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Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Take President Bush, For Example, Say to the Moon, That Would Be Good...


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Jokes I made up about President Bush and Vice-President Cheney
  • Take President Bush, for example, say to the moon, now that would be good...

  • Have you noticed that ever since that scandal Cheney has been even more reclusive? No, not the shotgun in the face thing! The letting his friends get away with raising the price of gas to $4.00 a gallon or more before they get bounced out of office thing.

  • Designers are already busy working on wardrobe designs for the lame duck outgoing President and Vice-President for the Inauguration day presumed to be in 2009. They are a bit stymied though, there's not a lot you can do with tar and feathers.

  • There a lot of folks who say that George W. Bush has been the worst President in American history, I object to that, in fairness we should wait till the end of his term. He could still be impeached and be replaced by someone competent or incompetent enough to redeem enough of his reputation to put him ahead of some of the other 'worst President' examples.

  • With all his faults, President Bush is a fun guy to have at a B-B-Q. Like that one in Iraq he's been hosting for the last few years. He still has a few hosting issues to get over, like knowing when its time for everyone to go home.

  • You can't really blame the President for the current price of gas. It's not like he comes from a major oil producing state like Texas, has lots of friends and supporters in the oil industry, spent some of his early career trying to make money there, and can decide to help lower the price of gas by releasing some of our strategic oil reserves... oops. I guess he might be partially at fault for your Memorial Day Gas Prices. Remember to remember these gas prices during next Spring's primaries and the (Republican) party that helped bring them to you.

  • "I like my buddies from west Texas. I liked them when I was young, I liked them then I was middle-age, I liked them before I was President, and I like them during President, and I like them after President." --George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., Feb. 1, 2006
  • To be fair, not all Republicans can be blamed for these oil prices. Just the ones who took contributions from big oil. There might be a few Democrats in there too. We'll be remembering them too. Time to act now boys and girls whatever your party.
The Wisdom and Compassion of George W. Bush?*
Actual Quotes Not Made Up: For LOTS More Click Link Below
Source: http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/blbushisms.htm

*Mr. President, that squiggly looking thing is a question mark. In this case it reflects irony, which has nothing to do with keeping your clothes pressed. Dick will explain if necessary.
  • "Wisdom and strength, and my family, is what I'd like for you to pray for." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 2, 2007
    (Ed. Note: We've clearly not been praying anywhere near enough!

  • "You know, when I campaigned here in 2000, I said, I want to be a war President. No President wants to be a war President, but I am one." --George W. Bush, Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 26, 2006
  • "Some call this civil war; others call it emergency -- I call it pure evil." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., March 28, 2007
  • "There are some similarities, of course (between Iraq and Vietnam). Death is terrible." --George W. Bush, Tipp City, Ohio, April 19, 2007
  • "Make no mistake about it, I understand how tough it is, sir. I talk to families who die." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Dec. 7, 2006

  • "You took an oath to defend our flag and our freedom, and you kept that oath underseas and under fire." --George W. Bush, addressing war veterans, Washington, D.C., Jan. 10, 2006
  • "One of my concerns is that the health care not be as good as it can possibly be." --George W. Bush, on military benefits, Tipp City, Ohio, April 19, 2007

  • "As you can possibly see, I have an injury myself -- not here at the hospital, but in combat with a cedar. I eventually won. The cedar gave me a little scratch. As a matter of fact, the Colonel asked if I needed first aid when she first saw me. I was able to avoid any major surgical operations here, but thanks for your compassion, Colonel." --George W. Bush, after visiting with wounded veterans from the Amputee Care Center of Brooke Army Medical Center, San Antonio, Texas, Jan. 1, 2006

  • "I'm a strong proponent of the restoration of the wetlands, for a lot of reasons. There's a practical reason, though, when it comes to hurricanes: The stronger the wetlands, the more likely the damage of the hurricane." --George W. Bush, New Orleans, March 1, 2007
  • "And there is distrust in Washington. I am surprised, frankly, at the amount of distrust that exists in this town. And I'm sorry it's the case, and I'll work hard to try to elevate it."

  • Interview on National Public Radio, Jan. 29, 2007 "The solution to Iraq -- an Iraq that can govern itself, sustain itself and defend itself -- is more than a military mission. Precisely the reason why I sent more troops into Baghdad." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 3, 2007

President Bush: "Peter. Are you going to ask that question with shades on?"
Peter Wallsten of the Los Angeles Times: "I can take them off."
Bush: "I'm interested in the shade look, seriously."
Wallsten: "All right, I'll keep it, then."
Bush: "For the viewers, there's no sun."
Wallsten: "I guess it depends on your perspective."
Bush: "Touche.
--an exchange with legally blind reporter Peter Wallsten, to whom Bush later apologized, Washington, D.C., June 14, 2006

Do not ask for whom the election tolled, it tolled for we!

Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary

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