Want $25 Chicago White Sox World Series Tickets?

Anonymous local lottery winner announces large block of World Series tickets to be sold for $25 apiece, limit two per person, per night, no exceptions, for White Sox home games at U.S. Cellular Field only.

Preference given to those bringing a child under the age of 15.

Eligibility requirements:

1) Must be able to produce ticket stubs for 1 person at 15 games in at least 10 different years in at least 5 different sections.

2) Season ticket holders not eligible because they have tickets already.

3) Must be able to name at least 5 members of the current White Sox lineup when claiming tickets.

4) Must be able to name at least 5 players from the years 1959 - 1990 who are not now part of team management when claiming tickets.

5) Cribsheets will not be allowed.

6) Must be able to produce identification proving residence. Must be a resident of the State of Illinois. 75% of tickets will be reserved for residents of the City of Chicago who live South of Madison Street, 15% for City of Chicago residents who live North of Madison Street. 9.95% are reserved for those who live in other parts of the 6 county area and .05% for NW Indiana.

7) 12 Tickets for "hot babes" will be held beneath the "Hot Babes Here" sign at the NE corner of the park. These lucky girls will be invited to join the donor in his luxury skybox for the game and an after party on each night of the series. If the sign is not present, this promotion has ended early due to participant enthusiasm. Non-random selection is entirely at the discretion of the donor.

8) Known ticket scalpers who attempt to apply may be given tickets with a hidden explosive ink packet that will explode three hours before game time, hopefully while they are in or near the presence of the police. If possible a wedgie will be administered as they leave.

9) Qualified members of the Red-headed League will be allotted 2 tickets, provided that certain conditions are met. If tickets are not claimed within 12 hours before game time, using the secret password and handshake, same will be turned over to the Baskerville foundation for significant use.

10) Employees, family members, bookies and health practitioners of all teams, leagues, networks, syndicates, groups, nationalities, programs, pogroms, pomegranate, peninsulas, involved or not involved in the production of baseball of any kind are ineligible for participation in this program at any time.

11) Participants must be gullible enough to believe that the Sox could have won the Pennant in any of the 45 seasons prior to this, and that this offer is legitimate, and that applications will be taken in person only at the foundation offices at 1060 West Addison, Chicago, Illinois, 60613. Once tickets are gone, no other acknowledgement of the program will be made, either fictional or non-fictional of any kind. Staff will disavow any knowledge of this offer once tickets are fully distributed.

12) All applicants must wear a yellow piece of paper approximately 3" x 4" with a hand drawn image of a sock on it somewhere on their person when applying. The name SOX must be spelled correctly on the sock. Extra credit is not given for realism, cubism, existentialism, or Dadaism. However Na-Na-ism is encouraged at all games, especially when the other team makes a big boo-boo or has to call in a relief pitcher.

13) Residents of Bridgeport are given no special advantage in this promotion but the secret tunnel entrance into the secret seats will be open at the usual time. As usual, the password is "Ritchie is our Pal!" and the donor is sponsoring free beer and pizza for the first three innings.

14) No one with a threatening sounding nickname need apply.

15) Those in any form of direct or indirect contact with persons seeing versions of this notice that have ever been transmitted or posted on the internet are disqualified for all time. The same software that allows Bill Gates to monitor who has forwarded his emails and rewards them with cash for doing so as part of a technology experiment knows that you have seen this notice and are now ineligible to apply for the tickets. It has been now modified so that it works with paper copies as well via new Amishlabs Papertrack, the new way to keep track of your papers.



Peter

Copyright 2005 by The Peter Files Blog, All Rights Reserved

Just in case you still have not stumbled to it: this post is a joke and has been provided for humor value only by the Peter Files Blog. Nothing in this notice should be taken to suggest that any tickets for the World Series are actually available, especially at the price noted above. This is a blog of comedy, commentary and satire. If you got the joke before now, the above was comedy. If not, it was satire. If you just got it now, then consider it a commentary on the long history of your pain as a Chicago White Sox Fan and avoid email from Nigerian Officials who need help releasing money. Publication of this message for commercial purposes is expressly prohibited by the commissioner of Laughter. News Media may quote it in its entirety as long as they report the web address of The Peter Files Blog which is always safe for work.

Http://ThePeterfiles.blogspot.com

===> We love comments about our posts good or bad!

Please make comments by clicking on the word "Comments"!

Click on the Envelope to forward posts to your friends! Thank you! The staff.

---