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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Dr. Pete Discusses Post-Christmas Truamatic Stress Syndrome


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Please note that "Dr. Pete" is in fact not a doctor of anything. Please, please, please do not take anything written in this post, or this blog for that matter, as having any medical value whatsoever. This is a blog. A comedy blog with jokes, satire and comedy. This is not a place for medical advice. First of all, this is a free blog, who ever heard of getting any good advice for free? Next, even if you used the donate box to donate money to this blog, which only my sister has done so far - THANK YOU SIS! The advice in a Dr. Pete Post would still be useless. (Correction - Another sister did buy a bunch of books from Amazon through the site so that was helpful too.)

This post has been affected by off-seasonal affected disorder and would normally appear between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Somehow Dr. Pete got into our production office and locked this one in with a root password. So, here it is.


Dis iz Dr. Pete and it iz time fur anoder vizit from zee Dr. Pete rolling couch.

Az you probably know zee Chtistmaz zeazon is villed vith ztrezz. Ziss goes on und on from Tanksgiving Day until Chrizmaz Day for sure. Zen, some people get a lucky break und zee ztrezz oozez out of zeem like vat uff zee top uff a pan uff veinerschnitzel und zey veel much, much better on December 26th.

If you are one uff zeez strange und unprofitable beeple vor zee bzychiactric provezzion, zen lucky for you, zee you ven your moder and girlvriend start vighting vith each oder again, zat zhould be about two weeks, depending on how much you spendt on zere prezents.

Zat's All? You really are a zucker aren't you. Zee you bright und early Monday Morning und bring me a tribble latte vit zugar von't you? I'll need it. You'll need one too. We'll zee, iv you don't need zee zession by Monday morning zee lattes are und me.

Anyhow, most people zuffer from Post-Chriztmust Post Traumatic Stress Dizorder, which they tend not to come our uv until New Yearz Eve. Zis accountz for many of zee odd und strange dating couple zat you zee on New Yearz Eve. Many of zeez dates vere made at Ovvice parties vith zenior execss und both zides now regret zee dates but getting out of zem waz almozt impozzible becauze phone nuberz waz/were not exchanged.

Zometimes, uv courze a miracle occurze und zees couple find zee bliss together. More often, they find zemzelvez locked together in a permanent zing becauze uv a one night vling.

But zey are not zee largezt group by any meanz.

Ze group zat is var more commen are ze ones who got giftz from zoze zey did not expect and muzt now decide vether it is too late to gift zem.

Ze perzons zat got zee mazzivly ugly givt from zee perzon who vill vant to zee it in zee future on a regular baziz.

Zee perzon who got a vairly decent gift but in zee wrong zize, shape, color, fabric, and or body type and flavor.

Zeez mszt be exchanged zumhow with a zuitable explanation for the disappearance of the ugly givt. Blenders, dogs, unraveling in zee dryer, neighbor cats und wind are generally part of the eggskuze uzed to eggsplain mizzing prezents of ziz kind which have been exchaged.

Chriztmaz Card Anxiety iz alzoa chief Pozt-trumatic Dizorder if dey half not yet gone out. Zee Easter card iz und fine tradition und I suggenst it for zoze who cannot get it all together for Christmaz.

Zee best cure for all zeez dizorderz is to give up!

Just ztop it!

You did enough!

Your children own enough toys now to open zere own zhop. Re-box zee onze dey don't play wit and zell zem, on eBay or Overstock.com vich should be enough to pay down your credit card billz, your last zourze of stress except for long staying relatives.

Vell iv zee virst ztep und zolvink problems iz to identify zem, zen I hope zat I have veen helpvul. Zee next step iz to rezt and clear your mind of zeez ztrezzerz.

For this I prefer Zchnapps, ezpecially in ziz zeazon. Zo Irizh Wizkey is alzo vine.

Dr. Pete

We at the Peter Files Blog would once again would like to disassociate ourselves in every way with the thoughts, manner and ideas of Dr. Pete. Folks, do not try this at home.

Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary

Mother, Sarah, Segel, Oops!
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