How Did You Spend Your Leap Day?

So, how did you spend your leap day? That extra day we get every four years, give or take the ones added or subtracted for century or millennia occasions. Wiki it if you like to get the formula.

Was there anything special about the day for you? Did you take some time off? Spend a few extra minutes surfing on line? Call a friend? Order a pizza but then realize you couldn't put meat on it (if you were a practicing Catholic or Jewish or possibly Hindi (at least not sausage)).

If you were an accountant type did you realize that salaried folk got hit up for an extra day of work for no extra pay while union hourly types got an extra 8 hours pay but that everyone has an extra day of work because of leap year? It seems that we should have a day off on February 29th 2 days out of every 7 leap years.  Better yet, why not make it a holiday - say - History of Time awareness day. Not a big enough holiday to celebrate every year, but big enough to take a day off once every 4 years.

Think about it. The commercial possibilities are endless.

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Greeting Cards:

• I'll still be leaping for you 4 years from now!
• I forgot about my boyfriend and leapt for you last night, it was great, see you in 4 years!
• Hey, diddle, diddle, was that you I saw leaping over the moon last night you #%*& cow!

T-Shirts:

• I Shoulda Looked on Leap Years Now I'm Stuck With This Guy And His Kids! (Arrow)
• Take a Leap for (insert disease here). The Quadrennial Long Jump Competition where every inch counts.

I only bring the whole Leap Year topic  up because an awful lot of people seem to be looking for leap-year jokes and looking here for them. Unfortunately I hadn't put any up here - till now.

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Q: What did the blonde name her leap-year's-baby?

A: Leap Ear

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Q. What College did she send daughter Leap Ear to?

A. Look Before U.

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Q. At college Leap Ear Met the Son of Environmentalists who named him to commemorate an environmental disaster while affirming the importance of passion in life. They decided to blend their names in marriage. What would their new names be?

A. He became Love-Leap Ear-Canal and she became Leap-Love Canal-Ear. They almost broke up over whether to have their honeymoon at Lover's Leap or Love Canal when Leap Ear's Mother gave them free tickets to Disneyworld. After all, if you love ears, you can't pass on a free trip to Disneyworld.

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The blond guy got called into his boss' 20th floor office. He was about to be fired for missing a mandatory staff meeting.

"But Boss", he said, "our meeting software has bugs in it all the time, so when it showed a staff meeting on an alleged 'February 29th' instead of March 1st, I figured it went goofy again and used my standing first of the month time off request to visit my sick Mom at the rest home."

The boss said, haven't you ever heard of 'Leap Year'?

The blond guy said, "Hey, I'm a team player, you want me to leap, you just tell me how high!"

At that the boss just opened his window and said, "Try six feet...."

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Baby New Year sang to Father Time: "Jeepers Creepers Where'd you get those Leap Years!"

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I'll admit these are pretty lame, but they are original. Just be glad I didn't add 17 lines to the Baby New Year's Song!

Oh, my leap day was spent mostly in bed feeling fluish. I didn't even know I was fluish.  I don't even own one of those round black hats. I respect the flues. I get a flue shot every year. In my right arm. Or my left arm. Sometimes the nurse shoots me somewhere else occidentally. I don't mean to seem to be needling fluishness but I've been reading Woolly Allen all day. 

Apparently my bed is Without Feathers. But I learned how to Cheat Death, just play chess with him, or checkers, or backgammon, or use a striped deck. I don't know why stripes help, maybe they confuse death. After reading this whole book of his collected short stories I have learned a lot about being fluish, its just like being Iris, only you can eat more things together if you're Iris and you only get starved to death or blown up if you're Iris whereas if you're fluish they get you a whole lot of other ways.

I think the score is probably something like Iris 1.5 million killed, starved to death, blown up since about 1500 (facts need checking), flues 7 million going back to when G_D didn't want people to use the vowel in his name and had this great secretary named Moses who knew when to quit taking down commandments before they got silly. Though I sometimes wish "Though shalt not pester thy father or mother endlessly in the store for stuff" had gotten in there somewhere. Probably because HE knew it would do no good anyway. Why put in a commandment that would only undermine his authority?

This is where having had the flue for 5 days is bad. Not because I am open to charges of worshipping a porcelain idol, albeit an American Idol, from Wisconsin, in fact, but because I don't know when to quit.

So if I have insulted you I am sorry. If I have bored you. Now that makes me feel really yucky. My spell checker tells me that yuck is a work but that yucky is not.

I am certain that the phrase "rumpshy-gumpshy in the trash bank" does not qualify as a commonly used idiom for "about to toss my cookies" either, though I heard it from my father every time I wanted to throw up, in fact students of Pavlov might wonder whether after some years the relationship might have reversed itself.

Well, on that note, most of you can pretty well be assured that your leap year's day was better and more comfortably spent than mine. Especially after my son started jumping up and down on my bed yelling "Pillow Fight!"

YUCKY!

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker

The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com

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Centrifugal Force, Mr. Bond

Centrifugal Force                                                                 

Thanks to XKCD comics for allowing image links to this strip under Creative Commons License 2.5. 

I remember sitting in AP Physics trying to get my head around the mysteries of "centripetal force" and why there "was no such thing as centrifugal force". 

How I wish I had this comic back then, just to show it to Fr. Fergus, S.J. (RIP) who would have roared with laughter, or just to alleviate my frustration with the math that was making my head spin. 

He would have, of course, been in the "centrifugal force is not an actual force but the effect of the combination of other forces" camp. The point here, that whether it is an actual force or a combined force that kills you, you're still just as dead, is a very funny one indeed.

So be sure to check out the continuing saga of many really original laughs at xkcd.com. Quite a few romantic ones too. 

This is one of those cartoon sites that makes me wish I had saved all my doodles or learned to draw and think funnier. Of course 97.5% of my doodles were 3-D boxes and extensions of them. A limited market for those today. If you are asking why other shapes commonly found in young men's doodles were not high in that total I have a two word answer for you.

Jesuit Education.

The penalty for being caught with naughty drawings could be severe.

Unlike a Christian Brothers school you would not get hit on the head with a ruler for daring to draw body parts in class, instead, you risked either having to explain why you, of all of those in the room were so special that you did not have the need to pay attention in class, and then demonstrate your superior knowledge of the subject at hand, or, worse yet, might have to display your artwork to the class, and make comments about its artistic merit at length, inviting criticism, blatantly honest criticism which was of course, freely given, especially after the bell, from the class.

Nothing beats a little humiliation and peer pressure for "Character Building" and creating an advanced sense of social responsibility.

This strip was not only funny but invoked many memories.

Amber, Amber, Amber, I can still hear you barking in the quad.

(Amber was Fr. Fergus' German Shepherd who could be frequently heard barking during the course of the school day, not exactly the geese of Rome, but we liked the old dog who was far more often heard than seen.)

Speaking of social responsibility, let's have one more!

Duty Calls

Thanks to XKCD comics for allowing image links to this strip under Creative Commons License 2.5.

Sharing comedy is a wonderful thing to do. If you wish to share my comedy with your friends, non-commercially, feel free to do so using the email-share link button shaped like an envelope below. Better yet, send them the link to this post, or any other that you like here. New readers are always welcome! But don't sell them or use them in a sold work, my original works are fully protected under international copyright law.

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com

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Too Stupid For Even A Darwin Award

Another one from my pal Andy. This one is even funnier than the previous one and shows that no matter how many blonde jokes go up, men can commit acts of far greater stupidity.

Case in point:

Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.
She told him 'Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!'

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Ed has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.

Valentines day is around the corner. Are you ready for it. Are you SURE?

Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com

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Blonde Football Analysis

This one is from my friend Andy. I just couldn't resist it.


A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents,,,,



Peter, Chief Editor and Spelling Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
Http://ThePeterFiles.blogspot.com

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Click on the Envelope to forward posts to your friends! Thank you! The staff.

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