Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.
The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."
"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."
She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"
"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.
"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."
She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says....
Liver alone. Cheese mine!
If you haven't guessed it already, its clear out the email night. Three posts in one night! This one is pretty darn good and comes from Mary Ellen. Thanks for a great one. You could be great too. Just upload a comment in a post and tell me what kind of credit you want, full name, first name, city, state, whatever. All the comments I get are scanned for approval first so your personal details won't go up there without my OK.
I got the following information from Fran at the Orland Park Park District who publishes a regular theater newsletter which I have abstracted here. I use the term abstracted lightly here; this is nearly here entire newsletter. Fran, if this use is not O.K. just email me at ThePeterFilesBlog AT Gmail Dot Com and I will pull this post forthwith.
If you find this information useful, I suggest that you subscribe directly to Fran's newsletter by writing to rpintern@orland-park.il.us attention FRAN and asking to subscribe. MANY KUDOS to FRAN for this difficult undertaking.
Here's from her latest newletter:
The Orland Park Theatre Troupe will be finishing out its’ 2006/2007 season with our yearly musical, Grease in April and Break A Leg in June. Our 2007 / 2008 season will begin with Revenge Of The Wiz in October and our Holiday production in December is yet to be determined. Grease, as you all know, will be open to everyone of high school age and up. Break A Leg is open to all, age 12 and up and Revenge Of The Wiz is an adult age production. We’re excited about our season and look forward to another very successful year! Thanks to all who have been involved this year, whether on stage or behind the scenes; your participation is invaluable and what continues to make the OPTT such a success!
On to upcoming shows! Northwest Indiana’s South Shore Brass Band with the Memorial Opera House Carolers performs this weekend in A Very Brassy Christmas Concert! Don’t forget Curtain Call’s Fiddler On The Roof in January. Those tickets continue selling fast but check out their online ticket reservations website below!
Don’t miss auditions for the OPTT’s production of Grease, BTG’s Jesus Christ, Superstar, and Oak Lawn ’s Thoroughly Modern Millie! Read all the details below! Living Hope Lutheran Church and The Leo School of Theatre in Frankfort are still in need of participants for Jesus Christ, Superstar! If interested, please contact them at 815-464-0101 to see what roles may still be open!
Also, the Beverly Arts Center is currently looking to fill six theater related positions. If anyone is interested, go to their website @ www.beverlyartcenter.org to see what’s happening there!
If you would like to submit information regarding theater issues to be included in the Theatre Happenings E-column, please feel free to do so by noon each Tuesday, at: rpintern@orland-park.il.us, Subject: FRANN. Remember, all the information must be included; name of organization, name of show, when it is showing, where it is showing- including the address, the times of the performances and the box office number. If all of the information is not there, I cannot post it.
Here is their list of current auditions and shows.
MEMORIAL OPERA HOUSE A VERY BRASSY CHRISTMAS – STARRING: NORTHWEST INDIANA’S SOUTH SHORE BRASS BAND & THE MEMORIAL OPERA HOUSE CAROLERS! WHEN: Friday, December 21st WHERE: Memorial Opera House @ 104 Indiana Avenue , Valparaiso , Indiana TIMES: 7:30pm TICKETS: $10.00 Adults / $8.00 Students & Seniors BOX OFFICE: 219-548-9137
BEVERLY THEATRE GUILD JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR - AUDITIONS WHEN: January 3rd, 5th & Callbacks on January 6th if needed. WHERE: Salem United Church of Christ @ 9717 S. Kostner Ave , Oak Lawn TIMES: Thursday 7:15 – 9pm / Saturday 1:15-5pm SHOW DATES: March 14th, 15th & 16th SHOW LOCATION: Beverly Arts Center @ 2407 W. 111th Street , Chicago TICKETS: $20.00 Adults / $19.00 Senior (62+) & Students (with current ID) / $18 Military~Retired or Active / $18 Group Sales ~20 or more BOX OFFICE: 773-445-3838 or www.beverlyartcenter.org
CURTAIN CALL COMMUNITY THEATER FIDDLER ON THE ROOF WHEN: January 3rd, 4th, 5th & 6th WHERE: Lincolnway East High School , 201 Colorado Avenue , Frankfort TIMES: Thursday, Friday & Saturday @ 7:30pm / Sunday @ 2:00pm TICKETS: $18.00 Adults / $16.00 Seniors & Students BOX OFFICE: 708-699-2228 – Tickets available for purchase through their online box office at: www.ccctheatre.com
OAK LAWN COMMUNITY THEATER THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE - AUDITIONS WHEN: January 6th & 7th with tentative callbacks on the 8th WHERE: Oakview Recreation Center @ 4625 W. 110th Street , Oak Lawn TIMES: Sunday, 1/6 @ 1-5pm / Monday, 1/7 @ 7:30-10:00pm SHOW DATES: March 6th, 7th, 8th, 14th, 15th & 16th SHOW LOCATION: Oakview Recreation Center @ 4625 W. 110th Street , Oak Lawn TICKETS: $19.00 Adults / $18.00 Students & Seniors BOX OFFICE: 708-857-2200
ORLAND PARK THEATRE TROUPE GREASE! - AUDITIONS WHEN: January 20th & 21st (22nd – Callbacks if necessary) WHERE: Old Village Hall @ 14413 Beacon, Orland Park , IL TIMES: Sunday, the 20th ~ 1 – 6pm / Monday 21st ~ 7 – 10pm / Tuesday, the 22nd ~ Callbacks if necessary 7:00pm SHOW DATES: April 25th, 26th & 27th SHOW LOCATION: Carl Sandburg Performing Arts Center @ 13100 LaGrange Rd. SHOW TIMES: Friday & Saturday @ 7:00pm / Sunday @ 2:00pm TICKETS: $17.00 Adults / $15.00 Seniors & Students / $13.00 Children to age 12 BOX OFFICE: 708-403-7275 Must sing 16 measures of a prepared piece of music from the show, be prepared to learn a brief dance and read from script.
ORLAND PARK COMEDY IMPROV COMEDY IMPROV WHEN: Friday’s, January 25th, February 22nd & March 28th WHERE: Old Village Hall @ 14413 Beacon, Orland Park , IL TIMES: 8:00pm – 10:00pm TICKETS: $5.00 at the door BOX OFFICE: 708-403-7275
I hope you found these helpful. Now if I only had information on what the BHUC was up to this spring!
Bob Barker, host of The Price is Right, the longest running game show in television history is retiring, so it is only right to celebrate Bob's career with this clip I found on LiveVideo.com called The Best Of: The Price is Right.Please note that you may have to turn the volume up immediately with the volume level control just to the left of the "share" button at the bottom of the video player.
I found this very funny. Please note that some of LiveVideo's offerings cannot be considered safe for work, so use caution in going to the site if you do not want these offerings in your browser history.
We strive to keep our humor and comments safe for home and work. Some of the links that appear here may not meet our standards. If this appears on a regular basis, please let us know at "thepeterfilesblog dot gmail dot com". Thank You!
Sorry toots, but if you've been watching the Sopranos all these seasons, ya shoulda seen it coming.
You knew too much. Listening in on big Tony's shrink sessions, spying in on all his deep secrets, the family fights, witnessing who whacked who, sooner or later you had to know that what you knew was going to become a liability to Tony and his ability to sleep well. Right?
You thought you was safe, after all, it was the end of the final season. What could happen?
Not like you was a big roller. You forgot you was a witness. A loose string to be taken care of before they took off for who knows where. And, so, you got whacked. Right in front of the family. Best way for them to be sure you were done.
Big Tony's daughter thought it was wrong and tried to stop it. After all, who did you ever kill?
You never ratted out on anyone. And ya could have.
But she was too late. By the time she was close, boom, blackout, the deed was done.
I can understand you being mad and all. You didn't see it coming. But what were you doing out in public so close to big T and his whole family? Didn't you think someone would notice you? After all you've been hanging around for years now. At least you coulda worn something other than your underwear to the restaurant. And its not like you were totally innocent - how many times did you watch someone get whacked without a word of protest?
Right. So its only fair. Just your turn at the blood pit.
Well, now you have forever to think about it and all the mistakes you made.
Mean time, Tony and the family is out there living on, doing their own thing, whatever or wherever that is, you won't be there to see it. I have a pshrinking feeling that there will be less therapy in his future too.
We strive to keep our humor and comments safe for home and work. Some of the links that appear here may not meet our standards. If this appears on a regular basis, please let us know at "thepeterfilesblog dot gmail dot com". Thank You!
We strive to keep our humor and comments safe for home and work. Some of the links that appear here may not meet our standards. If this appears on a regular basis, please let us know at "thepeterfilesblog dot gmail dot com". Thank You!
Paris Hilton is out of jail on house arrest after totally freaking because:
There wasn't a yummy mint on her prison pillow.
Prison Orange Jammies, like totally clashed with her UV-Tan.
The wake-up call was a wake-up-brawl.
Room service was like so hard to reach when you have to call it with a spoon tapping against a pipe and delivery takes like, forever!
TAPWATER! I'm so sure.
She couldn't get used to bed time foot wear that did not have pink fluffy hair.
There were no openings in "How to make a shiv class" while she was still going to be there, so, like what was the point.
When she got her prison clothes the shoe lady said "Minola who"?
After 12 hours of whining, E-block voted her out of the prison.
Like, nobody told her that her cell would not have a phone number!
The warden really got tired fast of all the faxes from her posse clogging up the prison's fax machine line. Especially the ones that seemed to originate from photocopiers at night.
During dinner the first night there was absolutely NO cilantro to be found!
During her interview for potential prison jobs, Paris and the prison work assignment staff came to the mutual realization that Paris actually had no skills that would be useful in a prison. Even library aide generally requires reading skills.
Paris didn't warrant a private cell, but mean time to cell-mate shrieking hysterically to "get out of this living hell" was about 15 minutes.
Even "Deaf Bertha" was driven crazy by the tap, tap, tapping on the bed, bars and floor every time Paris thought about money, shopping or.... Bertha lasted a whole half hour before signing her pleas to be "tossed in the hole". (Note: in the interest of sensitivity to those with physical disabilities, Bertha's real nickname has been softened to the considerably less offensive "Deaf Bertha". Come on, no one would believe for a second that anyone in a prison would be called "Hearing Impaired Bertha".)
Paris started seeing dark roots in the mirror that weren't really there.
The deal to get cameras in for a Very Special Summer Real Life With Paris Hilton and Mad Dog Margo fell through.
The paparazzi was getting on everyone's nerves a lot faster than anyone anticipated, the prison staff really wasn't used to dealing with people who broke into prison - and figuring out if it was o.k. to let them out once they caught them.
Confined space, ugly outfit, being told what to do and when to do it, it was like being 10 again! No, Doctor Shrink said this would never, ever, ever happen again. She promised!
Paris learned the hard way that unsynthesized vocal music can sometimes be subjected to harsh criticism after being moved to F-block. However, singing Cat Scratch Fever, Tied to a Whipping Pole, and Like A Virgin after midnight, showed questionable judgment at best.
Paris had an allergic reaction to the prison food - it had calories in it.
And if you believe those, I've got some land East of Evanston for you. Beautiful lake-front property....
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This is another one of those posts that have my older friends going - huh? What do you see in that show?
They just don't understand. Given a change in the age limits of the show that could be ME up there. Really. No kidding.
"Sure you say."
"Come' on producers, get rid of the age limits you cowards and let's see."
My relatives are laughing their heads off right now. Some of them. The others believe.
Anyway, I'm way off the track. If you found this post, its because you do care about who wins the American Idol Season 6 Finale: 25 year old Blake Lewis or 17 year old Jordin Sparks.
Blake Lewis - His Songs From The Season 6 Semi-Final Show + Comments from Jackson, Abdul and Cowell
Jordin Sparks - Her songs from the Season 6 Semi-Final Show Without Comments From Jackson, Abdul and Cowell
Because of the absence of te glowing remarks for Sparks, these videos are not really fair comparisons so try to ignore the judges, just pay attention to the performances if you are just coming to this for the first time.
I would have rather directed you to the Fox American Idol Music Video Page which shows many of Blake and Jordin's best performances, but there is so much demand on that server right now that the YouTube videos are the only way to see these videos. To make up for not having judges remarks for Jordin's Semi final performances, I include this one from an earlier show.
Jordin Sparks - On a Clear Day You Can See Forever
SO who will win?
As you might guess from my intro, I don't think that age should be a factor, period.
So Jordin gets no extra creds for being so talented at 17 and Blake none for being likely, possibly to be more stable at 25. All that counts is their singing.
That being said I think that they are both huge talents and think already that this is a win win for AI producers who probably have them already tied into contracts. Or should if they are not idiots. That being said, my personal feeling is that Jordin is more innovative, original, and has greater star power. Then again, she's a great looking babe.
But man can she sing.
Blake is also phenomenally talented. He has lots of fans and ahs he history of Soul Patrol dynamics working for him. Women voting for him because he's hot, men to keep up the faith, and many just because he is talented.
On the other hand, Jordin has charisma, natural talent, beauty, charm, power and the ability to make a song her own.
I think that the results will be very close.
So how will it go. Are you going to make a difference?
If so, are you going to take advantage of your chance to vote for free perpetually to vote for someone you like, or mess things up?
Popular strategies:
1) Pick the ones you like and vote for them using auto redial as often as possible. Using more than one line if possible to hit the alternate numbers and a computer and second line if you have them.
2) Convince friends and family to engage in the same screwy behavior. If close to a time zone line be prepared to drive across the time zone line to get in an extra hour of calling, especially if you are on the boarder of Mountain or Pacific time.
3) I've not checked out votefortheworst.com but you have the option of following their lead or voting against it just for spite.
4) Here's one I thought of today. Just boost the numbers up as high as possible just to tie up the phone lines by voting for each candidate in sequence as long as you can. Just do your best to generate a huge volume of calls. Every call you make may block other calls trying to stack the deck, so by slipping your calls in you are actually making the competition fairer because you always vote for one after the other. You don't switch until you are sure a vote gets through.
Remember, you can vote as many times as you want. The best way to do this is to have two phone extensions on the same line, or two lines and pay attention. But have one dedicated to a number for each candidate. Then you just hit redial on each phone until you get through. Stopping on the other until you get the other ones vote to go through. The end result is an even number of votes for each.
Fun huh?
Even better if your computer does it for you.
Well there are my thoughts.
I thought this season was pretty good. Melinda is well on her way to being the Jennifer Hudson of this season. Watch for her at the Grammy's next year, and don't forget to visit here again!
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As reported last week, attempts were rumored to have been made to put the Easter Bunny on the "Federal No Fly List" despite the glaring oversite that the Easter Bunny hops everywhere.
Whether these attempts to stymie the Easter Bunny's efforts were rumor, ridicule, or a policy withdrawn, the fact of the matter is that once again, sanity, hope, or a miracle prevailed and our little Children's early introduction to Easter, reportedly through visits to hundreds of millions of homes worldwide this year as a symbol of peace, love and joy was successful again.
As adults, we get caught up in the seriousness of our religious beliefs sometimes that we lose face of the important aspects of them represented by the faith we see in the eyes of our children who would never connect a bomb, a gun, a knife, or violence with the image of God. Anything we teach them otherwise, comes from us. Perhaps we should ponder that, with all due respect to other faiths who's teachings I have not studied, if God has not innately given such connections to the minds and hearts of his children, is it right that we should?
Reports coming into the Cracked up staff of the Peter Files Worldwide, show that the Easter Bunny had more help than usual this year at International Border Crossings, perhaps as a backlash to the "No Fly List" Story. Although he has never needed help in inter-continental travel, it is rumored that a stealth aircraft captain stationed at Area 51 offered him a ride wherever he wished to go. "Even we can't tell where I am now - who's to say where I drop the Bunny? But he seems to be able to do some pretty big hops without me. Talk about altitude!"
Afterwards, job done, EB as he is known to his Cotton Posse, cooled down for 24 hours, then picked up, Flopsy, Mopsie, Cottontail, Rabbit P., Peter C.T., and Bugsy for a Ford limo trip down to the American Idol show. Peter C.T. is rumored to be still grumbling that the rules do not allow Rabbits to compete, he thinks his new joint "Bunny Trail Cotton Rap" with Master D.J. Benjamin B could put him over the top. All EB wanted to do we here is to get some tail bumping time with J-Lo. Nothing serious. Since the theme this week was Latin Music, EB thought he could show her that he could Conga with the rest of the crowd.
Sadly, it was not to be. J-Lo was not in the House and while Paula was all hugs, Simon Cowell took one look at the Bunny Patrol and nearly had to be hospitalized for hysteria. That was before PCT brought up putting "Bunny Trail Cotton Rap" into the show.
In the end it didn't matter, the Bunny Patrol had a great time, brought extra carrots and eggs for everyone and Mopsie even got a few phone numbers we hear.
So thats it for the Easter 2007 report. Hope that this report doesn't Egg on Bush and Co. for 2008!
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Yep, with a little of Season 6 of American Idol under our belts , the question that has haunted the show since the beginning is back. Let me step back a little.
I was standing in line at CVS and just before I darted back to Pharmacy to have them check me out (much faster than waiting for 8 people - should I admit this?) I noticed one of the tabloids with a huge headline.
No, not "George and Laura Bush split!" or words to that effect. That was another tabloid. I find it hard to believe that that one is true.
No, another claimed "American Idol Results Fixed By Judges! Winner Decided Ahead of Time!", again, or words to that effect. Since I tend to ignore the tabloids on most occasions I don't have that quick identification of which one is which, you'll have to go out to your favorite tabloid source if you want to get the details on either of these compelling works of ... hmmn, facts or fiction?
Do you believe everything you read in the newspaper? If so then those judges are guilty as sin. But then, doesn't talent naturally rise to the top? Isn't it likely that in any pool of inexperienced but talented singers that some would stand out as more together than others from the start? If the judges notice this, and comment accordingly, is the fix in or are they just being honest, or, are they even digging at those behind to het them mad enough to work at their highest level.
Isn't that Simon's game after all?
Well. Here's a poll. We have not had one in awhile. Don't let my ramblings influence your feelings one bit.
How likely do you think it is that the American Idol Judges attempt to fix the results?
They obviously can't completely control the outcome without telephone vote fraud on a massive scale. I'm sure those numbers must be being audited carefully. But still, they have a lot of influence. There is a pretty wide scale here, there are no wrong answers here, just give your best gut feeling. If you have friends interested in Idol have them take it too.
Remember, this is a non-randomized poll, so its non scientific survey, so its results are worth zilch. But it might still be interesting to see what people say.
Thanks for helping out.
Before signing off, many kudos to well deserving Golden Globe winner Jennifer Hudson who received an Academy Award Best Supporting Actress nomination Tuesday morning for her role in Dreamgirls. Jennifer, a Chicago native, was of course knocked out of the American Idol competition earlier than many of her fans wanted. She had a great deal of south Side Chicago support, especially at Beverly Rare Records at 116th or 118th and South Western Avenue where she was a regular in their karaoke shop. Go Jennifer!
I've been a fan of CBS's the Late Show's Craig Ferguson ever since he replaced Craig Kilbourn.
This prancing, swaggering Scotsman, world weary, slightly embittered, and outrageous has a cutting and hysterically funny and naughty sense of humor appropriate for late night television, and makes no apologies for his views of the world which are often seen through slightly exaggerated, but dead on glasses. Sometimes he is so naughty that his material is not suitable for replay here.
When Craig Ferguson sees something gone wrong he can be particularly funny, as in this clip that I just found, in which he relates his comments about the impact of Apple's release of the iPhone on Microsoft, and some biting to the bone comments about the Zune player.
When the beauty queen who sings like a dream went up against the the next in line for Elvis' throne, in the American Idol grand finale last night, who did I vote for?
I've always been a sucker for pretty eyes. I also love 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow".
I also took into account total appeal and long term possibilities, and picked, after at least a little agonization, Katharine McPhee to get my votes, as she did the last three weeks. Maybe four weeks.
She did make some major mistakes last night. Her opening number was a poor choice to compete against Hicks and his powerful "Soul Patrol" style which admittedly proved he would be a great idol winner and I look forward to hearing his records for years to come.
The same is true for Kat McPhee. She has the disadvantage of being younger and less experienced than bar singer Hicks. But her talent, though still a little uneven is staggering when she pulls it all together as she did last night with "Over the Rainbow" which was for her what "Summertime" was for Fantasia Barrino last season.
Fantasia's first performance of "Summertime" last Season, was one of the most powerful and moving dramatic performances I have ever seen on television.
Had McPhee used one of her stronger country numbers as an opener, something more well known, she might well have done better.
However, the psychology of voting may be different than it first appears.
We have to skip people who have phone banks an computers to do their dialing for them. It is assumed that they either cancel each other out or can be detected by the phone company and eliminated. This may be and invalid assumption, but if it was a factor, it would have been present last week when the vote was a virtual dead heat 3-way tie with tenths of percentage points between the candidates.
A large group of interested viewers might vote once or twice to get their vote in, but how many would vote as often as possible without stopping, just by hitting re-dial on their phones? And how worried are they that their candidate might lose to make them feel that their votes are urgently needed?
This is the crux of the voting dilemma.
Based on my own experiments with a standard GE 900 mhz portable phone I found that if I pressed re-dial immediately after hearing Kat start to say "Thank you for voting for me..." that my phone would start an immediate re-dial process that made it possible to call in a maximum of 6.6 to 7 times a minute, 240 minutes, allowing a theoretical maximum 1680 votes from a one-line household and an inexpensive phone.
However, to actually perform the maximum number of votes would require more concentration than I had last night. You make mistakes when trying to vote in while watching the season finale of "House", or a rented copy of "Scary Movie". Yes, a few scenes in that film can cause the fingers to slip...
But I was astonished at how many calls I seemed to be getting in and how easy it was to get into a pattern where, without thinking much, I was getting in a good 6 calls a minute. But boy are my thumbs tired.
If Taylor's crazed fans think he had it in the bag and did not do what I did last night, and Kat's fans terrified that she blew it, called for four solid hours straight as I did, she may pull off a surprise victory.
Last night the Idol Promoters mentioned that Kat was singing her debut single, obviously a winning anthem theme as was Taylor's but no album was mentioned for him. Why was this? Does she already have a contract that I missed out on? So Katharine, Good luck. In less than an hour now I learn your fate.
I have so much enjoyed your singing. And I have the feeling we will be seeing a lot more of you in the future one way or the other. If nowhere else, on magazine covers for the next 15 years.
But I hope that we will be hearing you and Taylor both for some years to come.
Peter, Just a little bit too old for Idol according to the rules
UPDATE: As the world knows now, Taylor Hicks and the Soul Patrol won American Idol. While I was not surprised, it was a little too easy to dial in for Katharine, I have to say I enjoyed very much listening to him and watching him perform too.
Some have predicted that Kat will disappear into the mists of obscurity, somehow, I don't think so. Watch this space.
Just use the little envelope to forward your favorite jokes to your friend family and co-workers. You'll be glad you did. We're Safe for Home and Work - no naughty bits!
You watching and searching right now? Wouldn't it be great to have the link to the backdoor or the Idol Producer's website so that you can see the promo material they will unleash as soon as the show is show in Hawaii?
Then we'd know the who survives in advance.
Wish I had it.
But if I did, I'd think it was Melissa that was voted off and I'd be sad.
The Peter Files Blog takes no position as to whether anything on this site has any veracity whatsoever. In fact, we would go so far as to say that you should take whatever is listed here with a very large grain of salt.
Very, very large. Remember that recent post that cites rock of Gibralter?
But it has some interesting stuff about Paula Abdul, Simon Cowell, all the rest.
Not nice stuff about some of the contestants. Not screened for safe for kids. Probably safe for work.
That should take care of my need to cover Idol conspiracies for awhile, they have me covered.
If you were following the controversies surrounding American Idol last May you had the joint pleasures of speculation about how the British Press had published Carrie Underwood as the Winner prior to the final vote being taken on American Television and speculation, caused by a former idol contestant, that Idol Judge Paula Abdul had had an off-camera naughty relationship with one of the youthful idol contestants.
To add fuel to the fire, while attempting to defend Paula's honor (rather sucessfully and humorously in the bargain) Fox producers were faced with the spectre of dealing with a counter-force to their call-in contest in the form of Votefortheworst.com which tried to convince Idol watchers, fans and haters to take matters into their own hands and throw the results of the competition by deliberately voting for the worst performers, just to cause the producers great pain and suffering.
Why would they want to do this?
Possible motives:
1) Because they can.
2) Given enough computers and enough monkees, sooner or later someone will try just about everything to get attention, even writing a post like this one.
3) Simon Cowell, judge and co-producer just might be annoying enough each week for some show watchers to want to make him squirm by facing the possibility of forcing him to give a record contract and promote someone who has little chance of making back his investment.
4) Because as gags go it beats the heck out of running someones shorts up a flag pole, even Randy Jackson's.
5) With a little luck and promotion they might be able to draw hundreds of thousands of viewers to their site and make a few bucks off of the ads they run. Really? Could filthy lucre really be the real motivation? Say it isn't so, Joe. Sorry, they've had over a million hits so far, could be a factor, nay even a smoking gun, but who could blame them?
One thing is certain. The 2006 version of Vote for the worst.com is a much slicker, hipper website than 2005's production. There is a lot more content, much less graphic content from the show, and enough satire and ridicule to make them a legitimate form of parody in most people's eyes.
Will they have an impact this year? That depends on the viewers. They claim to have been the force that put Carrie Underwood over the top.
Maybe. For all the Vote for the Worst.com ranting about Carrie "Farmbot" Underwood's lack of talent, the fact is that in her final showdown with Bo Bice, the final face-off was also between the cultures of rock and roll and country music, of north and south, of urban and country, and while these are sweeping generalizations with much crossover, underneath them lie solid audience segments such that all other things being equal, differences in musical style would have certainly played a big role in the closeness of the final vote which Fox News claimed was only a 134 vote difference.
Certainly Bice is incredibly talented and more mature than Underwood, and my own preferences lean towards Rock and Roll, and the closeness of the vote tally suggest that the VotefortheWorst.com website may have had exactly the impact it claims, that is thrown the final vote towards Underwood.
But what about a Bice Backlash? Could Bo's fans been incensed at the interference and voted more heatedly, once, Bice, three times more often than before?
That was last season. We may never know. What I can say is that VotefortheWorst.com is back and as a Peter Files Blog reader you are on notice that you have already missed some of this season's fun, BUT, now there is a recap for you to catch up on and to follow the sites new comprehensive and incisive (as in teeth not insight) coverage of this season's episodes, including their suggestions for the worst performer of Tuesday's episode and the appeal that their website's fans vote for that person so that He and/or she stays in the running for another week. They even supply the telephone number to call in so that you do not even have to watch the show to follow der instructions.
Funny? Yes?
Reality Television? Yes, very real. So real that it takes the show to an entirely different level. Thursday nights when who is safe and who will leave has a new dimension now and audiences will be wondering if the person leaving the show was truly the worst performer in the judgement of the mainstream audience or if the person voted off went before "their time".
Now in truth, in the early stages of the competition it probably hardly matters. The bottom 50% will probably vary very little in the end no matter what the website says. It is in the endgame, where the results get closer that the picks on the website of who to save, the rundown of each episode, and the comments by fans in their forum section will become more important.
They also have a little safeguard that was unpublicized or little publicized last time when they had a little "Server problem" perhaps due to Fox's nervousness (if any) about their impact on results. As they say, the only thing worse than bad publicity is no publicity.
You have to give American Idol credit for this - Idol is one of the great publicity engines of the current media age. You might almost suspect that VotefortheWorst.com was created by them just to stir things up if it wasn't so annoying....wait a second, isn't Simon Cowell rather, well, annoying?
Simon, Theodore, Alvin!
Now all they need is a contestant whose parent was conceived on the grassy knoll or at Graceland to really spice things up!
Oops. Almost forgot to mention, the updated website has some new sections worth checking out!
False Idols a weekly column that bites its way through a review of Idol's weekly activity. Sparing no rods it gives you the low, low, low, lowdown on the week's competition and likely prospects for current and upcoming vote for the worst picks of the week.
If you wander around the site you will also find a message board, info about season's 4 and 5, and of course the website's store operated by Cafepress.com/voteworst which offers an amusing assortment of merchandise for the Votefortheworst crowd, my favorites being what I like to think of as the "Randy Bear" and the "Make Paula Cry" bumper stickers.
Of course, I am not sure that the votefortheworst strategy is always guaranteed to make Paula cry. Sometimes Paula likes what other people hate. One can never tell with Paula can one?
So here's the quandry. If you've read this far, and actually have gone so far as to have considered voting on American Idol results, or, alternatively don't care about American Idol, but are just darn ornery, given this information, are you going to do anything with it.
After all you can:
1) Ignore this post and American Idol completely. One might call that the sane adult option.
2) Watch American Idol and do no voting because the phone is just to darn far. That is the couch potato syndrome approach, otherwise known as the "L Factor"TM approach, a PeterFiles blog original term where L means Lazy.
3) Watch American Idol and vote for who you think is best. That is the true blue American Way sort of Competitor.
4) Watch Idol and Vote for the Worst, that is the Vote for the Worst, stick it to the Producers and audience approach, which Kant would not approve of but Brooklyn might overwhelmingly support.
5) The mixed bag approach where you vote repeatedly, alternating between options 3 & 4 so that your favorite is in the end, up against the worst. This is what I consider to be the "Winning Ugly" strategy, and as a Chicagoan and a long time Chicago Sports fan, Go White Sox 2005 World Champions, one I heartily support.
What will YOU do?
What will you do.
Please leave a comment and let me know.
Also, is that Simon's real hair?
Are those...never mind this is a safe for work site, safe for home. Only Paula's doctor knows for sure whether she wears contact lenses.
Is it time for Randy to switch to a new catch phrase? Is that Yo, Dawg, getting kind of tired. Now I know, Yo, Cat, might not be da thing, but there has got to be something new on the front.
UPDATE: For those who did not see my 5/26/05 posting American Idol Results Fixed? Say it isn't So Simon Fuller! in which I documented the early British press release of Idol results before all traces could be wiped from the internet, you might find it interesting reading now that we know that the margin of difference between Bo and Carrie was only 146 votes. Heck, Simon, Randy and Paula could make that many calls just with auto dial, add a few crew members and, well, you get the idea.
I'm not saying that they did of course....
If you are interested in the gagging of the Vote for the Worst website you might also want to check out my 5/3/05 post,
Note: After reading this post you may wish to check out my update to this post written on May 24, 2005 the day of the Tuesday Night Round IV American Idols Finals by clicking here.
By reading the updated Votefortheworst.com website, I learned that they had then, and have now a backup website, WWW.votefortheworst.org which should serve as a backup in case some problems with the main website occur during the final weeks of idol.
One last link, to search for American Idol related sites just use the search box in blue above at the top of the page. For American Idol related videos and CD's you can use the Amazon search box to save time.
So, if you make the call, which call will you make?
Best or Worst?
Only your phone service will know for sure. And Dick Cheney of course.
Peter
P.S. Thanks to the visitors from http://www.forum.bonafidebice.com, the Bo Bice forum for dropping by.
The results are in and Carrie Underwood is the new American Idol.
In a triumphant ending she gracefully and emotionally ended this season's American Idol, and soon the Idol Fan Boards were buzzing.
Pro-Carrie fans were joyous and some a bit snobbish while some pro-Bo fans wept, including some as young as three and five.
Amidst the fan furor though was raised the spectre of the possibility that, with no slights meant to Ms. Underwood, that show producer Simon Fuller had announced to a member of the British Press, Jason Nisse of Britain's Independent News as early as Sunday, May 22th, 2005 that Carrie Underwood was the winner of the show.
But how could this be if America did not vote until the evening of Tuesday May 24th?
Holy Time Travel, Batman!
Well there are several possibilities. One that the article is a hoax, another that the article found was a placeholder for one to be released next weekend that was accidentally allowed out onto the net before it should have been with one of the two names in and it happened to be the right one by chance, and the last one is of coursem that something was afoot at Fox.
Simon Fuller by the way is not to be confused with Simon Cowell the critic that everyone loves to hate, Fuller was being listed as one of the 5 Brits in the 25 Stars of Europe named by Business Week as Reported by Independent News Reporter Jason Nisse.
The story was presumably online on the Sunday the 22nd, and then pulled later.
The original story is gone but the Google News Cache, an online image of Sunday's page remains. The Google News Cache of the story which cites Fuller naming Carrie Underwood as the Winner in time for the Sunday 5/22/05 story can be reached by clicking the photo at the bottom of the link. This post came from Fox Idol Fan site member HPalmer6 who deserves credit for being one of those to notice the story on the Independent website.
Finally, the message that brought it all to my attention. It claims that Fox has been deleting similar messages, but I took the precaution of copying it just in case. (See below) In the mean time, since it appears that the post HAS dissapeared, the google cache with the incriminating echo of the missing article can be also found by clicking on the title of this post above.
Scam, misunderstanding or Smoking gun?
To be fair to Fox, which is a really big boy and should not really need the help, there could be a genuine misunderstanding here. The date thing could be a result of how Google's dating of its cache files work. (I can hear Fox executives muttering Hmmmn, yesss, hmmmmn, mussst beee thaattt, yessss, mmy preecciousss. Remember folks at Fox Legal this is a humor and SATIRE blog - no one really expects me to be right about this stuff.) However, so far, I am only reporting, and sataritically commenting on what I have seen out there.
So has American Idol become a form of pro wrestling or is all safe in Paula land?
I don't know. But I expect that unless some answers appear really fast things are going to get loud pretty darn soon. Maybe that's why Bo got a car too? That is just Idol speculation. LOL.
Either way it should reflect on neither of the show's two young stars, nor any of the other finalists who joined them tonight - they were great.
Their only real problem was that George Benson guy who just about stopped the show, but c'mon, it was George Benson, who cared at that point?
Of course the fans on the board went wild, in fact the message boards were a little like Detroit after an NBA championship win before they wised up, what flames there were.
Let's hope all of this amounts to sound and fury and is forgotten in a few days.
There are more important things in the world, like cancer benefits, see the posts further down, and poverty, and hunger, and AIDS in AFRICA (must.. stay... focused... on... the.... real..... pro.. blems... o..f.. the......)
Hey, way to go on that skit Paula and Randy Dawg. Really funny. You really made us feel like you were in the moment you know, like you were totally comfortable up there making fun of Simon like that. I think when all the votes are tallied, we'll be seeing you two next season.
Hope you'll think about getting rid of that ageist age limit thing too. That makes no sense, why, my man Bo couln't even have been on the show if he had been but a few years older, lets keep it really real dawg, lets move it up to 60! Peace out!
Can you predict the winner on tonight's American Idol Season Finale? I think it is just too close to call. If you missed last night's performances you can get a taste of the show by clicking on the links below which will open a new window at the Idol on Fox home page to give you some chance to size up the action and to catch up if you haven't got a clue about what this is all about.
This link gives Bo Bice's best performance of the evening. Powerful commanding and one of my favorite Tom Jones tunes. He is totally in command here. Fun, hot and giving his fans everything they want and a lot for those in the middle something to thing about.
The key here is drawing the former Vonzell vote. How many were voting on talent alone and how many were voting for "Girl Power" reasons. To many of the latter an Bo is history.
Well, not really. Like Carrie, less so in fact. Bo is now in music a made man. If he doesn't have contract offers coming out of his ears by now someone isn't paying attention. He has genuine talent and I would buy his records - and I've been blase about buying records for quite some time, mostly I-tuning holes in my collection. I was surprised to find someone like Bo this season who I generally found exciting musically. Take a listen below.
On the other hand, Carrie Underwood is not to be underestimated. If you click her link you see someone who has grown incredibly throughout the competition into a major talent herself. Bo started with the advantage of age and a lot more experience but Carrie has been catching up fast. Some of the news accounts criticized her song choice - certainly it was no "A girl like this" that ended season 1 - but it was exactly Carrie's kind of song, solid powerful country rock and in the meat of her range with no chance of weakness but showing off her power and style. A good solid choice.
Taken together, you have Bo doing driving urban Rock and Roll inspired by the 60's with all the power of horns ablazing and Carrie doing her solid Country Rock thing and in a way we are back to Red and Blue - but no one has seemed to notice.
I think this is in part because both contestants have sung each other's style earlier in the competition and because each is so obviously "right" in their venue.
Who will win tonight? Really a close call. I'm a city boy at heart and as a singer was moved and impacted by Bo's daring a capella version of "In a Dream" last week. Not only was it a gutsy thing to do, but to a trained singer listening to him, it showed clearly just how much skill and range Bo actually had as every nuance of his voice was laid naked before the national audience and was not only not left wanting, but was thrilling. I think one of the columnists this morning may have had it right, perhaps Bo should have picked it as one of his songs last night. The fact that he did not might have been an indication of a small cold or some other problem as you HAVE to have your voice in perfect condition to do that.
In doing that song, Bo in essence threw down a gauntlet that was not picked up by any of the other challengers, so, like the Olympics, for exhibiting that extra degree of difficulty, and for his overall fine performances, and for last night, I think Bo should win.
But frankly, Carrie was so good and so charming that if Carrie wins there will be no salt tears here, and I suspect none from Bo Bice either. {Ed. Note: Carrie won and Bo is reported to have said that the day of competition was the happiest day of his life, so at least one of my predictions here was correct! 5/26/05}
In fact, one has to wonder if Bo, knowing his career was made and Carrie's was not, regardless of the outcome, did not do his powerhouse a capella number just to give Carrie a better fighting chance just because he knew that she could not compete at that level. Could Bo be that nice? Carrie is awfully cute and they DO sing very well together I have noticed.
Tonight we will know. And the best part is, we will hear them sing again one more time.
That's it for this file,
Peter
P.S. Idol Producers. You took a great step in raising the age limit of Idol Contestants. But you are still guilty of rampant age-ism. Why assume that only the young can inspire record sales? Why not for one season take the lid off the age limit and see what kind of talent shows up at the door. My bet is that you will be a lot, a lot less bored during auditions. Even if you set a limit for us older folks, I think those of us who never had the chance deserve a break - or is that a new show?
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