George Bush is So Stupid That...
...he thinks Live8 is a new health drink.
...he worries what he will do for air transportation if "Air Force One" ever breaks down overseas where they don't have "real American food" like spaghetti and meatballs or steak.
...he can't understand why the Army can't get Superman to help out with the search for Bin Ladin.
...has proudly founded the George W. Bush school of G-bonics that will settle oncet and fer all the cerrect pronunciation of werds such as nucular.
...looks back with fondness to the time when Jodi Powell starred in Paper Moon.
...points with pride to the medical exams that show that his mental acuity is comparable, if not quite equal to his hero, Ronald Reagan, a few years after the end of Reagan's last term in office.
...he thinks that Americans will believe that handing over their pension futures to salesmen who report to sales managers who report to corporate wonks who decide and change pension policy rules in closed door meetings at the behest of profit seeking campaign contributing stockholders that the pensioners have no control over is better than the current system where changes to the social security are debated and made in public and no money leaves the system to pay the high salaries, wages, benefits, profits, bonuses, incentives, perks, benefits packages and other leakages of the private sector with almost no effective oversight or control - like Enron.
...he thinks that all he has to do is keep the war going until 2008 and Jeb is a shoo-in for 8 more years.
...he thinks Jeb can beat an Obama Oprah ticket.
...has to write the secret launch codes on his arm every morning and have Laura shout them out of his shirtsleeves before sending them down to the White House laundry.
...he sometimes forgets and calls Dick Cheney "Lon" in staff meetings then pretends its one of his pet Presidential nicknames.
...he believes that if properly harnessed, the Uncola nut could be an important tool in the fight against something or other.
...he believes that Texas is the geomagraphic center of the United States of America.
...he believes that 50.000000001% of the popular vote constitues a man-date, for doing anything his psychics dog-trainers, and pigeon entrail readers think are a good idea.
...he thinks that Americans will stand for having their regular TV signals turned off in 2008 just because broadcasters don't want to have to provide both regular and HD TV signals, even though most Americans have several televisions that will go dark when the new standard is applied.
...he sometimed has to be reminded that his term has not yet ended and Martin Sheen is not President of the United States.
...he thinks that "The No Child Left Behind Act" can improve the scores of all school children until their scores are well above average without being mean to them.
...he recently tried to get Penn & Teller appointed as Ambassadors to Turkmenistan and Kazakstan because they "Crack him up" and ought to "reduce the tension over there with their wacky sense of humor."
...he keeps asking why he can't get that firecracker C.J. Cregg in as Press Secretary to shake things up a bit.
...he wanted to testify at the Michael Jackson trial as a witness for the defense, claiming that a basketball player of his ability and personality could not possibly have done the terrible things the prosecution was claiming he did. That he had met MJ and knew that a man that tall couldn't even reach down to a child let alone harm one they way they said.
...when considering post-White House activities, he has considered purchasing the Chicago Cubs because of their "Can Do" attitude. He also thinks that the current White Sox lead must be a left-wing conspiracy.
...he thinks he would get a little more respect if people started pronouncing his last name "Boosh" like the French or "Gar-den" for a more open, beautiful fresher feel.
...he thinks that saying "I am pro-Life!" is the same thing as providing real alternatives to abortion for young people who are already pregnant, such as health care programs, day care programs, adoption programs, tuition-aid programs, and other programs, systems and incentives that will allow those that struggle with this decision to make pro-life decisions.
...he thinks that proclaiming to be a man of deep faith is the same as making moral decisions based on a faith that preaches love, charity and forgiveness, especially when announcing a new bombing campaign.
Hope "Old Coke Head" my own personal funny name for him {I came up with it because I think when he stands a certain way he looks a little like a favorite soft drink's classic bottle,} has a Sense of Humor,
Meant only in Fun,
Peter (Pepsi Top)
...he worries what he will do for air transportation if "Air Force One" ever breaks down overseas where they don't have "real American food" like spaghetti and meatballs or steak.
...he can't understand why the Army can't get Superman to help out with the search for Bin Ladin.
...has proudly founded the George W. Bush school of G-bonics that will settle oncet and fer all the cerrect pronunciation of werds such as nucular.
...looks back with fondness to the time when Jodi Powell starred in Paper Moon.
...points with pride to the medical exams that show that his mental acuity is comparable, if not quite equal to his hero, Ronald Reagan, a few years after the end of Reagan's last term in office.
...he thinks that Americans will believe that handing over their pension futures to salesmen who report to sales managers who report to corporate wonks who decide and change pension policy rules in closed door meetings at the behest of profit seeking campaign contributing stockholders that the pensioners have no control over is better than the current system where changes to the social security are debated and made in public and no money leaves the system to pay the high salaries, wages, benefits, profits, bonuses, incentives, perks, benefits packages and other leakages of the private sector with almost no effective oversight or control - like Enron.
...he thinks that all he has to do is keep the war going until 2008 and Jeb is a shoo-in for 8 more years.
...he thinks Jeb can beat an Obama Oprah ticket.
...has to write the secret launch codes on his arm every morning and have Laura shout them out of his shirtsleeves before sending them down to the White House laundry.
...he sometimes forgets and calls Dick Cheney "Lon" in staff meetings then pretends its one of his pet Presidential nicknames.
...he believes that if properly harnessed, the Uncola nut could be an important tool in the fight against something or other.
...he believes that Texas is the geomagraphic center of the United States of America.
...he believes that 50.000000001% of the popular vote constitues a man-date, for doing anything his psychics dog-trainers, and pigeon entrail readers think are a good idea.
...he thinks that Americans will stand for having their regular TV signals turned off in 2008 just because broadcasters don't want to have to provide both regular and HD TV signals, even though most Americans have several televisions that will go dark when the new standard is applied.
...he sometimed has to be reminded that his term has not yet ended and Martin Sheen is not President of the United States.
...he thinks that "The No Child Left Behind Act" can improve the scores of all school children until their scores are well above average without being mean to them.
...he recently tried to get Penn & Teller appointed as Ambassadors to Turkmenistan and Kazakstan because they "Crack him up" and ought to "reduce the tension over there with their wacky sense of humor."
...he keeps asking why he can't get that firecracker C.J. Cregg in as Press Secretary to shake things up a bit.
...he wanted to testify at the Michael Jackson trial as a witness for the defense, claiming that a basketball player of his ability and personality could not possibly have done the terrible things the prosecution was claiming he did. That he had met MJ and knew that a man that tall couldn't even reach down to a child let alone harm one they way they said.
...when considering post-White House activities, he has considered purchasing the Chicago Cubs because of their "Can Do" attitude. He also thinks that the current White Sox lead must be a left-wing conspiracy.
...he thinks he would get a little more respect if people started pronouncing his last name "Boosh" like the French or "Gar-den" for a more open, beautiful fresher feel.
...he thinks that saying "I am pro-Life!" is the same thing as providing real alternatives to abortion for young people who are already pregnant, such as health care programs, day care programs, adoption programs, tuition-aid programs, and other programs, systems and incentives that will allow those that struggle with this decision to make pro-life decisions.
...he thinks that proclaiming to be a man of deep faith is the same as making moral decisions based on a faith that preaches love, charity and forgiveness, especially when announcing a new bombing campaign.
Hope "Old Coke Head" my own personal funny name for him {I came up with it because I think when he stands a certain way he looks a little like a favorite soft drink's classic bottle,} has a Sense of Humor,
Meant only in Fun,
Peter (Pepsi Top)
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posted by The Peter Files Blog of Comedy : Sunday, July 03, 2005
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