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Thursday, January 18, 2007

Rumors of Bush Plan To Fight Global Warming on Front Burner


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Dateline: Washington, D.C.

Unconfirmed White House souses report that President George W. Bush has a hot new plan for winning the "War on Global Warming".

Finally convinced that there might be something to this "Global Warming Stuff" after his favorite fishing crick dried up, Bush met with his top advisors to draw up an out of the box solution for dealing with this crisis, but their efforts were somewhat limited by the fact that "Navy Blue", "Atomic Tangerine" and "Laser Lemon" were missing from the Presidential Military Planning Kit which gives the President an edge when attempting asserting to the
dynamic pressures of his office.

The Bush program to save the earth from global warming appears to be to call out 20,000 more U.S. troops who will rocket to the sun to protect Earth from global warming via heat-keeping mission to stop the flow of illegal immigrant sun rays to the Earth.
"Someone has to work on stopping the flow of illegal immigrants, why shouldn't that include the suns rays as well?"
When in house skeptics questioned details of the plan, Bush assured them that everything had been taken care of, it is said.

Reportedly, President Bush said, "
Operation Sunscreen" will not only be a technical triumph, allowing America to be number 1 in saving the Earth from Global Warming, but it will allow us to be the first to land human beings on the sun! Hot dog!"

When asked what portion of the 20,000 troops were tasked for the "sun landing" despairing staff were horrified to learn, it is said,
"All of them, of course, I'm a Texan and we don't do anything half-way".
When asked how the troops planned to reduce the effects of global warming:
"Sheeesh, we've got that covered, and I mean that literally, we are bringing a giant computerized American Flag that will float in space between earth and the sun. If we want more rays, we open up these little holes by computer and it lets through lots more light. If its getting too hot we close them up some. In the mean time, while it's showing the flag now, it can show other messages too, like, eh, 'Jeb for President!, snort, snort, snort. And I'll tell you this, there are not too many remote controls for the messages on this thing!"

Indications of multiple launchings this week across the globe suggest that someone is headed to space. 20,000 seems an absurd number, as does landing on the sun itself. But something may be going on and these reports, if true, suggest very hazardous

That's it for this report from The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, SATIRE, Jokes, Humor and Parody.

*As always, resemblances to persons, Presidents, places or things in this report is purely coincidental and is an artifact of satire and parody used in this post. One idea in this post was inspired while watching the letters portion of Late Night with David Letterman Last Night, though I was so sleepy can't tell you which part. Letterman has always been the funniest in Late Night Television going back to the days of Velcro suits and Toast on a Stick.

Peter, Chief Editor and Spell Wrecker
The Peter Files Blog of Comedy, Satire and Commentary

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