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Saturday, November 17, 2007

The World From The Kids Eye View


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We all get jokes forwarded from friends. Some of our friends are kinder than others and filter the jokes they send, and send only the ones they really like, or ones they made up themselves. Most of my friends have been really great about sending high quality stuff from the slush pile that comes into their in-boxes and I try only to pass along only the best of that to you, sometimes with a little bit of rewriting for clarity or humor.

This entry comes from my friend Debbie Z. who I have known for longer than she'd probably like to admit being alive, so I will leave it at that.

Its a great series of jokes that is so good that I worry it came from somewhere published, so as always, if you own the copyright for these, just leave a comment with a citation I can check and I'll pull the posting id needed.

So here they are, a series of jokes that show the world from the kids point of view. That place that starts about two and a half feet off the ground when you can't quite see over the dining room table and lasts until you are about 10, when ignorance is either bliss or very confusing...

A grandmother was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave the bathroom, her granddaughter said, "But grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!"

My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "62." He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more wild, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.

As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how is we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued.

At last, it was time for her to head home, and as she headed for the door, she turned and said sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these out yourself!"

When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

A second grade girl, age 7, came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."

The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.

"That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es.'"

Debbie's favorite....

"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.

"Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."

Peter's Favorite

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.

"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

A third child ended the argument. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

And how often friends, do you feel like the dogs are after you? 

From the mouths of babes.

Send this one to a friend who needs a laugh!

Peter, Chief Editor and Still A Kid When it Comes to Cleaning His Room
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire, Jokes, Commentary and Videos
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