Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go?
Wonder no more!!!
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow." Then they kick him in the ice hole....
You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?
As a matter of fact, you might pause to wonder why the words "Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica?" didn't give you pause to think further?
I mean, how many of us actually tool down to Antarctica for any reason, let alone wonder why polar bears aren't doing their jobs...
(If you were disturbed at all by that last comment, just right-click on the two highlighted links and you will feel lots better. Or lots more foolish depending on what that reveals about your cold weather animal habitat lore knowledge.)
Five Chicago sports fans were climbing a mountain one day. Each was a fan of a different Chicago sports team and each proclaimed to be the most loyal to there team. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one was the most loyal of them all.
They continued fighting till they reached the top. The Blackhawk's fan hurled himself off the mountain, shouting, 'This is for the Hawks' as he fell to his doom.
Not wanting to be outdone the Bulls fan threw himself off the edge shouting "this is for the greatest team of the 90's"
Next the Bears fan jumped & said"This is for DA COACH' the two remaining fans looked at each other in stunned silence.
After a minute the Sox fan Bellowed..."THIS IS FOR THE SOUTH SIDE!!!"
THEN HE PUSHED THE CUBS FAN OFF THE MOUNTAIN!!
Hee hee hee. You can tell I'm a South-sider can't you?
My thanks to Andy for this one. No editing needed.
I've started to get more and more readers coming into my Chicago Bears and Super Bowl Pages, so I thought I would do a new page for all of you. The season isn't over till its over, right?
To get some good Bears vibes going, I thought I would bring you back to THE season, at least for me, the one which still get my heart moving whenever I think of it.
The year was 1985. The City was Chicago. Super Bowl madness was on us all.
This was the year we all thought, that the bears would be unstoppable and take it all.
This would be the year that the bears would win the Super Bowl.
And for once we were right. We just didn't know it yet.
It was the year of "Winning Ugly".
The year where the Bears would seem to hibernate until the third or fourth quarter then come back to win the game.
A year when even a defense player nicknamed Refrigerator could score a touchdown.
It was the year of the Super Bowl Shuffle and Ditka was da Coach.
The Super Bowl Shuffle (Words provided so that you can sing along with the Bears now - hear? So sing by golly! Sing! Oh, press play, then sing, O.K. Mr. Wisenheimer?) Chorus We are the Bears' Shufflin' Crew Shufflin' on down, doin' it for you We're so bad, we know we're good Blowin' your mind, like we knew we would You know we're just struttin' for fun Struttin' our stuff for everyone We're not here to start no trouble We're just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle
Walter Payton Well, they call me Sweetness, and I like to dance Runnin' the ball, is like makin' romance We've had the goal since training camp To give Chicago a Super Bowl Champ And we're not doin' this because we're greedy The Bears are doin' it to feed the needy We didn't come here looking for trouble We just came here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle
Willie Gault This is Speedy Willie, and I'm world class I like runnin', but I love to get the pass I practice all day, and dance all night I got to get ready for the Sunday fight Now, I'm as smooth as a chocolate swirl I dance a little funky, so watch me girl There's no one here that does it like me My Super Bowl Shuffle will set you free
Mike Singletary I'm Samurai Mike; I stop' em cold Part of the defense, big and bold I've been jammin' for quite a while Doin' what's right, and settin' the style Give me a chance, I'll rock you good Nobody messin' in my neighborhood I didn't come here lookin' for trouble I just came to do the Super Bowl Shuffle
Repeat Chorus
Jim McMahon I'm The Punky QB, known as McMahon When I hit the turf, I've got no plan I just throw my body all over the field I can't dance, but I can throw the feel I motivate the cats, I like to tease I play so cool, I aim to please That's why you all got here on the double To catch me doin' the Super Bowl Shuffle
Otis Wilson I'm Mama's Boy Otis, one of a kind The ladies all love me for my body and my mind I'm as slick on the floor as I can be But ain't no sucker gonna get past me Some guys are jealous of my style and class That's why some end up on their (whistle) I didn't come here lookin' for trouble I just came down to do the Super Bowl Shuffle
Steve Fuller They say Jimbo is our man If Jimmy can't do it, I sure can This is Steve, and it's no wonder I run like lightnin', pass like thunder So bring on Atlanta, bring on Dallas This is for Mike, and Papa Bear Halas I'm not here to feather his ruffle I just came here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle
Mike Richardson I'm L.A. Mike, and I play it cool They don't sneak by me, 'cause I'm no fool I fly on the field and get on down Everybody knows I don't mess around I can break 'em, shake 'em, any time of day I like to steal it, and make 'em pay Please don't try to beat my hustle 'Cause I'm just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle
Repeat Chorus
Richard Dent The Sackman's comin', I'm your man Dent If the Quarterback's slow, he's gonna get bent We stop the run, we stop the pass I like to dump guys on their (whistle) We love to play for the world's best fans You better start makin' your Super Bowl plans But don't get ready, or go to any trouble Unless you practice the Super Bowl Shuffle
Gary Fencik It's Gary here, and I'm Mr. Clean They call me "Hit Man"; don't know what they mean They throw it long, and watch me run I'm on my man, one-on-one Buddy's guys cover it down to the bone That's why they call us "The 46 Zone" Come on, everybody, let's scream and yell We're goin' to do the Shuffle, then ring your bell
William Perry You're lookin' at the Fridge; I'm the rookie I may be large, but I'm no dumb cookie You've seen me hit, you've seen me run When I kick and pass, we'll have more fun I can dance, you will see The others, they all learn from me I didn't come here lookin' for trouble I just came here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle
Repeat Chorus
So there you have it. Hope you rapped along. As the '85 Bears proved neither musical nor rhythmic talent was needed to perform this gem.
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By the middle of the fourth quarter it became clear that the 2006-2007 American Football NFL Football Season would be remembered in Chicago as the year the Chicago Bears won the NFC Championship.
Yes, there was that Super Bowl thingy that year after, where the Bears set the record for the first opening kick return for a touchdown, but in the end, Chicago was proud of the Bears, da Bears, for bringing home the National Conference Championship win.
Some have already muttered "Next year, next year," but I think that they are throwing the Bears wins out with the bath water. THe Chicago Bears played in the Super Bowl this year and to do that they had one of their greatest seasons ever.
This last game was marred by bad weather, and perhaps atypical play. No one Bear can be singled out for poor play, in many ways the difference between victory and loss in this game was just the way the ball bounced, and I hope next year, the Bears will be there to see it bounce their way next time.
Funniest commercial. I missed many of them working on this blog and listening to this broadcast via the NFL's free link to Satellite Radio coverage which seemed to be nearly entirely commercial free. This allowed me to hobble painfully downstairs to see important plays and still keep some blog re-organizing going.
But I did see one commercial that had to be one of the evening's funniest for those who were aware of the long-term feud between David Letterman and Oprah that viewers were led to believe were settled last year when Oprah appeared on the Late Show to bury the hatchet (not in Dave's neck though).
According to this ad, promo, whatever, things seem to have improved even more than we thought...
That commercial is not, so far, available for replay on the NFL site, but most of the others are at CBS.com's NFL Superbowl website that has a special section with a media player player dedicated to replaying the commercials. You can view them there by quarter or by advertiser. So if the favorite part of the game for you this year might have been the commercials. Viola! Here they are, except for the locals and CBS promos.
For Bears fans it was frustration to the nth degree after about the 1st quarter. To Colts fans, a come from behind and win hugely exciting. I bet that they are saying "next time too".
As for the Bears, they still will always know that they were there. And I will always believe that it was not really fair that the game was not here where the frigid weather would have given them the true home team advantage that they deserved. Not the Miami monsoon weather they got.
That's it from the Peter Files.
Peter
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Right now, with both the Chicago Bears and the Indianapolis Colts preparing for Super Bowl XLI or 41 as those who prefer not to decipher numbers created to be easy to carve into stone might call it, there are quite a few of us fans who would give a lot to have a chance to sit in on the secret pre-Super Bowl training sessions of both teams in these last few days.
What a def jam that would be, to get the secret insider's view of both team's thinking prior to the game; I wonder how much insight that would give us into the game's final outcome before it started.
Fortunately, a satire blog need not bother with reality, since you know up front, that most of what is in here is malarkey, especially if it has to do with the look we are going to get inside the Colt's locker room right now, as their "coach" gets them ready for the big game. A look inside the Bears locker room has been classified to avoid helping the Colts and/or reserved for another post.
The Coach:
"All right Colts, we all know these Chicago Bears have had a really lucky year. If it was up to me we would just cancel practice and spend the week on the beach, doing what wild colts do best!
Am I right? Of course I am! {Go Colts! Never say Neigh!}
But we all know what would happen if by some fluke, like the wind blowing the ball into one of the defensive players hands instead of ours, we should accidentally lose.
The national media would kick us in the rear, you can say goodbye to most of your best endorsement, appearance and TV show appearances, and everyone would be upset, especially our wives, our girlfriends and our other girlfriends who were hoping on lots of extra goodies and freebies.
So while we're stuck here waiting for the game to start on Sunday and have to at least appear to be taking this "practice thing" seriously, we have put together some "bears" training films that you can study in detail. {Hoo rah, Hoo rah!}
This first one of a single bear defense, in particular you will like, but remember, the techniques involved are not allowed on the field, but would incur a substantial penalty - so enjoy - but don't do it - let's roll the tape!"
"Now, did you see that bear's defensive technique? Now that's what I call trying to win ugly, something the Chicago teams are famous for.
Except the Cubs of course, maybe they are just too pretty to win. That Wrigley Field is one of the most beautiful parks in baseball. Maybe it needs a few posters of Paris Hilton and her look-alike Phyllis Diller for them to have a chance at a World Series win.
Joan Rivers too? Great suggestion, you can send that in to Chicago Tribune, they own the Cubs and they have plenty of photos to choose from.
Maybe they better put up a few photos of Don Rickles, Donald Trump, and Richard Nixon, just to be PC.
Wait, Nixon is dead - but then, that puts one guy on par with Rivers so that's O.K. {Hoo Hoo Hoo}
Anyway, watch for that kind of stuff from the Bears defense and offense, the Refs can't watch everything all the time and I hear that Lindsey Lohan has a special pass from rehab to see the game with Tara Conner and Janet Jackson - and they might have sideline seats which just MIGHT distract the judges. {Nooooooooo!}
Oh, before we go to the next film, that talk about bringing in O.J. for a few plays just so the Bears could smack him to kingdom come did NOT originate with the Indianapolis Colts Organization, nor did the so called, "Operation Sideline Seat Slam" - let someone else send the guy free seats to the Super Bowl. Besides, he'd bring the kids - they've been hurt enough by the Airplane movies let alone everything else."
Whew, I'm glad I'm not that coach! Imagine saying things like that about the Cubs! The Cubs! And me a Soutsider too! Aw gee, imagine dat! I wish nothing but the best for the Cubbies, I really do. Except for Sox vs Cubs exhibition games, and if ever the Sox should face them in the World Series, which would be a dream come true for most Chicago Hotels, central area restaurants, shopping areas, the CTA, and of course many fans.
Hotels eh? I guess Paris Hilton would get her revenge from a Subway series after all. Trump too, his new building is only blocks from the Red line which serves both fields. Why am I back to baseball you might wonder? Two words: White Sox.
Resemblances to any person, place, thing, subject, predicate, noun, verb, sentence, preposition, with, and subjunctive mood is purely coincidental, though it may be in really bad taste especially in the end zone. This post should especially not to be taken to represent the ideas and attitudes of any current of former members or players or flunkies of the Commissioner or the Owners of the NFL and its teams, or any one who has seen, attended, frozen solid, or vomited at an NFL game or event.
Resemblances to any of the celebrities named in an extremely satiric and comedic manner, that could in no way actually impact their career more than they have themselves, are truly unfortunate, especially under fluorescent lighting.
Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary Thank you for visiting this blog! Byt the way, the game in the USA can be seen at 6pm Eastern/5pm Central on ABC. Visit the Official NFL website for a list of the 220 counties, from Afghanistan to Zambia, that will broadcast the game and the Networks that will carry them. Britain's Channel 5 will cover the game for the first time since 1997. The U.S. Military will again have access through Armed Forces Radio and Televison.
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Almost ready for that Super Bowl Party? Chips, dip, brewskis, brats, hot italian sausages, hot Irish girls? Got your TV, extra fuses if you need them. Your Chicago Bears outfit. Oh, and you know the Chicago Bears fight song, right?
What!!!! Oh, fair weather fan you. Well, thanks to Bryan Griffin of Chicago's Lyric Opera, You Tube.com, Blogger, and The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, you have just enough time to learn the Bears Fight Song before the big game. Just hit play and sing along with Bryan. The words are right below the video, so have fun.
Bear Down, Chicago Bears, Make every play clear the way to victory! Bear Down, Chicago Bears, Put up the fight with the might so fearlessly! We'll never forget the thrill you gave the nation, with your T-formation! Bear Down, Chicago Bears, And let them know why you're wearing the crown! You're the pride and joy of Illinois, Chicago Bears, Bear Down!
The top salesman at a Miami Condo Sales "Factory" was very excited when he found out that he had won a ticket to the Super Bowl from his company for exceeding the year's sales target by 30%.
Unfortunately, when he got to the stadium, he realized that his seat is about as far and as high away from the 50 yard line as you can get, so high that the kids selling hot dogs and beer were getting nosebleeds, asthma attacks, and were feeling the effects of oxygen deprivation. This bothered our salesman so much, you can only see a vertigo churros vendor spin awkwardly down the stairs so many times before you begin to question your own safety.
And so, about halfway through the first quarter, searching though his binoculars he sees through his binoculars an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yard line.
He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?"
The man says "No."
Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, he again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?!"
The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been together at since we got married in 1967."
"Well, that's really sad," the salesman said, "but still, you couldn't find anyone to take the seat? A friend or close relative?" "No," the man replied, "They're all at the funeral."
The Chicago Bears have had a great year. Now they are NFC champs heading towards the Super Bowl aiming to crush AFC champs the Indianapolis Colts. But do the Bears have an advantage by nature? Both their offensive and defensive lines have shown power and ingenuity this year in attacking their opposing teams. Perhaps they are taking lessons from their namesakes as this joke will tell.
One day an Indianapolis Colt Quarterback was hiking in the woods when a giant blue bear chases him up a really tall tree.
The bear started to climb the tree, so the QB climbed up higher. While bears can climb a bit, they are not by nature climbers, preferring a running and passing strategy. So eventually, the bear climbed down and went away. After a little bit, the QB thinks that the bears is gone and starts to climb down the tree. But suddenly, the bear returns, and this time he’s brought an even bigger bear, possibly a linebacker or tackle, with him. The two bears climb up the tree, the bigger bear going higher than the first. But the Colts QB climbed even higher still, so the bears couldn’t reach him. Eventually, the bears went away. Naturally quite relieved, the guy QB starts down the tree again, wasting no time in his desire to get away.
Suddenly, the two bears return. But this time the Colt QB knew he was in big trouble. Each bear was carrying a BEAVER...
As I said, ingenuity and strategy. Isn't it nice to be in this position, to tell such stories this year?
Q: How many Colts does it take to win a Superbowl? A: No one knows, and we may never find out!
Fair? No, but who said pre-Super Bowl jokes should be fair.
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Colt
Colt Who?
Colt you lend me a tissue, I can't believe we lost Super Bowl 41 to the Bears!
I really shouldn't be horsing around like this but I just can't help it!
Hotel Room Maid: Say, what are you doing here? Aren't you the Indianapolis Quarterback or something? Shouldn't you be at the stadium right now.
Player: Yeah, I would be, but I've got a really bad Colt.
Maid: Really? Oh, that's too bad. Did he say what kind?
Player: Yes, its very embarrasing, he said I've caught Bears Fever and the only cure is bed rest for at least a week, with a special diet.
Maid: Special Diet?
Player: Yes, I started it last night, a 12 pack of Old Style, 2 Italian Beef and sausage combo sandwiches, a sausage, mushroom, green pepper and onion Chicago style, deep dish pizza, an order of cheese fries and a bag of White Castles. That's my late night snack. Breakfast was bigger and it goes on from there.
Maid: Wow! What a diet. And you feel better?
Player: Sort of. I feel kind of heavy and bloated, and still sick. But I guess if feed a fever is the way to go, we're on the right track. Besides, those Eastern European doctors are the best. They've worked so hard to get where they are.
Maid: Eastern ... What did your doctor say his name was?
Player: Oh, he was very nice. Dr. Diatka, I think his name was. He was really concerned about my health. Wanted me to promise to stay in bed all day to day. Despite the pressure, I'm glad I did too.
Knock: Food Order!
Player: Oh boy! Time for my late afternoon Cheese Fries.
So much for Great moments in football joke history!
With the Super Bowl approaching, we can't help hoping that the Indianapolis Colts share Steven Colbert's apprehensions about bears. If so, The Chicago Bears will have a great deal of fun at the Super Bowl. In the mean time, enjoy these video Bears jokes that show how Colbert feels about Bears.
In fact, one has to wonder how he has been sleeping these last few weeks with the Chicago Bears dominating Football.
Having seen these Colbert films, you can see why the informed Colbert fan might suspect that Steve's Spider sense might be at full throttle this week. And imagine if the Bears win this weekend! Steve will face the specter of a Pack of Bears unleashed upon the media, appearing on television wherever he might look he might, perhaps even on the same show with himself.
YOU HAVE WON FREE SUPER BOWL XLI CHICAGO BEARS VS INDIANAPOLIS COLTS TICKETS! NO JOKE! JUST CLICK HERE TO CLAIM YOUR TICKETS!
Darn right it's no joke! Can you complete a three-tiered program and all elements thereto and really expect to have Superbowl Tickets in hand by game time?
No way!
But the very idea of it makes me have to click on that email link just in case it might somehow be true that someone would be giving away free Bears Super Bowl tickets, say 2nd row, 50-yard line, to a person just like me.
I'm just one of the millions the next few weeks who will be opening bottles, food packages, and other products all on the chance that we might, just might win those free tickets.
Its a kind of illness isn't it. Because even when those tickets are really out there, in a legitimate promotion, our odds are - eh - not so good.
I think I heard on the WMAQ-5, NBC news last night that Super Bowl tickets were only about $800 last night at one of the major ticket brokers, but that prices are likely to go up soon. One guy bartered time on his sailboat for post-season tickets via Craig's list.
I know - here's an offer, anyone who can get me a ticket to this year's Superbowl, I'll publish 10 of their own posts. Posts must be safe for families and work, be consistent with the blogger TOS, and may not advertise adult services. Editorial control remains with me, but an attempt will be made to give you the fullest amount of discretion possible!
Such a deal!
In the mean time, if you do find a source of free Super Bowl tickets, please let me know once you've scored your own of course.
Hey, a fan can dream, can't he? Thanks for reading my blog!
P.S. As I reread this post I realized that this post could be misused, but I do not want to change the title. Please, don't spam by forwarding this email to lots of others just because of the title. That would be cruel. Please only forward posts you really like!
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CHICAGO BEARS WIN NFC CHAMPIONSHIP! DA BEARS ARE GOING TO DA SUPER BOWL!
Before I get to the humor, I would not be a true Chicagoan if I did not mention the Bears crushing defeat of New Orleans yesterday at Soldier Field. Sorry Little Sisters of the Poor, I am sure God heard your prayers and was sympathetic, this was just not the year for the Saints.
Perhaps next year is the year for you. However, given the team, the Saints did quite well, but they really did not have a great chance in Chicago last night, especially once Bears weather rolled in.
Da Chicago Bears put it all together. The crowd was like an elemental force of nature. For this game at least, and I believe, hope, dream for this season, that these Bears are Super Bowl Championship material and will go all the way to smash their way to victory next week in Miami.
And that is no joke. These are however!
These jokes are in honor of a friend of mine, J., who got his Ph.D. in Mathematics at the University of Chicago. He was into topology and was so devoted that he would only drive a Ford Torus: the salesman said it was a very easy car for him to get him into, and it turned out to be true, getting out was easy too, despite having no doors.
My friend was such a great mathematician that he never had trouble with the car's differential and he found that its turning radius made finding and snaring parking spots in Chicago's Hyde Park Neighborhood, as easy as Pi!
The following jokes don't come from my friend, well, most of them don't, he told me some of them when we used to see each other in the day, but other than the twisted puns I wrote above, most of these I've have gotten in email from friend/relatives. The jokes vary in math knowledge needed, really, only this first one needs any real thought...
There are 10 kinds of mathematicians. Those who can think in binary and those who can't...
A woman in a bar tries to pick up a mathematician.
"How old, do you think, am I?" she asks coyly.
"Well - 18 by that fire in your eyes, 19 by that glow on your cheeks, 20 by that radiance of your face, and adding that up is something you can probably do for yourself..."
A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math decides to register him at a Catholic school. After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: He's getting "A"s in math.
The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: "Why are your math grades suddenly so good?"
"You know", the son explains, "when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place meant business!"
One day, Jesus said to his disciples: "The Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9."
A man who had just joined the disciples looked very confused and asked Peter: "What, on Earth, does he mean by that?"
Peter replied: "Don't worry - it's just another one of his parabolas."
Q: What is the first derivative of a cow?
A: Prime Rib!
Q: What does the Ph.D. in math with a job say to the Ph.D. in math without a job?
A: "Paper or plastic?"
"Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague. "Yesterday, a student came in during my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."
There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was an island in the middle of the lake, over which the kingdoms had been fighting for years. Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island.
The night before the battle, the knights and their squires pitched camp and readied themselves for the fight.
The first kingdom had 12 knights, and each knight had five squires, all of whom were busily polishing armor, brushing horses, and cooking food.
The second kingdom had twenty knights, and each knight had 10 squires. Everyone at that camp was also busy preparing for battle.
At the camp of the third kingdom, there was only one knight, with his squire. This squire took a large pot and hung it from a looped rope in a tall tree. He busied himself preparing the meal, while the knight polished his own armor.
When the hour of the battle came, the three kingdoms sent their squires out to fight (this was too trivial a matter for the knights to join in).
The battle raged, and when the dust had cleared, the only person left was the lone squire from the third kingdom, having defeated the squires from the other two kingdoms, thus proving that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
A mathematician, an engineer, and a computer scientist are traveling together. They are riding in a car, enjoying the countryside, when suddenly the engine stops working.
The mathematician: "We came past a gas station a few minutes ago. Someone should go back and ask for help."
The engineer: "I should have a look at the engine. Perhaps, I can fix it."
The computer scientist: "Why don't we just open the hood, slam it shut, and see if everything works again when after you try to re-start the engine?"
At the end of his course on mathematical methods in optimization, the professor sternly looks at his students and says: "There is one final piece of advice I'm going to give you now: Whatever you have learned in my course - never ever try to apply it to your personal lives!"
"Why?" the students ask.
"Well, some years ago, I observed my wife preparing breakfast, and I noticed that she wasted a lot of time walking back and forth in the kitchen. So, I went to work, optimized the whole procedure, and told my wife about it."
"And what happened?!"
"Before I applied my expert knowledge, my wife needed about half an hour to prepare breakfast for the two of us. And now, it takes me less than fifteen minutes..."
Q: How many University of Chicago Math Ph.D.'s does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one but it takes one 6.985834284385834938434234 years to do it. One the bright side, he/she always has a good chance of getting a Nobel Prize for his/her trouble.
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi!
I had a few others in the slush pile, but until I can get the rest of the team to cosine off on them, I will have to save them for another post. Some people, its like you are talking to a logarithm! The truth is, I try not to publish jokes that I don't understand, even if they are imaginary!
DABears!
Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary Thank you for visiting this blog! This edition of the Peter Files Blog was handcrafted by nano-technicians, working at the speed of light, 100,000 of which can be sustained indefinitely by a single Lucky CharmTm.
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