This is one of the funniest fish videos that I have ever seen.
Watch this video about a night of fishing in Brazil by lamplight. If you've ever had some frustrating fishing experiences like I have, you will find this hysterical.
Don't forget to tell your friends about our site! Now updating regularly. Use the archives too. More than 650 earlier posts!
In a continuation of my jokes forwarded from friends series, this one is from my most regular contributor Andy, who may have been thinking of our friend Mary when he forwarded it. Hee hee hee.
Four Retired Guys
Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Naples, Florida.
They turned a corner and see a sign that says, Old Timers Bar - All Drinks 10 Cents.'
They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on in and let me pour one for you!
'What'll it be, Gentlemen?'
There seemed to be a fully-stocked bar, so each of the men ask for a martini. In short order, the bartender serves up four iced martinis, shaken, not stirred, and says, 'That'll be 10 cents each, please'
The four men stare at the bartender for a moment.
Then look at each other...
They can't believe their good luck.
They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, 'That's 40 cents, please.'
They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They have each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar.
Finally one of the men says, 'How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?'
'I'm a retired tailor from Boston,' the bartender says, 'and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime - wine, liquor, beer, it's all the same.'
'Wow!!!! That's quite a story,' says one of the men.
The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice seven other people at the end of the bar who didn't have drinks in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.
One man gestures at the seven at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender,'What's with them?'
The bartender says,'Oh, they're all old retired farts from Wisconsin. They're waiting for happy hour when drinks are half price.'
Yeah, stereotypes, don't you love them? Not that this could ever happen. Right? Well, probably not...
Hi there! Wondering where we've been? Sorry for the long absence.
I don't usually talk a lot about myself in this blog, sticking with humor, but this once, I should try to explain where I've been.
One of the things you never see behind a blog like this is the life of the person behind the blog. I've kept that quiet for a number or reasons, spousal request, a desire for privacy, the freedom to make fun of whomever I wanted, but the slow down in posting has gotten so bad compared to early years that it deserves an explanation I think, to those of you who have followed this blog since the beginning.
Sadly, the truth is that this blog started because I became disabled and unable to work at a real job. I'm a chronic pain patient, serious pain, and that does some things that slow my progress here.
The first is that such pain comes with depression and disorganization as a matter of course and that is especially true in my case. So the blog has been helpful to me in chasing those naughty blues away that come with the lifestyle of being in pain constantly.
The second is that the struggle to do even the minimum needed to get through life is draining enough that I don't have the energy I need to get through the normal tasks of life.
In addition, this type of experience tends to be incredibly isolating, and this blog HAS helped to work on that. Some of the comments I have gotten from friends and contributors over time have been quite nice. Thank you all. But, its the nature of this type of blog to get fewer comments than I might get elsewhere. Some of that by choice, because of the psuedo-anonymity I write with. Most of my friends have identified myself pretty easily with the clues I have left for them here.
But the biggest factor, honestly, is that like much of the inter-verse, the universe of the internet, I've been sucked into the world of social networking through Facebook.com at a key time when people my age are the largest joining group of the service.
That's been good for me personally. I am very grateful to Facebook for helping me reconnect with, and improve my connection with almost two hundred people right now that I hold in high esteem and who have been close friends or associates in humor and life over the years. For someone like me, this has been a huge deal. I'm a very social being and in my previous career I worked closely with a couple of dozen people on a weekly basis, but over the course of a year, dealt with several hundred people who I liked, respected, esteemed, and in some cases, held among my closest friends.
My work life was incredibly busy. I had invested most of my being in it with the exception of family life, which got shorter shrift than it should have.
Like many freshly disabled people, it comes as a shock, a great shock, and one that you have to work through. For a long time I let myself believe that I would feel better next week. Surely things would improve, and I would spring back into shape and resume my work and life style. I was deluding myself and it was in the interest of myself to do that because it kept me focused on trying to find a way out of my predicament. Had I had another problem than the one I do, it just might have worked to. Sadly, such did not prove to be the case.
I've learned a lot about pain in the past five years. How much can be endured. What a struggle life is for some, many of whom have it worse than I do. I have a modicum of mobility, I can type and walk or example, where others cannot. One of my cousin's cousin became paraplegic and lost nearly all motor functions.
Another close friend, one of my very best friends in fact, died three years ago in an MS related accident. No warning. Horribly shocking. Then two and a half months later, my mom died, cancer, 10 days from diagnosis to death. The two together were as or more emotionally painful as what I was going through as a result of the injuries I received six and a half years ago. Time flies.
So, this blog has been a great way to chase those naughty blues away, but did not get at my real needs, other than the need to feel productive at something useful to others. Perhaps some day, I could make a career out of it and provide an income stream of sorts.
Well, let me tell you, those ads I put up, don't help much. I still have yet to get a check from Google, though one day I may get enough page views and clicks to generate that first one. Some day. I predict that it will come before 2014 at this rate. Not that I am complaining. I'll take my wife out to dinner on that. Or buy something to keep this computer going. Or just pay my internet bill. (If you really want to help the blog, do your amazon shopping starting here. That is the single thing that could help me do better, just click on the Amazon link first here before you go over.)
Only one of my sisters has used the paypal donate link. I've left it up there though in case there is a foundation that wants to fund my comedy the cheap and easy way.
So, back to where I've been. Well other than sicker. This was a bad winter and in the fall late fall I slipped on the ice behind my car, making my injuries worse and added some new pain. Just great. Wish I had a video of it though. I sure it looked funny as hell making that pratfall YouTube.com worthy had only someone seen it and filmed it.
But the biggest factor has been Facebook, long the bastion only of high school and college students, Facebook has become in the last year flooded with people my age or thereabouts who have discovered that they can post pictures that they can control the privacy of, and create and maintain links with people they care for from far away.
The key element is privacy. If I put up family photos or the like, I can specify that only my family and friends, those I name as "Facebook friends" can see it if I so choose. Each display element has its own setting. I can even have things that only 1 or two people can see if I choose.
What has this meant for me? Connecting with more than a century and a half of old friends, keeping up with some family better, and once in awhile, making new friends. This has had a huge impact on my sense of isolation, for the better. It's been helped by the fact that quite a few old friends have started to catch on and join too.
Last week a friend joined who I used to sit at lunch with and gab through most of high school. We'd drifted apart and I missed him, but as time went on was too lazy or insecure to try to hook up again. Then, joy of joys there was a friend request from him. Amazing. Turns out he's still in town.
Each old connection that I make has helped to heal some of the wounds of lost friends to death of which I have more than I'd like to have had. It took a little prodding and begging, but I got some of my family members to join, giving us a chance to keep up better with what has been going on in their lives and to share the good things that do happen in mine. And that's an important thing. Despite all that I have gone through, life has had some real pleasant moments. Not the kind that you regularly crow at, but, the status messages that say how you are that you can set at will, make those little things news. The system prompts you to update your status with a "Peter is" statement (though you can delete the "is" if you want to.
"I've got a headache but am going to try to sleep it off."
Name "is making his fourth trip to Home (expletive deleted by him) Depot! This is it and he will have new plumbing, trap and faucet for his house."
Name "hopes someone knows a mechanic with a fix-wish to buy my Jeep..."
Name "is midterming. Wonder what the young people have learned thus far."
Name "Coffee..."
Name "is helping save the rainforest on (Lil) Green Patch! (http://apps.facebook.com/greentrees/d.php) -- Join us to help the cause! 2 hours ago - via (Lil) Green Patch"
Name "is ready for today to be over." Better write her a note and see what's up.
Name " is on the way to SNNOOWWBAAALLL!!(:. Updated via Facebook Mobile"
Name "is in Day 2 of the No Negativity in Lent experiment. Serenity now!"
Name "was thinking that he should take up hunting like Jed Clampet."
Name "is watching Man on a Wire re: wire walking between Twin Towers, great documentary."
Name ""We can make it there slow just like a circus" Britney Spears baby ♥."
Name "is celebrating Losar....(Tibetan new year)...its the year 2135, so remember to date your checks accordingly."
Name "is impressed her son is attempting to speak French."
Name "Now that Mardi Gras has come to an end, it's time to reflect, and to decide that which I must give up for lent? Perhaps scotch? Or tequila? Updated via Facebook Mobile on Tuesday"
Name "welcomes all former COMIC ASYLUM customers to ALTERNATE REALITY. 111th & Kedzie is not so far from 86th & Cicero!"
Name "is i love you."
Name "hates when he eats Cap'n Crunchberries, the roof of his mouth feels scraped lol." For the record I like Crunchberries, will have to tell my friend to let them soak a little more for softness. LOL
Name "is not able to read your post right now. However, your post is important to him. Please stay online, and he will read it in the order in which it is perceived." Good one!
Name "is hanging w/my sister & niece after seeing Junie B. I'm also geared up & excited to start audtions for "Don't Drink the Water"!!!"
Name "is wondering what Roland Burris' next story will be. last Friday"
Name " is ready to be at the beach already!" That's one thing about Facebook, you can make friends everywhere through their applications. Sometimes somewhere it is warmer, colder whatever, than you are. That can be good for perspective.
The Facebook privacy issue that hit the news last week has been settled. They announced a return to the original terms of service and promised that they would not make a change like that again and formed a standards committee of members. Good strategy. Because without that reassurance that your messages and data are private as you decide to make them, most of my friends would have left the service.
What Facebook is providing more than anything else is a PRIVATE space to share things, particularly photos. Yes, someone hacking is and sharing things is a small risk, but so far, they seem to be the best there is.
So, that's where I've been. Not just gabbing, but healing as well. And I have to say to my Facebook friends, you have no idea what good you have done for me over the past months. (They will see this if they choose because my blog posts go into my notes section automatically).
That part of me that felt like my past was disintegrating and leaving me in a "Jud-like" lonely room, is gone or at least a lot better, and if I am still not healthy enough to follow up on many of the invitations I have gotten, especially when they are to see plays (I have some great actor friends) that I may or may not have the energy for at the last minute (usually not, sadly), I appreciate them like nothing you have ever seen.
I feel much less isolated. For someone in my position, that is a tremendous thing. Reconnecting with some of the people who I care about is a wonderful, wonderful thing. And through their genealogy application I have been getting to know a lot of cousins I don't know well, (2nd cousins mostly, but still relations I wish I had known years ago.)
This is a great thing. But it has been time consuming and I have left the blog to spin in the wind a little. So, I am going to make an effort to try to post something here at least twice a week. Maybe a little more. Now that the election is past, my need to rant has quelled, and so other than a few irresistibly pokes at some of my local Chicago political players that are in the media now, I will try to lay off the political ranting for awhile. If I can stand to, I am from Illinois after all. But then Blago and company are such easy targets, it hardly seems worth the effort.
Finally, I will be trying in fits and starts to revamp the look of this blog. If you come here and things look strange, don't worry, they will look better soon. I just need to get converted to the new system and I have done so much customizing of my blog that it is hard to do that easily.
So, that's my view on the state of Facebook. I like it. I am using it. I feel good about it.
I think if you have a lot of distant connections you'd like to keep up with, or are nearly house-bound, you will love it too.
And for those who have kept checking back the last few months. Thank you ever so much! Even those who found themselves here by accident had lots of things to read in the archives. Try them, you'll like them!
Oh, better late than never.
The last night for AUDITIONS for S.T.A.R. Productions'The Makeover is tonight.
Here's the rest of the info, and apoligies to Laurie that this is so late. But at least this is advance notice of what I am sure will be a great show.
Audition Information Auditions for our next production, The Makeover (a comedy/drama published by Samuel French just six months ago), will be held at Home Auditorium (address above) on the following night:
Thursday Feb 26, 2009 7 - 9:30 PM
I assume the auditions are in their performance space, but you might want to call Laurie to find out.
PERFORMANCE SPACE: Home Auditorium 4400 S Home Ave (7000 west, a few blocks east of Harlem) Stickney, Illinois
MAILING ADDRESS: S.T.A.R. 3637 W 51st St Chicago IL 60632
(312) 802-8020
Auditionees are welcome at any time during advertised hours on either or both days. Please arrive no later than 8:30 pm to allow time to read with other actors. Most people tend to come on one of the scheduled days and stay until auditions are over. There will be cold readings from the script; monologues are not required. This play was just published, so it's not yet available online or from the library. It will be directed by Leo Rokicki and Laurie Reyna. For more information, call Laurie at (773) 585-5852.
Performance Dates Saturday, May 2, 2009 Sunday, May 3 (matinee) Friday, May 8 Saturday, May 9
The Makeover By Patsy Hester Daussat
It's a typical Saturday evening as Mike and Melanie play games with their best friends, Victor and Paula. They have been neighbors for years, and their sons, who are friends, are both home from college for the summer. Little does Melanie know that her happy, comfortable world will soon be thrown into turmoil. Mike has sent a letter to Facing Facts, Melanie and Paula's favorite reality TV show. He believes Melanie, who has gained weight over the years, would be thrilled to have a makeover at Facing Facts' fabulous spa. After all, she and Paula rave about it. Unfortunately, every Monday night when Melanie and Paula watch the show, their husbands leave to play baseball. Poor Mike is clueless about the show's cruel, ratings-hungry host, Frances Montgomery, who thrives on humiliating those who are ambushed on the show. When the Facing Facts crew descends at her door, Melanie endures a disastrous ambush. Afterwards, she cannot understand why Mike would subject her to national humiliation. Melanie tells him to be out of the house when she returns from the spa. Mike is hopeful that she will change her mind, but things only get worse the evening Melanie returns. Frances not only belittles Melanie again, she sets her sights on an oblivious Mike. Melanie finally explodes, throwing the Facing Facts crew out of her house, along with Mike. Events in the days that follow bring Melanie to realizations about herself and the important things in life.
Character Descriptions (Age ranges listed refer to what the actor should portray, not the actor's actual age.)
Roles for Women
Melanie Barnsworth, 40s-50s, an attractive, middle-class, happily married "domestic engineer" who is padded to look heavier in the first act. She is fun-loving, but has not completely come to terms with her weight issue.
Paula Giacobi, 40s-50s, Melanie's best friend and neighbor, who is a thin, attractive "domestic engineer." She is no-nonsense, but has a nurturing, comforting side.
Frances Montgomery, 30s-50s, the haughty, snobby, attractive (surgically enhanced), thin, flamboyant host of Facing Facts, an ambush reality TV show. She has a patronizing, friendly attitude on the air, but is rude and selfish off the air (except to Mike).
Monica, college-age, Frances' cute assistant and Keith's love interest. She is energetic, a bit eccentric, and very patient (she has to be to work with Frances). She will speak her mind, though.
Roles for Men
Mike Barnsworth, 40s-50s, Melanie's handsome, fit husband, who works in an office. He loves his wife and is understanding, but he's sometimes oblivious and doesn't always listen.
Victor Giacobi, 40s-50s, Paula's husband and Mike's best friend, who owns a small construction company. Despite a bit of a paunch, he is fairly attractive. He is comical, but is sometimes overly flirtatious and can be abrasive.
Keith Barnsworth, Melanie and Mike's son who is home from college for the summer. He is studying to be an architect. He's the boy-next-door type, but he is not perfect. He has a loving and caring relationship with his parents.
Ricky Giacobi, Paula and Victor's college-age son and Keith's best friend. He is more of a free spirit than Keith, and he's unconventional. He is studying psychology. He and his mother are very close. He cares about his father, but they are not as close.
Role for Either Gender
Boz, 18-65, the camera-operator. This is an average-size role with specific actions, but few lines.
Again, the last night of auditions is TONIGHT Thursday 2/26/09, 7-9:30pm. See http://ChicagoSTAR.org/audition for details...
See "Bah Humbug" an Original Musical Version of "A Christmas Carol" Nov 29th and 30th Only two performances!
Since I won't be able to see Bah Humbug, I got a chance to see one of its tech rehearsals this week instead. From what I saw, the show looks to be an exciting and fun musical rendition of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol that will be fun for adults and children alike.
Staying very close to the text of the original novel, Playwright Susan Pagel's script provides an entertaining holiday trip through the trials of Miser Ebenezer Scrooge as he is confronted with his dislike of Christmas by Ghosts and Spirits of the Past, Present and Future.
I have often avoided productions of this show because I have never seen one that was not to me a re-hash of the same old story. But this production is enhanced by singing, dancing, and on-stage fiddling that makes it what could be a family favorite if discovered by a larger producer.
This is a last minute post, but if you want a fun thing to do Thanksgiving weekend, this benefit for Theater on the Move, is just what Santa ordered.
I won't try to Boss you around by saying who, it's tacky to review a show that isn't up, but this Scrooge goes through a transcendent change you won't soon forget.
Sunday, November 29, 2008 at 8:00pm Sunday, November 30, 2008 at 3:00pm
Location: Morgan Park Academy Arts Center Street: 2153 W 111th Street Chicago, IL 60643
CTA Bus: CTA Route 112 CTA Rail: Red Line to Bus 112 or Orange line to 49, 49a, and 112 EB Metra: A few blocks west of the Metra Rock Island Beverly Branch
Reservations for open seating: 773-239-2399
Here is some more information about the show and the history of the group producing it. Thanks to the Theater on the Move publicity people for providing it:
Theater On The Move, a subsidiary of Better Entertainment Enterprises, (BEE) will be celebrating it’s 25th anniversary providing entertainment in the Southwest area with it’s musical production of “Bah Humbug!, Dickens’ Christmas Carol with Song & Prose,” at the Morgan Park Academy on November 29th and 30th. The musical tells the story of Scrooge and the four spirits who visit him on Christmas Eve, forcing him to become a more kind and charitable person, keeping the spirit of Christmas in his heart throughout the calendar year. Cast members ranging in age from 2 to 97 will present this family entertainment which was written an adapted from Dickens story by Artistic Director, Susan Pagels ( West Beverly) with musical direction by Catherine Kogut-Simon (Matteson).
Better Entertainment Enterprises (BEE) was founded in 1977 and incorporated not-for-profit in 1978. BEE operated as a touring company until 1984 when a performance and training center (Bethel Performing Art Center) was established in Evergreen Park. The space was a derelict four room parochial school building, about to be demolished, when BEE took it over. Untold hours of volunteer labor and contributions brought it up to fire code and made it a cozy black box theater. After 10 years of continuous productions, BEE found it was bursting at the seams and with the kind support from its members and numerous area businesses moved to a much larger space in Merrionette Park.
The ink was not dry on the lease when pipes bursts in the building, flooding the basement and causing several weeks delay in construction. Despite this obstacle, volunteers worked day and night to create a 300 seat dinner-theater with food services provided by their top supporter, Papa Joe’s restaurant in Oak Lawn. BEE, operated successfully for several years as Struggles Dinner Playhouse until once again, BEE incurred a name change, and became, “Theater On The Move”, traveling to spaces in Crestwood, Alsip, Blue Island and for the past few years Morgan Park Academy’s stage. Since its inception, BEE has provided an opportunity for people in the Chicago metropolitan area to partake in live theater programs.
The Company has produced over two hundred full-scale comedies, dramas and musicals. Two original education children’s productions were performed for over six hundred Chicago and suburban public schools and the theater also sponsored two citywide talent competitions and workshops in the theater arts to local Girl Scout Troops. During it’s twenty-five years of operation, it has trained over 1000 area children with varying abilities and diverse backgrounds, many of whom have gone on to perform professionally and even on Broadway stages.
In addition to seeking the truly talented artist, youths that are emotionally, physically and socially disadvantaged have been given the opportunity to work in a theater environment by BEE. Students from the Pride Alternative School in Oak Lawn and Aunt Martha’s in Chicago are among the groups that have been targeted in the past. Senior citizens have also been welcomed members of many casts and stage crews. Through their training with BEE, these members gained a sense of fulfillment and the confidence to perform in other theaters in the Chicago area.
BEE’s current production “Bah Humbug” has been performed for more than 15 of its 25 years and features veteran performer John B. Boss (Oak Lawn) as the miserly old Scrooge. Playing the spirits are Jack Simon (Matteson) as Marley, Becca Thoss (Orland Pk) and Kaitlyn Frieling (Palos Heights) as Christmas Past, Peter James Foote (Beverly) as Christmas Present and Simon doubling as the Ghost of Christmas Future. Scrooge’s clerk Bob Cratchit is played by Ron Buscemi (Evergreen Park) with Kathy Murzyn (Marquette Manor ) as Mrs. Cratchit and Olivia Aleman (Oak Lawn) and Adrian Arriaga (Chicago) sharing the role of Tiny Tim. Also featured in the cast are Leo Fagan (Chicago Lawn) and Patricia Henaghan (Olympia Fields) as Mr. & Mrs. Fezziwig. The story line is narrated by Susan Pagels (West Beverly ).
Other members of the 57 person cast include: Ashley Mannion, Rachel Olson, Meghan Cronin, Meghan Hurkes, Jenna Hurkes,Callie Pieczara, Emily Killeen, Jackie Haas, (Oak Lawn): Danielle Hamzik (Bridgeview),Alice & Randy Trull (Hickory Hills), Abbey Norton ( Tinley Park), Sarah Conway, Peter Donald Foote (Scrooge as a boy) (Beverly), Nancy Balouris, Ray & Mary Anne Zygmuntovic, John Marozas, Mary Kenealy, Cathy Earle, (Chicago Ridge), Destiny Frejek, Charles Jackson, Gabrielle Berrien, Yvonne & Shesheta McNutt, Brett Arceneaux, Alexander Arnold, Daphne Ziqui, Vanessa Brown, (Chicago) : Christina Jesik, Erin Kelly, Lauren Luchsinger, Scott Sowinski (Mount Greenwood) and Mary , Lauren & Jimmy O’Neal, Jennifer, Jessica, & Michelle Spreadbury, Lauren Merriweather, Katie Scheidt (Oak Forest).
Show times are 8:00PM on Saturday , November 29th and 3:00PM on Sunday November 30th at the Morgan Park Academy, 2153 W 111th Street.
Ticket prices are $15 for adults and $13 for Senior and children 12 and under. Tickets can be reserved by calling 773-239-2399. Kick off your Holiday Season with this much loved classic and help BEE celebrate their 25th Anniversary.
In keeping with the Peter Files Comedy Blog's effort's to support area theatre, here is some information on a great production. Based on the cased and crew in this production it should be a laugh riot. Don't miss one of the funniest plays now off-Broadway.
Up & Coming Theatre
in Partnership with
Community Education District 214
Proudly Presents our Fall 2008 Show
Showtimes:
• Friday, October 10 - 7:30 pm • Saturday, October 11 - 7:30 pm • Sunday, October 12 - 2:30 pm
• Thursday, October 16 - 7:30 pm • Friday, October 17 - 7:30 pm
• Saturday, October 18 - 7:30 pm • Sunday, October 19 - 2:30 pm
Theater:
Forest View Theater (Map) 2121 S. Goebbert Rd Arlington Heights, IL 60005
Tickets: • Call 847-718-7702 Monday - Friday 9:00 am to 4:00 pm. • Advance - $15 ($12 with Gold Card) • Door - $18
Cast:
• Anthony Berg - Franz Liebkind
• Laura Berger - Usherette
• Barry Blodgett - Various
• John B. Boss - Roger De Bris
• Erika Bradbury - Tap Dancer
• Jodi Buczek - Tap Dancer
• Elaine Castro - Ensemble Dancer
• Michael DeFrang - Stormtrooper/Set Designer
• Nicole Giannelli - Tap Dancer
• Samantha Giovannetti - Tap Dancer
• Nicholas Hamel - Max Bialystock
• Toni Higgins - Hold Me Touch Me
• Mia Hirschel - Lick Me Bite Me
• Shannon Langland - Follies Girl
• Will Loftus - Carmen Ghia
• Sara Malloy - Ulla
• Peter Masterton - Jack/Accountant
• Dan Naylor - Choreographer
• Gary Peterson - Mr. Marx/Indian
• Katy Smith - Shirley Markowitz
• Bob Spidale - Leo Bloom Staff (Not on Poster):
• Technical Director - Vlad Novikov
• Stage Manager - Dani Klosowski
• Scenic Designer - Bob Hamel
• Lighting Designer - Chelsea Lynn
• Sound Designer - Tom Scanlon
• Accompanist - Kelli Shibuya
• Production Assistant - Lindsey Weiss
Up & Coming Theater has available staff positions some which have pay and all of which gives practical and educational experience:
Please send resume or letter of interest indicating position desired to UACTheatre@aol.com or to P.O. Box 473, Arlington Heights, IL 60006.
And for those of you who know John Boss, who plays Roger De Bries, one of the more flamboyant characters in the show, he has supplied this photo!
You can tell from this costume of Roger De Bris, that this will be a lavish production!
Looks like I am finally back to regular posting. Sorry for the delay, my health has been off. Hope you have been using the time to explore the archives.
P.S. The Producers of the Producers should contact me with errors or omissions, requests for a review of the show or offers of comps at thepeterfilesblog at gmail dot com Thanks!
Point-Counter-Point: Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road
Welcome to Point-Counter-Point we have a huge and varied panel today and so I want to get right to our topic today and ask a question many Americans are asking:
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE! And by crossing the road he got the CHANGE that every American wants and will get by voting for me in November!
JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me, it's about all you chickens who can vote, and all you chickens who HATE the people who want to CHANGE the way you cross the road.......
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but w ill lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Expl orer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ......... reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
SIMON COWELL That has to be the worst performance by a chicken that I have ever seen. Get than thin legged little pullet out of here!
PAULA ABDUL Oh, look at the cute little chickee. Don't you just love it Randy? Simon? It just makes me want to cry? Simon, what's wrong? Where are you going with that hammer? No, No, NOOOOOOOO!
Once again, thanks to my friend MES for submitting this!
Everyone complains that today's kids aren't on the ball as much as yesterdays kids. Yet, here's some evidence that maybe they are smarter than some people think.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEAC HER: No, Millie...... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' _________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand. ______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog. ___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher. ___________________________________
TEACHER: What do you call a person who is interested in whatever a teacher has to say, whenever she happens to say it?
MARY ELLEN: Her husband. ___________________________________
Another one from Mary Ellen, but I noticed that she got it from her friend Colleen. Thanks Mary Ellen!
I don't often engage in post production reviews, but in the case of the Beverly Theatre Guild's one weekend production of Ken Ludwig's Moon Over Buffalo, the production was so fine, the acting so outrageous and sublime, that for the benefit of future audiences in the area who often have only a one or two weekend run to see a BTG show, I felt that it was worth the effort to tell you what a marvelous gut-wrenching laugh riot you probably missed this weekend at Chicago's Beverly Art Center at 111th and South Western Avenue.
I've taken the liberty of reproducing parts of the program so that if you recognize the names of these actors in listings of productions in local papers in the future you know that you should make the effort to toddle on down to the theater to see them in action.
There wasn't a single performance that wasn't worth seeing in this extremely well directed production by director Tobi Lowrance with assistance from Assistant Director Francesca Scalzi who took a great script updated it with a combination of new and veteran actors and crafted a fast-moving and emotionally moving comedy and farce of high order.
Moon Over Buffalo, the story of 1950's couple George and Chalotte Hay, the touring repertory family company stars of the style of the Lunts, the Barrymores, or the Zimablists, who displaced by film and television, find the profitablility of the road touring companies drying up and their way of life dissapearing. They are facing the possibility of fiancial and relationship ruin when they get a phone call suggesting that film director Frank Capra will be in the Matinee audience of the day's show to see if George is fit to take over the lead of his new film, just as he has lost two of his own essential players.
The BTG's production was a door-slaming, sword-fighting, knee-to-groin below the belt guffaw generator of the highest or lowest order, depending on how you look at it. Joe Collins as George and Meg Massaro as Charlotte under the direction of Lowrance and Scalzi make us wonder sometimes if the War of the Roses was kid stuff as Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner did not play people who had the whole repetoire of classic theatre to fight, kick, scratch, curse and make asses of themselves with.
Both actors tender the performances of their lives with split-second timing, perfect delivery, no fear of looking foolish in either of them, both hungerly seeking the comic truth in each and every moment of the show, yet at the same time, they show that the other side of hate is deep and abiding love, not indifference, and the changes both George and Charlotte go through during the course of the show, as they beat by beat avoid the easy way out of each line or moment in the show, and provide the audience with richness and emotional truth instead in a way that is stunningly honest and laughingly true.
Massaro and Collins are perfectly matched. Massaro's antics reminded me of Carol Burnett with a kind of subtle restraint while prancing across the stage in antics of anger, hostility and rapturous joy, that make her highs more realistic and just as funny as Burnett.
Collins, known widely as the voice of WBBM's traffic reports, and a community theatre veteran, gives what is perhaps the best and most challenging performance of his life. An expert in physical and character comedy, Collins is forced to add the romance of Romeo, the pathos of lear, the errors of Falstaff, and the drunken blindness of Stanley and Merrythought.
As George plunges though the stormy seas of this farce, swooping up and down, driven by the winds of fate, opportunity, his own stupidity, and the heights of fortune and misfortune, instead of a farcicle charade of a man, Collins gives us a man complete, torn by the pain he has brought to those he loves, wracked and ruined by remorse, blindly attempting to get on with it anyway, until at last our everyman falls, the great fall and lands as low as any man can, worse yet, in front of an icon of his dreams, the key to his future. Neitzsche or Kafka could not have planned it so well.
At this point in the show, many actors, would allow the script in hand to carry him on, riding on it to safely breezing through to the end; but Collins takes emotional risks in keeping with his growing maturity as an actor, baring his emotions in a way that gives Massaro room to do the same. So at the end of the farce, instead of a lighthearted wrapping up of ends a la Charley's Aunt, we have the two confronting the pain and trauma they have endured in their lives together and grow, together, changed by the ordeal they have suffered, to become someone new while remaining to themselves true.
Breathtaking and moving. I wish you could have been there. Watch for the cast in other productions.
Their daughter Roz, played by Lisa Marie Marciano and her estranged ex-boxfriend Paul played by Lorenzo Blackett are forcefully thrust together by the circumstances of the day in which Roz had only intended to introduce her new fiance Howard, played by David Korzatkowski to her parents, but is sucked back in to the chaos of the day by the disappearance of the production's Ingenue Eileen, played by Tiffani M. Moore. Marciano and Blackett are wonderfully cast and provide both a dramatic and, it must be said, very steamy, dramatic tension, that adds to the sweetness of the farce. Korzatkowski and Moore both bring and empty headed playfulness to their roles that crank up the tension, humor, and guffaws at just the right time. Like Collins,Massaro, Marciano and Blackett, Korzatkowski has an incredible sense of physical comedy, perhaps equal to that of Joe Collins who's own mastery of the physical comedic art form stops the show at three or four points, minimum.
In fact, it should be noted, that in the performance that I saw, Collins was so funny, that his last antic at the end of a scene in Act II, caused a second wave of laughter to start well after the blackout, as the audience re-visualized what they had seen him do just before the lights went out. Something I have never seen in 45 years of theater. A new spontaneous wave of laughter spreading through the audience while sitting in the darkness, starting a good 15 seconds after the lights went out, without a smart alec comment to trigger it. Unbelievable. Joe was just THAT funny.
Rick Baker was also excellent and very believable as Richard, the love-struck friend who wishes to steal Charlotte away from George and their near poverty and terrible traveling conditions. Presaging the aging baby-boom romanic love interest, Baker is suave, debonair, and quite convincing a someone who George could perceive as a threat to take away the woman he truly loves, Charlotte because of a moments weakness.
In every farce of this caliber there has to be a foil that comes in and out delivering sharp lines to skewer the leads. In this show it is Ethel, Charlotte's mother and the bane of George's existence played by South Side theater veteran Jan Dignan. Saying just how long Dignan has been treading he boards out here with her sister Choch would be telling. But this is truly one of her best performances and she plays the part of the wiley, cantankerous mother and seamstress with joy, verve and cunning nastiness and with a great deal of depth. One of her best performances as well and I have seen many of them.
So why did I love this show so much. I've given you a good deal of plot, but nothing that would make you laugh I think. That's because a great deal of the humor comes directly from the acting and directing in the show. It has to stand as one of the funniest shows I have ever seen (that of course I have not been in myself...).
I laughed hard and long and so did the rest of the audience. There were constant surprises. Hardly a line went wrong. The timing and tension required to keep the show moving was constantly upheld. Nary a line was swallowed. The pacing was fabulous and the cast seemed to know JUST How long to hold for a laugh to allow the audience to laugh.
And the show moved fast. A credit to the actors and directors. With intermissions the show ran well under two hours. It easily could have run 20 minutes longer with a less experienced cast. Lowrance and Scalzi seemed to have an instinct for getting the best out of their cast, using their strenghts to their best advantage.
Moore for example, the ingenue with something extra, who causes a huge fuss between George and jealous Charlotte, plays the wide-eyed innocent with aplomb until the time comes to reveal that she has more underneath than some had suspected and she gets exactly what she wants. Played to a t.
Blackett's performance as the frenetic manager and lover, and a much more determined lover than able manager, is a perfect foil to George as George freaks out, (Woody Allen on steroids without the accent), In his unique non-George way Blackett panics about whole groups of issues, but not when it comes to Roz. His changes when it comes to Roz are as surprising and funny, as they are tempting and disturbing to Roz's confidence in her engagement. Paul is after all, looking for an engagement of another kindl For a moment we think we are about to see another show altoghether when a plot element breaks the two apart before anything really good happens. Whew! It had been getting hot in there.
Marciano's conflicts as the daughter in search of normality, trying to break away from the perpetual craziness of her parent's life is also compelling, except, when disaster strikes, she is sucked back into it all to easily.
Credit must go of course to the writer of this gem, Ken Ludwig, who captured so well the essence of the times and the desires of those who wished to grasp fame and maintain their life on stage before it melted away.
So, were this show to go another weekend, which it cannot, sadly, I would have soundly recommended it. Instead, the best I can do is say, remember the actors, and the directors, and the group, the Beverly Theatre Guild, one of Chicago's oldest community theater groups.
Next Season BTG Plans to produce: The Irish drama Dancing at Lughnasa by Brian Friel, October 24-26, 2008 The Musical The Full Monty by Terrance McNally and David Yazbek, February 6-9,2009 The Comedy Twentieth Century by Ken Ludwig, May 8-10th, 2009
You can print the form on this page to order season tickets and save $12 or more on ticket prices.
Hot Trash From the Audience: There was speculation about how full the monty would be for the full monty, and a few jokes in the audience about whether we would want to see some of our friend's montied at all. I assured those I sat with that I was not intending to audition as I wanted to help BTG build an audience rather than send them running to the exits, possibly scarred for life. More on that when they get closer to the production next year.
I am tired after being wired from the excitement of a great production so I hope the cast and you will forgive any typos herein. As always if you have a theatre production in the Chicago/NW Indiana Region to Promote send me the information well in advance to "Thepeteterfilesblog" At "Gmail" Dot "Com" and I will be happy to post what I can.
It helps a lot if you give me something in ready to post format. If you have pictures, especially at a website that I can link to, give me the links, or send me the photos as attachments and I will be glad to post what I can. As time has passed I do get quite a bit of response from actors knowing quite a few of them myself.
Finally, congratulations to the whole cast and crew of Moon over Buffalo. While I spent more time on Collins and Massaro, a production this complex does not succeed without incredible coordination and effort both onstage and backstage, a true ensemble effort. A.D. Scalzi was also the Stage Manager for the show, something she has a gift for. The show has a nightmarish number of entrances and exits, yet she looked calm and collected before the performance. The tech for the show was also perfect and the sets by Emil Zbella were also superb (as always Emil).
(Peter's note: Oak Lawn Park District shows are both fun to watch and be in. If you've ever wanted to be in a musical theater production, having singing and/or dancing talent, or want to work backstage, this may be the chance you've been looking for with very nice people and high quality productions. But expect to work HARD. Great shows don't get that way by accident, everyone here pulls their weight!)
The Oak Lawn Park District Theatre group has announced a casting call for its upcoming production of Seussical The Musical.
Auditions:
Sunday, May 4 from 1 - 5 pm, for children ages 8-12 and out of town college students. Monday, May 5 and Tuesday, May 6 from 7:30 – 10:30 pm for adults.
Come in proper attire and be prepared to sing and dance.
Auditions will be held at the Oak View Center, 4625 W. 110th Street.
Seussical will run for two consecutive weekends, August 1-3 and August 8-10.
First rehearsal will be on June 8th.
For more information on auditions or the production, call the Oak Lawn Park District at (708) 857-2200.
According to an AP report cited on CNN today: "China's Foreign Minister Yang Jiechi left Thursday for a trip to Japan where he is expected to finalize details for a landmark official visit by China's President (Hu) early next month."
Peter Files Blog inexpert political souses have inferred from thin air that security arrangements for the Chinese President may include a surprise "Security Detail" of 5,000 tanks, 4,000,000 troops and an as yet undetermined lead-painted Thomas The Tanks Engine Red Trains.
When asked about the security arrangements by our Peter Files Blog China Desk Correspondent an unnamed spokesperson on the Chinese Delegate Staff had this to say:
Spokesperson: "Who you taking about?" Peter Files Blog: "That's Right, Hu." Spokesperson: "Who?" Peter Files Blog: "Hu!" Spokesperson: "He'll be coming to review." Peter Files Blog: "The new Hu review?" Spokesperson: "It may be a Zoo." Peter Files Blog: "We heard his security detail might include troops?" Spokesperson: "Whoops! Where did you get that idea, we no bring troops." Peter Files Blog: "Are you sure Hu's not bringing 4,000,000 troops?" Spokesperson: "This is a peaceful visit, who would bring troops on a peaceful visit? But Chinese exports include Hula Hoops! Peter Files Blog: "Hu's bringing hoops?" Spokesperson: "No hoops or troops! This peaceful visit! Peaceful!" Peter Files Blog: "Many Thanks." Spokesperson: "No, there will be no Tanks coming on this visit either!" Peter Files Blog: "Not Tanks, Thanks, many thanks for your time." Spokesperson: "No the rumor that President Hu's detail bring 5,000 tanks absolutely unfounded! You twist my words!" Peter Files Blog: "Who's detail?" Spokesperson: "You know who's detail, Hu's detail, the President's detail! President Hu's detail!" Peter Files Blog: "The President is Bush?" Spokesperson: "The President of China is not tired! He is full of energy! He does not need to bring army, I mean Security Detail to keep him awake." Peter Files Blog: "Not like the American President. I'm not sure if he's awake even when he's awake." Spokesperson: "Achoo!" Peter Files Blog: "There you go again. Who?"
After reviewing this transcript, the Peter Files Blog Regrets this article and has decided to re-classify it from news/commentary to political satire and humor and to consider getting a new China Desk. They tend to be expensive so we may just hire a new foreign correspondent instead.
Who?
We just don't know.
Any volunteers. You?
The Peter Files Comedy Blog Paranoia Squad asks, why is it that it was the RED trains that were lead painted?
Plays coming up in South Side Chicago Theater starting this weekend. Please verify time and ticket prices with the box offices!
OAK LAWN COMMUNITY THEATER THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE SHOW DATES: March 14th, 15th & 16th SHOW LOCATION: Oakview Recreation Center @ 4625 W. 110th Street , Oak Lawn TICKETS: $19.00 Adults / $18.00 Students & Seniors BOX OFFICE: 708-857-2200
NEW WORLD REPERTORY THEATER THE EMPEROR’S NEW CLOTHES WHEN: March 15th WHERE: New World Repertory Theater @ 923 Curtis Street , Downers Grove TIMES: 1:00pm & 4:00pm TICKETS: $10.00 Ages 12 & up / $7.00 Children under 12 BOX OFFICE: 630-633-1489 www.newworldrep.org
ELIZABETH SETON CHURCH THE VIGIL – AN EASTER PASSION PLAY WHEN: March 13th & 14th WHERE: 16100 Seton Road , South Holland , IL TIMES: 7:30pm TICKETS: $5.00 Per Person BOX OFFICE: 708-333-6300
BEVERLY THEATRE GUILD JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR WHEN: March 14th, 15th & 16th WHERE: Beverly Arts Center @ 2407 W. 111th Street , Chicago TIMES: TBA TICKETS: $20.00 Adults / $19.00 Senior (62+) & Students (with current ID) / $18 Military ~ Retired or Active / $18 Group Sales ~20 or more BOX OFFICE: 773-445-3838 or www.beverlyartcenter.org
THEATRE-ON-THE-HILL ESCANABA IN LOVE WHEN: March 21st through April 13th WHERE: Bollingbrook’s Performing Arts Stage @ 375 W. Briarcliff, Bolingbrook TIMES: Friday & Saturday @ 8:00pm / Sunday @ 3:00pm TICKETS: $11.00 Students & Seniors / $14.00 Adults BOX OFFICE: 630-759-2970
ORLAND PARK COMEDY IMPROV COMEDY IMPROV WHEN: March 28th WHERE: Old Village Hall @ 14413 Beacon, Orland Park , IL TIMES: 8:00pm – 10:00pm TICKETS: $5.00 at the door BOX OFFICE: 708-403-7275
ORLAND PARK THEATRE TROUPE GREASE! WHEN: April 25th, 26th & 27th WHERE: Carl Sandburg Performing Arts Center @ 13100 LaGrange Rd , Orland Park TIMES: Friday & Saturday @ 7:00pm / Sunday @ 2:00pm TICKETS: $17.00 Adults / $15.00 Seniors & Students / $13.00 Children to age 12 BOX OFFICE: 708-403-7275
STRAY DOG BORN YESTERDAY WHEN: April 25th, 26th, 27th, May 2nd, 34d & 4th WHERE: Veteran’s Memorial Middle School Theatre @ 12320 S. Greenwood Ave , Blue Island TIMES: Doors open @ 6:45 ~ Please do not arrive earlier than 6:30 or later than 8:30pm TICKETS: TBA BOX OFFICE: TBA
S.T.A.R. ANYBODY OUT THERE? WHEN: April 26 & 27, May 2 & 3 WHERE: Home Auditorium, 4400 S Home Ave , Stickney , IL TIME: : Sat @ 8pm / Sun @ 2pm / Fri & Sat @ 8pm TICKETS: $10 Adults / $9 Seniors, Students & Military / $5 Children 12 & under BOX OFFICE: 773-585-5852 or www.chicagostar.org
BEVERLY THEATRE GUILD MOON OVER BUFFALO WHEN: : May 9th, 10th & 11th WHERE: Beverly Arts Center @ 2407 W. 111th Street , Chicago TIMES: TBA TICKETS: $20.00 Adults / $19.00 Senior (62+) & Students (with current ID) / $18 Military ~ Retired or Active / $18 Group Sales ~20 or more BOX OFFICE: 773-445-3838 or www.beverlyartcenter.org
PALOS VILLAGE PLAYERS I HATE HAMLET WHEN: May 9th, 10th, 16th & 17th WHERE: Palos Village Hall @ 8901 W. 123rd Street , Palos Park TIMES: Fridays & Saturdays @ 7:30pm, Sunday matinee (10th) @ 2pm TICKETS: From $12 to $15 BOX OFFICE: 708- 479-3262 or 708-671-1091
Another Joke from my friend Andy. But is it really a joke?
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.
'Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the members of our Congress.--
Vote carefully this year!
Be like Andy, send me a joke and I'll give you credit. Just put it in a post comment and if I like it (probably) I will move it up to its own post and give you credit. Otherwise I will leave it in the comments section. The only things I edit out by the way are obscenity and obvious spam. If you have your own blog, even a competing comedy blog, feel free to mention it. I am happy to do cross links!
I remember sitting in AP Physics trying to get my head around the mysteries of "centripetal force" and why there "was no such thing as centrifugal force".
How I wish I had this comic back then, just to show it to Fr. Fergus, S.J. (RIP) who would have roared with laughter, or just to alleviate my frustration with the math that was making my head spin.
He would have, of course, been in the "centrifugal force is not an actual force but the effect of the combination of other forces" camp. The point here, that whether it is an actual force or a combined force that kills you, you're still just as dead, is a very funny one indeed.
So be sure to check out the continuing saga of many really original laughs at xkcd.com. Quite a few romantic ones too.
This is one of those cartoon sites that makes me wish I had saved all my doodles or learned to draw and think funnier. Of course 97.5% of my doodles were 3-D boxes and extensions of them. A limited market for those today. If you are asking why other shapes commonly found in young men's doodles were not high in that total I have a two word answer for you.
Jesuit Education.
The penalty for being caught with naughty drawings could be severe.
Unlike a Christian Brothers school you would not get hit on the head with a ruler for daring to draw body parts in class, instead, you risked either having to explain why you, of all of those in the room were so special that you did not have the need to pay attention in class, and then demonstrate your superior knowledge of the subject at hand, or, worse yet, might have to display your artwork to the class, and make comments about its artistic merit at length, inviting criticism, blatantly honest criticism which was of course, freely given, especially after the bell, from the class.
Nothing beats a little humiliation and peer pressure for "Character Building" and creating an advanced sense of social responsibility.
This strip was not only funny but invoked many memories.
Amber, Amber, Amber, I can still hear you barking in the quad.
(Amber was Fr. Fergus' German Shepherd who could be frequently heard barking during the course of the school day, not exactly the geese of Rome, but we liked the old dog who was far more often heard than seen.)
Speaking of social responsibility, let's have one more!
Sharing comedy is a wonderful thing to do. If you wish to share my comedy with your friends, non-commercially, feel free to do so using the email-share link button shaped like an envelope below. Better yet, send them the link to this post, or any other that you like here. New readers are always welcome! But don't sell them or use them in a sold work, my original works are fully protected under international copyright law.
These were submitted by my friend Andy S. and are hilarious and bear the marks of being traveled around the internet before coming to him. However, if they have been published by a copyright owner who cares, please let me know and I'll take it right down.
You can be like Andy and send me a joke and I'll give you the attribution you want, just send me a funny joke by submitting it in a comment with how you'd like it to appear. Since I approve all comments BEFORE they appear, any contact information you put in will not automatically go out onto the internet. Send me something funny and I'll make it a new post, just for you.
The oldest Doctor joke I know:
Patient: "Doctor, it hurts every time I turn my wrist this way!" Doctor: "So, don't turn your wrist that way!"
Variants: Arm, Head, Hit myself with a Blank, etc.
Now to Andy's Jokes:
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly, I noticed that there were several cabs -- and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio , TX .
2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours, and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress, and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion, she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR
6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So, how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly, and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN, no name
AND FINALLY!!!............
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB , I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
Doctor wouldn't submit his name (Can't blame him!)
Home of the Best Doctor Who Podcast in Time and Space
