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Knowing the complete car history of a used car used to be a bit like the ancient Roman art of casting chicken entrails to predict the future. Nostradamus was a little vague on interpreting the car buying decisions of the likes of you and me. Revelations predicts massive car disasters and explosions regardless of vehicle choice if you read between the lines a little, and the DaVinci Code might only reveal something useful if you were one of Mary Mag's great-great-great-great-great...great grand children; in which case you might have a knack for turning lemons into Lamborghinis.
To check out the history of a potential used car purchase you could try getting a paid report from
Carfax.com or
Auto.ConsumerGuide.Com (I prefer the latter), but both cost you to drop $18+ to get a comprehensive report. For about $10 more you can ususually get a bunch or unlimited reports for 30 days or so, so have your VINs lined up before you pay.
Both sites are very comprehensive about lemon law information, repair histories, accident and repair data and the like and could save you a great deal of money and many headaches.
Before you fork over $18 to $20 bucks, you might first want to check the Vehicle Identification Number or VIN against the FREE (free is always good in my book) National Insurance Crime Bureau Hurricane Vehicle and Watercraft Fraud Search Page at
NICB.org.
The NICB database taps into at least 26 major insurer databases. All the familiar insurance companies are represented. Many I do not recognize are there too; these may cover many small carriers. The NICB site makes you check off an acknowledgment of your understanding that they do not promise to include every damaged car in their search results.
After all, some insurers are not represented, some records may be incomplete, and some cars were not reported damaged so as not to impact vehicle/watercraft insurance rates - and - gasp - some may not have been insured in the first place (say it isn't so, GEICO!)
If the NICB database is incomplete you might ask why bother to check it?
Any insured car with substantial damage that might be worth selling later will probably be in it. There are not that many mistakes after all.
As a practical matter, if the vehicle you were looking for was trashed by Hurricanes Katrina, Rita or Wilma you probably don't want to bother looking any further, not at least without a lot of further discussion with the seller.
At the very least you should argue that he or she should pony up for the more expensive report with the agreement that you will offer a copy back in return. Perhaps that will reveal that the damage was minor and easily repairable.
Perhaps if coming from a used car dealer they will offer a warranty that they were not offering before.
Especially if they had not represented to you that the vehicle had come from these areas.....
Finally, you may be able to use inclusion on this list to argue for a break in the price, after all, when it comes time for you to sell the car, you will have to make the same argument yourself, won't you?
So check it out, the NICB database is a must for anyone purchasing a used car or boat.
So why is a comedy blog talking about this? I had a vin number to look up and was trying to find free information of course, and was worried because the car I was looking at had a Mississippi vehicle sticker and a temporaty Illinois plate. Not a good sign.
I wanted to avoid a comedy of errors. The car passed the NICP test. I may still pass. But the price was good so we will see.
Remember, Mass Transit is still the most fuel efficient and cheapest way to go. It is safer and healthier for you too. And that is no joke.
Peter
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The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
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Hard to believe, and it will take bit of nanotechnology before it will work on the visible light spectrum (read a long time) but according to National Geographic's
Invisibility Cloaks Possible Harry Potter-like technology may be more than a dream.
Follow the link above for more.
Note that the phote with the caption Enlarge Photo appears to be empty, as in, white cow in snowstorm. LOL.
Maybe its my browser, maybe it's a joke.
Peter
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The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
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Religion Test
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Another email goodie, supposed to be unedited answers to a Catholic School religion test on the Old and New Testaments of the Bible. Spelling errors not corrected. Thanks to MS for this one.
1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AN ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENT WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
This probably says more about listening skills than teaching skills.
I hope.
Pax,
Petrus
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Pillsbury Doughboy, Dead at 71, Brought Flour Power to its Height
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Is this story fair of flour? Only the folks at Pillsbury know for sure. It certainly has not made their products any less yummy or well known.
The Pillsbury Doughboy
Has Passed Away
Please join us in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else who may be having a crumby day and kneads it.
This is yet another one of those email classics that I am passing along to you. If the folks at Pillsbury object to it, I will gladly take it down, just leave a comment. But, I think humor like this is in the spirit of fun and does plenty of good for your image rather than the reverse since no one in their right mind would take this with as having a grain of truth, and instead will get a bushel of kindhearted laughs that will remind them of a baker's dozen of your commercials, as it did me.
Peter
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The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and CommentaryLabels: Best Of
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Blonde Jokes - Had to Get to Them Sometime
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I have a close friend, who is blonde, who loves blonde jokes. I got these in email recently and thought I'd share them with you. If you are offended by blonde jokes, use search/replace on your favorite text editor before you read these! Anyway, these jokes are for her!
Blonde Woodland Tracking Lesson
Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.
The first blonde said, "These look like moose tracks",
and the second one said "No, they look like deer tracks".
They continued arguing until the train hit them.
Twenty-two
A State Police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it....
Cop : "Miss, the speed limit on this highway is 65 MPH, why are you going so slowly?"
Blonde : "Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 22, not 65."
Cop : "Oh... miss, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!"
Blonde : "Oh! Stupid me! Thanks for letting me know, Ill be more careful from now on."
At this point the cop looks into the back seat of the car, where the passengers are shaking and are white as ghosts.
Cop : "Excuse me miss, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something awful."
Blonde : "Oh... We just got off of highway 119".
You've Got Mail
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mail box. She opened it closed it and went back into the house with a confused look on her face. A while later she came out of the house again and walked to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?'
To which she replied, 'There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL'!
Flight Lessons
A blonde went to a flight school insisting that she wanted to learn to fly. As all the planes were currently in use, so the owner reluctantly agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.
After she climbed 500 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."
After 1000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly.
The instructor watched her climb to over 2000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in. A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.
When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything after I turned off the big fan!"
Blonde FAQ
Q: Why are there so few blonde pharmacists?
A: They have a hard time getting the pill bottles into the typewriter!
Q: Why did the a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says on the box: "good for up to 20 pounds."
Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did it take the blonde 20 minutes to make orange juice?
A: Because she read the label and it said "Concentrate".
Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables.
Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
A: You pick it up, pull the pin & throw it back.
Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off it, knocked her head on the faucett, and fell down the drain.
Q: Why don't blonds play frisbee?
A: It hurts their teeth.
Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
A: Alone.
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the fish?
A: She tried to drown it.
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So men & brunettes can remember them.
Fifty-one!
One night there are 10 blondes celebrating at a bar. They are all really drunk. Every few minutes they all yell "Fifty-one!! Fifty-one!!" then clink their glasses and knock back another drink.
The bartender is curious but decides not to ask because they are drunk. Well they keep yelling it again and again and again. Eventually the bartender gets really frustrated because they've broken 10 glasses and other patrons are becoming annoyed at all the noise.
He goes over to ask them what's going on. One of the blondes holds up a Barney jig-saw puzzle and says,
"Well everyone thinks that we are dumb blondes, so we proved everyone wrong." she explains "On the box it says 2-4 years and we finished it in 51 days!"
Hope you enjoyed these. Our purpose here is to entertain, not to offend, so remember my advice above. Search replace is a wonderful thing when the joke you read has a little sting.
Peter, Who still has traces of blonde in his hair.
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The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and CommentaryLabels: Best Of
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How did the Pope Get Avian Flu?
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How did the Pope Get Avian Flu?
The Answer is eminently simple!
He got it from one of the Cardinals!
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The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
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When the beauty queen who sings like a dream went up against the the next in line for Elvis' throne, in the American Idol grand finale last night, who did I vote for?
I've always been a sucker for pretty eyes. I also love 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow".
I also took into account total appeal and long term possibilities, and picked, after at least a little agonization, Katharine McPhee to get my votes, as she did the last three weeks. Maybe four weeks.
She did make some major mistakes last night. Her opening number was a poor choice to compete against Hicks and his powerful "Soul Patrol" style which admittedly proved he would be a great idol winner and I look forward to hearing his records for years to come.
The same is true for Kat McPhee. She has the disadvantage of being younger and less experienced than bar singer Hicks. But her talent, though still a little uneven is staggering when she pulls it all together as she did last night with "Over the Rainbow" which was for her what "Summertime" was for Fantasia Barrino last season.
Fantasia's first performance of "Summertime" last Season, was one of the most powerful and moving dramatic performances I have ever seen on television.
Had McPhee used one of her stronger country numbers as an opener, something more well known, she might well have done better.
However, the psychology of voting may be different than it first appears.
We have to skip people who have phone banks an computers to do their dialing for them. It is assumed that they either cancel each other out or can be detected by the phone company and eliminated. This may be and invalid assumption, but if it was a factor, it would have been present last week when the vote was a virtual dead heat 3-way tie with tenths of percentage points between the candidates.
A large group of interested viewers might vote once or twice to get their vote in, but how many would vote as often as possible without stopping, just by hitting re-dial on their phones? And how worried are they that their candidate might lose to make them feel that their votes are urgently needed?
This is the crux of the voting dilemma.
Based on my own experiments with a standard GE 900 mhz portable phone I found that if I pressed re-dial immediately after hearing Kat start to say "
Thank you for voting for me..." that my phone would start an immediate re-dial process that made it possible to call in a maximum of 6.6 to 7 times a minute, 240 minutes, allowing a theoretical maximum 1680 votes from a one-line household and an inexpensive phone.
However, to actually perform the maximum number of votes would require more concentration than I had last night. You make mistakes when trying to vote in while watching the season finale of "House", or a rented copy of "Scary Movie". Yes, a few scenes in that film can cause the fingers to slip...
But I was astonished at how many calls I seemed to be getting in and how easy it was to get into a pattern where, without thinking much, I was getting in a good 6 calls a minute. But boy are my thumbs tired.
If Taylor's crazed fans think he had it in the bag and did not do what I did last night, and Kat's fans terrified that she blew it, called for four solid hours straight as I did, she may pull off a surprise victory.
Last night the Idol Promoters mentioned that Kat was singing her debut single, obviously a winning anthem theme as was Taylor's but no album was mentioned for him. Why was this? Does she already have a contract that I missed out on?
So Katharine, Good luck. In less than an hour now I learn your fate.
I have so much enjoyed your singing. And I have the feeling we will be seeing a lot more of you in the future one way or the other. If nowhere else, on magazine covers for the next 15 years.
But I hope that we will be hearing you and Taylor both for some years to come.
Peter,
Just a little bit too old for Idol according to the rules
UPDATE: As the world knows now, Taylor Hicks and the Soul Patrol won American Idol. While I was not surprised, it was a little too easy to dial in for Katharine, I have to say I enjoyed very much listening to him and watching him perform too.
Some have predicted that Kat will disappear into the mists of obscurity, somehow, I don't think so.
Watch this space.
Re-Pete
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The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and CommentaryLabels: American Idol, Celebrity, TV
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Nice and Easy Now
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Wonder how I'm going to lick this one?
Quietly, I think. Very, very quietly.
Thanks to Jill for pointing out this doggone funny photo.
Peter
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Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and CommentaryLabels: Best Of
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NightBlue Theater Announces Auditions For:
May 21 - May 22 2006
7-9 pm
Lemont Park District Recreation Center
16028 W. 127th Street
Auditions for Leads and Male Ensemble Only(Female Ensemble Has Been Cast)
Come Dressed to Dance and Prepared to Sing16 bars of a Broadway Tune
(Preferably from the Show)
Questions: Call Dave at 708-525-4293 or see
www.nightbluetheater.comThe Peter Files Blog is happy to host free audition notices in the Chicago Metropolitan Area. Please leave contact information in the most recent post for email information.
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The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary
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Home of the Best Doctor Who Podcast in Time and Space
