Tell Those You Barely Know How Important They Are By Forwarding This Or Be Insignificant As A Dead Cat
The Neutron And The C.at
A cat was minding its own business
when a neutron spinning its way through
the vastness of the universe passed through it without
making any sort of impact at all, so small was the neutron and so large was the cat.
The cat entered a box and died inside it, never knowing that the neutron, two quarks, and some silly strings vibrating together across space time had intersected it within the box randomly having nothing to do whatsoever with its death.
Another cat, Poopsie, was pestering the drunken brother of its owner who was supposed to be cat sitting. An experimental type, he decided, after a visit to The Neutrino Bar, to discover whether cats really did right themselves when falling, and whether the distance falling made a difference in their ability to land on their feet.
Unfortunately for Poopsie, the experiment was conducted from a 19th floor apartment balcony.
Unfortunately for science, the drunken brother managed to pass out between the Poopsie's descent from floor 9 to ground zero.
Unfortunately, for Ms. Hysteria V. Prunchunas, owner of the cat, her reunion with her beloved Poopsie was approximately 3 days and 19 floors early due to bad weather in the Wisconsin Dells, her brother's misunderstanding of the impact of the the potential harm implicit in the formula F=G((m1*m2)/(s*s)), and some particularly bad luck.
It has been suggested that Ms. Prunchunas may have observed, just prior to the Poopsie's (et. al.) striking her full in the face, alerted by Poopsie's familiarly tortured howling, the position/orientation of the cat's feet. (Cf: v=32ft/sec/sec)
Unfortunately for science, if she observed this datum, she failed in her duty to report it.
Are you in your loneliness and despair potential fodder for the pseudo scientific experiments of drunken relatives and bad vacations that could even lead to your own untimely demise, leaving you so unaware and disconnected from society that even in your final moments you fail to report essential scientific datia?
DON'T BE LIKE THIS!!!
Wake up and smell the presence of the others on the Internet.
Step out and show people you care about them by sending electrons, not paltry neutrons, towards the servers serving their in-boxes!
Send this to at least 10 people, so that they know that you know at least 10 people on the internet and do not live in a cabin alone with your cats in Vermont or Rhode Island.
Everyone Knows that the only cool place to do this is Maine which has relatively fewer 19 story buildings and is thus safer for cat owners with drunk brothers willing to cat sit (without getting so drunk as to sit on the cats accidentally).
If you do not know 10 people, make up 5 addresses or more to start with. In general, the more addresses you put on forwarded email, the cooler you are! This is true! Every spam address seller agrees 100%!
Do Change your life today.
Show those you barely know that you really, really, really care about them, by sending them this message over and over again!
Dare to be investigated!
Only then will you know the bliss, of starting to become part of the backbone of the Information Superhighway, those who will know that their E-mail addresses will go down in history in the unerasable archives of government servers.
If you fail to do this, you will rob the teeming masses of the question:
Would this make a good opening for a poem?
I heard a cat screech as I died
I felt a cat scratch before I died
Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it..........
P.S. Barry Bonds Broke Hank Aaron's Home Run Record this week. Good for him. As a White Sox fan the issues never really impacted us since he rarely faced us in his whole lifetime of play. My take is if the Majors let someone get that far, they deserve the the record. I hope he runs it up past 800. If he does, that ought to quiet some of the critics a little.
Peter, Chief Editor, Whacked out Commentator and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
We strive to keep our humor and comments safe for home and work. Some of the links that appear here may not meet our standards. If this appears on a regular basis, please let us know at "thepeterfilesblog dot gmail dot com". Thank You!
Please make comments by clicking on the word "Comments"!
Click on the Envelope to forward posts to your friends! Thank you! The staff.