My friend Tom sent this to me claiming that this might possibly be the best beer ad ever.
What do you think?
This ad certainly depicts a common source of conflict in couple relations, the battle over the pocketbook and perceived importance of needs.
Which is more important? Your need to imbibe beer or my need to look good, to be good.
Of course, she says, it is "For you", but he fears it may be to "Find someone else" spicing up the argument. Does she think of this.
Is his reply revenge for the amount spent on makeup, or the bitter truth.
Relationships in which the tongue cannot be held and let in harshness cannot survive says approximately John H. Gottman, Ph.D. in his series of books about relationships which are well worth reading.
This post was not sponsored by and had no approval by the Miller Brewing Company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. They hold the trademark for the logo that appears in the photo. IF the company does not approve of this use please leave a post and I will take this down immediately.
Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None.
Nothing is wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are a delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect.
Why do you hate freedom? What is your IP address? We can get it from your internet provider you know.
If it is small enough we can do a Whois and know exactly who you are. Then get a picture from our spy satellites.
Warning! Try This Cool Trick at Your Own Risk! But boy will you want to try it at least once.
Will doing this void your Apple Care warranty? Almost certainly, so wait until its done with, I guess. If you worry about things like this, you can't afford to try stunts like this.
Fuses Blown? Power Out? Got to Have Some Tunes?
Have an Onion? About 2 cups of Gatorade TM or another electrolyte source? A screwdriver or pointy stick? A USB iPod charging cable? Something to hold the onion while it absorbs your electrolyte. Something to dry the onion with. Also good for when you are trapped by the bad guys in that native hut and watching and old episode of MacGyver might help you figure out to get free (you will need to have already purchased it from the iTunes store though or have "MacGyvered" an internet connection).
This video can show you how to get about 15 minutes per onion and cup of extra power for your iPod the MacGyver way, that is the cool, cheap and easy way.
Disclaimer: This and other videos produced by HouseholdHacker are controlled experiments performed by professionals and unless you are an expert should NOT be attempted at home if you don't know what you are doing!
I imagine this might power a low power light bulb or radio in a thunderstorm as well. Experiment and report back!
The Peter FIles Blog takes no responsibility for any damages you incur for trying anything shown on this blog at any time. This is a comedy, satire, parody and joke blog. Taking the advice of fictional characters, especially Dr. Pete who sometimes appears on these pages, is a sign of emerging madness and is looney behavior!
The Peter Files Blog News Network (Pentagon, 0035hrs) The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF). Using special redneckified weapons, rations and tactics, the USRSF are expected to bring "A whole lotta whuppin' to the region" according to inside souses in the Pentagon and the Bush White House.
These boys will be dropped off in Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists :
1. The season opened today. 2. There is no limit. 3. They taste just like chicken. 4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus. 5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt .
The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.
"Unlike your normal GI, your USRSF member, has special ASSets for sitting still and lying in weight for enemy combatants, especially when supplied with supercooled supplies of carb-loaded Top-Secret energy drinks code named JD, WT101, PBR and even cases of hard to find BillyB which are completely unavailable to most of these Talibanistas. Heck, given these secret fluids, we hardly need food ner even blood to survive in most any environment. And it righteously improves our shootin'," says a Commander in a newly formed Unit, so secret it does not even have a name or number, though all have a tatoo of a certain redhead on their arms showing a great deal of anatomically correct detail.
"Heah, since the tatoo shows enough of our favorite gal to get us killed on sight, we know we got no option but to fight to the bottom, er, end. Of course, other units got other girls, Paris, Britney, Natlie, Lindsey's just our girl. Did I say Lindsey? Forget that, it should be classified, I think. Anyhoo, we got us some special weapons for I-ran and we gonna get them good! Hooyah!"
"Iraq? Right. Wherever. I just like to shoot. Geography was never my strong point. Just point me and my boys and we go."
With attitudes like these, Pentagon analysts are sure that the war will be over in "...less time than it took former Governor Huey P. Long to build a bridge, a hospital, and the Louisiana State Highway System, that is, about three weeks."
-30-
Hope you liked this one!
If this doesn't get comments, nothing will.
Thanks Tom B. for the Photo and the kernal that started this post.
This post dedicated to "The Marvelous TR, Redneck though and through, one of the kindest and best men I ever knew." Despite public jokes to the contrary, he was NOT a fan of the Greatful Dead...
We all get jokes forwarded from friends. Some of our friends are kinder than others and filter the jokes they send, and send only the ones they really like, or ones they made up themselves. Most of my friends have been really great about sending high quality stuff from the slush pile that comes into their in-boxes and I try only to pass along only the best of that to you, sometimes with a little bit of rewriting for clarity or humor.
This entry comes from my friend Debbie Z. who I have known for longer than she'd probably like to admit being alive, so I will leave it at that.
Its a great series of jokes that is so good that I worry it came from somewhere published, so as always, if you own the copyright for these, just leave a comment with a citation I can check and I'll pull the posting id needed.
So here they are, a series of jokes that show the world from the kids point of view. That place that starts about two and a half feet off the ground when you can't quite see over the dining room table and lasts until you are about 10, when ignorance is either bliss or very confusing...
A grandmother was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave the bathroom, her granddaughter said, "But grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!"
My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "62." He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more wild, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.
As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how is we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued.
At last, it was time for her to head home, and as she headed for the door, she turned and said sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these out yourself!"
When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
A second grade girl, age 7, came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."
The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.
"That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es.'"
Debbie's favorite....
"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."
Peter's Favorite
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child ended the argument. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants." And how often friends, do you feel like the dogs are after you?
This post is dedicated to my friend Tom G. who would have found this music video by the group hard n phirm even funnier than I do. Tom also would have been pleased with its accuracy and completeness.
Our friend Bob Z., who incorporated pie fights into his melodramas set around the ancient Greek gods would have loved it too.
NSFW? Note: This video contains the "F" word. Once. So, don't blare it at work if this is a problem. Or at home if you have a toddler who will then go on to repeat it endlessly like any new word without knowing what it means.
Normally, I would not post it because of this, but it is just too funny. You have been warned.
I don't know about you, but I find the chorus of this song, which repeats Pi out to about 100 significant figures especially catchy
It's got a beat, you can dance to it, its edutainment, I give it a 95.
Tom G. specialized, at friends' weddings, at serving up, instead of the wedding cake, the wedding Pi. He would come up to the mike and announce just that, take a pause and begin:
Tom recited Pi, "3.14159...." to about 100 places with full dramatic range, sparing no punches, high drama, low drama, comedy, tragedy, cragedy, all within the recitation of these numbers.
Alas, after surviving testicular cancer, Tom's heart succumbed to the effects of weakness from chemotherapy while he partied all night long in Barcelona (typical work night) on his new dream consulting job as an Apple consultant.
At least Tom got a bite of Apple pie before he moved on. So to me this video is extra screamingly funny. It's not just a recitation of numbers, but a whole commentary on numbers, numerology and who might care about Pi and how far a normal person might take it. Very creative. You'll really enjoy it. Trust me, I know Comedy when I feel it.
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Comment: Dread Zepplin = Hard Rock + Reggae + Elvis Impersonation + Other Wacky Stuff, I saw them at The Blues Club outside of Marina City in Chicago and Had to get their album. Totally Cool! ---------------- Now playing: Dread Zeppelin - Immigrant Song via FoxyTunes
Truth in blog writing here. If you take advantage of this sale, through these ads it will benefit the blog. But, half off these comedy TV series DVD's and sets is worth writing about. So I am.
Note that the prices shown are updated live, so when the sale ends they will be right, but no longer look like a bargain. That will probably be around, well, I don't know when, could be Monday, could be Thanksgiving.
So, what do we have listed there, half off the season sets for The Mary Tyler Moore Show, The Bob Newhart Show, That '70's Show, King of the Hill, Futurama, Scrubs, and a bunch of other stuff. I added a Looney Tunes link though that wasn't on the list just because its a great set.
Now, have I bought these yet? Nope. But except for King of the Hill you can consider this a wish list of sorts. I have some of the new Doctor Who, Batman and Superman on the list ahead of these. Alias season three too, etc. But, these are in there. That's why I picked them.
If I have time, I will do more posts on these between now and Christmas, unless I get a lot of comments saying that these are not helpful. In the mean time if you want to see the full listings of the Amazon Discs on sale at the 50% rate, just click on any ad above and the listing at Amazon should give you an option to see the others as long as the sale is going.
The individual season DVD's should take you to the list of 100 50% of DVD's, about 4 pages long, and the sets should take you to the discount set list.
If you have a lot of Christmas shopping to do, maybe this will be a help!
John Cleese, laughter expert, takes us on a short health journey on the benefits of Laughter Yoga with an Indian Doctor who believes that the benefits of daily laughter club sessions can be quite striking.
Even if the laughter is forced, the body is fooled the Doctor says. Well my spirits were, raised.
My Rx. Watch this clip 3x daily and laugh along with it.
And you won't believe who else is laughing.
Peter
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