Zidane Not Insane Says Materazzi Made His Family Butt of Insulting Remarks

I've been watching this story for a couple of days now and to those who say that Zidane overeacted when and if Materazzi did make crude remarks about Zidane's mother and cousin during the end of the World Cup classic, and that he should have just sucked it up and kept his cool, I have this to say:

I really had wicked fun with your no account Momma and your easy *&$)# Cousin three times a day this month. They were almost as good as a plastic doll if you know what I mean.

Was your Momma always that ugly or did she get those warts while doing volunteer servicing for our disabled vets from WWII and Korea?

I hear your cousin is up for World Cup Golden Coach award for helping players across FIFA score more often than any other.

Your Mamma told me she still likes to give the little guy a bath!

So maybe, just maybe, in the heat of the last game of his career, Zidane under intense pressure, after just being handled by Materazzi, provocation enough to start a stick fight in the NHL, insulting familial insults might have provoked Zidane enough to lose his head.

Should FIFA take away his Golden Ball over this? Certainly not.

First of all, the Golden ball is decided on by the journalists covering the game, not FIFA.

Second, enough of this sports stars have to be superhuman at all times malarkey. Zidane had a human moment of anger. Happens to all of us. His happened at a bad time and I am sure he will feel bad enough about it for a long time. Long enough that further penalties should not apply.

The only question in my mind would be that since the attack seems to have been so clearly provoked, should Zidane's penalty be retracted after the fact and the match declared a tie with both Franch and Italy sharing the cup?

Without evidence of a conspiracy to make Zidane blow up like this at the end of the game in the Italian playbook, I just don't see FIFA making a move like that.

After all, the game is done, over, see you next year. Once a league starts tempering with game results

Oh, and for those who thought I was writing about your mothers and cousins, I was just kidding. I am not into those three-way scenes anyway. No one has to do that stuff anymore now that

Finally, I bet your Momma, if she is still alive, is a really nice person. If she's still kicking, be sure to call her and tell her you love her. I mean rght now.

NOW.

Thank you.

As your cousins, you never know, but I hope the same is true for all your cousins.

Now all we have to worry abou is you!

And me, of course (evil laugh).

Peter

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Hilarious Interview With A New Celebrity

Sometimes when you get a new pop singing star, their handlers just have to be a little scared about what will come out of their mouths whenever they talk.

Not this bird. Just hit play and you'll see just how funny a new fly girl can be.

That's all I'm going to say. One of the funniest I've seen in a long time.

Peter
P.S. She's a parrot!

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Marco Materazzi Grabbed Zinedine Zidane First

A huge number of U.S. citizens are not even aware of this controversy that set the world football world on fire in the final game of the 2006 FIFA World Cup with Italy beating underdog France in a 1 to 1 tie after Italy converted all of France's penalty calls to shootout points while France's David Trueget failed to convert one penalty shot that might have saved France.

Why the excitement and sorrow in France? It was the career ending game of France's Star Zinedine Zidane, the Michael Jordan of French Football who at the 114 minute point in the game was pulled out of the game on a red card penalty after head butting Italy's Marco Materazzi.

For those of us used to NFL football rather than what we call Soccer, or even more violent yet NHL hockey, the gasps and silence felt and heard around the world at Zidane's action and ejection might seem a little incomprehensible. But this was the equivalent of a Major League Pitcher beaning a batter in a late inning of the final game of the World Series, and more stringent standards applied. The penalty carried even more weight when the impact of it, combined with the missed shoot-out kick, resulted in France's loss of the most coveted sports trophy.

That being said, I think the World Soccer fans should cut Zidane a few breaks on several counts.

While Zidane made the most flagrant penalty, headbutting and knocking down another player, it was not exactly a life endangering nor bone crushing move. Had Zidane wanted to exact real punishment on Materazzi all he had to do was administer one swift kick with his spikes.

Next, given the replay of the game Materazzi was not exactly innocent and light himself his first transgression occurring only 6 minutes into the game which drew not only a penalty, but a face-off with Zidane.

Then, skipping to just the headbutting incident, a review of the tape repeatedly, clearly shows that just after Zidane's first shot towards a game winning second goal, which caused goalie Gianluigi Buffon pop the ball out quickly into the sights of France's Willy Sagnol (actually a member of a German club playing for France) coming in from the side. As Buffon's kick back toward the goal was headbutted out of danger, Materazzi was physically restraining Zidane from getting into range of the ball for a counter butt, by holding Zidane back with an arm across his chest, his left hand across Zidane's breast, preventing Zidane from interfering with Buffon's defense of the goal, and possibly robbing France of a World Cup winning Second Goal.

Not being up on the international rules of the FIFA World Cup, I don't know where this rates from really bad sportsmanship, to just as bad behavior as Zidane's, or even worse. But it sure smells like provocation to me, especially when you watch just how Materazzi restrains Zidane, how he releases him, how he seems to laugh and discount him as he walks away, and how Zidane's reaction, a headbutt for a headbutt undelivered on the field seems to be a rational response to Materazzi's unnoticed actions.

Did Materazzi squeeze while he grabbed Zidane? Did he also make comments that would rile up a Frenchman even more while doing so? Was it a provocation designed to try to elicit a violent action?

If so, he got away with it, and my sympathy is entirely with Zidane who should not feel that his image or career has been marred by what looks to me like a very dirty trick. And I am about as non-partisan as you get.

If you want to see the clip yourself, it is tricky. There are clips that go up but get taken down quickly due to copyright issues. This clip is from the FIFA website but does not show the detail of some of the others out there. You can see Zidane's headbutt of Materazzi in clear detail. The rest? No. But it does give you a sense of the excitement of the match.

If you want to see other clips with more detail, I suggest you try searching a number of video sources and search engines at different hours of the day, as people will try to persistently try to get these up there, just to do it.

Zidane had many great moments in this his last World Cup series, that is, if he, can avoid the Michael Jordan trap and truly retire, for not for a moment out there did he look like a player ready for golden pastures. However, one consolation for him is that he was awarded the World Cup 2006 Golden Ball Award by the World Press Sportswriters gathered for that final game. So perhaps I was not the only one who noticed a few moments of unnecessary holding.

congratulations to Zidane on a great career. Italy want through three World Cups before claiming the gold. So perhaps France's turn will come soon enough. Unless of course, the U.S.A. squeaks in. Soccer, that is, international football is the fastest growing sport here with more kids learning it every year.

Peter

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Do-it-Yourself Impeachment a Two-for-One Opportunity?

As President George W. Bush's popularity continues to drop like the likelihood of a Republican getting a chance to replace Tom DeLay on the ballot for his seat in Congress, talk of a Bush impeachment seems to be gathering steam going so far as to include a movement for Do-it-yourself-impeachment making use of "Jefferson's Manual" the parliamentary rules in the House of Representatives that allow a private individual to bring forth a bill for consideration in the House, including impeachment, complete with the forms to do it.

I'll believe an actual impeachment when I see it, at least before the 2006 elections, and I think I would see it only if the outrage of America as a whole were to come into play for the actions of President Bush and his administration. I mean how many of you are actually going to delay (not DeLay) your summer vacation plans to click the link and fill out the forms, and mail them by October 12th to be part of the DIY Bush Impeachment Movement? That many? Really?

I guess you could fill out the forms in the car on the way to the beach. And you can find a notary at any currency exchange.... All right, if Britney says she won't do it, then I will. That sounds like pretty good reasoning. Or Anna Nicole.

I mention this because of recent discussion of the possibility that he and others in the White House might be vulnerable to charges of War Crimes based on the treatment of prisoners at Guantanamo and other acts.

If this was his first or second year in office, this would be a clearly recognized as a satire piece and every sane person in America would recognize it as such. Suddenly, I'm not so sure.

Since this is supposed to be a light-hearted comedy blog most of the time, and not really a political one at that, though you have to admit, W makes it so very tempting. You almost feel a comic responsibility to go there.

I try not to take the easy route. I really do. If I didn't, my blog would look like this.

Paris Hilton dressed funny Britney did something dumb with her baby Tom Cruise did something odd or said something weird about Katie A Kennedy in a car crash? Say it isn't so.

But I digress.

I can't ignore the Bush thing. I just can't.

But I have to raise this question.

If the House were to impeach Bush, doesn't it make sense that they should impeach Dick Cheney too?

After all, hasn't he been the acknowledged mind behind the W all along?

Of course, ever since that shooting incident people have started reassessing DC's mental prowess, but accidents can happen to anyone, right? Even a young Kennedy. I mean the public cuts them slack don't they.

Anyway, my thought was, and I bet, given my headline that you're way ahead of me on this, why not go for a twofer? If the House is going to impeach Bush why not impeach Cheney too? It might save us from one of those VP's pardoning the last guy things we had with Nixon.

Or do we want that?

Do we want an ex-President jailbird who could theoretically face the death penalty for war crimes? If he was not pardoned that is a possible scenario as I understand it.

Nah, but impeaching him, that would at least show the world that we were a little bit sorry for his invading a country while thumbing his nose at the U.N..

And there would be some political parity too. After all, as many others have said. Clinton. Intern. Bush. Iraq. You do the math.

By the way, I really don't think impeaching both would be any fun at all. It would be just another sad part of the enormous stain on our nation's reputation that has accrued over the last almost 6 years. But at least it would be a start at repairing some of the damage.

And at this point, I'd like to start doing some things that would help to get our boys and girls in the armed forces overseas home sooner rather than later. They have great courage and believe strongly in what they are doing.

I am sure that many of them have a very different view of their Commander in Chief. They have to. I respect that. But my job as a voter is to watch out for them and to say something if I think he is screwing up. And I am, because they can't.

Because they may be doing, what they are doing bravely, and intelligently, and with great courage, but facing the possibility of random death is neither pleasure or fun no matter how you slice it. Especially if they were knowingly sent in for political advantage rather than the true defense of our nation, which appears to be the case.

Well, that's what special prosecutors and impeachment is for. After all, an impeachment could clear the President and Vice-President too. Just as President Bill Clinton's did his.

Try Tom DeLay potato chips they stay fresh until election time even if you try to move them to another state.

Paris Hilton, the new Bush Administration Secretary for Health, Education and Welfare because she "reaches the young people".

Bill Maher's concept of Hell: being locked in a room with Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter for all Eternity.

Ann Coulter's concept of Hell: being locked in a room with Bill Maher for all eternity and having no one to complain to about it.

Thought I would stick in some broad comedy to make sure you were paying attention.

Peter

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Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary

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Comedy or Drama?

One night, George W. Bush lay in his bed tossing restlessly in his White House bedroom. He awoke to see George Washington standing by him. Bush asked him,
"George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington intoned,
and then faded away....

The next night, Bush, again sleepless, saw the ghost of Thomas Jefferson
moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush called out, "Tom, please! What
is the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson wailed, and dimmed from
sight....

The third night, Bush awoke to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed.
Bush whispered, "Franklin, what is the best thing I can do to help the
country?"

"Help the less fortunate, as I did," FDR whispered back and faded into the
mist....

Bush still wasn't sleeping well the fourth night when he perceived yet
another figure moving in the shadows, the ghost of Abraham Lincoln.

"Abe...Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help this
country?"

"Go see a play."



As Lincoln's spirit disappeared, a confused George cried out, "Abe, wait! A comedy or drama! A comedy or drama!"




But I kid.


Just a little Presidential humor. Hope you had a safe Independence day.


Peter

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Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary

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