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Sunday, November 19, 2006

Penguin Jokes


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Lately, I seem to be seeing Penguins everywhere. On TV, on my TV, in stores, some of them even sound like Robin Williams!

Since this is clearly one of those fads designed to drive us mad over the holidays, I thought it would be nice to sort through my mad mind and my e-mail bin and bring you some Penguin Jokes for the season, sort of Happy Feet first if you will.

I'm no 007, so there will be no Royale jokes here, not even a Bond herring note, but that's just fishing....

The Penguin Jokes

How do Penguins prefer their drinks?
On the Rocks of course!

What do Penguins usually chow down on at a barbeque?

What do you call a Penguin that can bench press a polar bear?
Anything it wants, except Chucky.

Why can't you call a Penguin Chucky?
You really want him to toss that Polar Bear at you? Don't be silly, if it wants you to call it Chucky it's a trick.

What is the Penguin's favorite TV show?
Seal or No Seal. They are always rooting for "no seal".

What kind of money do Penguins use?
Cold hard dollar fish... that they store in an ice bank!

Why do Penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Like all classy tuxedos, theirs have no pockets.

Why don't you see many Penguin tourists running about in the United Kingdom?
1) Penguins can't fly because they can't usually afford the airfare.
2) Everyone knows that Penguins are deathly afraid of Wales.
3) The dollar fish to Euro conversion is really tricky.
4) Sigh, no pockets again, I'm afraid.

Why did the Penguin in the Desert think he had struck it rich?
He knew that Lost was a big hit this season and thought that mirage in the distance was a camera crew!

Where do Penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool.

Where do Penguins sit at the Opera?
In the Antarctic Dress Circle.

What is the Penguin's favorite Opera?
Der Flippermaus. Though some prefer jumping to the Ring Cycle.

However, Opera is not the favorite in Penguin musical taste; know what is?
Sole Music.

Even still, top of the Penguin Charts is none other than.....

Penguins make lifelong friends, but some of their habits seem strange to me. On my birthday tonight they took me out and sang their special Penguin Birthday Song. Want to know what it was?
Freeze a jolly good fellow, freeze a jolly good fellow, freeze a jolly good fellooow, till he can rocket slide! Unfortunately, my coat doesn't make the kind of super-toboggan theirs does when they get stiff. I hope to have feeling in my joints back soon.

Why are Penguins rarely depressed?
Because they either have a song in their heart or, HAPPY FEET! See trailer below from Utube.com.

Hope you haven't found these Penguin jokes too Fowl!


For more on Penguins try:

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