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Friday, May 09, 2008

Ways to Reduce Gas Prices and Energy Production Costs


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Mandatory free school busing in all school districts reduces parent auto drop-off and pick up use.

Methane collection vents in the top of all rib joints, firehouses and country bars.

Whether events are inside or outside, the use of mandatory portable wind-powered electricity generators at all political election events, fundraisers or debates.

Threaten oil-producing states with U.S. forced air broadcasts of The Partridge Family, The Brady Bunch, Menudo Concerts, The Cheetah Girls, Charlie's Angels, Miami Vice, The Love Boat, Fantasy Island, and 24-hour repeats of all Joan Rivers Red Carpet interview specials ever recorded on several open-air TV channels.

If they resist, threaten them with Richard Simmons exercise videos, Roseanne, Maude, and our secret weapon, Barney the Purple Dinosaur.

Require gas stations to give away a free bicycle after every $3,000 of gas purchased. (10 SUV fill-ups).

Mandatory 4-day work weeks in summers with 9 hour workday max (Mondays off? We all hate them anyway). 

This will reduce work commute gas consumption by 20% in summertime when they soak us for high prices anyway. Threaten to do the same thing in winter when there is no sunlight to do anything fun anyway.

Downtown Parking Garages must give 40% discounts to those who arrive with 2 passengers before 9am. They collect signed forms to use for tax rebates to offset cost.

We all move to Abu Dabi!

See: http://edition.cnn.com/2008/BUSINESS/05/09/oil.prices.ap/index.html?iref=topnews

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Jokes, Satire, Commentary and Videos

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