Monday's Child is Full of Woe

I hate Mondays today. I don't hate all Mondays, I just hate this one. I hate this one because I woke up when I didn't want to, with a head the size of a Mack truck, blurry thinking, and the general sense that if I got up things would not get any better.

I was right.

Right now I should be doing something else.

I really, really, really should be doing something else.

But instead I'm blogging.

You are probably reading this instead of doing something you should be doing too.

Ha! That makes us co-conspirators in unproductivity.

At least I have an excuse.

Blogging does not hurt. At least if I am very careful and don't move my head too much I can try to touch type without shaking anything up in my neck or back.

Or head.

But that's not funny, you came here for funny. So imagine that I am here typing this, barely able to sit upright, playing hookey from online bill paying, and a charming but devilish child comes up behind me with what in the hands of someone else or at another time would be a musical instrument blows loundly as if he was Gabriel himself sounding the trumpet to open the gates of heaven.

You would not think that such a harmless looking thing like a harmonica could cause Daddy to actually fall out of his rolling chair writhing painfully on the floor, would you?

I hate Monday.

The child survived without scarring of any kind since he thought my play along game and faces were quite, quite funny and ran along to Mommy with the important paper like a "big boy" as I asked.

It was not one if those "get the kid out of my hair missions". While written in leftover bits of crayon ground into the rug by said wunderkid on an empty bill envelope that also was next to it, it had a simple message for Mommy.

HELP!

I not normally need help off the floor. But since this was Monday, I thought I would enlist help in case a new game like "make noise by hitting loud objects together" was started while I was trying to get up off the floor. Thus making my struggle more difficult.


I won't say that Mommy ignored the note, but if "HELP!" can be interpreted as meaning that wunderkind got a DC, not a D & C, a DC is a diaper change, and other distractions so that Daddy could use the nice stable rolling chair to pull himself back up to a sitting position, then I did get "HELP!".

Putting the harmonica in time out for the day was too much to ask, after all telepathic communication does not come with wedding vows said. Besides, what can you expect on a Monday?

So I will leave you with this thought.

Woeful Monday is no different than a woeful Tuesday or any other day of the week. But, my day is not yet gone. So I still have a chance to make it a pretty decent day.
It may be a lot to expect for a woeful Monday, but what the heck, I'm sure someone out there is having a worse day than I am.

Hope it's not you.

Peter

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Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary

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Fishing for Some Cool Comedy

Now that summer is approaching, those long hot days of lazy summer fishing are almost here when every fisherman's thoughts turn to a shady place to rest, cast his lines and Pamela Anderson. True, the name of whose thoughts you turn to depends on the age, sex, and inclination of the person who is fishing, but you catch my drift.

Sometimes when the heat climbs up over 80 in the shade we are tempted to forget how difficult it was to fish in the depths of winter snow and ice. Those of us who did last winter. By which I do not include myself, living in Chicago as I do where the wind of Lake Michigan (which is an Indian word for frosbite) coming across the lake with nothing to stop it but temperature dropping ice makes the whole idea ridiculous compared to sitting at home watching TV of other people competing in the snow and ice.

I did once go on a winter ice-fishing trip in Wisconsin. It was even colder than down here in Chicago, see they have Lake Michigan too, its just colder. The Indians up there call it Lake Fall Off. That's not an exact translation, but this blog is supposed to be safe for kids and work. If you can't figure out the more direct translation, ask your Mom. Your Dad will be too busy laughing.

I caught the biggest fish on that trip. It must have been at least three to four inches long, probably well under the limit, but as it was the only fish caught that day, our little group of Webelos Scouts felt obligated to clean and cook it to supplement the balogna sandwich emergency supplies we had stocked in should this disaster befall us.

So, I bring you this video, which reminded me so much of that day. It is hosted by YouTube.com and reminds us of the hazards of winter ice fishing on those cold ice lake surfaces, in the howling winds of the Northern Storms.

Good fishing folks. Hope you have better luck than this Eskimo!

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Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary

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Britney Spears

In response to criticism that she was not taking her responsibilities towards the spritual aspects of motherhood, Britney Spears Federline defended herself bitterly, tears in her eyes.

"How could anyone say that, that's just mean. Of course I take God and Spirituality and all that seriously. In fact, I am investigating joining a very serious and mystical religious group I heard about recently that I think will be good for all of us - Opus Penguin."




Of course she said that. Not!

Stereotypes are a terrible thing

to waste?


Why don't we hear more about monotypes, quad types, and Dolby types. I'd put in the little registerd letter next to Dolby but can't find the key. But Dolby is a trademark. As is Quadraphonic.

Peter

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Don't forget to tell your friends and family about the The Peter Files Blog of Comedy.

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Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary

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"Cars" $62.8 Million "Brakes Up" Competition This Weekend

As far as I’m concerned anyone knocking the movie Cars, the Disney/Pixar film that opened this weekend, needs a tune-up, a valve job or an oil change.

I saw it today with some family members and found myself on-track for fun and enjoyment through the whole adventure without the need for a single pit stop.

While the movie is not as punny as this review, Cars is full of genuine laughs, warm feelings, and great racing moments. The movie opens as Red racer Lightning McQueen, in his rookie year as a pro racer, discovers that playing it too close to the edge can lead to problems he didn’t need.

On his way to solve them he winds up stuck in the small town of Radiator Springs off Route 66 where the real story begins and for the first time McQueen learns what is to be fully human, that is, truly involved in the lives and interests of those around him – to great effect.



The supporting cast is great, and makes every moment a surprise for those who have not peeked ahead and looked at the cast list. To avoid spilling secrets I will just say that NASCAR fans will be delighted with the film. I can’t help mentioning my favorite cameo, Bob and Ray from NPR’s Car Talk. But no more. Half the fun is figuring it out.

If you want to know more you can go to the movie’s web site carsthemovie.com or check out the IMDB database a great source for details on any film or actor you would like.

Oh, don’t walk out early. Along with the credits are lots of funny extra bits that you will NOT want to miss.

This film gets 8 cylinders up for me, suitable for infants (early shows only please) to adults. You’ll enjoy it, like the old Batman TV series there are jokes just for U2.

Oh, almost forgot the special effects. Stunning. Everything from the gleam on the cars in the sunlight, to the glow of neon in the distance, to the way dust and hot tar kick up on the road is perfect. The cars themselves are great and fun to watch. The sound is supercharged as well. The racing scenes have that NASCAR edge. This should give it strong repeat audience appeal and build audience for NASCAR as well.

There is a nice little romance too. Something for everyone. And as my Dad pointed out, the diversity of cars in the film should be great for the international audience. Luigi, Guido, and Ramone should have special appeal. While there are some stereotypical moments, these characters are warm, human, and not just there to be laughed at. They are important to the plot and McQueen’s change of heart, though perhaps none more than Hudson, Mater and of course, Sleek Sally. Curious? Go see the movie. This is one of those films where the Dolby theater experience and crowds does make a difference.

Peter

(No fees or renumeration of any kind were received for this review.)

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Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary

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With the Price of Gas So High Some Look For A Miracle

Thanks to my friend BK for this hysterical laugh.

A young nun who worked for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas.

As luck would have it, there was a gas station just one block away.

She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up.

The attendant regretfully told her that the only gas can he owned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly.

Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.

After looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried it to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car, two men watched her from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said:

"I know that the Lord turned water into wine, but if that car starts, I'm going to church every Sunday for the rest of my life."

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Don't forget to tell your friends and family about the The Peter Files Blog of Comedy.

Just use the little envelope to forward your favorite jokes to your friend family and co-workers. You'll be glad you did. We're Safe for Home and Work - no naughty bits!

Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary

===> We love comments about our posts good or bad!

Please make comments by clicking on the word "Comments"!

Click on the Envelope to forward posts to your friends! Thank you! The staff.

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