now.
There is much facing the country now. What will the new President-Elect do to prepare for his first term? How will he organize all his supporters found through the internet to help support his new initiatives and remind the new congress of the depth of his support? What new tools will he bring to the forefront? What will our new future look like?
We all have high expectations. We will all have to be prepared to give him a great deal of support. Are we ready to face the reality of the mess that we have been left? Are we ready to bite the bullet and dig in? Time will tell.
I am now hearing the concession speech of Senator John McCain. Somewhat earlier than I expected. It is a fine speech. Recognizing the historical moment, remembering the death of Obama's Grandmother, and pledging both his support and asking for the support of the Republicans in helping Obama in his Presidency.
The crowd is listening and reacting mostly politely. The negative reaction to the mention of Gov. Palin is perhaps to be expected. It is a Chicago crowd and many women felt insulted by her approach thinking that she was portraying a sub-intelligent model of a woman. I disagree. I think she was doing her best with the hand and preparation she was dealt with. But I am certainly glad and relieved she is not a heartbeat away from the Presidency.
Obama's acceptance speech: will it be regarded as one of the great American Political Speeches? I think so. I happened to be chatting online with a young friend from the south who had bought into all of the McCain fear propaganda about Obama and was basically afraid of him. I understood her fear.
Obama does represent change. Real change and McCain set him up as the boogeyman for many Americans. Connecting him with terrorists. Calling him a socialist. Trying to make people thing a Christian was a Muslim. Making people suspicious about where his money was coming from in one of the first true grass roots fundraising campaigns in history.
Her fear was natural. In many ways, his speech was meant for her as much as it was for any of us. For the changes Obama wants to make, he wants a united America. A healed America. A Nation in which the divisive politics of fear in which people thing an African-american candidate can win only if stupid people, or poor people vote for him is one of the past.
In the end, she was willing to pray for Obama. That was a lot I think. I think some of the fear was gone. But her disappointment like the disappointment of many, was real and would not go in a day, or after one speech. Actions, not words will be the key for voters like her.
I found Obama's speech to be stirring and exactly right. It was thrilling. A call just like Kennedy's to action. A reminder of the work ahead, not waiting for his inaugural address, but to say off the bat, we need to be ready to work now for change, acknowledging the difficulty of the task ahead, setting the tenor of the administration. And the theme. "Yes, we can."
He quoted Lincoln, he sounded like King, he looked like Kennedy, he was change embodied. And his crowd was America. His audience in Chicago was every age and color, more women than men, more white than black, more young than old. Let's face it, you had to be willing to stand till 11 pm just to see him. That favors the young.
Yes, we can. And in the end, he warned our enemies and embraced our friends. A perfect speech I think. And he reminded us that the win was not his win, but a win for us, and that he now had to earn the job.
I think I'll like this President a lot more than the last few. If I don't, you'll be the first to know. Maybe the VP will give me some material...
Got to say, there really hasn't been a campaign song in this election that has captured the hearts and minds of the electorate, until now.
But Ken and Dave changed all that with their song: Brain to Nowhere!
It's a campaign song for Sarah Palin and John McCain, and while I have already voted myself for Obama, I have to say that I can't help letting you know about this song, because, well, great art should be noted.
I know, I know, there is a risk that it could turn the election, but it's in the late days now and it's got a great beat, you can dance to it, so I give it a 95. You just have to hear it. Tell me what you think.
And you you gotta love their backup singers and that piano extro at the end.
You also have to love someone who can admit their candidates', um, liabilities, and love her anyway. So give this ditty a listen, but vote Obama if you haven't already.
And if you're in Illinois, vote no on the Illinois Constitutional referendum. There is a separate call about Blago. But opening up a call about the constitution is just an open invitation to rape teacher, policeman, fireman and other government worker pensions to pay for mismanaged policies of Ryan and his predecessors and wreak other untold havoc. We don't need it.
Here's that video!
And whoever you support.
VOTE!
Even if you are for McCain. I mean that. Don't be a candy *ss.
Stand up and be counted in this election. If you don't vote the politicians think you don't care and that is worse than my candidate not winning. I think.
Oh, and if you are a 1 issue candidate. Ask yourself if your candidates have done anything real for your issue while they were in office. They haven't have they. Nada. In fact, for a lot of issues. Obama is the only one likely to sign off on money that would help the people that would help support your issue. Think about it.
Now, don't forget to vote! (Hopefully, Obama/Biden).
Dems Change Middle Name to Hussein because it rhymes with brain.
Peter Files Blog of Comedy Political Souses report a trend of Democrats nationwide changing their middle names to Hussein in support of Barrack Obama, Democratic Presidential Nominee for President.
A new Facebook Group was formed today "People Who Call Themselves "Hussein" in Support of Obama"when it's originator, who declined to be quoted noted "The number of those with facebook listings with "Hussein" as their middle name was "Over 500" and many or most of these were ordinary American names. I'm just organizing a trend that already exists.
The groups purpose:
Are you tired of the growing hate in this election?
John McCain's and Sarah Palin's Personal attacks on Senator Barrack Obama have gone beyond the point where they can be considered within the bounds of political fair play.
Now most people with common sense know that these "Ad Hominem" attacks by McCain-Palin are a desperate attempt to replace the lack of a real program that is helpful to any but the uber-rich.
It's time to put an end to the personal attacks on Obama that go beyond the boundaries of record or common sense but play on old fashioned "race politics" that should offend us all.
Go ahead. Take a stand. Put part of Senator Obama's name in your name, yes, that part that McCain and Palin want to "scare people with"!
Ooh, "Hussein" isn't that unfamiliar foreing sounding name sooo scary, you dumb hick Joe Six packs"!
By speaking out, whether in your Facebook name, your status messages, in an email message, a button, a sign in your window, by making Hussein part of your name today you can help deprive the McCain-Palin camp of one of its weapons of fear. The kind of weapon Adolph used. Now there's a name people hate.
The terrorist who once owned "Hussein", gave it its meaning and its fear value is dead. We should now take it back and give it back to the many people of worth who were born with it and deserve the common dignity of personhood.
Why should the actions of one now dead, cruel and vicious dictator reflect on any of them anyway? Why do we act like sheep about something like this. We have gone beyond this, or should have.
It's this sheep like, herd-like mentality that fear-mongers like the McCain-Palin ticket are depending on to deprive us of our chance at meaningful change at this election.
If you pledge to "change your name", be it for a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or forever, you support a change from the totolitarian fear-based politics that can ruin a nation.
You don't have to be pro-Obama to do this.
Of course, you will find many friends here if you do.
However, if you do this experiment, you may find out who among your friends has a sense of humor and who does not. And in doing so you might find yourself a supporter of Senator Barack Hussein Obama, after all.
And remember this, it is just a chance of fate that you were not born with the name Hussein in your name.
Senator Obama has nothing to do with this group.
Turns out, this is a real Facebook group. Well, will you join the effort too?
For those of you who have been coming back of the month of August hoping to see some kind of change for the last month and finding none, my apologies. I hope you took a chance and visited out archives and found some of the treasures buried in the 600 or so posts there.
Since this is mostly a comedy blog I won't go into the details, but I could skip living through this last few months again. Deaths in the family, personal crises, illness, pain, all this kinds of things, you are not coming here for. But, things are looking up and so, I think you should be able to see a return to regular postings here.
Regular? Two to three times a week, usually in spurts.
I discovered that the RSS feed isn't working right, I have to figure out how to fix that. If yours IS working right, leave a comment and let me know. I did manage to get the comment interface working better and some other features cleaned up.
If you have a child, hug them, watch them closely if they are near the water. A young relative drowned this summer. I have a young child. The stuff of nightmares. It's been almost a month now and he effect of the support of our community on the parents has been profound as all those who feel "there but for the grace of God go I" in this situation have extended their hearts and love to them.
I know that those in our house have, and if you pray, I invite you to do so for them and any of those who have lost dear ones of any age for any reason this summer.
I also lost another friend, who was my one of my best friend's uncles. A finer kinder person you would be hard pressed to find no matter how bright a light you had to shine on the world to fine one. Wise, funny, and neat to the point of a methodological that might have driven even Felix Unger mad were it not for the kindness and gentleness in which he practiced it (he did not expect others to be able to practice what he preached, he merely enabled them gently, when they visited him).
George was an enabler of the highest and best sort. An educator, a scientist, a friend, and 'weather' he enabled the world to understand his field of science to advance in unique and powerful ways, or his colleagues and students to grow and flourish as a result of knowing him, or the world to retain works of beautiful music that might otherwise have been lost, George enabled so many to a better life in many ways.
I got to know him first when my friend, his nephew became quite seriously ill, the kind of thing that only a small percentage survived, even in the early 1980's. That my friend survived was due to his courage in being willing to participate in experimental treatment, some luck in being in the right experimental group, some gumption on his own, and the knowledge of the deep and constant support of his 'Unc' who was there for him in ways that no one else could be, not even myself - poor as a church mouse as I was at the time I could not afford to fly to Seattle to be with my friend through the bone marrow transplant and other procedures, I was only able to talk to him by phone and letter. Not good enough. But Unc was a conduit of information to me.
I was terrified that I was going to lose my best friend at the time, in fact, I was in a play called Da, by Hugh Leonard, in which the main character is diagnosed with cancer and has to deal with the approach of his death at that very time. Since it was one of the few paying gigs I had gotten I couldn't help accepting, and it was worth it too, one of the best performances I ever gave. I played the older Kearns who learns some things about himself that he wished he had not by the end of the show and goes through a complex and complete emotional breakdown on stage. A subtle bit of work that shouldn't be forced; in the end, my fears about my friend came out every night on stage.
The audiences thought I was inspired. I knew the truth. I was petrified that my best friend would die in the middle of the production and that I would be unable to continue and would never work professionally again. Through all of that time, the wires between "Unc's" house and mine, and his hotel in Seattle and mine, ran hot and heavy. He gave me updates, I gave him humor pointers for cheering up my friend. It was a conspiracy of kindness to make sure he had the kind of support he needed to survive other storms brewing around him via the females of the species.
Over the years after that, Unc became Grunc as my friend's uncle became a grand Uncle. And I got to know him and his fastidious ways better. Having dinner with him was a real treat. First of all, he was a wonderful cook. Tasty and low fat. But then, watching him clean his kitchen was like watching a man in love with it. He looked very much like Jeff Smith, once known as PBS's the Frugal Gourmet, and took great care to clean his kitchen counters fastidiously. Just....so.
Every crumb came up off the tables and counters. Every particle of dust off the floor into the dust pan. Every unwanted spec into the garbage can under the sink, and every night, without fail, Grunc would take that paper garbage bag out of its container, raise it to the counter top, fold the edges so that the creases were razor sharp and meticulously fold the top down so that there was no possibility that any part of the contents could seep out. On some occasions, if seepage might become a problem, he might add a plastic bag outside the paper bag and put another paper bag around those two, just so that they appeared neat and strong.
Then, once folded neatly and correctly, Grunc would walk the package down the hall, open the door to the utility closet leading to the garbage chute, and his package would ever so neatly descend to the bottom. If, on rare occasions, Grunc had reason to believe that his 'parcel' did not reach the bottom without 'incident' he would then feel compelled to check, by taking the elevator down to the basement and investigating the matter. More than once he found an incredible mess because the garbage contractor had failed to show up to remove the waiting container that collected the garbage that waited at the bottom of the chute.
Grunc would then call the building super who more often than not was grateful to Grunc since no one else would tell him and he would be stuck cleaning up the mess. Grunc lived in a very old, prestigious building near the Museum of Science and Industry, but it was large enough generate a lot of trash.
Some times Grunc's fastidiousness could be hard on those he loved and he knew it, but he just could not help himself. He just wanted to make things easier for people.
One time my friends sister was visiting town and had a 19 year old nanny that wanted to see some of Chicago. They knew that I had been a tour guide and I got volunteered to her around town based largely on Grunc's, not my friend's character recommendation.
Since we would be returning possibly late, (Very late, O.o) Grunc felt that we needed instruction in how to open the door quietly, and to my chagrin and the whole group's stunned amusement proceeded to give a demonstration on how to put a key into a lock and turn it. LOL
I always suspected that he was planting a subconscious idea in both our heads, but it didn't take, at least on her part (rats). But the image of Grunc, in the hallway, bent over the lock, turning sideways with his funny crooked smile, looking half up as he demonstrated the best way to put the key in the lock and turn it just - so(!) to get it to open quietly, will ever remain in my heart as the quintessential Grunc moment.
I think you will have gathered by now that I came to love this old man who let me into his life as a friend as he did not so many others. Of course it was largely due to the fact that I cared deeply for his nephew, but we were both scientists, my lab was less formal, but we talked about my work a few times and he was greatly surprised when he understood the stringency of my methodology, which for a government operation, might not have been so strict. He read a number of my papers over the years and gave helpful comments, brief, it was not his field, but helpful, mostly in that he recognized in a way that others important to me in my life could not, the meaning of some of my achievements professionally. He truly understood them.
His death came as a surprise as I knew it would. Grunc was a private person. When I knew it was coming near I made sure to send him a note that at lest hinted at my feelings. I wanted to get together with him one last time but I suspected that I had missed my window and when he was hospitalized I was not given an opportunity to visit or call him. As I went through the stages of death I was quite angry about this for at least an hour. But that passed. I know that Grunc did not want me to remember him that way and now I don't.
I compare my healthy memories of Grunc to the memories of a six-year old cousin in her coffin and I know which ones I prefer. Funerals are hard for me. Especially the funerals of children. I guess that's true for everyone. But when you are the parent of a child the same age as the deceased it hits really close to home. More than I wanted to say.
So, back to the comedy in the next post.
Peter, A little saddle-sore - but as the Jesuits say, if it doesn't kill you, it builds character.
1. A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3. A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room. 5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on when using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. 6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late. 8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. 9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies. 10. Certain Lego pieces will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy. 11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence. 12. Super glue is forever. 13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. 14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O. 15. VCRs do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. 16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. 18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is. 19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens. 20. The fire department in our town has a 5-minute response time. 21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. 22. It will, however, make cats dizzy. 23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. 24. If you absolutely MUST know what that odor is, try looking under the radiator covers for last year's easter eggs. Hopefully they will only be one year old. 25. Get you kids in the habit of hiding only plastic easter eggs for their easter egg hunts. The decorated ones make a bad mess. The raw eggs make a bad, disgusting and smelly mess that never goes away if there is the slightest gap in your floorboards. Your only alternative: Move. 26. Now that glass soda bottles seem to be making a return: never, ever, under any circumstances, store unopened glass soda bottles in the car near any of your children's feet. Unless your spouse is a lawyer. 27. A four-year-old child can resort to hiding his favorite toy at the top of a 40-foot tree over a glass strewn alley if pressed. Do not yell at him while he is at the top of the tree. 28. When in *nice* restaurants watch your children like hawks if you see them touch things like salt and pepper shakers, mustard and ketchup bottles. 28. The sound of a 7-year-old girl who has gotten ketchup all over her white easter dress after her brother played with the top does not bear describing. 29. If you hear the sounds "white whale, white whale" coming from your pool or the lake you are staying near, it is already too late, your children's butts have already been exposed to the sun for anyone nearby to see. 30. When changing a child's diaper at a very large public venue, such as a concert at Grant Park in Chicago, it is helpful if your picnic blanket is not at the top of the largest hill in view. That way if your little girl gets away from you sans clothes, the chances that she will run to the top of the hill spinning like Maria Von Trapp for the entire Midwest to admire during the quietest part of Peter and the Wolf, will be substantially reduced. Duct tape helps too. 31. It may take more than one police search of your house to find a child asleep in a clothes basket in a bedroom closet. 32. Even the second time she disappears, and that's the first place everyone looked. 33. Two adults are not enough to capture a child hiding under a baby grand piano. 34. The travel time before it is impractical to drive a child hidden in their friend's car so that the parents are forced to let them stay overnight at their friends is one hour. Fortunately, the time a child can stay quiet in the back-back seat of a station wagon is usually less than 10 minutes. 35. War between kid brothers usually stops just before an actual serious injury involving death occurs. Numerous trips to the hospital for stitches are normal and should be considered usual growing up pains. 36. If during the summer, a sister turns her brother's hair bright orange, he is entitled to put a screen over her while she sunbathes asleep to give her a checkered tan - once. This will remind her not to fall asleep sunbathing which is dangerous anyway. 37. It does not matter how slowly or gently you loft it, a softball thrown with enough umph to reach the 2nd floor back porch, has enough umph, to float ever so gently through the plate glass window of the 2nd floor back porch door. 38. When handing your son a brand new generator saying "don't drop this, it's expensive", its a good idea to be sure he is not watching the neighbor girl walk by in short shorts or it will wind up broken on the ground when he drops it. 39. If you work at summer camp and sleep on a metal cot, avoid running the electric wires for your alarm clock under the sharp round feet of your bed lest "Sparky" become your new camp nickname. (The mattress pads were rubber thank God.) 40. When rolling the world's largest snowball off the flat roof of your school onto the first person who opens the side door, its a good idea to have a spotter so that you don't drop it on the principal. 41. The demonstration of Mike's Civil War Fort would have been perfect. The buildings were perfect reconstructions, he had even mixed his own black powder and poured it through and between the non-flammable buildings to show how one of the forts would have been torched. As the fire went through building to building his one mistake became evidently clear. His non-flammable materials were plastic straws. As billowing clouds of black smoke poured out of the school windows we out out the three foot flames in seconds, but by then 2 companies of fire trucks were on the way. The smoke filling the second floor of our school. We were dismissed for the day. Mike was a hero. Not for nothing did Mike have the reputation of being the smartest boy in school. Seen as an honest mistake, he didn't even get in trouble since the teacher let him start the fire. Brilliant. 42. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid. 43. 90% of the Women who read this will start checking the tightness of ketchup containers wherever they go.
My thanks to AMR for sending this to me. You can be a contributor too. Just send me an email at thepeterfilesblog at gmail dot com or put your joke in a comment and I can include it in a post of its own. Just tell me how you would like to be recognized, or not. In this post I was responsible for number 23 on plus a few more. So I know those really happened. The rest, well they certainly had the ring of truth, now didn't they?
I don't know about your household, but we got our George Bush Vote for The Republicans Stimulus Bribe Check last week. Oops, did I call it a bribe? Certainly not. A bribe would have to have a chance of working and who in their right mind would think that the paltry sums contained in the, as comedian Chevy Chase would have put it, economic stimulus (bribes) checks would be near enough to pay for the vast damage done to our economy my W.
I wouldn't even try to put a price tag on the lives lost fighting (trillions) in Iraq if I had my way, because the lives of those brave service woman and service men who died in the service of their country were priceless. The fact that they were sent there by a lying no good idiot does not demean the bravery and nobility of their service one tiny bit, nor the service of those there now.
Those in the service of our country are stuck with the commander in chief we vote for. Thankfully, both of the current candidates have to be far better than the current monkey in chief. Don't they. Well certainly Obama is. I have some trouble with McCain, but I don't think he is an idiot. No one could be as dumb as our fearless leader.
Perhaps I am being charitable by suggesting that W is in fact dumb. Perhaps he knew exactly what he was doing all the way along. Frightening thought isn't it. Suppose where we are today, deeply in debt, gas prices at an all time high, trapped in an expensive and costly war with an ungodly number of dollars, are we up to $ trillions yet, spent on an ill focused war, exactly where W wanted us to be at the end of his administration?
Is this possible? Would it be legal? Would it be a violation of his oath of office to protect and defend the American Constitution? Would it even be, as some have suggested, be treason?
Thank God this is a blog of Satire and not some serious publication or scholarly news program like Fox TV where I might have to come up with facts to support such a supposition. You know that I have got to be kidding.
The President of these United States would never risk prison by doing such naught things. I mean, its not as if his successor would ever pardon him! Ha! That could Never happen! Nixon who? You mean that really happened once? You mean a President who was probably guilty of a few crimes resigned from the White House and then was issued a blanket pardon by his successor? Like wow. What was his name? Nixon?
Never heard of him. Oh, that's that dude that died awhile back. They made a movie about him once didn't they? Didn't Robert Redford play him? Or was it O.J. Simpson, I get confused about those older dudes.
(Satire, satire.)
So, I have a modest proposal, a 25% tax on the gross revenues of all companies doing business in Iraq, plus a 25% tax on all Oil Company gross revenues, with the proceeds to be divided equally between all taxpayers for the next 10 years or until our soldiers come back from Iraq for the former (including mercenaries), and gas prices drop until Oil company profits are under 5%, without exaggerated costs.
What's the justification?
It's in the national interest and in the interest of homeland security.
Oil and gas prices currently drive the cost of all other prices. The desire to make huge profits at our expense with a vital resource has been irresponsibly used at a time when we are at war. So, take control of the industry and give the money back to the taxpayers who have been paying through the nose for it. At least enough so that the industry will self-regulate itself.
Whatever you do this fall, don't base your vote on this stimulus bribe. It'll be gone in gas and grocery bills, long gone by November anyway.
And Don't forget to declare it on your 2008 income tax return. Since no taxes were deducted from it, it'll probably be a pretty big hit next April, long after the election is over.
Point-Counter-Point: Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road
Welcome to Point-Counter-Point we have a huge and varied panel today and so I want to get right to our topic today and ask a question many Americans are asking:
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE! And by crossing the road he got the CHANGE that every American wants and will get by voting for me in November!
JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me, it's about all you chickens who can vote, and all you chickens who HATE the people who want to CHANGE the way you cross the road.......
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but w ill lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Expl orer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ......... reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
SIMON COWELL That has to be the worst performance by a chicken that I have ever seen. Get than thin legged little pullet out of here!
PAULA ABDUL Oh, look at the cute little chickee. Don't you just love it Randy? Simon? It just makes me want to cry? Simon, what's wrong? Where are you going with that hammer? No, No, NOOOOOOOO!
Once again, thanks to my friend MES for submitting this!
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."
"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."
She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"
"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.
"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says....
Liver alone. Cheese mine!
If you haven't guessed it already, its clear out the email night. Three posts in one night! This one is pretty darn good and comes from Mary Ellen. Thanks for a great one. You could be great too. Just upload a comment in a post and tell me what kind of credit you want, full name, first name, city, state, whatever. All the comments I get are scanned for approval first so your personal details won't go up there without my OK.
You may have noticed a little gap in posts. This has happened before this time of year and will probably happen again. Sorry about that. The fact is that some years ago I lost my one of very best friends+ on my memorial day weekend some years ago and you'd think I'd be over it by now, but I'm not. People say a lot of "Shoulds" about things like this, or "normally"'s. But the fact is when it comes to people you really care about, should and normal don't really apply, especially when the circumstances that separate you are things that should not have happened, and were very far from normal.
That's all I am going to say about it. After all, this IS a comedy blog, and I don't want to bring you down. But if you want to infer any more, note that I never do jokes about airplane crashes.
Once upon a time dere were tree liddle pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig and the brick pig. One day dis nasty old wolf came up to da straw pig's house and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did !!!
So da straw pig went running over to da stick pig's house and said, "Please; let me in, da wolf just blew down my house." So da stick Pig let da straw pig in. Just then da wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did !!!
So da straw pig and da stick pig went running over to da brick pig's house and said, "Let us in, let us in, da big bad wolf just blew our houses down!" So da brick pig let them in just as da wolf showed up. Den da wolf said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." You can imagine dat da straw pig and the stick pig were so scared dad dey almost made a mess! But dese Pigs, dey had self-respect, and no matter how scared dey were, dey held demselves together.
Instead of being scared, da brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.
A few minutes passed and a big, black Caddy pulls up. Out step two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedora hats. Dese pigs come over to da wolf, grab him by da neck and beat da living daylights out of him until he was crying like a little baby, then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in his mouth and fired, killing da big bad wolf as an example of what happens when you mess with made pigs. Den dey tied big cement blocks around his feet and trew his sorry tail into the creek.
Den dey got back into dere big black Caddy and drove off, not a hair out of place, nor a wrinkle on dere suits.
The straw pig and stick pig were amazed!!! "Who da heck were dose guys?" they asked da brick pig.
"Dose were my cousins, he said nonchalantly... da Guinea Pigs.
Gotta love dose Italians. "
Tanks to my friend Mary Ellen for dis here joke, which I have re-grammatized for effect.
Peter "I remember where da spots formerly was!"
The Peter Files Blog does not mean to offend persons of any ethnic origin by publishing such a joke/pun, especially those with access to automatic weapons, big fists and cement. We hope that this humor will be taken in the smae good nature that more famous work such as The Sopranos, The Godfather, Goodfellas and other light-hearted fare.
Mandatory free school busing in all school districts reduces parent auto drop-off and pick up use.
Methane collection vents in the top of all rib joints, firehouses and country bars.
Whether events are inside or outside, the use of mandatory portable wind-powered electricity generators at all political election events, fundraisers or debates.
Threaten oil-producing states with U.S. forced air broadcasts of The Partridge Family, The Brady Bunch, Menudo Concerts, The Cheetah Girls, Charlie's Angels, Miami Vice, The Love Boat, Fantasy Island, and 24-hour repeats of all Joan Rivers Red Carpet interview specials ever recorded on several open-air TV channels.
If they resist, threaten them with Richard Simmons exercise videos, Roseanne, Maude, and our secret weapon, Barney the Purple Dinosaur.
Require gas stations to give away a free bicycle after every $3,000 of gas purchased. (10 SUV fill-ups).
Mandatory 4-day work weeks in summers with 9 hour workday max (Mondays off? We all hate them anyway).
This will reduce work commute gas consumption by 20% in summertime when they soak us for high prices anyway. Threaten to do the same thing in winter when there is no sunlight to do anything fun anyway.
Downtown Parking Garages must give 40% discounts to those who arrive with 2 passengers before 9am. They collect signed forms to use for tax rebates to offset cost.
Jeff Foxworth has apparently announced that he is running for President because Ralph Nader has thrown his hat into the Ring again. Yes, again.
I used to respect old Reptile Nose, but now that he's become a repeated spoiler for the Republicans who stand for the reverse of what he does, I think that Ralph has become an idiot who is just serving his ego instead of the interests he purports to serve.
I wonder if he sells more books every times he runs. Or other things. Does he make or lose money at it?
Perhaps he is just deluded.
I'd rather vote for Foxworthy myself, though if I had to pick a candidate, I'd probably pick Bob Newhart. He's had a Jesuit Education AND been an Actor.
Here's the story from new Peter Files Blog friend Blog Josh Goller's Adjust Yourself.
Another Joke from my friend Andy. But is it really a joke?
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.
'Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the members of our Congress.--
Vote carefully this year!
Be like Andy, send me a joke and I'll give you credit. Just put it in a post comment and if I like it (probably) I will move it up to its own post and give you credit. Otherwise I will leave it in the comments section. The only things I edit out by the way are obscenity and obvious spam. If you have your own blog, even a competing comedy blog, feel free to mention it. I am happy to do cross links!
Judge upholds Blue Lake Township Zoning Ordinance, Chicago Area Council says it plans to file an appeal. OOEC says it will announce a counter-purchase offer to continue Owasippe operations within the context of the zoning in place.
To keep this long story short, the professional scouters and perhaps some volunteer scouters, decided that it was too expensive to keep operating one of the oldest scout camps in America, The Owasippe Scout Reservation located near Whitehall, Michigan.
The Chicago Area Council applied for a variance in the zoning that to allow them to sell at least some of the Owasippe land for residential development but Blue Lake Township, Michigan, denied the variance, triggering a lawsuit which was decided this week in favor of the Township and all those who did not want the Chicago Area Council of the Boy Scouts (the professionals) to sell the land. For a better explanation, see the story in the MLive.com account.
The issue for Chicago Volunteer Scouters was huge, Owasippe, established in 1911, the nation's premiere Boy Scout Camp Reservation, had been put on the slab despite wishes to the contrary of most of the volunteer scouters (read members and leaders) present and past. Most active in the outcry were current active unit leaders and members of the Owasippe Staff Organization (OSA) some of whom founded the OOEC the Owasippe Outdoor Education Center which has been actively raising money and gathering partners to purchase the property for continued use as a camping and high adventure facility which would still be accessible to Chicago Scouts as well as many other organizations.
For Blue Lake Township, the victory was significant because it confirmed their right to control long-term zoning in relationship to their master plan. Conflict on this issue is something that often plagues small townships and so this court decision is meaningful beyond the scope of its meaning to the Boy Scouts. Often real estate or other commercial interests that do not have the long term interests of a community in mind attempt to force changes in zoning to their short-term benefit that are not consistent with the long-term goals of the community. As ruled, this case gives communities more strength to support the strength of zoning based on their master plan. It also means that unless they lose on appeal, they will not have to pay significant court costs and attorneys fees.
The press account suggests that the case will be appealed. I am not a lawyer, though I have played one on the stage as well as a solicitor, and a barrister who happened to be a Q.C., so I really can't fill you in on all the legal implications on what might or might happen, but here's what I think.
I read the opinions online and it was hard for me to find errors on which to base an appeal. That is what appeals are based on, some error by the judge either in procedure or in the law. Both sides had no quibbles with the judge outstanding before the final judgement of the case, so it will be hard to see on what basis the claim with be, possibly just a rehash of the case, but usually it should be based on some error of the judge and not just a disagreement over the facts. But lawyers bill by the hours, so....
On a more personal basis, I think that the local Scout Office erred in trying to sell the land in the first place. As a former registered member for many years, a six-summer Owasippe camp staff attendee, a camp staff member for two summers, and now a lifetime member of the Owasippe Staff Association (but not an investor in the EEOC), I was a direct beneficiary of all the wealth of earth and heaven found at the Owasippe Scout Reservation.
The land is beautiful and lovely. The lakes and rivers are clean and fresh. There is wildlife aplenty to see and be near. There is plenty of acreage to get lost on if you are not careful, and room enough for a 50 mile canoe trip with a campsite near an 'Indian Burial Ground' with phosphor glowing stumps and stars racing across the night sky in August where you can sometimes also see the Northern Lights.
I'll never forget the night I was out on an individual overnight camping experience under the stars and I happened to get one of the nights of the August meteor showers. How beautiful and majestic and humbling it was. The stars fell in such thin pinstripes across the sky, silent and straight as if they were passing through rather than falling down. It was hours of reminders of how small we were in the universe. What is an experience like that worth, one he will never forget, to a Chicago boy who goes months without seeing the stars?
I also worked for the Boy Scouts for a time. Professional Scouters get a lot of training, more training than in almost any career than teaching or the military I think, because scouting sees itself first as an educational organization rather than a camping organization. I think that is the source of the tension between the volunteer scouters and the professionals in this situation. The Scout Executive probably sees large numbers of kids who will never be able to go to camp who scouting can at least provide some good leadership training without a summer camp in Michigan, whereas the bulk of the long term volunteers see the long term summer camp as the reason to be scouters in the first place.
Culturally, there is a whole family of Owasippe. I do mean family. The camp has made many marriages, yep, they have girls working at the family camp, camp Reneker, that is one of the section camps, and once in a blue moon, a girl has been on the staff of one of the section camps of Owasippe. (Owasippe is set up as a number of section camps each of which can handle a fair number of troops or Explorer Posts so that between the section camps, Family Camp at Reneker and the high adventure camp, total summer attendance is in the thousands, though lower than in the 70's and in the 80's.
A point the CAC makes is that there are fewer young kids right now than before. This however is a short term point of view. We don't ever make any more property, especially this kind of pristine, undeveloped wilderness/forest and lakes. Population in America continues to grow. Yes we had a kid slack-off because the baby boom got older. But guess what, their kids are starting to have kids and so forth. The numbers are starting to climb back up. Absent a plague, act of war, famine, or other disaster, odds are that very soon the demand for camping facilities will be very much higher 10 years from now.
But the trend in Boy Scout Councils across the country has apparently to get rid of these old-fashioned troublesome camp properties. There is a little bubble that the exec's wind up in, its almost impossible to avoid, I know, I wound up in it for awhile. You get caught dancing to the tune of the national Chief Scout Executive in Dallas who wants to make his mark on Scouting. The first thing they do is issue a new Boy Scout Handbook. Just see if it isn't so.
When I got a tour of the National Offices For NEI training, I actually got to walk into his office and sit in his chair. Nice view. Lots of wide open space. Encourages big thinking. Trend setting. And so down the line over the years have come some good and not so good programs and fads.
Tiger Cubs - great program! Get those second graders in with their family members and you have the inside edge on new Cub Scout Leaders! And the stickers are cute!
Those belt loop awards - eh, could have been worse.
Membership restriction - whatever the intent - disaster. Now there is the reason you have declining fall in use of your summer camp. Don't go pointing fingers at a declining interest in camping.
This issue is a thorny one. Boy Scout units don't belong to the National BSA, they belong to the sponsoring organization or Chartered Partners who sponsor them. A very large number of the Boy Scout chartered partners are Churches. A little known fact is that Scouting is the official youth program of the Mormon Church. Interesting side note, LDS units have a rule that all weekend camping trips roll up and head home before midnight on Saturday.
As a result of all this sponsorship by churches of all kinds, the National Office may be afraid not to continue the insistence that the Boy Scouts of America hold the line on its members express a belief in God (no atheists). Once this got to be a point of contention, this meant that the ACLU started attacking any civic organization sponsoring a Boy Scout unit.
So if the CAC has a camp operating revenue problem, it should not blame it on the camp. That is more than a little unfair. Instead what the council should be doing is thinking strategically about how to endow the camp so that its operations are covered in perpetuity and it is operating off of the interest of its endowments.
But the national scouting trend seems to be to dump these inconvenient little properties. That's just too bad. Well Owasippe is not some little 20 acre council property in Ohio. Owasippe is 4,800 acres of forests and rivers adjacent to some National Forest that is accessible for hiking and camping as well. Making the entire experience a grand one.
From camping merit badge, to swimming, through scout lifeguard, from archery through rifle and shotgun shooting, from ecology to pioneering, cooking to orienteering, even horsemanship can be obtained at Owasippe. Some of these merit badges are required to make Eagle.
And that is why you need a summer camp. In an urban area like Chicago, just where is someone going to get camping, cooking, swimming, and lifesaving merit badges in a fairly short order? Even in two summers?
Well, that's my rant. For more, follow the links above.
As Barrack "Happy" Obama's delegate lead increases over that of Senator Hillary "Rudeham" Clinton it is just possible that the less than tight-lipped Clinton campaign staff may again be slipping with more dirt on the Clinton campaign.
We can't say that these 10 deepest darkest secrets of the Clinton Campaign are true because our comedy staff made them up just now, I mean just now. But wouldn't it be funny if they were true. They certainly sound like they could be true. As you read them, feel free to wonder if they might be true. Its your constitutional right. We have no way of knowing whether they are true or not. True the odds are really highly against it. In fact, we would say that these purported rumors are definitely untrue and without merit whatsoever. So don't go cutting and pasting and sending these around like they were true. THAT WOULD NOT BE NICE. IT WOULD BE WRONG. Even if it might be funny.
Top 10 Secrets of the Hillary Clinton Presidential Campaign
10 - Does Hillary get really annoyed when the staff gets punchy and can't help start singing "The Name Game" when they get tired, because they slip and sing 'Hillary, Hillary, bo bama' way too many times for her comfort?
9 - Is Bill Clinton the one who most often slips and then starts in with 'Obama, bamma, bo, bama, fi, fi, yo, mama' and Hillary doesn't think Bill is referring to Obama's Mama?
8 - Have some of the girls/boys on the campaign staff have been sliding 'First Gentleman' outfit pictures (skirts, dresses, pants suits, blue dresses, and village people attire) under Bill's office door while he has been out on the trail?
7 - Has this has caused the former President to start pestering Senator Clinton - presuming a fall victory - to think about appointing Bill to a post that would get him out of 'First Gentleman' duties and hand the 'First Lady' duties over to Chelsea on the grounds that she could use the political exposure and that several Presidents (unmarried) did have their daughters fill the first Lady Function?
Did Bill think that SecDef, SecInterior, Ambassador to the United Nations or a number of other jobs could keep him out of the White House most of the time and avoid the whole co-presidency brou-ha-ha? Do rumors linger that the 'unmarried' notion caused a pause for thought, but that other ambassadorships, Iraq, Chile, Turkmenistan, Ethiopia also came to mind?
6 - Is Hillary quite peeved to have heard the US Secret Service agents now on President Bush's 'Detail' have decided on a contest to determine who gets onto Bill's detail and who gets stuck, er, assigned to Hillary all based on the most creative call signs for Hillary and Bill? (So far WET_HEN and DOG_HOUSE are in first place, followed up by ICE_CUBE and HOT_SAX).
5 - Is it true that one night during the Clinton Administration Hillary wandered into the war room under the White House during a supposed crises and caught Bill and the Joint Chiefs drinking and playing poker, and rather than getting mad she took a seat at the table and cleaned everyone out except the Navy cook who had come in to serve sandwiches and who split the last pot with her?
4 - Is it true that Thursday is "pantsuit day" for everyone on the campaign but that only Bill refuses to bow down to the pressure, which is why you never see him on the trail on Thursdays?
3 - Could it really be that Hillary's 'George W' given nickname is 'Tinkerbell', that no one knows why, and that the Senator's campaign staff is afraid to ask her about it?
2 - Is it possible that Hillary has a secret Taco Bell habit formed when that "cute little dog" was on all the commercials and that she thought it was funny because his English reminded her of W's?.
1 - Is the deepest darkest secret of the Hillary Clinton campaign: that to lock up at least one Presidential nomination, using Hollywood special effects makeup, Hillary is secretly running for President as John McCain with Amy Poehler from Saturday Night Live masquerading as Cindy McCain? This could explain Tina Fey's strange outburst two weeks ago on SNL during weekend update!
Oh, how America wants to know the truth. Or do we?
Remember, this is political satire, it would be very, very, very, very naughty to send this around like these were true facts even if you really, really wish they were.
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