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Thursday, November 24, 2005

Resources For Thanksgiving Disasters

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If you are having a Thanksgiving disaster RIGHT NOW, I can't help you with many problems, but I can offer a few resources that may help you a little if you run into some cooking disasters on Thanksgiving.

Emergency Phone Numbers

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Wednesday, November 23, 2005

How Do You Roast A Turkey?

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Q: How do you roast a turkey?


A: Invite him to a dinner with Don Rickles, Bob Newhart, Dom Deloise, Jay Leno, Phyllis Diller, Ed McMahon, and give them plenty of material to insult him with.

Q. Why do turkeys go "gobble, gobble"?


A. Because turkeys have always thought it was a waste of time to learn good table manners.

Q. What goes "gobble, gobble, ha-ha-ha, plop"?


A. A turkey laughing its head off.

Q. What goes "gobble, gobble, wha? oh! ha-ha-ha, plop"?


A. A turkey laughing its fool head off.

Q. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?


A. Pilgrims.

Q. What kind of music do Pilgrims listen to?


A. Plymouth rock.

Q. What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?


A. The letter g.

Q. What else comes at the end of Thanksgiving?


A. Heartburn.


Have a Happy Thanksgiving,

Hope you have the directions for a good one!


Peter

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Chuck's South Pole Adventure: Week 1, Season 2

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So you think that it's getting a little cold do you? Well let me tell you, you don't know nothing about cold until you've gotten a look at Chuck's South Pole Adventure.

Chuck is working for his second season at Amundsen-Scott Base otherwise known as the South Pole Station in Antartica. That's right, Antartica, that continent at the bottom of the world that is covered with ice.

Chuck is there for a few weeks for the Antartic Summer as part of the Ice Cube Project which you can read about more in detail in Season One of his adventures.

You may wish to start with Season One to get the whole feel for Chuck's adventures.

Season Two is going on right now however, with daily updates, and Chuck has added photos this season which really help to bring home the nature of his adventure.

Did I say cold? On Tuesday, November 22, 2003 the station recorded a balmy -33.7 degrees Farenheight with a wind chill factor of -62.2!

Yowser!

With no trees or buildings to stop the winds moving across the surface of Antartica, wind chill is a major factor, and the wind was moving at a brisk 12.7 knots, hence the large wind chill factor impact.

Ironically, Tuesday's entry was titled, "Overheating". I leave it to you to discover the meaning of that.

This is not one of those overstated blogs seeking mass attention. But if you are looking for an interesting and thought provoking diary about life working on a research project at the South Pole this one's for you.

Chuck is in Antartica working on the Ice Cube Neutrino Detector Telescope Project, funded by the NSF, which it is hoped will tell us about interactions of particles at the highest level of energy found in nature.

Buried deep below the Antartic Ice, detectors from the Ice Cube array should be able to see and trace collisions of neutrinos impossible to "see" any other way.

This is pure science at its best, the truth is at this stage the physicists and programmers working on the project do not know the full extent of what they will discover or learn from this project, but it is likely to lead to unexpected discoveries with impacts that will amaze us all, perhaps defining research agendas well into the 22nd century.

Chuck's diary is interesting with a lot of detail about day to day life at Admundsen-Scott Summer camp where every three days you are allowed a two minute shower to conserve water. Residents live in Janeways and those who want to visit the original base headquarters must descend through a long tunnel of ice because the annual ice and snow accumulation. All modern buildings of importance are designed to be jacked up each year to avoid sinking below the ice in the same fashion.

Incoming planes land on skis rather than wheels and every piece of garbage, crate, packing material or nicknack that comes in, must eventually be shipped out.

The South Pole marker is, well, I think I should let Chuck tell his own story. I have also listed some other sites that provide information about the project.

Information about Chuck's Project - The Ice Cube Neutrino Detector Antartic Telescope

Popular Science Description of Ice Cube Project

Berkeley Lab - Research News

Ice Cube Site at University of Wisconsin, Madison


Other South Pole Links:

Virtual Tour - South Pole

Aerial view of South Pole Station - 1983 (758K)

MPEG of Solar Progression During Summer 24 Sunlight Day

CIA Map of Antartica


Time to find some heavy blankets, this whole subject is making me cold.

Peter
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BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED BY FLOOD

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Crawford, Texas -- A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The flood began in the Presidential Bathroom where both books were kept.

Both books were been lost. A Presidential spokesman said the president was devastated, as he had almost finished coloring the second one. Confidential sources inside the White House indicated that he had hoped to give it to Scootie Bootie Tootie as a going away present.

The White House tried to call FEMA as the extent of the flood damage became clear, but there was no answer, as the call came during an extended lunch break at which the staff was celebrating the recent change in FEMA leadership.

Thanks to my friend DZ for this funny fake story which the crackpot staff at The Peter Files have made even more outlandish in keeping with our humor and satire motto, "If it's funnier, stretching the truth will make it funnier or more satiric still".

Peter

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Citizens Continue Plea - George This One's For You!

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George,

Time to engage in a clean up campaign that is truly winnable and within your skill set.

Forget about the plumbers. Your calling is calling.






Peter

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

A Rude Awakening

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A man and his wife are awakened, at 3 o'clock in the morning, by a loud
pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing
in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it's 3 o'clock in the morning!

He slams the door and returns to bed.

'Who was that?' asked his wife.

'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers.

'Did you help him?' she asks.

'No, I did not, it's 3 o'clock in the morning and it's pouring out there!'

'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife. 'Can't you remember,
about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!'

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain.

He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?'

'Yes' comes back the answer.

'Do you still need a push?', calls out the husband.

'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark.

'Where are you?' asks the husband.

'Over here on the swing!' replies the drunk."


Peter
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Sunday, November 13, 2005

Hiatus Over - I Hope

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Thanks to all of you who have been patiently waiting for new posts.

Things have been hectic here in Peter Files Land.

The worst of it was catching a really nasty cough/flue that lasted almost three weeks and took almost three weeks to get rid of and got worse every day. Now that isn't funny.

Just Friday I lost the whole day ro sleep as I battled it out with the nasty bug-ger but the tide seems to have turned and anti-biotics and prescription cough medicine in hand, and I seem to be able to type again.

Missing topics to rant aboutL

The Chicago White Sox Won the World Series with some amazing ball playing and some nice decisions on the players and umpires parts. A huge weight has finally been lifted from my shoulders.

More on that later.

Also Mac news.

American Idol.

Fall TV season.

Blonde Jokes.

Podcasts.

Disasters in Republican Land.

Found Friends in the South after Katrina.

Last nights wind storm in Chicago.

CTA fare increases and why they could have been much, much worse.

Peter
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We're Back!

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Thanks to all of you who have been patiently waiting for new posts.

Things have been hectic here in Peter Files Land.

The worst of it was catching a really nasty cough/flue that lasted almost three weeks and took almost three weeks to get rid of and got worse every day. Now that isn't funny.

Just Friday I lost the whole day ro sleep as I battled it out with the nasty bug-ger but the tide seems to have turned and anti-biotics and prescription cough medicine in hand, and I seem to be able to type again.

Missing topics to rant aboutL

The Chicago White Sox Won the World Series with some amazing ball playing and some nice decisions on the players and umpires parts. A huge weight has finally been lifted from my shoulders.

More on that later.

Also Mac news.

American Idol.

Fall TV season.

Blonde Jokes.

Podcasts.

Disasters in Republican Land.

Found Friends in the South after Katrina.

Last nights wind storm in Chicago.

CTA fare increases and why they could have been much, much worse.

Peter
===> We love comments about our posts good or bad!

Please make comments by clicking on the word "Comments"!

Click on the Envelope to forward posts to your friends! Thank you! The staff.


Don't miss this sale! Amazon.com takes 50% Off 100 Plus DVD's & Sets!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

A Short Pun

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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

The teller looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.


The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. The teller then explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, the teller explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"


The bank manager looks back at her and says...




"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."



Thanks to Sarah for this one.


Peter
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