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Monday, March 13, 2006

George Bush's P.R. Cheat Sheet


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Office of Communications
Outgoing Communications Review

Dear Mr. President,

In the future, please avoid trying to explain the following words during or after your speeches. While your responses have been very witty and clever, when taken together some might not realize that you are only making fun of the image portrayed of you in the press.

These examples shown as a group from previous speeches, demonstrate, er, show, the kind of thing I am talking about.

1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds

2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tried to do

3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage

4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with

5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate

6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living

8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist

9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does

10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money

11. MISTY: How golfers create divots

12. PARADOX: Two physicians

13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower

14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm

15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with

16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV

17. RELIEF: What trees do in the spring

18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife

19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does

20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official

Thank you for your cooperation in this matter. You are numero uno in our books
mon capitan. The super secret code for the day is "Bullwinkle".

Yours truly,

Monty Zuma
Chief, External Releases

Nice to see our government trying to keep on top of things.

I feel an apology is in order to all the Aztecs, etc., in the audience. You know what for. Sorry. It was just too hard to resist, especially in the context of the Bush administration if you know what I mean.



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