Not that I am advocating the use of alcohol, but I have learned that those who do, sometimes play drinking games. This video shows the Robin Williams drinking game, a little rougher than "Hi Bob!", the Bob Newhart Drinking Game, largely because Robin talks and gestures more than Bob does.
If you have had an experience with Hi Bob, that was more intense than with the Robin Williams Drinking game please let me know, and tell mewhether I can publish it in a comment.
If for some reason you cannot see this video, I suggest you try reloading this page in a Safari web browser available for Mac and Windows at Apple's Safari Download Page. ---------------- Now playing: Paul McCartney - Nod Your Head via FoxyTunes
Road rage.
We hear about it from time to time.
Born out of impatience and/or stupidity and rudeness it can lead to serious, deadly, or in these cases, I hope funny consequences in The Peter Files.
Consider if you will, the case of an elderly lady, tired and grumpy, just trying to get home after a day that has clearly worn her out. She may be a pedestrian, but when confronted with impatience and road rage, she knows just how to strike back in a way that will make the impatient driver of this hot rod think twice before blaring his horn at a senior in a right-of-way crosswalk again!
She gets away with a lot here, but what's the fellow going to do in front of witnesses?
There are two more videos I'd fit in here but they don't meet my standards for SFW, or for younger or more sensitive viewers because of language problems and or violence, but they do provide some laughs, so I have provided the links.
---------------- Now playing: Tommy James & The Shondells - I Think We're Alone Now [Stereo] via FoxyTunes This post comes to us via my good friend Ken, who agonized over this piece of original writing almost as long as he agonized over the perfect way to display his photos and the perfect photo album. That's an exaggeration. The photo album search was a five year project, if it truly ended. That started long before the world of iTunes in the era of the original Mac. This piece took less than a month, perhaps less than a week, but it was clearly worth the effort.
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Have you been watching the debates? There are lots of questions but no clear answers. Maybe the questions are too complex for them? So we sent out a questionnaire to all the candidates with just one simple question and challenged them to answer it.
Here is the question and the candidate responses:
Question: What is 2 + 2?
Joe Biden: You want 2+2? You want 2+2. OK, this is how I’d do it. I would separate the 2’s which is something I suggested long before the question was asked. And I‘m the only one here who has been separating out 2’s. Then you combine the 2’s but only after we have an exhaustive, investigatory, probe…and we keep out the politics in a non political, political fashion. Furthermore, and I don’t say this lightly… oh, I’m out of time? OK. [Smile].
Sam Brownback: Those who adhere to "Science" may assert whatever number they choose but only He knows what that number truly is.
Hillary Rodham Clinton: Hey hey hey, you boys won’t get me with that one. Heh heh, hey.
Chris Dodd: As my distinguished colleague just eloquently said and that colleague is a dear friend of mine.
John Edwards: Well, I’ll tell you what I’d do. I’d be honest with the American people. I would be straight with them. I would tell them directly.
Mike Gravel: None of you have the guts to add those numbers up. What is wrong with you people? I was adding them way back in the days when those numbers meant something. Who gives a **** anyway.
Rudy Giuliani: 911, 911, 911!! It’s not a 2+2 world anymore. I can’t believe you had the audacity to suggest otherwise. 911!
Duncan Hunter: Ronald Reagan. Uhhh, Ronald Reagan.
Dennis Kucinich: That is not something I would leave up to the greedy corporations and corrupt politicians and high bankrollers with hidden agendas to determine. That number belongs to you and me and the hard working folks of America.
John McCain: If we don’t add them there we’ll have to add them here. [Smile].
Mike Huckabee: As governor of that great state of Arkansas, I’ve done that. Now check out this guitar groove, southern style.
Barack Obama: Sure, we can all offer our own suggestions on that number but we must allow ourselves to go beyond all those preconceptions of mathematics. That is what makes us the great nation that we are.
Ron Paul: We cannot have the government dictating to us what numbers we should add. It is one of our basic inherit rights under the constitution to freely choose our own numbers; individually, freely, and without prejudice.
Bill Richardson: I’m the only one here who has been a legislator, chief executive, cabinet official, and ambassador but I am not a mathematician.
Mitt Romney: 3! No, 5! OK, what number do you want? Just say it. You can have it. It’s yours.
Tom Tancredo: OK. You say 2, but are those two legal 2’s? And I’ll bet the other two are terror 2’s. So you build a wall around the first two, bomb the others and then, then, I don’t know what but that’s what I’d do.
Tommy Thompson: That’s a whole bunch of crap. Oh 2+2? I thought you said doo plus doo and that would be doo-doo.
Alfred E. Newman: What does 2 + 2 equal? What me worry? I'm a Mad Magazine character, of course I'm going to win the election, in the magazine. Too bad for you it won't be in real life, I'd be better than that Bozo you have now. At least I know Osama isn't spelled S-a-d-d-a-m!*
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Ken's stuff here is so good that it makes me want to do my own list, but let's let Ken's list stand in its own glory. I'll save mine for another post. * Ok, I admit it, the last one, Alfred, is mine. He's a trademark of Mad Magazine.
Thanks for visiting the Peter Files Blog of Comedy! Bookmark us and come back soon! This one is really worth passing along to a friend, especially one who enjoys politics on either side of the fence, just click the envelope below to do just that. It doesn't put them on any lists, I don't get their address. They just get the joke!
---------------- Now playing: Neil Young - Sugar Mountain via FoxyTunes
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This one's from my friend Andy who's married to a fiesty Italian lady who he first noticed when she started yelling at him from across the street while he was sitting in a barber chair. Seems she thought he had not been good to a girlfriend of hers, they tell it better. Two greater people it would be hard to find.
If you love Italians, this one's a great joke. Though, this joke has a somewhat universal appeal to those who know those who really cook.
An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs. Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands he crawled downstairs. With a deep breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen where, if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.
For there, spread out up waxed paper on the kitchen table, were literally hundreds of his favorite anisette sprinkled cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. His aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table,when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.
Get outta here!" she shouted, "They're for the funeral!"
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The Beverly Hills University Club Scholarship Foundation Presents
The Beverly Idol
You think you got what it takes to be the next idol?
Where: 115 Bourbon Street (Night Club)
When: August 24, 2007 (must be 21 to enter)
Time: 7-10 pm
Price: $25.00 all you can eat and drink (You can purchase your tickets at the door of the Night Club)
Participants:Anyone can participate.You need to pick two songs from our exclusive karaoke list.If you make it to the finals, you will sing your second song.From there the judges will decide who our next Beverly Idol will be.We will accept only the first 20 contestants, so please arrive about a half an hour early if you are looking to perform.
Our panel of judges star
Cassie Dawe aka Paula
Dan Riley aka Randy
Pat Mooney aka Simon
And our Host
Jake McClelland as Ryan Seacrest
You need not be a University Club member to attend or perform, however all members are encouraged to show us their talents.
All proceeds will go towards the scholarship foundation and distributed along with the next show proceeds at the scholarship meeting in 2008
Hope you can all attend, it is for a great cause…..and we will have a blast.
The Beverly Hills University Club raises money for college scholarships for area youth. Funds raised from events like this and their annual Spring musical go directly into the scholarship fund. The Peter Files Blog is happy to support the work of the BHUC by placing this announcement.
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This comes from my friend MS for whom I have a whole backload of great jokes to put up. This is one of those clean jokes for people with dirty minds.
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.
One of the students said to his friend: "I'm sure he has Petry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that.
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him: "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said: "I'll tell you, but first you must tell me what you think."
One of the students said: "I think it's Petry Syndrome."
The old man said:"You thought so .......... but you are wrong."
Then the other student said: "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said: "You thought so .......... but you are wrong.
So they asked him: "Well, what do you have?"
The old man said: "I thought it was GAS........... but I was wrong.
This reminds me of a friend of mine who said recently:
And I thought Bush would be such a good President ......... but I was wrong.
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Another reader submission, this one from my long-time friend, DZ.
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen."
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. -
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then it was already 1P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and Mop the kitchen floor.
Then he ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Then he set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh! oh! please, let us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
"My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months though. You got pregnant last night."
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Whenever possible I like to post jokes sent in by readers and give credit where credit is due. This is such a joke, sent in by my friend Tom B. It's particularly funny, because I was a busy bee helping someone, who shall remain nameless, not Tom, who ran out of gas just yesterday!
A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.
The bee said, "What seems to be the problem?"
"I'm out of gas," the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out. "Try it now," said one bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. "Wow!" the man exclaimed, "what did you put in my gas tank"?
The bee answered,
Or, for those who need it spelled out for them:
Hey! You too can be one of those lucky few who have gotten a joke up on this blog with as much or little credit as you like. Just put the joke in a comment to any post or mail it to (without the spaces) ***The Peter Files Blog at g mail dot com*** and I will use it if I can. I will not use your email unless you specifically ask me to and will use your name in the form First Name last initial unless you specify some other name. Anonymous submissions are fine too.
Please keep them reasonably clean, but if you are not sure if it meets our standars, send it in anyway. We reserve the right to edit, clean up, fix the spelling or otherwise modify any joke that comes in to meet our low standards.
I am also looking for an assistant editor or two to help keep production up at a higher level, so if you are interested let me know too.
The post pays almost as much as mine (zilch, zero, zippo, nada, satisfaction, fun, enjoyment, glory, semi-fame) and the faint possibility of turning this puppy into one of those dot.com wonders. HA!
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Mary was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink.
She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her mom's dark brunette hair.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother, still unhappy at yesterday's incident, where Mary and her 4 siblings had opened a rarely purchased and brand new box of Lucky CharmsTM and removed all the marshmallow Charms, while her Mom napped after an exhausting shopping trip, all the while dreaming about a having just a single bowl of the cereal herself, could not be blamed for replying, "Well, every time that you do something wrong that makes me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
Mary, thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Mom, how come ALL of Grandma's hairs are white?"
(Note: parts of this joke are based on true events). The aftermath of the Lucky Charms incident has been blocked from my memory. The name of the sibling in question may have been changed to protect the guilty.
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A cat was minding its own business when a neutron spinning its way through the vastness of the universe passed through it without making any sort of impact at all, so small was the neutron and so large was the cat.
The cat entered a box and died inside it, never knowing that the neutron, two quarks, and some silly strings vibrating together across space time had intersected it within the box randomly having nothing to do whatsoever with its death.
Another cat, Poopsie, was pestering the drunken brother of its owner who was supposed to be cat sitting. An experimental type, he decided, after a visit to The Neutrino Bar, to discover whether cats really did right themselves when falling, and whether the distance falling made a difference in their ability to land on their feet.
Unfortunately for Poopsie, the experiment was conducted from a 19th floor apartment balcony.
Unfortunately for science, the drunken brother managed to pass out between the Poopsie's descent from floor 9 to ground zero.
Unfortunately, for Ms. Hysteria V. Prunchunas, owner of the cat, her reunion with her beloved Poopsie was approximately 3 days and 19 floors early due to bad weather in the Wisconsin Dells, her brother's misunderstanding of the impact of the the potential harm implicit in the formula F=G((m1*m2)/(s*s)), and some particularly bad luck.
It has been suggested that Ms. Prunchunas may have observed, just prior to the Poopsie's (et. al.) striking her full in the face, alerted by Poopsie's familiarly tortured howling, the position/orientation of the cat's feet. (Cf: v=32ft/sec/sec)
Unfortunately for science, if she observed this datum, she failed in her duty to report it.
Are you adrift in the universe like the cat who missed the neutron passing through it, ignorant in your existential angst?
Are you in your loneliness and despair potential fodder for the pseudo scientific experiments of drunken relatives and bad vacations that could even lead to your own untimely demise, leaving you so unaware and disconnected from society that even in your final moments you fail to report essential scientific datia?
DON'T BE LIKE THIS!!!
Wake up and smell the presence of the others on the Internet.
Step out and show people you care about them by sending electrons, not paltry neutrons, towards the servers serving their in-boxes!
Send this to at least 10 people, so that they know that you know at least 10 people on the internet and do not live in a cabin alone with your cats in Vermont or Rhode Island.
Everyone Knows that the only cool place to do this is Maine which has relatively fewer 19 story buildings and is thus safer for cat owners with drunk brothers willing to cat sit (without getting so drunk as to sit on the cats accidentally).
If you do not know 10 people, make up 5 addresses or more to start with. In general, the more addresses you put on forwarded email, the cooler you are! This is true! Every spam address seller agrees 100%!
Do Change your life today.
Show those you barely know that you really, really, really care about them, by sending them this message over and over again!
Dare to be investigated!
Only then will you know the bliss, of starting to become part of the backbone of the Information Superhighway, those who will know that their E-mail addresses will go down in history in the unerasable archives of government servers.
If you fail to do this, you will rob the teeming masses of the question:
Would this make a good opening for a poem?
I heard a cat screech as I died
or
I felt a cat scratch before I died
Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it..........
P.S. Barry Bonds Broke Hank Aaron's Home Run Record this week. Good for him. As a White Sox fan the issues never really impacted us since he rarely faced us in his whole lifetime of play. My take is if the Majors let someone get that far, they deserve the the record. I hope he runs it up past 800. If he does, that ought to quiet some of the critics a little.
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Q: How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, you need an electrician to screw in a light bulb, don't you know anything about the theater?
Q: Outside of the stage, how many actors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 100. 1 to screw it in and 99 to say, "Tisk, I could have done that better!"
Here are a few new South Side theater happenings, from auditions through productions. These are subject to change without notice:
OAK LAWN COMMUNITY THEATER THE SCARLET PIMPERNEL WHEN: August 10th, 11th & 12th WHERE: Oakview Recreation Center @ 4625 W. 110th Street , Oak Lawn TIMES: Friday & Saturday @ 8:00pm / Sunday @ 3:00pm TICKETS: $19.00 Adults / $18.00 Students & Seniors BOX OFFICE: 708-857-2200
GUMBALL PLAYERS REHEARSAL FOR MURDER WHEN: August 9th, 10th & 11th WHERE: Argo Community High School @ 7329 W. 63rd Street, Summit TIMES: 7:30pm TICKETS: $5.00 at the door BOX OFFICE: 708-447-3031
MEMORIAL OPERA HOUSE KISS ME KATE WHEN: August 10th through August 26th WHERE: Memorial Opera House @ 104 Indiana Avenue , Valparaiso , IN TIMES: Friday & Saturday @ 8:00pm / Sunday @ 2:00pm TICKETS: $13.00 Students & Senior / $16.00 Adults BOX OFFICE: 219-548-9137 or contact us @ www.memorialoperahouse.com
MEMORIAL OPERA HOUSE WEST SIDE STORY - AUDITIONS WHEN: Monday & Tuesday, August 13th & 14th WHERE: Memorial Opera House @ 104 Indiana Avenue , Valparaiso , IN TIMES: 7:00pm SHOW DATES: October 5th through 21st SHOW LOCATION: Memorial Opera House @ 104 Indiana Avenue , Valparaiso , IN SHOW TIMES: Friday & Saturday @ 8:00pm / Sunday @ 2:00pm TICKETS: $13.00 Students & Senior / $16.00 Adults BOX OFFICE: 219-548-9137 or contact us @ www.memorialoperahouse.com
BEVERLY ARTS CENTER TEEN OPEN MIC NIGHTS WHEN: August 16th WHERE: Beverly Arts Center @ 2407 W. 111th Street , Chicago TIMES: 8:00pm TICKETS: $5.00 at the door BOX OFFICE: 773-445-3838 Teen Open Mic Nights on Thursdays through August for teens ages 13-19. Open to poets, musicians, singers, dancers, rap artists and comedians who want to perform for audiences in a coffee house atmosphere. Performers must sign up in advance.
ORLAND PARK THEATRE TROUPE BROADWAY REVIEW DINNER & SHOW WHEN: Sunday, August 19th WHERE: Orland Chateau @ 14500 S. LaGrange Road , Orland Park , IL TIMES: 2:00PM – 6:00PM TICKETS: $40.00 BOX OFFICE: 708-403-7275 Dinner and a show! Dinner includes soup and salad, choice of stuffed chicken breast, baked orange roughy or roast sirloin of beef, vegetable, potato, dessert, coffee, tea or soda and two drink tickets. A cash bar will also be available. The show begins following dinner with an intermission, at which time dessert will be served, followed by Act II. Stroll through the decades of musical theater!
ORLAND PARK THEATRE TROUPE SEVEN KEYS TO BALDPATE - AUDITIONS WHEN: Monday & Tuesday, August 20th & 21st WHERE: Old Village Hall @ 14413 Beacon, Orland Park , IL TIMES: 7:00pm – 10:00pm SHOW DATES: October 19th, 20th & 21st SHOW LOCATION: Orland Park Civic Center @ 14750 Ravinia, Orland Park SHOW TIMES: Friday & Saturday @ 8:00pm / Sunday @ 2:00pm TICKETS: $12.00 Adults / $10.00 Seniors / $8.00 Children BOX OFFICE: 708-403-7275
BOLINGBROOK TROUPE HELLCAB – AUDITIONS WHEN: Monday & Tuesday, August 20th & 21st WHERE: Bolingbrook Performing Arts stage @ 375 W. Briarcliff, Bolingbrook TIMES: 7:00pm – 10:00pm SHOW DATES: October 26th through November 18th SHOW LOCATION: Bolingbrook Performing Arts stage @ 375 W. Briarcliff, Bolingbrook SHOW TIMES: Friday & Saturday @ 8:00pm / Sunday @ 3:00pm TICKETS: $14.00 Adults / $11.00 Students & Seniors BOX OFFICE: 630-759-2970
BEVERLY THEATRE GUILD A FEW GOOD MEN - AUDITIONS WHEN: Sunday & Monday, August 26th & 27th with Callbacks the 29th WHERE: Salem United Church of Christ @ 9717 S. Kostner, Oak Lawn , IL TIMES: Sunday 2:00pm – 5:30pm / Monday 7:00pm – 9:30pm SHOW DATES: October 26th, 27th & 28th SHOW LOCATION: Beverly Arts Center @ 2407 W. 111th Street , Chicago SHOW TIMES: Friday & Saturday @ 8:00pm / Sunday @ 2:00pm TICKETS: $20.00 Adults / $19.00 Senior (62+) & Students (with current ID) / $18 Military~Retired or Active / $18 Group Sales ~20 or more BOX OFFICE: 773-445-3838 or www.beverlyartcenter.org
ORLAND PARK COMEDY IMPROV COMEDY IMPROV WHEN: Friday’s, September 28th, October 26th, November 16th, January 25th, February 22nd & March 28th WHERE: Old Village Hall @ 14413 Beacon, Orland Park , IL TIMES: 8:00pm – 10:00pm TICKETS: $5.00 at the door BOX OFFICE: 708-403-7275
ORLAND PARK THEATRE TROUPE A CAROL FOR TINY TIM - AUDITIONS WHEN: Sunday & Monday, October 7th & 9th WHERE: Old Village Hall @ 14413 Beacon, Orland Park , IL TIMES: Sunday 12:00pm – 4:00pm / Monday 7:00pm – 10:00pm SHOW DATES: December 7th, 8th & 9th SHOW LOCATION: Orland Park Civic Center @ 14750 Ravinia, Orland Park SHOW TIMES: Friday & Saturday @ 8:00pm / Sunday @ 2:00pm TICKETS: $12.00 Adults / $10.00 Seniors / $8.00 Children BOX OFFICE: 708-403-7275
NORTH RIVERSIDE RECREATION COMMUNITY THEATER A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE FORUM WHEN: October 5th through October 14th WHERE: North Riverside Village Commons @ 2401 S. DesPlaines Ave. North Riverside TIMES: Friday & Saturday @ 7:30pm / Sunday @ 2:00pm TICKETS: $15.00 Adults / $13.00 Students & Seniors / $7.00 Children under 12 BOX OFFICE: 708-447-1297 ~ Terri
Yes, it is true that North Riverside might not be considered a South Side location, but I had the information, so I included it. Hope this is helpful to you.
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Home of the Best Doctor Who Podcast in Time and Space
