Four Old Guys: Andy Joke

In a continuation of my jokes forwarded from friends series, this one is from my most regular contributor Andy, who may have been thinking of our friend Mary when he forwarded it. Hee hee hee.

Four Retired Guys

Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Naples, Florida.

They turned a corner and see a sign that says, Old Timers Bar - All Drinks 10 Cents.'

They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on in and let me pour one for you!

'What'll it be, Gentlemen?'

There seemed to be a fully-stocked bar, so each of the men ask for a martini. In short order, the bartender serves up four iced martinis, shaken, not stirred, and says, 'That'll be 10 cents each, please'

The four men stare at the bartender for a moment.

Then look at each other...

They can't believe their good luck.

They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, 'That's 40 cents, please.'

They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They have each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar.

Finally one of the men says, 'How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?'

'I'm a retired tailor from Boston,' the bartender says, 'and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime - wine, liquor, beer, it's all the same.'

'Wow!!!! That's quite a story,' says one of the men.

The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice seven other people at the end of the bar who didn't have drinks in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.

One man gestures at the seven at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender,'What's with them?'

The bartender says,'Oh, they're all old retired farts from Wisconsin. They're waiting for happy hour when drinks are half price.'


Yeah, stereotypes, don't you love them? Not that this could ever happen. Right? Well, probably not...


Thanks Andy!


Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Jokes, Satire, Commentary and Videos
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com

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Clinton Says Obama's Delegate "Lag" Sure to Decline After March 4th Primaries/McCain Says Bush Deserves Sainthood

Dateline Texas: Clinton Says Obama's Delegate "Lag" Sure to Decline After The March 4th Primaries/McCain Says Bush Deserves Sainthood

A woman who wished to be known as "Mystic Clinton", unofficial spokeswoman for "Hillary is Kool" a Texas Democratic Group with "at least 17 members" and who is, as far as we know, unrelated to the former first Lady and current Senator, said today to Peter Files Blog Insiders that "Obama's lag in the convention delegate race was "sure to decline after the March 4th primaries, especially in Texas."

When it was pointed out to "Ms. Clinton" that in fact, as of this date, Senator Obama was ahead by more than 100 delegates and that for a "lag to decline" meant that his lead would advance, Ms. Clinton corrected us.

"No, that doesn't account for the secret delegates."

When asked for more information about the secret delegates she referred to Ms. Clinton looked to her left and right and said, "Well, everybody knows about the secret delegates, they're the ones with all the special privileges at conventions. They get to dress up in silly outfits and play pranks and create disturbances and get hauled out by security and five minutes later they are right back in the hall dressed in their regular clothes because they have the special passes. They blend in with everyone else, and everyone knows them but when it comes time for the electronic voting, their votes cancel out the votes of ten other delegates."

When asked for evidence about these astounding charges, Ms. Clinton said, "Well shoot, everybody around here knows about secret delegates. The Republicans have had them for years. I think the Democrats just caught on more recent like. Now Senator Obama, he's a good man, but I think he's too new to have drafted himself any secret delegates and I think you have to have a bunch of them to win any nomination."

Seeking confirmation of this outlandish story we were only able to find one other person in Texas who had ever heard of "secret delegates"; that was "Bubba Sharif McCain" head of "Texas Republicans against change of any kind - George W. for a Third Term - Heah!" a self-proclaimed Republican fan club of uncertain membership.

"Confidentially speakin' I heard of secret delegates. There was some crazy lady in the other county, Marge something, at a political rally. She kept yellin and screamin about it the last two or three elections. But I don't pay talk like that no never mind. Not when I got something important to do, like getting George W. Bush elected to the President for a third term or if not that, Sainthood.

When we mentioned that third Presidential terms were prohibited by the Constitution of the United States and that to become a Saint you were normally required to be a Roman Catholic, Mr. McCain said, "Well don't that beat all, you'd think with all the miracles he performed they might make an exception for him!"

Miracles?

"Miracle one - goin into Iraq after those 911 terrorists who had them WMD's and Mission Accomplished so soon! I tell you that was inspiring!"

"Miracle two - there hasn't been a single commie threat while he has been in office of any kind, why those Russkies have been quiet as little mouses."

"Miracle three - Just look at Hurricane Katrina, why that whole darn city could have been washed away, gone forever, but look at it now, why I bet that its better, cleaner and happier than its ever been."

"Miracle four - Just look at our economy, why right here in town our McDonalds and Wal Mart always have jobs for people that want them. Why I remember when lotsa people were outa work and today, why lotsa folks have two jobs. One feller I know who just got married has three. If that ain't proof of a healthy economy, why I don't know what is."

"Miracle Five - Just look at how he's kept all those young GI's working and building up service time overseas. Why you know that's gonna look good when they come home looking for jobs, and you know, the only way to advance in the military is by seeing combat. Of course that's all over, Mission Accomplished, heh, heh."

"Lesse, Why the way he's led and inspired the whole Republican Party to follow his leadership in lock step behind him, voting his way right down the line. That's a true miracle. He did that here in Texas too. Why, I count at least six miracles right there.

At this point our correspondent decided that discretion was the better part of valor, though I told him that he just plain chickened out.

We note that like Ms. Mystic Clinton, Mr. Bubba Sharif McCain has no relatives running for office that we know of.


It need hardly be said that like any other item found on the Peter Files Blog of Comedy this Post Should Be Considered Devoid of Any Meaningful Information Whatsoever. This Post contains Political Satire. Resemblance to actual statements, person, organizations, delegates, or reality is entirely coincidental. However, I've said it just in case this gets picked off the internet by an intern at some small foriegn paper to save him/her from embarrassing himself with their editor.

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com

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Pentagon Announces Formation of Elite US Redneck Special Forces Unit

The Peter Files Blog News Network (Pentagon, 0035hrs)
The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF). Using special redneckified weapons, rations and tactics, the USRSF are expected to bring "A whole lotta whuppin' to the region" according to inside souses in the Pentagon and the Bush White House.

These boys will be dropped off in Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists :

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt .

The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.

"Unlike your normal GI, your USRSF member, has special ASSets for sitting still and lying in weight for enemy combatants, especially when supplied with supercooled supplies of carb-loaded Top-Secret energy drinks code named JD, WT101, PBR and even cases of hard to find BillyB which are completely unavailable to most of these Talibanistas. Heck, given these secret fluids, we hardly need food ner even blood to survive in most any environment. And it righteously improves our shootin'," says a Commander in a newly formed Unit, so secret it does not even have a name or number, though all have a tatoo of a certain redhead on their arms showing a great deal of anatomically correct detail.

"Heah, since the tatoo shows enough of our favorite gal to get us killed on sight, we know we got no option but to fight to the bottom, er, end. Of course, other units got other girls, Paris, Britney, Natlie, Lindsey's just our girl. Did I say Lindsey? Forget that, it should be classified, I think. Anyhoo, we got us some special weapons for I-ran and we gonna get them good! Hooyah!"

"Iraq? Right. Wherever. I just like to shoot. Geography was never my strong point. Just point me and my boys and we go."

With attitudes like these, Pentagon analysts are sure that the war will be over in "...less time than it took former Governor Huey P. Long to build a bridge, a hospital, and the Louisiana State Highway System, that is, about three weeks."

                                                                    -30-

Hope you liked this one!

If this doesn't get comments, nothing will.

Thanks Tom B. for the Photo and the kernal that started this post.

This post dedicated to "The Marvelous TR, Redneck though and through, one of the kindest and best men I ever knew." Despite public jokes to the contrary, he was NOT a fan of the Greatful Dead...

Peter, Chief Editor, Spelling Wrecker and Cultural Satarist
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com

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