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Monday, September 12, 2005

Morality Test

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Thanks to my friend M.S. for sending along this well timed ethical dillemma that has been highlighted by the decisions made by media members as they traveled by boat through New Orleans since Katrina struck.

How you answer may say a lot about you. There are some who will not have a ready answer. To them I can only say, hmmmmmnnnn.


This test only has one question, but it's a very
important one. By giving an honest answer, you will
discover where you stand morally. The test features
an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which
you will have to make a decision. Remember that your
answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please
scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each
line.




You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is
chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe
flooding.


This is a flood of biblical proportions.



You are a photojournalist working for a major
newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this
epic disaster.



The situation is nearly hopeless.



You're trying to shoot career-making photos.



There are
houses and people swirling around you, some
disappearing under the water.



Nature is unleashing all
of its destructive fury.





Suddenly you see a man floundering in the water.




He is
fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down
with the debris.



You move closer . . . somehow the
man looks familiar.




You suddenly realize who it is.





It's George W. Bush!




At the same time you notice
that the raging waters are about to take him under...
forever.




You have two options--you can save the life
of G. W. Bush or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer
Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of
the world's most powerful men.







So here's the question, and please give an honest
answer:







Would you select high contrast color film or would
you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?








So, have you arrived at an answer? Do not move on until you do.






You would be amazed how many would pick black and white
forgetting that color film can always be printed in black and white
and high contrast film will be sure to record the details of an
event of high importance in American History.






Testing of this test at the University of Statistical Practices and Other
Philisophical Nonsense in Oloongo, Switzerland, have indicated some
preliminary findings that you can compare you answers to.






However, these answers are more a question of intelligence than
morality, the real character insight comes from those whose answers were
so strange that they deviated from the two most common answers above
each indicating different problems with morality or sanity.






At one time it was thought that those who considered abandoning
the iron clad ethics of journalism and the American People's right
to know about every detail of the life and death of the President,
and considered violating the Executive Priviledge of the President
not to be directly interfered with by the media, a priviledge above those
granted to most public figures, were among the lowest of ethical sorts
to be shunned and cast out of society, until they pleaded their concerns about
the moral character of the vice-President.




However, this kind of namby-pamby excuse is still a sign of the greatest of
weaknesses of moral fibre as the vast majority of Americans have seen so
little of the Vice-President that such a fear is totally unjustified, at least in
a hypothetical sense.





Oddly, so few took this option that fewer still used the VP argument, so sample
sizes are too small to be definative. It was decided by researchers however,
that based on these results, a game similar to "Where's Waldo?" might be
very succesfully marketed featuring a characature of the VP. (Note: This concept
is the intellectual property of the Peter Files Blog - Manufactucturing inquiries
welcome.)





However, those who did not use the VP option are clearly morally deficient and
should be watched very closely by their mothers whom they almost all
uniformly live with (or a very strong mother-like figure whom they often
call "mommy").





A small minority answered "73" believing that this was the answer to the meaning
of life, the universe and everything. While they were very close to the correct answer,
they were wrong, and no amount of time spent reading the works of Scott Adams,
the acknowledged expert on the subject, could convince them otherwise.
These tended to be overblown experts whose moral failing tended to be to pretend
to know more than they actually did and try to convince others to take action on it.





Of course, a variety of twisted types, including some daytime talk show hosts,
gave answers suggesting that the proper course was to help things along as
quickly as possible. This was not only amoral and improper, but denied the public
the right to know via pictures of the event.





Finally, a fair share combined the right or nearly right answers with prayer for
the President's soul and for the nation, and these are really the best sort of
person, having the highest sense of duty to the nation and morality of all
and thus should be barred from any chance of political office.


This report furnished by the Peter Files Satiric Humor Psychobable Division
Resemblences to Actual Persons or Offices are Purely coincidental and should
NOT be considered anything but humor. Really. Truly. Close the file already.


LOL,


Peter
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