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Saturday, August 11, 2007

Tell Those You Barely Know How Important They Are By Forwarding This Or Be Insignificant As A Dead Cat


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The Neutron And The C.at

A cat was minding its own business
when a neutron spinning its way through
the vastness of the universe passed through it without
making any sort of impact at all, so small was the neutron and so large was the cat.

The cat entered a box and died inside it, never knowing that the neutron, two quarks, and some silly strings vibrating together across space time had intersected it within the box randomly having nothing to do whatsoever with its death.

Another cat, Poopsie, was pestering the drunken brother of its owner who was supposed to be cat sitting. An experimental type, he decided, after a visit to The Neutrino Bar, to discover whether cats really did right themselves when falling, and whether the distance falling made a difference in their ability to land on their feet.

Unfortunately for Poopsie, the experiment was conducted from a 19th floor apartment balcony.

Unfortunately for science, the drunken brother managed to pass out between the Poopsie's descent from floor 9 to ground zero.

Unfortunately, for Ms. Hysteria V. Prunchunas, owner of the cat, her reunion with her beloved Poopsie was approximately 3 days and 19 floors early due to bad weather in the Wisconsin Dells, her brother's misunderstanding of the impact of the the potential harm implicit in the formula F=G((m1*m2)/(s*s)), and some particularly bad luck.

It has been suggested that Ms. Prunchunas may have observed, just prior to the Poopsie's (et. al.) striking her full in the face, alerted by Poopsie's familiarly tortured howling, the position/orientation of the cat's feet. (Cf: v=32ft/sec/sec)

Unfortunately for science, if she observed this datum, she failed in her duty to report it.

Are you adrift in the universe like the cat who missed the neutron passing through it, ignorant in your existential angst?

Are you in your loneliness and despair potential fodder for the pseudo scientific experiments of drunken relatives and bad vacations that could even lead to your own untimely demise, leaving you so unaware and disconnected from society that even in your final moments you fail to report essential scientific datia?


Wake up and smell the presence of the others on the Internet.

Step out and show people you care about them by sending electrons, not paltry neutrons, towards the servers serving their in-boxes!

Send this to at least 10 people, so that they know that you know at least 10 people on the internet and do not live in a cabin alone with your cats in Vermont or Rhode Island.

Everyone Knows that the only cool place to do this is Maine which has relatively fewer 19 story buildings and is thus safer for cat owners with drunk brothers willing to cat sit (without getting so drunk as to sit on the cats accidentally).

If you do not know 10 people, make up 5 addresses or more to start with. In general, the more addresses you put on forwarded email, the cooler you are! This is true! Every spam address seller agrees 100%!

Do Change your life today.

Show those you barely know that you really, really, really care about them, by sending them this message over and over again!

Dare to be investigated!

Only then will you know the bliss, of starting to become part of the backbone of the Information Superhighway, those who will know that their E-mail addresses will go down in history in the unerasable archives of government servers.

If you fail to do this, you will rob the teeming masses of the question:

Would this make a good opening for a poem?

I heard a cat screech as I died


I felt a cat scratch before I died

Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it..........

P.S. Barry Bonds Broke Hank Aaron's Home Run Record this week. Good for him. As a White Sox fan the issues never really impacted us since he rarely faced us in his whole lifetime of play. My take is if the Majors let someone get that far, they deserve the the record. I hope he runs it up past 800. If he does, that ought to quiet some of the critics a little.

Peter, Chief Editor, Whacked out Commentator and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary

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Blogger Info-66 said...

My name is Roger Baillargeon .

Just a short stop by to let You know that I created a Cat Blog not long ago.

I wanted to get in touch with You after I started reading Your Blog which I got '' hook to''. I enjoy the content and it looks very professional . My Blog consist on Posting People's Cat Pictures on the '' Picture of the Day ''page.

Here is a sample to show You what I'm talking about...


Also the Blog feature CAT Articles and CAT Resources...

If You like the Idea Yourself, I'm inviting You to send me a Cat Picture.I would Post the CAT Picture along with Your Blog Link under it.

For sure I would Appreciate very much if You could tell your readers about my new set-up.
And You could mention to Your fans that I would be glad to post a photo of their Cat on my BlogSite.

Hope we stay in touch,

Roger B.

Roger Baillargeon .... rogerfern99@hotmail.com

BLOG on...CAT Pictures--CAT Articles--CAT Resources


8/25/2007 5:47 PM  
Blogger The Peter Files Blog of Comedy said...


Thanks so much for leaving a comment. When I have a little time I will certainly create a post about your site and include some of your funny cat jokes.

We used to have a cat named Bootsie when I was a child, who I loved but was horribly allergic to. They say that someday they will be able to make those of use in that cat-agory immune. I await the day eagerly.

A food allergy pill is on the way I hear. Can cat allergies be far behind?

Thanks for commenting and your comments about my site. If use the view source command you can use see the code I used to make it which was borrowed at first from other templates and edited in a plain text editor with copies kept at each step.

That way, if I made a mistake I could always go back to a working previous version.

If I get A chance I will send you the links to a couple of working pages.

Good luck, Peter.

PS, if you add me to your sidebar, when you get one, I will add you to mine.


8/26/2007 2:25 PM  

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