President Bush started a whirlwind U.S. tour this week of Republican strongholds to convince Republican faithful that no matter what they may have heard from a heathen and God-hating press, everthing was okey-dokey in Iraq and that the forces of goodness (Republican) just had to stay the course to ensure a U.S. House and Senate Republican Majority in the fall.
"Nothing could be more crucial" W has been overheard saying, than protecting the world from Democracy when Republicanism is clearly at stake!" Bush Aides were quick to point out that what the President meant to say was "when the freedom of God fearing people was stake, even if we spell God differntly. Then again, my pronunciation is under attack so often, hey have not even gotten to my spelling, what a master plan, eh? Potatoe, Potatoe, Potootoe-ey, heh, heh, hehm. Sent Dan Quayle to the Minors didn't I, heh, heh, heh!"
At this point, Bush's handlers crept up behind him and administered what they called the Bush family "secret chili recipe" which quickly brought the President back to his senses, at least enough to ask the crowd to dig deep in their pockets for patriotic checks.
The crowd would know that they were patriotic checks he said, "because of the special red, white and blue ink that they would issue forth while writing".
This outburst of patriotic fervor, caused the crowd to issue forth with a group of checks so numerous and generous that the camapiagn considered another stop on the way back but opted instead to stop at Haneyville and Hooterville which were closer to the train tracks on the way vack, er back.
This satiric report from Peter Files, Green Acres, Near Pixley Don't forget to tell your friends and family about the The Peter Files Blog of Comedy.
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There once was a blogger named Peter And he thought that his blog couldn't be neater so he wrote lots of posts and filled them with jokes In hopes that they'd make his blog sweeter.
But now he wants more folks to find it and hopes that you'll help, if you don't mind it Just mail them a post you find funny With our URL in its tummy And the next thing you know they'll read my bit!
A little exposure, its true Will help this blog entertain you and get it more clicks and add a few tricks And some nifty surprises or two!
No one gets rich from a bog of this type Not even with calls in from Skype but if you want to help more, you know the score Do my shop through Amazon box hype.
For the other ads I get revenue, by clicks on the old ads and new you don't have to view them Just right-click and shoo* them Or read them if they're right for you.
There is one other thing you can do that's to send me a joke or two I love those who send, even now and again something new that makes me laugh too**!
Thanks,
Peter,
*I try to be a nice blogger, otherwise I would have put another work associated with carpentry here kiddies.
**Just put it in a comment. I have to approve those anyway, so if you are not sure if it is OK, go ahead and leave it. I'll be the judge. Leave whatever attribution in the comment you'd like. The Peter Files Blog of Comedy
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If you were lucky enough to see them, you realized that Conan O'Brien stole the 2006 Emmy Awards broadcast from every other entertainer there and made himself the obvious choice for any future broadcast of the kind, if they can get him, that is.
Here's an example, the intro furnished courtesy of YouTube.com.
CONAN HAS A LITTLE TROUBLE GETTING TO THE EMMYS - THE OPENING FILM
Conan's intro parodies a number of hit TV shoes including Lost, 24, South Park, the Office, House and others as only he can. His special style of humor really works here. If anyone else tried to pull this off in this style they would fail, but not Conan. Besides, he does his own stunt work. Who else would roll upside down into a carry-on luggage compartment?
CONAN MONALOGUES AND SINGS "TROUBLE AT NBC"
Then Conan finally get to the Emmy's and kills the audience with his best monologue in a long time. Triumph the insult dog is not missed.
Here are some excerpts of the show. Conan even shows off his singing skills which he deprecates without need, but that is part of the Conan charm. It does leave you with the desire to see O'Brien in a fuller version of The Music Man or a full parody of network hoo-ha.
"My second time hosting the Emmy's, and as you'll see, third time's the charm. Folks, let me speak from experience, just because something lasts for 14 seconds doesn't mean it isn't spectacular. Viewers say there's something about about watching Charlie Sheen raising an impressionable young kid that is somehow feels right. Mel Gibson has a new show on Al Jazerra TV."
All this and more comes before singing about how this year's Emmy TV host NBC, with all it's hit comedy's now off the air, relying on host Howie Mandell and Let's Make a Deal to bring them back to first place again, is in "Trouble with a capital T that ryhmes with G, as in Gee we're scre***, Yah we got trouble, right here at NBC, I know you don't care, but our network share is just one dude...". Hilarious. Just watch it.
HUGH LAURIE AND HELEN MIRREN: LAURIE DOES A VERY FUNNY BIT IN THE PRESENTATION FOR ACTORS IN A MINISERIES OR DRAMA
Nominee Andre Brauer, like Bob Newhart who appears in the telecast, see below, is also a graduate of St. Ignatius College Prep in Chicago. I have very distinct memories of Brauer running through the hallways of IGGY as a freshman, bookbag over his shoulder, racing from class to class. He was quite a bit younger then, but clearly very bright. Will have to check the old programs to see if we were in a play together or not. Am still very pleased at his success this is his second Emmy. Bob Newhart, also had an Emmy appearance. I am looking for the clip as I type. Bob provided a key incentive for winners to stay on schedule.
PERHAPS THE FUNNIEST PRESENTATION OF THE EVENING BY STEPHEN COLBERT AND JON STEWART
Hope you enjoyed these,
Peter
P.S. Let me know if you find a clip of Bob Newhart being locked into the timer box which will drown him if the emmy's run overtime!
Don't forget to tell your friends and family about the The Peter Files Blog of Comedy.
Just use the little envelope to forward your favorite jokes to your friend family and co-workers. You'll be glad you did. We're Safe for Home and Work - no naughty bits!
Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
NightBlue Theater announces open auditions September 9 and 10 for "Miss Saigon" to be performed in January 2007.
Auditions will be at 11976 Holly Court in Lemont, Illinois on September 9, and 10 from 3-5:30.
Callbacks if necessary will be on Sunday evening, September 10. The roles of Kim and Chris are cast.
An actor has been cast for the part of Ellen, but NightBlue will see other candidates interested in this role for an understudy or double-cast opportunity involving performance.
All other roles are open, but NightBlue has previously advertised for and seen candidates for other leads.
Callbacks will involve some of these actors. Rehearsals will be W, F, and Sunday evenings in Lemont, Illinois from October 1 until December 15. Cast will receive 3 weeks off for holidays.
Three performance weeks in Tinley Park, Hickory Hills and Chicago.
Please come dressed to dance and ready to sing either a song from the show, or 16 bars of two contrasting ballads.
For more information, call Dave at 708-525-4293 or visit www.nightbluetheater.com NIGHTBLUE THEATER JANUARY 2007
If you call or show up, please tell them you saw this free notice in the Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary. For those unfamiliar with the group, Nightblue Theater has a reputation for fine productions.
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When I talk about commentary in the name of this blog, this kind of article is what I mean especially. Where I find something so funny, that I have just got to share it with you.
Goodnight Burbank! a relatively new vodcast, is just one of amazingly funny internet finds. Play the clip below and you will see what I mean.
Just right-click on the image to the right to see Episode 5 of Goodnight Burbank! featuring real news stories such as Chinese President's Hu's visit's to the White House and Bill Gates, Congressmann Melvin Watt's merging of NASCAR with the HPCU, mixed with the offscreen tension and fighting between co-anchors Susan Jones (hone-ez) and the brillinaly funny Gordon Winston-Smythe whose blog can be found here.
There is so much more that can be written about Winston-Smythe of course, but that will have to wait for a special feature. I have been out of the mass media business myself for some time now, but I know how busy the famous are and gathering enough information to do him justice will take some time.
Goodnight Burbank is available from iTunes as a blogcast. So don't delay!
That's it from me.
Peter Files The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
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I was watching the Rocketboom ver. 2.0 video blog or Vodcast on August 22, 2006 and they mentioned a wonderful new site, for those interested in finding webcams, called Opentopia.com.
Opentopia is more than just a free web cam directory. Opentopia is also a free online encyclopedia, a collection of a large number of organized weblinks, and a free newslink service.
But I am excited about the webcam serice which allows you to view blocks of webcams either randomly, by most often viewed, by popularity (viewer rating), or a selection of the newest webcams added. You can select these by locale (country or U.S. State), or from all the webcams in its database.
As of today, it lists 1,358 webcams in its database which is taken mostly from public databases. If you have a webcam that you would like to register you might email the Optopia.com Webmaster at webmaster@opentopia.com.
They also feature neat sunlight maps which change as the sun moves so that you can use them to figure out where you might be able to see something when you are looking for webcams to view.
Like them, I have assumed that if webcams are out there publicly with no restraint, they are meant to be viewed by the public and so I have used some examples from the Opentopia site. My examples, however, will not stay the most popular, or whatever, so you should bookmark their site and go to them to find sites of interest.
If they complain, I will be happy to remove any portion of the images they like. However, since they boast 3,000+ images, I find this unlikely.
TOP 45 MOST OFTEN VIEWED WEBCAMS ANYWHERE As of 3/23/2006
If you hover one of the images, you may, depending on the webcam, see descriptive text telling you where it comes from. Double-click on the small image to go to a page that brings up what the cam is actually feeding.
BLOCK OF HIGHLY RATED WEBCAMS
I have included a smaller block of higher rated webcams, I hope cutting out some of those above. One of my favorites is the hairpin turn below in Slovenia.
HAIRPIN TURN IN SLOVENIA
When you double-click on the web cam image, you see real-time traffic around the curve. Trucks have an interesting time on the curve and I will try to get in a better shot when I can.
ILLINOIS WEBSITES
I found that of the 656 USA websites the 10 Illinois websites were slim pickings. I know that there are a bunch of interesting traffic cams and the like, so I guess those who live here will have to do our dute and send them in to opentopia. The ones that cover downtown traffic and Lake Michigan vistas are particularly fetching. Though some of these may be of interest to you.
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In the mean time, go to the Opentopia.com website and have a little fun.
You'll be glad you did.
And if you have friends visiting a place where one of these webcams is, why not pre-arrange a web-shot with them? The ultimate in vacation photos. Especially if its a surprise!
"Hey, John, got a surprise for you, go to www.... Don't argue, just do it. Okay, see that guy waving? Right, the guy about to be mugged? Hey, that's me!!!! Quick get a few screenshots for the Policia!"
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